She regretted not being able to go and as she stayed helpless in bed, it was all she could think about. The goodbye she could never give. What had she said to him last? Her days from four years ago ran together, the memories shimmering into each other, and she was certain she wouldn't be able to determine what their last words together were. Of course, she knew even if she thought of them from four years ago, it wouldn't be the true answer. There must have been words exchanged in the car. There must have been last words. His last words.

His last words. Addison wanted to think they meant something, whatever they were. An "I love you" or a "Remember me," but she was sure they weren't either of those. Derek wasn't one for cliches. She wished and silently begged to be able to remember. She figured it would make everything a hell of a lot easier if she had the last four years back in her mind.

Mark would be in to see her soon. And Savvy and Weiss. Her parents stopped in on the day of Derek's funeral and she was shocked that they hadn't attended. It made her want to hurt them, yell at them, but as she looked in their faces, she couldn't. They were here and as they insisted, it was more important to be with the living than the dead. That same night, they were gone and Addison hadn't known a hospital could feel so empty and cold.

Now, it was mid afternoon of the next day. It was sunny outside, almost surreal. Addison was feeling a lot better than she had the past couple days and she wanted to get out of bed. Dr. Stevens had come in to check on her. She commented that Addison was doing much better and all Addison could do was glare at this doctor who was trying to be nice. Addison didn't like it very much. She was sure Dr. Stevens was being sincere, but her niceness seemed fake.

Addison looked at the open doorway. A nurse walked by. Wanting to feel as if she actually had control of her situation, Addison decided to get up and walk around the room. She wanted to do something on her own and being able to stretch her legs would feel wonderful. Her heart quickening, Addison was sure that it couldn't hurt too much just to take a quick walk. Besides, she wanted to prove them all wrong, showing that she knew her body and what she was capable of doing or not doing.

Upon her first attempt at sitting up, Addison immediately had to flop back down, the pain in her side something she didn't expect. She breathed, which inevitably made it worse, but she took the pain in, noting that the need to stand and prove herself was the most important issue at the moment. Had she been thinking like a doctor, she would have realized this was a very bad idea. However, being the patient, and not a very good one, she decided to try to get up again.

Addison eased her pace, hoping the slower she worked, the easier it would be to stand. She flung off her blankets and made sure her IVs were untangled before holding her breath and forcing herself to stand. There was quite a bit of pain, which Addison ignored. The floor was cold and unexpected. Addison reached out for the IV rack and hung onto it, making sure she was balanced. Once she was standing, she realized it was much easier than she thought it would be.

Taking her time, Addison made her way over to the wall, reaching out for it to keep herself on her feet. She smiled, pleased that she actually had freedom to move around. As she reached the corner of the room, she turned and was suddenly dizzy. She fell against the wall, clinging onto it. She closed her eyes and rested her head against the wall, feeling the pain from the stitches on her face. After a moment, she opened her eyes and looked towards her bed.

"It's not too far." Addison gave herself a pep talk, "Just make it to the bed and sit down. You can do it. You'll be fine."

Addison straightened up and forced herself from the wall. She took two steps and suddenly her legs gave out and she crashed to the floor, pulling the IV stand down with her. The moment Addison hit the floor she knew something was wrong. A searing pain spread through her side and it felt like someone suddenly squeezed her chest. She rested her head on the floor, wanting to cry out for help, but finding that nearly impossible since she was having the sudden trouble of breathing.

"Addie, I-" Mark's head popped into Addison's hospital room, looking from the bed to Addison on the floor.

Mark, dressed in his scrubs and lab coat, ran into the room and turned Addison onto her back. Addison wheezed, trying to catch her breath as her eyes began to fill with tears.

"What happened?" Mark's concern was clearly evident.

"I fell." Addison choked out from lips which were developing a bluish tint to them.

"Help!" Mark screamed towards the door, "I need help in here! I need oxygen! And a gurney!"

Mark turned back to Addison, looking her over. Mark glanced towards the machines and equipment in the room. He stood to grab the oxygen container and mask for Addison, but a nurse hurried into the room and cut Mark off. Another nurse followed, pushing in a gurney. The first nurse brought the oxygen over and Mark placed the mask over Addison's face.

Addison shook her head, "I can't... breathe."

Mark stood, frantic, "Her lung collapsed."

He hurried over to a medical cart and flung the drawers open, digging through them. He pulled out the necessary supplies and ran back to Addison's side.

"Is there anything you want us to do, Dr. Sloane?" the first nurse asked.

"Take that oxygen mask off." Mark commanded as he pulled Addison's hospital gown from her back, exposing her side.

The nurse did as Mark said and took a step back. Addison's lips were bluer and the same tint started to appear around her eyes. She was wheezing and coughing, barely able to breathe, and extremely dizzy. Mark opened the first disinfectant wipe his hands fell on and applied it to Addison's side. He used the scalpel he placed in his pocket to make a quick incision and then jammed the chest tube inside of Addison as a gush of air mixed with blood exited from the tube. Addison sucked in a breath.

"We got to get her on the gurney and out of here." Mark was holding the chest tube in place, "Her broken ribs punctured her lung, causing it to collapse. We need to see the damage. Let's go."

The nurses followed Mark's command and helped to place Addison on the gurney. They wheeled her out into the hall and down towards the operating room where they would check the damage before operating. Mark stayed at Addison side, one hand clasping on to Addison's while the other was still on the chest tube. Addison was still having difficulty breathing, but the chest tube made it a bit easier.

"What were you thinking?" Mark stared at Addison's pained face, "Addie..."

Richard turned a corner, made aware of the need for an immediate OR. His face fell when he recognized Mark and Addison. Richard approached quickly.

"What happened?" he demanded, walking alongside of Mark.

"She fell and her lung collapsed." Mark told Richard, "We need to operate."

"We don't know the extent of her damage, Mark." Richard pointed out, "She should be x-rayed so we know where the bones are broken and if she even needs surgery."

Addison watched the dialogue go back and forth between Richard and Mark. She was feeling dizzy.

"And if her lung is severely punctured and we wait around for x-rays, what will that do for her?" Mark asked, his brow furrowed in anger.

"And if we put her through unnecessary surgery, what will that do, Mark?" Richard's tone hardened, he turned to the nurses, "I want Dr. Montgomery monitored and x-rayed now." Richard looked down at Addison's face, "She needs oxygen."

The nurses nodded in response. Mark glared at Richard, who merely remained still, knowing Mark was too sensitive to the case to make decisions at the given moment. Mark followed alongside the gurney as it turned the corner toward the radiology department. One of the nurses had left, which Mark didn't realize, and she returned with oxygen, which she gave to Addison, who was still struggling to breathe.

Addison watched Mark, her eyes feeling heavy. Her vision began to blur and the lights suddenly seemed too bright. She closed her eyes slowly and was out.


"Addie..." his voice was soft.

Addison buried her face deeper into the sweet smelling pillow. The fabric was soft from being washed too many times. He was leaning over her, smiling. He set a steaming mug on the stand next to the bed.

"Addison..." he coaxed.

She stirred, squinting through her overflowing red hair. She flipped over, making him jump back slightly. She watched his smile spread and he sat next to her, leaning in close.

"Merry Christmas." he greeted. She loved the way she could see his happiness just through his eyes. God, she loved this man.

"Merry Christmas." she replied, "Are the kids up?"

"Of course." he laughed, "It's Christmas. They were up and jumping on their uncle at five in the morning."

Addison sat up quickly and looked around, "Weren't we... putting together a bike?"

"You fell asleep and drooled on the instructions." he smiled, "I put you to bed."

He stood, stretching in his flannel pajama bottoms and gray tee shirt. She watched him.

"Derek..." she broke off her sentence, her eyebrows drawing together even though she tried to hide her concern.

Derek turned and faced her, "Yes?"

"If everybody was already up, why didn't you wake me?" Addison hated being the last one awake, especially when they stayed at Nancy's for the holidays.

"You stayed up to put a bike together for a three year old who'll have a hell of a time trying to ride it at that age." Derek crossed back to the bed and sat down, "You deserved the sleep."

Derek kissed Addison's forehead, "Thank you for agreeing..." he kissed her nose, "To stay with my family..." he kissed her lips, "On Christmas."

"You're welcome." Addison leaned in and kissed her husband passionately. She pulled away and her eyes lit up, "When do we open presents?"

Derek laughed, "Not until we get to Mom's. I mean, Nancy's kids are going to open some, but they have some at Mom's, too. You know, you're just like the kids, Addie."

"Hey-" Addison nudged him, "I happen to know I am getting some pretty nice gifts today."

"Do you now?" Derek leaned in, teasingly, "Too bad I heard Santa brought you coal."

Addison pouted, "I thought you were going to put in a good word for me."

Derek shrugged, still smiling, "Must have forgot."

Addison kneeled on the bed, bringing herself out from the blankets and leaned into Derek, kissing him again. Derek looked to her mug on the stand.

"Better drink that before it gets cold." Derek stood from the bed, "The kids are going to open their presents about... now. So come down when you're ready."

Addison reached out and took her mug. She stared at the liquid, confused, "This isn't coffee."

"It's cocoa." Derek grinned, "I put marshmallows in it."

Addison feigned annoyance with a look, but a grin was spreading across her face. Derek leaned in close to Addison's face.

"You're welcome." he whispered.

Derek turned and left the room. Addison smiled cozily as she crossed her legs underneath herself and took a sip of the rich hot chocolate.