AUTHOR'S NOTE - PLEASE READ: I received 6 Reviews on chapter six within the first few hours! Thank you so much, it is the best response i've had to any chapter! A big shout out to AmbulansContradicionem who sent a really helpful long review – Thanks again! I am posting this pretty late at night, but two chapters in one day? Can I get an Amen? Haha! Enjoy the chapter, take tissues. I'm not afraid to say I cried while writing this.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JKR.
Summary: After the Battle of Hogwarts Harry is given a set of letters that his mother, Lily, wrote for him before she died. Please Review, suggestions are welcome.
My darling grown up Harry,
Happy 17th Birthday! Heavens, I cant even picture what you look like (well I can, a 17 year old James no doubt). Congratulations on becoming an adult in the wizarding world and coming of age! I'm sure you are just thrilled at the prospect of apparating, doing your NEWTs, then leaving Hogwarts and getting a job! It may sound daunting, but I know you will be just fine. I also know I would be so proud to see you all grown and matured. Haha! Don't mature too much yet – at 17 your father and Sirius were at their worst, you couldn't even go near them without being hexed or hit with one of their ghastly made up curses. As you are 17 now I'm sure Sirius will teach you his favourite, a spell that turns all the clothes on a person invisible. Sirius tried to hit me with it one day, but thankfully I ducked in time. Unfortunately, Remus, who was standing behind me, didn't get out of the way anywhere near swiftly enough. It was one of the funniest moments of my life to date. Poor Sirius has never lived down James' constant teasing that he intended to hit Remus. He still hums 'a cauldron of hot strong love' whenever they enter a room together now. Enough reminiscing, today is all about you. The world is your oyster. I really feel I should apologise about my absence today – I feel that I should be embarrassing you by getting out your baby photos, or smothering you with kisses in front of your friends. Birthdays are, after all, the days when mothers are meant to be on their best humiliating behaviour! It makes me sad that these letters are the only communication I can have with you on your birthdays; they are such special days and I can't bear the thought that you are celebrating them without the person who brought you into this world.
But, know this – it will have been worth it – I will have died making the world you live in better. I do it for you. There was a time when I fought you know who for my school, a time when I fought him for my friends, for James, even for myself. Now, as I right this, I am preparing for battles that I will fight for one person and one person alone: you. My baby, my son, my grown up boy who will be reading this as a man, not the sleeping infant that I hold close at night. I do it all in the knowledge that my death will save another, and perhaps my death may lead to the eventual demise of the one we all seek to defeat, not you know who, but evil itself.
More than the above; please never forget this – although I do not know how I will die, the fact you are reading this means I have, and although you will know more about my death than I do writing this now, I know one thing for sure – I will have thought of you. It doesn't matter if I meet my maker by eating a dodgy liquorice wand or if I lose my life to you know who himself; I will die thinking of you. I will picture your sweet, chubby, angelic little face as I take my final breath. I will also picture you. You, the wizard reading this. The grown, matured, beautiful young man I know you will become. I will picture everything you have been, and everything you will be. I will think of the first time I felt you alive inside of me, kicking, and I will think of you as an old grey haired man. I will close my eyes and think 'Harry' and I will not be afraid of death. If you take one thing from my letters take this – My love for you will keep us both safe. Nothing can undo it or tarnish it. Even though you won't remember me, I know my love for you will live on.
Sirius once said to me 'Those who love us can never truly leave us' and he told me that our lost friends can always be found within our hearts. He told me that after my best friend Marlene was killed (I know it may be almost unbelievable but in a crisis, Sirius really is the man to turn to. More than that he actually, very rarely I admit, comes out with some very wise words. I know you probably think of him as your reckless cheerful Godfather, but also know that if you ever feel down, ask him about what he told me after Marlene died. I can guarantee he will be of great comfort to you). I was broken but here I am today, still fighting for what I believe.
I'm sorry for that awful morbidity, on your birthday as well, but I feel it is crucial you know why I died, and most importantly what I died for.
My letters now must come to an end. Don't laugh, but i'm a tad emotional now. I can't bear the thought that these are the last words I can send to the future Harry, and that I can be of no more use to you than this final page. I could, and trust me, I would gladly sit here and write you a letter for every birthday, no, every day, of what I hope will be your long happy life, but we both know that wouldn't be right. To you, right now, i'm dead. I need to stay that way. The dead should stay dead, as ghosts are never truly happy. My letters would become a burden, and as time rolled on I would become a ghost to you – and that isn't going to work – I want you to live your life without my shadow following you. Forget my death and the dark times I write this in, because I believe with every fibre of my being that you will read this in a time of light. Bask in that light. Enjoy it. Let the dead be dead and be thankful for the moments you had with them. Do not mourn, celebrate. Celebrate the joy they gave you and the joy you gave them. Know that I will always be with you, like Sirius said, in your heart.
I don't know what I will do today, perhaps I will give you a bath. You are covered in ink and James will just make a mess of the house if he tries to wash it off you. Best leave the messy jobs to Mummy! Yes, i'll give you a bath and i'll let you play with your blasted toy broomstick. You are such a terror while in the air, but you smile and laugh so much that I can't help but let you wreck the room – it is worth it!
Well there we go, that is my day all planned. I hope you have a wonderful birthday and I hope you finally understand the stranger that is your mother.
I adore you, I am proud of you, and most of all; I love you.
Mummy.
Harry couldn't help it. He didn't feel himself crumple the letter into his pocket. He didn't feel himself sink off of the bench onto his knees. All he felt were the sobs that overcame his entire being. He cried like he had never cried before. He was vaguely aware of the fact that he was probably making an awful noise and was waking the Weasleys, but that seemed so irrelevant. He had mourned Sirius, Lupin, Fred, but nothing compared to this. For the first time in his sorry, sorry life, Harry Potter mourned his mother. Not Lily, not the woman he had heard so much about, but his mum, the woman who had cleaned ink off of him, and who signed her final letter 'Mummy'. The woman who he felt he was finally close to, after years of searching.
End Note: THIS STORY IS NOT OVER! There is more happening and some very exciting developments. Although Lily's letters are all read, there are still a few other envelopes in Harry's pocket that I cannot wait to share with you. I have already planned a prequel/companion story that I will start to post in a few weeks when this story has been concluded. Thanks so much for reading and please REVIEW. It really isnt hard to just push that little button and write a few words or thoughts. It really does mean so much, and because of your reviews yesterday, I was spurred on to write this chapter today. Like I said, just press that button – you know you want to ;)
