Chapter Seven: Bluster

He had agreed to a name in the end, mostly because it seemed like the easiest thing to do. That very bizarre woman was clearly determined to give him a name, whether he wanted one or not. But part of him did want one, he realized after he thought about it for a while. Vexen and the other nobodies in Castle Oblivion had never treated him as anything other than a tool. A useful way to get rid of Riku.

He didn't want to be Riku. Not anymore.

He had to admit, he liked how Sarah had put it. Fuck what they wanted. He'd figure out what he wanted, and then he'd get it. And a name did seem like a good place to start.

She'd been so gung-ho about naming him, he'd actually been pretty surprised. She'd been totally weird and hadn't simply given him one.

"Oh, trust me," she had promised. "I have a few ideas. But there's some stuff I want to ask you first. Tomorrow."

And then she'd pushed him, gently, back upstairs to get ready for bed.

Cheh! Like he hadn't already slept most of the day. He wasn't tired, not really, and he attacked his teeth so viciously red spots appeared in the foam when he spat the toothpaste into the sink. His cheeks burned at the thought of being treated like a child. He wasn't! He was fourte...

"Damn it!" His fist hit the counter so hard the soap dish clattered away from him.

He wasn't fourteen, he realized.

Riku was. Riku was everything.

He left the toothbrush sprawled in the sink and stomped down the hall to the bedroom.

o.o.o

It was a nice room, he supposed, as he stretched out on the mattress. The bed was soft, the walls were a light blue that reminded him of the ocean.

'Where I've never been,' he snarled to himself.

There was also a mirror over an old dresser. It didn't match the rest of the room's fancy carved furniture, but it was clean. He could see his face clearly, even from the bed.

It was Riku's face.

He wanted to throw something at it. Would have, too, but the lamps were attached to the walls pretty good. He gave the lights the nastiest glare he could muster, and rolled over, stuffing his face into the pillows.

What was the point of having his own name, if everything else was still somebody else?

o.o.o

He sat up with a jolt, confused. He realized blearily that he must have fallen asleep.

'Stupid!' he thought, 'What good am I if all I do is nap like a baby?'

But then, he wasn't very good at all was he?

"Let the way of the heart, let the way of the heart, let the way of the heart shine through~"

What the...? He rolled over, and sat up to look at the window. Soft music filtered through the glass panes. Curious, he padded over quickly unlatching and opening the window. Peeking out he could see Sarah sitting cross-legged on a wooden deck in the dark. Her eyes were closed and she was singing. It must be what had woken him.

"Can this lady get any stranger?" he murmured.

"~Love upon love upon love, all hearts are beating as one. Light upon light upon light, shining as bright as the sun."

It was such a simple tune, but maybe that's why he liked it. Quick, easy to remember, and very pretty. The music wrapped around his heart, trying to ease the tension in his chest. It felt almost like the memories he had from Riku of Cure. And the magic wasn't even aimed at him. If she could do this, why hadn't she believed him until he cast Fire? What was she playing at?

Nothing about this place made any sense, and it was making his head hurt. He gripped his temples and staggered away from the window. His shoulder rammed into the mounted lamp hard enough to leave a bruise. Blindly, he reached out and ripped it off the wall. He caught sight of his own gasping face in the mirror across the room. Red haze filled his vision and he hurled the lamp straight at it.

o.o.o.

"Geez, kiddo," Sarah huffed down at him. "You sure did a number on yourself."

He couldn't even look up at her. Couldn't speak. Guilt and rage were both slamming in his chest, and he was afraid of what he'd say if he opened his mouth. It wasn't enough that he'd ruined the bedroom she'd been nice enough to give him. No. He'd panicked as soon as the lamp had hit the glass and he'd tried to run out of the room. Across the shards of the mirror he'd just smashed. In bare feet. Idiot. Idiot! Idiot!

He clenched his fists in the pajama pants and snarled at his own stupid self.

Sarah hadn't even yelled at him. She'd run in after the smash and had given him this horrible scared look. Then she'd picked him up under his arms and knees in the most humiliating way he could ever imagine and carried him down the hall to her own bathroom to bandage his bleeding feet.

How pathetic was that?

"Hey~" She reached out again and ruffled his hair.

He huffed. Still not looking at her, he shoved her hand away.

"Seriously, though, what happened?" she asked.

He glared up at her. Didn't she realize he didn't want to talk? "I broke the lamp," he said shortly.

One of her eyebrows slid up in an arch. "I did see that," she replied. "I kinda want to know why."

He glared at the mirror across from him, at the face that wasn't his staring back. He took a deep breath and looked away. He only shrugged in response.

"Ooooooo-kaaaaay," she mumbled, "Maybe later. Hmmmm..."

That sounded way too much like she was planning something. "What?" he hedged.

She blinked at him. "Huh? Oh! Well I was just thinking you're going to need to move into the other room after your little stunt." She grinned and ruffled his hair again. "It's a little smaller, but c'est la vie."

"Why?" he asked, "I can clean up the glass."

Sarah blinked at him again. "Okay, first off," she informed him, "you're not cleaning anything on those feet. You're going to prop them up and not give yourself any more lacerations for the rest of the night. Rest of the week. Heck, the rest of your life."

He twisted his head away from her fingers as she flicked him on the nose.

"Second," she continued, "You broke the mirror with lamp which was on the wall. I turned off the switch but I'm going to need to actually cap off those wires before they start an electrical fire. That room's a safety hazard right now."

He winced. She flicked him on the nose again, gently. He looked up to see her offering her hand.

"Come on," she said. He reached out and tried to stand, but she just shook her head and picked him up again. He could feel his cheeks turn red from being carried like a child, but he just stayed stiff in her arms. The new room was indeed smaller. And frillier. And purple. He grimaced.

"It's so..." he stopped himself. He probably shouldn't insult her house after he just destroyed part of it. But she just laughed.

"Yeah, it's really girly," she agreed. "Blame my grandma."

Grandma? The word felt foreign in his head. Reluctantly, he searched the twisted memories he had from ... from the castle.

"That's... That's like your mom's mom... right?" He wasn't quite sure.

"Well, my dad's mom," she said. "But yeah." She was giving him one of those sad looks again.

"She made the room?" he pushed on. He had to say something.

"She made the whole house. It's hers, hers and grandpa's." She hummed to herself before explaining. "They travel a lot, so I stay and house sit for them. It beats living in the college dorms." She shrugged. "They won't be back for a while. Maybe by the time they are I'll be able to explain you somehow." And she'd gone off to clank around in the other room. He supposed she was fixing the wall.

He'd felt guilty enough at that to let her tuck him in without complaint. He didn't know what it was like to have a family. Even Riku didn't have one. At least he didn't think so... But he knew they were important and he didn't like the idea that he might be causing trouble for Sarah with hers.

He closed his eyes to shut off that train of thought and willed himself back to sleep.


Author's notes:

More emotional turmoil for you all. Poor kid. I didn't mean to tease anyone by drawing out the name bit; I will get to it in the next chapter. But I felt that our little Replica's bad day wasn't over just yet.

To Axel'sChakrams8: Thank you again for such a lovely review. Obviously this story is more about emotions than action, so I'm glad the stress is believable. Hopefully the chapters will stay longer now that everyone's conscious, too.

To the guest reviewer: I could never understand why no one wants to give this poor guy a name! I've had the name picked out for a while, and hopefully you'll like it. Ray is an interesting choice. I like the irony, because there's a really strong light association to it. It doesn't really fit with the view I have of him though; he seems a little too dark.