Behind My Pride

By: PhoenixJustice

Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji is owned by Yana Toboso. I only own this story and make no profit from this.

Warning: Rated M for sexual content, underage, slash, language, violence, etc.

Pairing: Sebastian Michaelis/Ciel Phantomhive, etc.

Setting: Post-Green Witch Arc. Spoilers for the entire manga.

Summary: Trapped and put at a disadvantage that he had never dealt with before, he struggles to regain everything he once knew. Struggles to deal with Sebastian in a place, a situation, he had never envisioned.

Bold italiced words (when someone speaks German.)

Italics are thoughts.

Bold is flashbacks.

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Seven - That Butler, Intimate (pt 1)

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Sebastian hadn't even given him time to respond, picking him up easily in his arms, walking back towards Kyrie's house, leaving Ciel in a flushed mess, heart still pounding from everything. First the fear, the ever loathsome fear, from his encounter with the German man (alieviated greatly, thanks to Sebastian's killing him) and then the-the-what had that been?

He should have been outraged, demanded Sebastian stop it at once, but he hadn't. He had trembled; from the fear, from...from the... His face feels like it's on fire and he does his best not to squirm in Sebastian's embrace. He had never felt like he'd feel anything like that. After what had been done to him by his captors, he had accepted he'd never feel desire like the next person. He'd marry Elizabeth, continue the Phantomhive line, but he wouldn't get anything from that, any pleasure, any desire.

And then...and then...

Sebastian is quiet the whole way back, his arms tight around Ciel. He can only wonder at the Demon's thoughts. For all that, on the surface, he seemed easy for Ciel to read, as of late especially...he had been difficult to figure out. It was as if it was a clean slate, being here. A clean slate between them. With no need to impress Queens or burdened with the tasks of being an Earl or the Watchdog of the Crown, it left Ciel being...just Ciel. Someone he had to figure out himself who he was.

And as for Sebastian...with less focus on his duties to Ciel Phantomhive, Earl of Phantomhive, Watchdog to the Queen, it left Sebastian being somehow less and somehow more than he was before. It left Ciel scrambling to find his place next to Sebastian.

He stills. Next to Sebastian? He was the King, in this piece of Checkmate, using his Pawns to gain his victory. But...somehow his Knight, his most useful piece, had gained ground, influence, to stand beside the King.

They get back to Kyrie's and Sebastian sets him down, immediately going for the phone. Ciel takes that time to lean against a wall, letting out a breath and closing his eye. He can't really make out what Sebastian is saying on the phone, or who he is talking to. There's a pause before Sebastian puts the phone back on the hook. He opens his eye when he hears footsteps. Sebastian looks at him with an unreadable expression.

"I told Kyrie that I found you." Sebastian says, idly looking at the paintings-Kyrie created paintings-that lined the wall behind Ciel.

"O-oh." Ciel says, flustered. He hated being out of control, but it was certainly something he couldn't help now. "I suppose I'll have to thank her when she returns." He had manners, after all, instilled in him from the earliest of ages.

Sebastian's deep eyes, red now, glance back at him. Ciel flushes. Just what was that look?

"She's not returning tonight. She's busy with something." Sebastian says, a small smile playing on his face.

"I...see." Damnit all; why was it so difficult to speak to Sebastian now? He had to reestablish their boundaries, before...before what, exactly?

Sebastian's smile widens into a smirk that he doesn't bother to hide.

"Is that right?" Sebastian says easily, taking off his stage coat and tossing it aside carelessly (though it still landed atop a chair-Sebastian's reflexes at work.) He comes to stand in front of Ciel, an elegant eyebrow raised.

Ciel looks away. "Yes." He says, shortly. "I'm going to bed. So-" He tries to move past, but Sebastian put a hand against the wall, looking down at him. "Let me past, Sebastian."

His flush deepens. "I said...let me past, Sebastian."

"Hmm? Oh, of course." Sebastian says, face moving into one of bland neutrality. "You surely must be tired."

He nods, relieved. The Demon lets him pass him by but grabs onto his arm, causing him to whirl around. "Wha-!"

Sebastian picks him up easily, looking down at him, his eyes blazing once more.

"Let me help you up." Sebastian says, with a playful smile. He starts to head up the stairs to their shared room.

"I don't-put me down!" Ciel sputters. Sebastian pauses in the midst of walking up another step.

"Is that an order?" He asks, quietly, looking at Ciel with a serious look in his eyes now.

Ciel looks at him, heart thumping, mind racing with so many things he had never expected, expected to feel, expected to want and swallows hard against the sudden lump in his throat.

"No orders." He says, blushing face looking away from Sebastian. "Not-not tonight."

They continue up the stairs and after a moment he takes the chance to look at Sebastian's face. He was looking ahead, a small contented smile on his face.

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He gets places onto the bed and all he can do is look up at Sebastian, his faced flushed beyond recognition as he looks upon the demon. The demon's face was calm but his eyes were ablaze with something Ciel couldn't quite pick up on.

He licks his dry lips. "Se-Sebastia-"

The demon kneels down, face to face with him, eyes full of intensity.

"What did he do to you?" Sebastian asks him.

Instantly shame fills him and he tries to push it back with the usual anger but the whole situation, Sebastian, all of it, leaves him unable to do so. He turns his face away and jumps as Sebastian grabs his face.

"What," Sebastian asks, voice calm whereas his eyes were a blood red blaze. "did he do to you?"

Ciel shakes his head in the negative and Sebastian's mouth curls in anger and Ciel gasps as the demon's hands move with a supernatural quickness. Before the Earl can react, his shirt is opened, exposing his narrow chest, littered with bruises from the German man's brutal assault.

"I cannot heal your wounds," Sebastian says, hand just barely grazing Ciel's skin, causing him to shiver. "My kind are destroyers, seducers, changers. I cannot heal you...but I can make you forget about the pain. The pain I know that you are feeling."

Ciel's throat tightens as he looks at him, as Sebastian waits, patience and something else unnamed upon his face. He was indeed feeling pain. He had been able to dismiss it for a short time, due to his anger and fear, but the adrenaline from that was wearing out now. He had dealt with pain many a time before. He had dealt with the worst of humanity and what they had done to him, as they had sacrificed and bled to summon a Demon.

That Demon had found them all unworthy; instead he had placed his heeled feet on the ground past them, his eyes had looked past them, and instead chosen him as worthy.

He blinks his eye and sees Sebastian looking at him with such an honest worry that it chokes him.

He averts his eye and grabs onto his eye patch. He removes it and throws it to the side, his eye blinking and adjusting to the light. He looks at Sebastian with his mismatched eyes; branded. He was branded. But this time, unlike the time when he was kidnapped, this was different. This was a choice. He had made the choice to take this brand. He had...he had chosen...

He swallows. "I.." He doesn't look at Sebastian. He can't. He can feel his face heat up. "I..."

Sebastian touches his face again. "Look at me." It was the closest Sebastian had ever come to a command to him. He turns his face up to look at him. His hand drifts down Ciel's face gently. "Tell me and I will do it."

He shakes his head. "No. I already said...no...no orders."

Sebastian's mouth twists into an almost smirk. "Hmm. That's right. Then I will ask then, as the person you have made me to be, as Sebastian Michaelis."

He leans forward, getting right into Ciel's space and Ciel can feel his heart thudding in his chest at the proximity. "May I?" Sebastian purrs.

Ciel can't respond, but it doesn't seem to bother Sebastian. On the contrary; it makes his smirk widen even further. One long finger just barely touches the bottom of Ciel's lip, causing him to gasp.

"I will." Sebastian says.

He grasps Ciel's face gently with a hand and kisses him.

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The look on Ciel's face is priceless, as he pulls back from the brief kiss. His face, his whole body, flushes a pretty red. His thin chest heaves with heavy breath, heart beating quickly within it.

It was a wonder to Sebastian, a true wonder.

To say he had lost count of the times he had kissed somebody, had performed sex acts on them, had them performed on him, or with them, was quite the understatement. They had been necessary things, in his time doing things for those he had Contracted with. It had been pleasurable enough but he had never gotten pleasure out of it.

He had never wanted before.

Tall, busty women of all shapes and sizes, men of varying degrees of muscles and yet this scrawny short, mouthy boy had managed to set a fire within him that he had never even come close to ever feeling before. It was interesting, new, and exciting.

All he wanted to do was to have them both utterly spent, with Ciel beneath him, writhing in pleasure and-

He pauses.

Ciel.

Thanks to Kyrie, he now understood the significance of a name. He understood what it meant, he was pretty sure now, that he thought of Ciel as Ciel and had even called him that.

He wanted to do so again.

He smiles at Ciel's blushing face and leans in to kiss him again. Ciel stiffens in surprise, but does not pull away. It was a marvel, really, and he enjoyed it to its fullest extent, that Ciel could enjoy these things at all. He had never shown an indication of liking something such as this. If their Contract extended to the time when Ciel married Lady Elizabeth and had to beget a child, he supposed it would be perfunct and-

His jaw clenches and he grabs Ciel's face, tilting it to deepen the kiss, causing Ciel to let out a surprised squeak against his mouth. He moves his wet tongue over the boy's lips, before delving into the heat of his mouth. He feels a thrill as Ciel's hands-previously clenched, had now grabbed onto Sebastian's arms.

The pleasure he feels as Ciel moans, unable to keep the sound from passing his lips, surprises even him.

He pulls back, letting Ciel get some much needed air. He fingers the boy's shirt with a fondness as he toys with some of the buttons. He sees Ciel look at him with darkened eyes. Lust was a powerful tool-one of the most powerful-tools at a Demon's disposal and it had many uses.

Usually Sebastian employed it as a way to gain information (it had worked well in the past to gain information from Beast, after all.) But now he was using it in a way that he was sure few, if any, ever employed it; to genuinely help someone. The power to Heal was a power of things of the Light. But Sebastian was of the Dark and could only use the tools he had at his disposal.

He could, and was, using lust to dampen Ciel's pain...but he wasn't using it to influence Ciel in any way. The things Ciel was feeling were things that Ciel was feeling (which was utterly thrilling to Sebastian.) No, instead the lust just took the place of the adrenaline that had kept Ciel from feeling the pain until they had gotten back.

He stops his hands and waits for Ciel to look at him again.

"What-what now?" Ciel asks, unsure. He smiles with a fondness that surprises him. What a surprising thing you are, Ciel Phantomhive.He had never felt fondness or anything of that like for anything before (well, except for cats. But they were cats.)

He pulls off Ciel's shirt in a quick motion and starts work on his buckled heels, tossing them aside (and the socks moments after.) He pauses, hands at Ciel's thighs. Ciel looks at him with wide, mismatched eyes, the brand he had laid in him burning bright.

My brand.

Then the thought, unbidden:

Mine.

You are mine.

"Hn. That depends, I suppose." He says slowly.

"On what?" Ciel asks, in a tone almost demanding. The fact that he kept trying to retain control in a situation that both of them knew he couldn't was cute.

"On you." He takes his lips briefly, before trailing them down his small neck. He lays a kiss on the junction between his shoulder and neck and chuckles as Ciel lets out another squeak of a sound. "And on what you want."

He pulls back and looks at him there, sitting on the edge of the bed, all but naked now, his eyes trailing down to see the obvious press of an erection against his pants. It sends a sharp thrill through his body. Outside of the body's normal response in the morning that boys and men often got, Ciel had never shown any other outward desire before, but he was feeling it now.

For Sebastian.

"What I-what I want?" Ciel asks, faintly.

"Yes."

Ciel looks unsure and hesitant. "I will do nothing you do not like." He is quick to reassure him. For the briefest of moments, he wishes he could kill all of those captors of his once more, twice more.

"I don't know what to do." Ciel says in a small voice.

He looks away from Sebastian, as if he thinks that Sebastian will laugh at him and it's that which is the laughable thing. As if he would laugh at Ciel in this moment, with this situation. It was absurd.

"Then let me...?" He asks, his hands on the opening of Ciel's pants. Ciel's eyes widen but he nods.

He opens them up and frees Ciel's erection. It is smaller, of course, compared to him, but he can already see the beginnings of Ciel's growth. It is decently long, but not very thick yet. The head is already purpling from the Earl's desire and he finds, for the first time, that he wants a taste. He leans down and gives it a long lick. Ciel cries out and his small hands clutch Sebastian's still clothed shoulders. He smiles.

He brings it into his mouth slowly, letting Ciel see his intention. Ciel watches him with wide, dark, eyes, unable to look away from Sebastian and that was how he wanted it. He wanted all of Ciel's senses to be filled with him and him alone. For him to think of only Sebastian. To only-

He sucks and Ciel cries out. His nails dig pleasantly into his shoulder as he continues his ministrations. Demons varied on how much they liked pain, so for Sebastian a healthy amount of pain had always been the most enjoyment he had gotten out of sexual acts. Until now, of course.

The pain was nice, quite nice, but he found that Ciel's cries and seeing the Earl come undone was more of a pleasure than even that.

He can feel him getting close before Ciel even tries to, hesitantly, speak up. He pulls back, licking his lips at the pleasant taste of the Earl on his mouth and leans forward to share it. He kisses him, harder now and feels the insistent press of his own erection against his clothes. The surprises kept coming.

He moves his hand now over Ciel's erection, moving it with a skilled hand up and down, sucking in Ciel's cries against his mouth as he kisses him again and again and again-

"S-Sebastian!" Ciel groans and he comes, all over Sebastian's hand, splashing between both their bodies and the thought of it all over them only pushes Sebastian further. He pulls Ciel onto the bed and looms over him, watching with hungry eyes as the boy pants, eyes closed as he lingers over the pleasure that Sebastian had given him.

He looms over Ciel like a dark spectre, eyes glittering as Ciel's open. Ciel looks at him with flushed skin, pleased eyes, and all Sebastian does is want.

"What-what now?" Ciel asks, quietly.

"Hmm. I think I can think of a few more things..."

Sebastian smiles.

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I hope you enjoyed this!

Let me know what you thought!

-PhoenixJustice