A/N This chapter is vaguely based off of the song That Ghost by Megan and Liz. The pain of her past actions as the Evil Queen has been with Regina a lot longer than we all knew, and just tonight she lets herself be vulnerable with Robin.
The town was in flames, thick black smoke rising slowly into the sky. There was no sound aside for the crackling of the growing fire. The once green grass was now charred, and the remains of the small huts that once littered the field had crumbled to the ground. In the middle of it all stood a woman wearing clothes obviously fit for royalty and an evil gleam in her eye. She smiled at the wreckage and laughed, enjoying her power. She took one last look at her destruction and turned, about to walk away when she heard a rustling from one of the charred huts. She turned back towards the scene and saw a man limping out of the hut, carrying a small broken body.
"You did this! You did this!" he yelled at her. "What kind of a woman has so little a heart that she kills innocent children?"
The woman's smile fell for only a moment at the sight of the child. Then she looked back up into the eyes of the peasant yelling at her. "A woman who will do anything to get her happy ending," she replied.
"One day," he threatened her, "one day you will think you've found your happy ending and all this," he gestured at the ruins around him, "this will haunt you. One day your happy ending will get snatched away from you for all of your crimes!"
"How dare you-"
"What are you going to do? Kill me," he glanced around at the bodies surrounding him.
The woman faltered only a moment as she followed his gaze, "No," she said. "I am going to spare you and force you to live knowing I took away everything you love," she replied, looking at the man's dead son.
"Anyone who dare hurt a child shall be cursed! One day, Your Majesty," he said the name condescendingly, "you will lose everything that matters to you!"
"Regina!" a voice called, waking her up. Regina bolted upright, covered in a cold sweat just like she had every night for as long as she could remember, until she had met Robin. Him being with her had stopped the nightmares for a while, but not tonight.
"Regina, are you all right?" Robin had an arm around her shoulders and brushed the hair away that had fallen into her face.
"I-I'm fine," she replied, her voice a little raspy, not looking him in the eyes. "It was just a nightmare."
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked her. "I find nightmares are a little less scary when you talk about them."
She shook her head no. She was used to Robin's concern for her by now, but this-this made her feel like she was a child. Like she needed to be protected. It made her feel weak. Weak. The word echoed in her mind and all at once she could hear the voices of everyone who had made her feel like that. Her mother being at the top of the list. But Robin... he didn't make her feel weak. Loving him was her strength. Never mind her mother, Regina wouldn't be weak for admitting to fear, she would be weak for letting her mother continue to have power over her.
"Are you sure?" Robin asked her. "You can talk to me about anything. You don't always have to hold it all in. You don't always have to be so strong all by yourself," he assured her.
Regina swallowed and nodded, opening her mouth to speak, deciding just this once it was okay to be vulnerable, "I've been having reoccurring nightmares ever since I was a little girl," she started. "The content of them has changed throughout the years, but this one..." Her voice trailed off and she shook her head. "It's not just a nightmare, it's a memory. From when I was the Evil Queen."
"Your ghosts came back to haunt you," he replied knowingly. Regina nodded.
"May I ask what about this one has you so distraught?" Robin asked.
Regina looked away from him, "It's... it's not something a care to talk about. But the general gist of it is that I hurt someone... in the worst way imaginable. And what he said to me after has haunted me very since," she whispered, avoiding all eye contact with Robin.
"You aren't that woman anymore, Regina. It's something I tell you time and time again and so does your son and everyone else in this town. You need to realize that no one is going to run away from you. You are loved as you are. I know your past, but it doesn't matter because the woman I know wouldn't hurt anyone unless she was protecting her family," Robin said, looking at the woman he loved, not quite understanding how deep the pain and self-loathing within Regina went, and how much it would take for her to believe him.
Regina tore her eyes away from Robin's and looked back down at their intertwined hands, "When I was a child, the nightmares would always be of my mother, of her magic. And then for years and years my nightmare was just my memory of Daniel's death replayed over and over again. But this dream I have now, this memory... it started a few weeks after it happened... " Robin squeezed her hand, offering her silent support and encouraging her to finish.
"It was when I-the Evil Queen was trying to go after Snow White and a whole town refused to give her up. It seemed to be a small town and I didn't think twice when I sent it up in flames. I killed everyone, including a small child. A little boy. His father managed to escape their hut and told me that one day when I had my happy ending it would all be taken from me because of my crimes," Regina whispered, not daring to look back up at him, knowing what she would see. Shock, anger, hatred, disappointment, fear... they were all emotions she was used to. So when he lifted her chin up with his hand to make her look at him, the emotion she saw on his face didn't fit. He was smiling slightly at her, but there was love in his eyes.
She looked at him in confusion, and he could see a slight trace of fear on her face, "Why aren't you running away screaming?" she asked, trying and failing to put on a brave face.
"Regina, I told you. You aren't that woman anymore. How long have you been having this nightmare?" Robin asked.
"A very long time," she responded.
"I think with everything that has happened to you, the guilt you carry with you every day, the person you've became... you have more than made up for what you did as the Evil Queen," he told her.
"I may not be the woman I was anymore, but that doesn't mean I've paid for what I've done either!" Regina argued back. "I asked Mary Margaret, is it really doing good if you do good in the hopes of getting forgiven?" she asked.
"When you saved Roland in the Enchanted Forest, that wasn't in the hopes of being forgiven. You had just lost a child, had no immediate reason to try and be good but you did and you saved my son on instinct, Regina. You are innately good, whether the Evil Queen shows through on occasion or not," he argued.
"But-"
"Regina why are you trying so hard to prove that you aren't good? Why can't you just accept that you are a hero?" Robin asked her.
"Because I don't deserve to be forgiven, whether I am good or not," she whispered back, tears gleaming in her eyes.
Robin's gaze softened and he wrapped his arms around her, gently pulling her to lay down with him, finally seeing what he hadn't understood just moments before. Finally seeing just how deep her self-loathing ran. Regina's head rested on Robin's chest as he held her. He could feel her crying and he just held her tighter. "You deserve your happy ending, Regina," Robin said finally. "Roland loves you, your son loves you, I know the Charming's and Emma consider you to be family. I love you Regina. You're just going to have to get used to being loved, because I promise you it's not going anywhere ever again," he whispered, and kissed the top of her head.
"I love you too," Regina answered him, and for the first time in a long time she almost felt like it wasn't going to be taken from her. And for the first time there was someone else other than Henry who made her feel like she was worth something.
