Author's Note: Well, I'm back with another chapter, inspired by the song Everybody Needs A Ninja by Matthew Ebel. Also, I have a very important, story pertinent question! I recently played Lair of the Shadowbroker and was wondering if you all wanted me to include it. Send me a personal message or review on if you want to see it! :D Also, I'm sorry about the lack of updating, but my schedule is even tighter than I thought, but I'll work through it for you, my readers! Enough drabble.
Mass Effect and its characters are owned by Bioware/EA.
Chapter 7: Everybody Needs a Ninja
Zaeed shook his head in frustration as he leaned back in his posh SLC-Leather chair. Life was good. After the attack on the Collector base, the mercenary had decided to stay with Shepard and his team; if nothing else, it was damn amusing. Just like right now. Almost the entire team was duking it out in the sparring chamber. Even Shepard was trying unsuccessfully to stop Grunt from kicking Miranda's ass.
"God'amn incredible." Zaeed muttered to himself, watching the live security feed. He got the chance to upgrade it to the highest definition money could buy on the Citadel—Cerberus payed damn well. He took a sip of his Batarian ale and leaned farther back in his chair. He stared into the ceiling of his small quarters, when two large, black eyes looked back down at him.
"Jesus H. Chroist!" He exclaimed in surprise, surging forward and knocking over his Batarian ale. Thane merely blinked rapidly several times as he usually did. "Whot do you wont?" Zaeed asked the amphibian stalker, eying him suspiciously.
"Shepard requests your aid in the sparring chamber." The drell said simply.
"I've seen that bloody gang-bang goin' on up there, and I'll have none of it." Zaeed said with finality, crossing his arms and sticking his chin up.
"So be it."
MEMEMEMEMEME
"C'mon! I am—UNGH—Sick of this! ERMPH!" Shepard shouted disjointedly at his team, who were in the process of beating the shit out of each other. Shepard himself had a stranglehold on Jacob and Garrus pinned under his boot, but Jack, Grunt, Miranda, and Mordin were still battling, along with Samara, who was trying to restrain all three. Zaeed walked in casually, whistling slightly. He walked past the fight, dodging fists, several biotic attacks and a tech mine.
"Alrighty, frog-man. You're turn." Zaeed said to no one in particular, giving Thane the cue they had agreed on.
Suddenly, Thane appeared from nowhere, dropping from the ceiling, pinching a nerve in Jack's neck. The effect was immediate, as she fell to the floor, unconscious. He swept through the room, disabling or incapacitating everyone but Zaeed, who sat on the floor in a corner, near one of the weight benches of the adjacent weight room.
When Thane stopped moving, Grunt and Jack were slumped near the walls, snoring quietly. Shepard lay supine, squirming underneath Garrus, Jacob, Miranda, and Mordin, who were out cold. Samara had been laid to rest on one of the benches, one arm laying across her stomach.
"Giff… Diff.. Fing.. FFF UHF MUH!" Came Shepard's muffled voice from underneath Jacob's armpit. His cries went unanswered as Zaeed exited, Thane following with Samara asleep in his arms, bridal-style.
"If I didn't know ya bettuh, I's say you ad a soft spot for her." Zaeed remarked snarkly, just before Thane sent him to the ground, unconscious before he hit the ground.
MEMEMEMEMEME
"I think that was one of the scariest things I have ever seen." Joker remarked, aghast at what he had just witnessed on his omnitool. He looked back over his shoulder at Doc Chakwas, Kasumi, and Legion, who were all crowded around his bed in the medical bay.
"Hmph. Even I could get a few pointers from him." Kasumi admitted, impressed. Joker frowned. Why was half of Shepard's team composed of ninjas?
"I'm glad to see the Commander's accelerated response implants are functioning fully." Doctor Chakwas said clinically, her accent masking any emotion therein. "There' no way he would have recovered from unconsciousness that quickly without them."
"Joker-Lieutenant; input necessary. What are ninjas?" Legion asked Joker, who looked away awkwardly. He never liked geth, especially ones that spoke and asked about ninjas. Fortunately, EDI picked up the slack.
"I can provide a large database on the topic of ninjas, Legion. Connection required." EDI said in her synthesized way. Legion merely held his hand over EDI's med-bay terminal for a few seconds.
"Consensus achieved. Thank you, EDI."
"It was my pleasure, Legion."
"Yeah…" Joker said awkwardly, an odd look on his face.
MEMEMEMEMEME
Ashley took another swing at the bag, pounding combo after combo into its thick mass. Sweat dripped from her body, and her breathing was heavy. She kept at it, unleashing unholy fury on the atrocious bag. She wasn't mad at the bag, though.
Where the hell is Shepard? He said he'd be back in a few minutes, and it's been three hours! Damn that man! Ashley pictured Shepard's face on the bag, smacking it several times. She took a step back and caught her breath, reaching for her water bottle. Her hair was still in its usual bun; no sense in letting it loose now. While she drank the water down, she heard muffled cries emanating from the sparring room.
"What the hell?" She asked herself, looking around the weight room as she took the steps to the next. When she came in, she saw Garrus, Jacob, Mordin, and Miranda all lying in a heap, with weapons scattered across the room and several pieces of wall on the floor.
The cry was coming from underneath the pile, accompanied by a hand sticking out from the pile, flailing rapidly. Ashley cautiously stepped over to the pile, moving aside the humans and Garrus. Underneath them was Shepard, who sat up immediately, gasping for breath. Ashley jumped back in shock. Their eyes met.
"Oh… Hey… Sorry about that… Got a little trapped." The Commander said earnestly, taking the hand Ashley offered him. "Thanks for finding me. My suits air ran out about ten minute ago." Shepard said casually, brushing himself off.
"Ten minutes?" How are you alive, Shepard?" Ashley questioned incredulously, hands at her hips.
"I guess you can thank Cerberus for that. I can go without air for about an hour if I am inactive enough. So how about that dinner?" Shepard explained, taking off his helmet. Ashley maintained her gaze, letting the cooler air of the new room dry the sweat on her burning countenance.
"You were down here for three hours." Ashley stated pointedly.
"Yes." Shepard answered back, trying to read her emotions as he normally did so well. She was the only woman he had ever known able to baffle him completely.
"Well…" She said seductively as she sauntered up to him. She moved her face close, so close to his, a smile on her face. The hand came out of nowhere at lightning speed, its biting trail colliding across Shepard's countenance.
"You could have died! Again! Damn it, Shepard! Why do you keep doing this to me?" Ashley pleaded, looking up at him. Shepard sighed defeatedly.
"It's my job, Ash. It's also part of who I am. I'm a problem solver; even the smallest things are worth doing if they mean something." Shepard said earnestly, revealing the softer side of the legend that was rarely seen. "And I have to say, you have a mean right hook." He continued, rubbing his jaw with a wide smile on his face. Then they both laughed.
"I love you." Shepard said softly.
"I know." Ashley replied just as tenderly.
MEMEMEMEMEME
"Alright, kiddies, daddy's back and we're almost there!" Joker's voice emanated from the comm throughout the ship, his sharp wit seeping through the speakers.
Garrus stirred, his eyes fluttering open. Where am I? How did I get in—Oh. Garrus' memory kicked back into gear with Joker's sarcastic voice just white noise in the background. The turian collected himself, extricating himself from the others on the ground. Oh no! I was going to go with Tali to fix the Hammerhead!
He looked to and fro frantically for any sign of the quarian, and it dawned on him to check the time. The glow of his omnitool played across his features, and saw to his horror that it was almost four hours after he tried to stop the fight in the sparring room.
All that could be seen of him was his foot as he sprinted around the corner into the mess hall.
MEMEMEMEMEME
Tali rubbed her visor with her forearm, smearing the grease that she tried to get off of it. She frowned, frustrated at it, though no one would be able to tell because of the same visor. Where did Garrus go anyway? He had been right next her in the elevator as the doors opened, but stayed when he got an alert from Mordin. Tali worked with the wires of a gutted panel as she pondered.
"I'm sorry Tali, I was delayed by a… Qualm in the sparring room." Garrus said awkwardly, shifting his weight from foot to foot before practically jumping into one of the Hammerhead's panels, busying himself with his work. After several minutes of grueling silence, Garrus spoke up again.
"So Tali, I had wanted to, uh, say… Something. Earlier. In the mess hall." Garrus stated over his shoulder as he mended wires with his tools.
"And that would be…?" Tali asked jokingly, and giggled inwardly at her friend's awkwardness.
"Well, I was just going to say that we've been friends for a long time, and-" He started, but Tali fixed him with a "look" that he recognized as impatience.
"." Garrus said hurriedly, but what he tried to say came out garbled and barely intelligible. He cursed himself inwardly. No emotion could be shown through Tali's faceplate, but if Garrus could have seen through it, he would have known that she was smiling.
"Of course, Garrus. That sounds wonderful." Tali commented, trying not to audibly chuckle at Garrus' countenance. His mandibles were spread out like wings and the entirety of his scales seemed to have parted.
"OhgoodI'." Garrus excused himself and began walking towards the elevator, looking over his shoulder at the quarian. That is, until he collided with the door of the elevator. He mumbled something along the lines of "I'm okay" before stumbling into the lift.
What a strange man. Tali thought to herself, laughing softly into the cargo bay before resuming her work. After all, that's what they had gone down there to do.
MEMEMEMEMEME
Joker was back in the cockpit, with Kasumi his playful shadow, constantly bickering with him about nothing in particular.
"But it's yellow. All the other displays are orange. Something must be wrong with it." Kasumi said obstinately. Joker gave her his "Are you serious?" look, then turned back to the controls. They were about to enter the relay and his concentration shouldn't be broken, especially by noobs.
"Uh-huh. And your clothes are broken because your hood is red." Joker said sarcastically, beginning the run through the relay.
"I'm serious. It could be a- Oof!" Kasumi began, only to be interrupted by a drunken crewman slamming into her with slurred apologies before going back to the CIC. "How many crewmen do you think are drunk at this point?" Kasumi queried, their bickering forgotten.
"At this point, it's a matter of who isn't drunk." Joker said, right as the familiar lurching feeling of traveling billions of light years in seconds in his gut. "Just in time, too."
MEMEMEMEMEME
"Ladies, gents, and otherwise, we have arrived at planet Virmire. Thank you for flying Alliance."
Joker's voice broke into the somewhat clamorous cooking going on in the mess hall, with Shepard at the helm of the stove.
"I honestly did not know you cooked." Ashley said from her seat at the mess table, her head resting casually on her hand.
"I find it's far more appealing than what Rupert cooks up. And it looks like we're here. Right on time." Shepard remarked, taking the lid off of one of the pots and turning off the stove.
"Voila. It is done." He said as he poured two mess bowls with what had been in the pot.
"I guess good grub really can come in space." Ashley commented, eyeing the tasty looking stew in front of her. "My compliments to the chef." She said to Shepard, leaning across the table.
"Just a little bit of paradise."
Author's Note: Yes, I know there is no sparring room on the Normandy. But hey, I don't think there are enough beds for the crew, either. And Zaeed has finally made an entrance. I'm trying to keep the viewpoint focused on who is most relevant/convenient, but if you want to see more of a certain character, feel free to let me know. And once again I must ask you to send me a PM/comment on whether you think I should include the Lair of the Shadowbroker in this story. Thanks a bunch!
-The Amazing Soup
