Hey ya'll! So sorry I haven't updated! School's messing with me, man! School started, I was okay. Writing and stuff. Then the homework barrage came and I stayed afloat, barely. Couldn't concentrate on this so much because I was getting into the feel of things. D:
Then my theatre production class put on the play 'Dr. Evil and the Basket of Kittens' for the world premiere, meaning I was the original Countess Gothma! Great, right? But that took up so many weekends, memorizing, practicing, and blocking.
Then came finals week and I stressed so much over it, I couldn't think! Soooooo . . . yeah. People have been irking me to update everything, and it makes me sad because I can't! So to apologize for lateness, I shall put ALL the names of the people who high-fived me into various chapters! Great, right?
…
So guess what? I wrote that author's note like, a month ago. Now, my class is putting on 'A Christmas Carol'! Exciting, right? Nope. I have to freakin SING. In front of an AUDIENCE. Shivers.
My birthday came and went, and now I'm 14! Whoo-hoo!
Then we got several major projects assigned over break, and I couldn't work on this fic more than an hour or so.
The best part about my life so far is a girly little secret called liking-someone-a-whole-lot (first person to give me the reference I made gets dedicated to in the next chap!). Sigh….
So, I'm sorry it's late. I'll add in a bunch of references and prize-type things in the fic, promise.
…
Boom! Another time skip! Another month- gone. We finished the play, and now we're working on UIL.
Perhaps I really should finish this chapter. Anyways, now that I'm on break I can! I loved our production of a Christmas Carol, and am now totally free to write for the next couple weeks!
And the power of liking-someone-a-whole-lot is still going on in my head, so just wait around if I update then go on a short hiatus. My life's kinda 'mrnurrphurnur', as my friends would say while waving their hands around their heads and crossing their eyes. It just means busy.
But anyways, since this month is the month of my one-year anniversary on this site, EVERYONE gets a free toothbrush, and I've given ya'll an especially long chapter.
A free holiday-themed oneshot for your choice for the first person who can tell me the name of the wife of Fred, Scrooge's nephew.
This chapter, the fedora chosen name was . . . JUNIPER NIGHT!
Anyways, hope ya'll are better off than me! On with the story!
Disclaimer: Teen Titans? Not mine!
The great and powerful Beast Boy of Jump City had just been attacked by a ragtag group of superhero misfits, all pulled together by Slade. They wielded the power of the elements, blasting at him with a hurricane from above. Together with the electricity and water, a thunderstorm rumbled through the city, not letting up one bit. So the greatest, most powerful, most amazing and loved superhero in Jump (Beast Boy, if you didn't know) did only what the strongest of the strong, bravest of the brave, and honorable of the honorable acts that even Superman or Batman or Luke Skywalker never did.
He ran into his room, locked the door, hid under his blankets, and sucked his thumb.
An hour later, he shivered and got out from under his blanket tent and heard the arguments between Robin and Slade. It went a little something like this:
Well, hello Robin.
What do you want, Slade?
That's simple. I want the Titans.
Why?
I suppose not all the Titans. Just you. Want to play hopscotch?
Call off your hurricane, leave my friends alone, and jump off this roof. I'll never join you, Slade.
But Rooooobiiiiiiiin!
No 'but's. Do it now.
No.
Slaaaade.
Don't wanna!
Don't make me count to three.
Nu-uh!
I'm doing it. One . . .
I don't wanna call off my hurricane! [stamps his foot]
Two . . .
The conversation kept on looping somehow, and Robin would always get to two and a half before Slade pouted and made him start over. Beast Boy's breathing was shallow. He turned on his computer, and checked his email. Technology always made him feel better. That's why Cyborg was his best friend.
In his inbox was an email from the Jump City Times News Team.
Dear Beast Boy,
Due to the alarming amount of letters and extreme request for the Advice Column, we are sending you some extras that just arrived in the mail today. We know that you are a busy superhero and in the midst of the 2nd – wait, is it like, the fourth arrival of Slade now? If you count fanfictions, it's probably around the 263rd re-arrival of Slade. We hear that he has brought with him several teens of raw power and destruction that could possibly lead to the next apocalypse. But we've had several near-apocalypses in Jump by now, so we're ready.
Here you go! They're due tomorrow, or YOU'RE FIRED YOU TOTAL IDIOT.
Hugs and Puppies,
The Jump City News Team
Attached was a Word document with around ten or so letters. Beast Boy considered. Go back up to the roof and help his friends save the city from complete annihilation by a few juvenile delinquents? Or ignore them for a half hour or so and answer these letters. Duh, the honorable thing was the most important. He needed to do that.
He opened up the document and started answering.
Hey, just cause he needed to doesn't mean he has to, right?
-.-.-.-
Dear Aiman Inja,
So school has started for me and I'm a HUGE procrastinator. The only subject I actually do my homework is Language Arts. Yeah I'm a nerd, but I don't care! I also am sick with the fiction pox. The fiction pox is when spend way to much time reading fanfictions! I'm mental. T_T
The-Procrasinator-Who-Loves-Fiction
The-Procrastinator-Who-Loves-Fiction,
Wow. Creative name. Anyways, STAY AWAY FROM THAT FANFICTION STUFF! I TOLD PEOPLE BEFORE, BUT NOW IT'S JUST GETTING OUT OF HAND! PEOPLE ARE GETTING SICK BECAUSE OF IT! I KNEW IT WAS GOOD FOR NOTHING!
And as for procrastination, I've treated several of these cases, so I suggest actually reading my previous columns.
-Aiman Inja
Dear Aiman Inja
There is this boy at my school who is really cute. However I am WAY too shy to speak up. Any ideas on how to tell him?
-2shy2speak
2shy2speak,
Is he tall (okay, maybe 5'3) and sexy and green all over? If he is, I'm sure he'd be happy to date anyone. Unless you're blond. Then not really, because he's had bad experiences with blonds. The best thing you could do is probably go up to this guy and say "HI! Do you think I'm as cute as I think you are?". And if he says yes, ask him out. Or you could just pour gasoline on the ground in front of his house, in the shape of the words "Go out with me!", and set it on fire. It would be so eye catching. And hazardous. But eye catching all the same.
-Aiman Inja
Dear Aiman Inja,
do you have any recommendations as to how keep energy?, like how to keep your energy levels at maximum the whole day, 'cause, when i started my day I feel like i can do everything the world throws at me, but at the end of the end i feel like dying or sleeping for 12 hours, and there's no time for rest because i neeed to do homework T.T nuuuh
- Energy level blinking on red
Energy level blinking on red,
Well, I seem to keep up a lot of energy. Just be optimistic about everything, and crack jokes at other people or to yourself to keep your mood up. Usually, this will keep you awake and ready for stuff, plus you'll be super contagious with the smiles whenever you win a fight against a really bad guy who could possibly take over the Earth, then the solar system, then the universe, and perhaps even the entire cosmos.
Or homework, or whatever it is you do during the day.
-Aiman Inja
Help me please Aiman Inja! I bought a book at the old book store near the docks. It's white, about a sorcerer named Malchiroid (I can't spell worth anything), and IT FREAKING TALKS! He says if I let him out of the book, he'll teach me magic! from: I have an extrodinary book
What do I do? Do I help him? Do I burn the book to protect the world? Do I demand a refund for the book?
I have an extrodinary book,
Everyone's so creative with names these days!
You know what you should do? You should stop pretending to be like the Teen Titans and let them do their own thing. Because I know for a fact that Raven opened a portal thing to another dimension that was filled with bunnies and sunshine and other things that MALCHIOR couldn't draw power from because he only knows dark magic, which is not in any way compatible with the magic of innocence, cuteness, friendship, or ponies. And then she tossed it in a lake.
So, I suggest you tell your roommate to stop pretending to be the book and whispering to you at night from under your bed. And if you happened to find the book in that dimension, you should put it on Craigslist. [1]
-Aiman Inja
Dear Aiman Inja
Ok seriously u r so cool! U should be a Titan! Ok well i don't know if u can help me but I'm joining the anime club at my school but I don't know how to draw anime any advice? also is it wrong of me to order a kids meal at mcdonalds wen I'm a freshmen? Look I'm sorry fr all these crazy questions but how can I get my friend to not be in love with Sherlock Holmes? Yes u heard me right! She loves Sherlock but I'm tired of her going on about it... She could say the same to me about array potter but how do I get it to stop? And can u tell me if beast boy is doing an autograph signing soon? He is way better then robin...
Ur fan
Girlwithseveralquestions
Girlwithseveralquestions,
Ya'll are just getting better and better with the names, aren't you?
Okay:
1. I can't draw. I can write. I can give advice. I can almost win at checkers, sometimes. But I can't draw.
2. If you're small yes. If you're doing it for the toys, that's like taking a toy from a child. It's so wrong!
3. Get her a new obsession, whether it be One Direction, Twilight, or (my personal favorite) the great and powerful Beast Boy of Jump City.
4. You are so right. Robin is just a smooth talking, gel-headed traffic light who's too embarrassed to show off his eyes because he probably got his eyelashes burnt off in a fire or something and is now very self-conscious about them.
dear Aiman Inja
i seem to have this habit/disire to break anything and anyone i see what should i do
(insert fancy goodbye here)
flare
Flare,
I don't think I understand your pen name. Flare…?
You are obviously lying because if that's a habit, the Teen Titans would have caught you by now and put you in a mental institution. That is, unless, if you're just really bad at ACTUALLY breaking things, so you just mindlessly beat things with your bony fists and never really hurt anything, in which case you really don't need help. You must have broken your pen right after you wrote this, didn't you?
-Aiman Inja
Dear Aiman Inja Is it "Titans go!" or Titans, go!"? My teacher is trying to teach us sentence structure, and Titan's go is simple not compound. So now she's forbidden us from using commas in simple sentences unless we can give a reason for them going there besides 'it sounds right', and in compound sentences they can only go in front of a F.A.N.B.O.Y.S. conjunction! I miss commmmmmaaaaaaass! Comma-happy p.s. (Honton desu ka? 'Ninja' Chugoku-go desu, to shinobi no mono Nihon-go desu!)
Comma-happy,
It's "Titans, go!". Because Robin is addressing the Titans, then telling them to go. If there were no comma, it would mean he was describing us- I mean, the Titans, going. But not addressing them. Make sense?
I don't understand what language this is from. . . . I think I might just go ask a certain red-headed friend to kiss a few guys until she can read it.
-Aiman Inja
Dear Aiman Inja, I needed mental help because I hear voices in my head, and they tell me to do things that I am not proud of. I went to my therapist and he ended up running out the building screaming. Now I've had this problem for a while. And the main problem from it is I get really defensive and I have great hearing so arguments start easy around me. Fights soon start and I hurt people. Some say I'm crazy, but I've only put a few people in a hospital. You seem like a wacky person. How do I stop getting in these insane arguments when my head voices tell me otherwise. I'mnotcrazyyouare p.s. I know where you sleep O_O not really
I'mnotcrazyyouare,
JUST TAKE THE MEDICINE, BUDDY! HANG IN THERE AND TAKE THE MEDICINE, NO MATTER WHAT THOSE VOICES SAY!
Get a some soothing candles, perhaps a cinnamon bun scented one [2], and sit quietly in a dark room, lighting them. Ignore the voices. Your anger will soon sway and fall away.
-Aiman Inja
-.-.- Up on the Rooftop, click click click [3] -.-.-
Beast Boy could hear the yells getting more and more frantic. More and more people were showing up.
-.-.- Sunshine, Sunshine, Ladybugs Awake! Clap your hands . . . holy crap, it's a page break! [4] -.-.-
Aiman,
Des immortales, what a storm! Wonder who did it... Wait, i said who, weather isn't caused by people.. AAAAAARG MY HANDS ARE ON FIRE!1! This.. Isn't burning me? Oooohhh yeaaah, this is gonna be fun.. Hope the titans are ready for quite the blaze! Hey, that'd make a great villain name..
blaze
Blaze,
YOU ARE A PRINCE, NOT A VILLAIN! TO RESTORE YOUR HONOR, YOU NEED NOT TO BE A VILLAIN, BUT HELP THE SIDE OF GOOD! [5]
I see you got the new Siri thingy. Telling her what to type on the email . . . cool. How much did it cost?
By the way, what kind of advice are you looking for here?
-Aiman Inja
Dear Aiman Inja,
I am of all universes, ones you know, ones you don't. My many mes are of one being. In some universes, we are villains, others, we're heros. I have come with a message... Watch your back, or your end is nigh.
-Dimensional
Dimensional,
Lol wut?
-Aiman Inja
Dear Aiman Inja,
The day Resonant Lightning attacked was the worst of my life, my house split in 2, I lost a leg, and no we haven't any money. THIS SUCKS!
From Misery
Misery,
How the heck do you guys write so fast?! Resonant Lightning attacked an 2 HOURS ago!
And what do you expect me to do, get a draw from the bank? Well, soooooorry, but I'm broke!
-Aiman Inja
Dear Aiman Inja
I know that you hate fanfiction but I have recently started a draft for a story in which Beast Boy is a main character and well since your the Beast Boy expert.
The general plot is that Trigon has kidnapped Raven and is going to give her as a prize to which ever demon completes his challenges. Not only will the winner marry Raven but they will also gain access to Trigon's powers and will use them to concur and destroy thousands of dimensions starting with Raven and Beast Boys home. Beast Boy must save her from Trigons evil plans and the other titans and the Justice League must hold off Trigons armies.
So anyway do you know how I can find out what kind of underwear Beast Boy wears. I have Raven all figured out (my sisters are dancers and I have friends who are gymnasts).
It is vital for the plot as I have this scene in mind in which the next day Beast Boy may die so that night Beast Boy and Raven declare their love for one another during which they have a night of hot passionate love (don't worry I have thought of how to do it so Raven doesn't end up destroying everything in sight).
So any advice?
Love Attempting2Write
Attempting2Write,
Well, I know for a fact that Beast Boy wears BOXERS, NOT BRIEFS. NO MATTER WHAT CYBORG TOLD YOU, THEY'RE BOXERS! How he gets it into the spandex is for him to know and the general public to never find out.
And please, tell me the name of your story.
I mean – ew, fanfiction!
-Aiman Inja
Dear Aiman Inja,
My friend is obsessed with Sherlock Holmes... Her birthday is in November but she wants something Sherlock related and there's this doll she wants. However it's a little pricey and I need advice. Shoud I make her something safe up money? Should I make her the doll or try to buy it for her?
Sincerely,
Giftless
Giftless,
Well, CLEARLY I'm a little late on getting this one. However, what you'll need to do is make a Sherlock doll and a Watson doll and perhaps a tent and a thief to go with them. [6] Of course, if she's one of those friends who gets what she wants and won't settle for less, I suggest just fleeing the country for a bit until she gets over the fact that you really didn't get her anything
Moral of the story? If it's out of your price range, don't get it for a friend. The last gift I gave to a friend was a penny, and it pretty much stopped universal domination by a giant red guy in a loin cloth.
-Aiman Inja
Hey Aiman Inja,
Did you see that whole showdown with the new superheroes... Well I suppose they're villains. That guy with the pink sweatshirt was weird. And vaguely familiar. Anyway...
I am a HUGE Titans fan. My friends have tried to distract me with everything from Fullmetal Alchemist to Gravity Falls. They even tried MLP:FiM - btw, I noticed you're a fellow brony ;)
Don't get me wrong, all of those are amazing... But holy shit the freaking Titans kick ass. Let me get to the point.
There's *one* particular couple who I obsess over more than the other Titans. I mean, all of them are awesome, I could go into details but i'm already WAY off topic. But its out of character for me because i'm not normally romantic in any kind of way. Here goes.
RAVEN AND BEAST BOY NEED TO GET TOGETHER.
-phew- Glad I got that out of my system. My problem is that I want to try to get them together... But i'm pretty sure you, along with the rest of Jump City, is familiar with Raven's tendency to throw people that annoy her off of tall buildings. (Especially ones she's secretly in love with... Hehe) BB could probably take it badly as well, but Raven's really the one to watch here.
Any suggestions on how, as a fan living in Jump City, thank the stars, I can try and maybe nudge them in the slightest of ways?
Or in the very least manage to get one of the Titans to intervene. I'm certain if Cyborg and I met up we could cook up a scheme. He notices way more than people think, and he's probably the best candidate for getting those two together.
Signed,
Shameless Shipper.
Shameless Shipper,
I will not agree or disagree with you, because should a certain enchantress find out if I may or may not agree, I will most probably be thrown into the fiery depths of hell for a little while. But maybe if you can supply some mistletoe (the place I used to get it from shut down), I can try a different tactic [7].
….Cyborg likes to hang out at that waffle place on the corner of Main and Hattinger. They call it 'Place with Waffles and Various other Breakfast Foods to Consume'. Or at least that's what Star calls it every now and then.
-Aiman Inja
-.-.-. PAGE BREAK .-.-.-
DING-DONG.
Hmmm . . . who could that be at this hour?
He showed up at the door with a plate of cookies, and offered it to the people at the door.
Standing outside, in the rain, was a frail looking old lady, accompanied by a boy, and a girl who was around 16. The elderly woman was wrinkle covered and had he ivory hair pulled up in a loose bun. She wore a pink angora sweater with a strange symbol on it, but it couldn't be determined by Beast Boy, who was having trouble seeing in the dark and stormy atmosphere.
The boy was around Beast Boy's age, and you could tell by his goofy smile that he was a mischievous kind of guy. In fact, he looked almost exactly like Beast Boy, except completely not. He was tall, with long-ish black hair flipping over his eyes. Brown eyes, a thin scar over his right cheek, and a happy grin completed that 'hot guy' look that deserved to be in One Direction. He was decked in a dark red v-neck and a dark gray jacket, black jeans, and combat boots. Fingerless black gloves covered his palms, but flames danced at his fingertips.
The girl, on the other hand, was in an orange and black cheerleader's outfit. Silver pompoms hung by her sides, and a long blond ponytail stuck to her back, slick with rain. She was clearly quite pretty, but her face looked hardened, angry, and kinda . . . afraid. Her silvery gray eyes glared at Beast Boy when he offered her a Foster's Triple Chocolate Chip [8] from the plate.
The older woman took a cookie graciously. She smiled at him and walked in, gesturing the kids to follow. "Well, hello there, sonny. Thank you. Do you know me?"
"Uh . . . no."
"Well, I always did love a good cookie. But I suppose anyone does, right?"
"….sure."
"So, Garfield-."
"How do you know my name?"
"My son does a bit of research. Anyways, I think that YOU know what I'm talking about when I say to stop with your silly little advice column, correct?"
Beast Boy gulped. This elderly woman was really starting to creep him out. "Uh . . . I have no idea what you're talking about?"
Her face hardened and her expression grew sour. The wrinkles on her withered forehead seemed to grow more . . . wrinkly. "Now sonny, I don't think you understand how important this is to me. My poor son is getting all wound up, and he seemed to think only one person could help him. And that was you. Juniper!"
The blond girl stepped forward. "For the last time, Mrs. Wilson. Juniper's my sister, not me. My name is Willow."
"And your sister's such a sweet girl. But she doesn't have the strange 'spark' that you did. That's why you got the power, and she didn't quite take hold of it. It's too bad too. She was such a lively spirit. But you'll do. You'll do quite well, I believe. Now, incapacitate the strange green one so that I might . . . persuade him to change his mind."
Willow drew closer to Beast Boy. "I – I won't hurt you. This might just make you a little drowsy. Yeah, drowsy."
Her outstretched hand was inches away from his face as she tentatively stepped forward. He shivered and he gasped and drew back, her pompoms falling to the ground, silver plastic fluttering in defeat.
"No," she whispered. "Too much power – he's too powerful. I'll pass out if I try to take it all. Don't let me risk it."
"ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? HE'S JUST STANDING THERE LIKE A LOAF OF BREAD! THE EASIEST FIGHT TO WIN! EVER! AND YOU'RE SAYING IT'S TOO DANGEROUS?!" Mrs. Wilson practically pounced on the girl, grabbing the pompoms from her feet and punching her fists in Beast Boy's direction. "WHAT? WHERE ARE THE TRANQUILIZER DARTS?"
Willow raised her hand. "Those weird pointy things in the handles? I used them to cut Kunal's sandwich into triangles earlier." She pointed to the guy behind them, watching the entire thing. His eyes widened and his hands flew to his mouth.
"I ate that sandwich!"
"Yeah, but you wouldn't have if I didn't cut it into triangles! And I quote, 'My mom ALWAYS cuts them into triangles! I am NOT eating anything that has more than 3 sides!'."
"I didn't know that you were going to cut them with tranquilizer darts!"
"We were in a Mini cooper! What, did you expect a bread knife to appear out of thin air?"
"I thought you had, like, swords or something!"
"Oh yeah, a cheerleader that carries around SWORDS. That totally makes sense."
"More sense that tranquiliazer darts! We're supervillains! We need big, flashy powers and weapons!"
"Ugh! We're not in an anime!"
"Pretty close to an anime, though!"
"Children, would you SHUT UP? The little green thing is gone!"
"WHAT?"
The three of them whirled around, only to see that indeed, Beast Boy had vanished.
Okay, so I will get onto the next chapter immediately. Sorry for the delay. Seriously, SO SORRY.
Juniper Night – Okay, so you'll make an actual appearance in the next chapter, I promise. People started complaining, so I HAVE to get this up NOW. And yes, since you asked, I'll let you talk to Raven.
Glacier – I DO care. Don't ever think that I don't care about writing and my readers. I will NOT abandon this fic, even if it takes me 30 years to complete (although I hope it doesn't). I'll be letting out the rest of your characters in the next chapter, I just needed to get something up so you'll know I'm alive.
Other readers – If any of you name any of the references I made in here (which are marked with a number within brackets such as these – []), then you can redeem them by telling me specifically where they came from, and by the next post, I'll have a creative prize to give you. Probably not an entire oneshot, but I'm thinking of making a compilation of drabbles or vingettes. Just answer like this:
Reference [number of reference] is from insert reference origin here.
Got it? Again, so sorry for lateness. I'll try to stay on top of things, but if you somehow get doubts, check my profile to see if I've gone on a short hiatus.
Bantha Kisses,
Alyssa, TheGirlWithTheGreenLightSabe r
