Chibi: Hi everybody, thank you for the reviews! I hope you're pleased with the speed with which I updated ... I don't really have an explanation for it. But I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please review :3
Seven
When I awoke I was in my bed. I was still in the same outfit as earlier, and the blankets were pulled up right under my chin. My bed felt warm and safe but I still felt as awful as before – my fever was still raging and my chest felt like there was a hole in it. As soon as I tried to move I fell into a deep coughing fit and when it finished there were splatters of blood on my hands. I wiped the blood off onto a tissue and moaned.
"What's wrong with me ...?"
"You've got pneumonia." I weakly turned over in bed and saw Zack sat in the armchair in the corner of the room. His hair was standing on end, as though he had been running his hands through it endlessly, and he looked pale and tired. His eyes, which had always been so blue they seemed to glow, stood out startlingly in his drawn face.
"Pneumonia?"
"Yeah ... from being out in that storm for so long." He walked over and was soon hovering over me. "Can I get you anything?"
"Water ..."
"Sure, sure ..." He rubbed his face, seemingly exhausted. He looked scared. "I'll go get your water ... and you've got some worried people downstairs. I'll let them know you're awake." I nodded sleepily, and watched as he left the room. I heard his footsteps going down the stairs and then I felt my eyes shut again, sleep pulling on me.
"Tifa?" There was a cool hand on my forehead. I drowsily pulled my eyes open. A sweet, kindly but ultimately worried face was looking down on me.
"Aerith?" She smiled slightly.
"Here ... Zack said you wanted some water." She held the glass to my lips and I sipped gratefully. The pounding in my head seemed to ease up slightly. Only slightly though. My head weakly fell back onto the pillow. "You scared us, Tifa."
"How did I get here?"
"Zack carried you upstairs. You've been asleep for a couple of hours. Here, let me take your temperature ..." I obliged as Aerith pushed a thermometer under my tongue, and I let my eyes fall shut, listening to her chatter. "I can't believe you got stuck out there like that ... I've bandaged your leg as well. What happened there? And your father found your iPod in the washing machine and has sworn to buy you a new one ..."
I allowed a small smile to spread across my face. She gently eased the thermometer from my mouth and looked at it.
"Still pretty high ... but you're getting cooler. Come on, let's get you out of that jumper ..." She eased me upright, and without caring I allowed her to pull Zack's jumper over my head. She averted her eyes from my bare chest, and gently pulled down my arms and over my head a soft, clean t-shirt. Already I felt my temperature falling, but my limbs still shivered uncontrollably. Aerith gently pressed me down and pulled the blanket up around me.
"Try and sleep ... I know your father wants to check on you at some point. The doctor's already come and seen you and has left some antibiotics for you to take. Your father will come and wake you up when you need to take them next." Her soft hand graced my warm forehead again, and soon my heavy eyelids had fallen and my thoughts gradually dissolved.
A hand shook me gently.
"Tifa ... it's time to take your tablets." I groaned and opened my eyes. My father's kindly face, with red wine eyes just like mine, was hovering over mine, worry creasing his forehead. I struggled to sit up.
"What time is it?" My voice sounded thick and groggy. I willingly swallowed the tablets he handed me with a sip of water. He checked his watch.
"About eleven at night. You've only been up here since about eight."
"Where is everyone?"
"Aerith's in bed ... she's hoping to come and check on you during the night. Zack and Cloud are having a drink downstairs."
I stretched slightly, and realised why I was so uncomfortable.
"Um, Dad ... can you take help me to the bathroom?"
He blushed slightly. "Oh, sure ..." He helped me out of bed, and supported me as I staggered to the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and felt myself shaking as I lowered myself down onto the toilet. When I was done I weakly hauled myself upright, washed my hands and opened the door. Dad put his arm around me and I leant on him as we slowly walked towards the bedroom. Bizarrely I didn't feel so ashamed for being so helpless. No ... it was nice to be pandered to. Before Aerith had moved in, I had looked after this family. I'd done the washing, cooking, cleaning ... I'd made sure the bills were paid and that Dad wasn't drinking too much. It was nice to rest and be fed and taken care of. It was nice to see Dad thinking of anything other than whiskey and Mum.
He tucked me up gently in bed, and kissed my forehead.
"Try to sleep, sweetheart."
"Thank you, Dad."
"No problem ... I love you."
"Love you too ..." I mumbled sleepily. Once more, my eyes slid shut.
I woke up with a start, and my coughing fit took over. There wasn't so much blood on my hands afterwards, which I guessed was a good sign. I wiped my hands clean and weakly turned over under the covers and took in a quick intake of breath. There someone was asleep in the armchair, their figure barely visible in the dark. My sudden breath was enough to wake them.
"Hey ... you're up. How're you feeling?" I fumbled for the switch on my bedside lamp. A dull light filled the room and I saw that it was Cloud sat in the armchair, one ankle resting on his knee and rubbing his eyes. He was still in his outfit from earlier. The obvious fatigue on his face was endearing.
"A bit better, actually. What are you ... what are you doing in here?"
His face coloured a little. "I ... I just wanted to check that you were okay. Everyone's asleep and I didn't want you to wake up alone."
I mustered a feeble smile. "Thank you ... that's very kind. What time is it?"
He looked at his watch. "Quarter to three."
My throat burned, and I noticed a glass of water on top of the bookshelf beside Cloud. "Could I p-possibly have some water?" He quickly picked up the glass and came to sit beside me on the bed. He handed me the glass and I took it in my hot hands, sipping it appreciatively. He raised his hand.
"Um ... may I?" I nodded, and he gently placed it against my forehead. "You're still very warm. Do you want me to open the window?" I nodded again and he leant over me, pushing the window open. His shirt fell forward and my face grew a little warmer as I noticed how close his stomach was to my face. The cool breeze that drifted through the window was nice though. The rain was still falling hard outside.
"Do you think that rain will ever end?" I asked jokingly. There wasn't an answer from Cloud. He was sat back in the armchair, his ankle back on his knee and his hand across his face and massaging his temples on either side. "I don't think I'd ever felt so cold out there!"
"Yeah, well, perhaps you should have been more careful."
I felt my brow furrow. I'd never heard Cloud speak in that kind of tone before. He sounded annoyed, and I was worried that he was annoyed with me. My family may have been worried about me, but he clearly thought I was just a silly, pathetic girl.
"What do you mean?"
"You should have known that you'd get sick out there."
"Hey ... I tried to get home sooner. But, my leg-"
"-well you should have tried harder!" He snapped suddenly. The harshness of his words hurt, far more than my chest or my throat.
"Cloud, I couldn't."
"You should have known better! You should have known you'd get sick!" He was actually shouting now, and I was scared. His eyes blazed, and his face was getting red.
"Cloud, calm down!"
"What's going on in here?" Zack was stood at the door in his boxers, looking sleepy and concerned. Cloud scrunched up his eyes, and then walked heavily out of the room. I looked after him, completely confused. Zack shook his head.
"Zack, why was he so mad at me? It's not my fault I got ill!" He sighed, and shut the door.
"Tifa ... that's kind of Cloud's way of showing he cares."
Cloud ... cared?
"What? Why?"
Zack stared at me hard. "Why do you think, Tifa?"
I was lost for words. My mouth kept opening and closing like I was a goldfish. He shook his head.
"Try and get some sleep, okay?" He closed the door behind me, leaving me alone with my confused, muddled thoughts.
It took me just over a week to recover enough to be up and walking, but I still had a rattling cough that lasted for a few more weeks. Obviously it was just a mild case. I didn't see Cloud at all during that time. Neither Zack nor Aerith mentioned him at all, though I was sure they must have seen him. They obviously thought he was somewhat of a sore spot for me. But he wasn't – I was confused and was desperate for news from him. I drifted in and out of consciousness that week, until finally my temperature was regular and I was able to walk around the house without collapsing. I was still on antibiotics, but life seemed almost back to normal. Except for the absence of Cloud ... which was a rather strange statement to make. I could only have known Cloud for a few weeks, and yet he felt like an integral, non-moving part of my life. I wandered how weird it would be when he left for Nibelheim at the end of the summer.
A few days after I'd recovered, Zack decided he was going to take me for a walk round the village. I felt like I hadn't breathed fresh air in forever. He forced me to put a warm jumper on, but allowed me to wear a pair of shorts and ankle boots. The cool breeze was relaxing on my bare legs, and I let my arm link with Zack's as we ambled through the village, our fight from the day I fell ill completely forgotten. We bumped into Barret, who insisted I came to the bar for a drink when I felt up to it. It was nice to be out and about, to be feeling strong and able once more.
Until we rounded a corner, and came face to face with Kadaj Shinra, who was just coming out of a narrow alleyway. His eyes, a sickly green colour, glowed strangely from beneath his heavy, sweaty looking fringe, and he looked angry. But his expression changed rapidly. His face seemed to do two things upon seeing me and Zack – it brightened into a smile at the sight of my brother, yet somehow managed to turn that smile into a leer when he saw me beside Zack, holding his arm. My grip had tightened as soon as I'd seen him and I felt myself instinctively drawing back from him, like a shy child, trying to put my brother between Kadaj and myself. Zack didn't seem to notice the leering aspect to Kadaj's expression and greeted him amiably.
"Hey, man. Haven't seen you in ages. Where have you been?"
Kadaj shrugged, and pushed his hair back from his face. There was a fine layer of sweat spread across his forehead. From what, I wondered. Heat? Exertion? Fear?
"I've been around. Taking care of business."
"As usual," Zack remarked, an easy smile pulling on his lips. I still didn't understand how Zack could be friends with Kadaj, but I had decided at that point that it was none of my business. As long as I didn't have to be near him then that was fine. I still couldn't put my finger on it but there was something about him that truly made my skin crawl. My heart always fluttered and jumped when I saw him, but without the grace and lightness of a butterfly. More like with the clumsiness and weight of a rhinoceros.
"Let's have a drink tonight, Fair. On me."
"Sounds good. Whereabouts?"
"Seventh Heaven should be good. Yuffie will be around," he looked meaningfully at me with these words. "Perhaps you could come keep her company, Teefy."
"I'm still sick." I stated firmly, refusing to meet his eyes. "I have to stay in."
"Fine," he shrugged, seemingly uncaring. "See you around nine, Fair." He moved past us, his pale hand waving limply behind above his head.
I tried not to look directly at Zack; for fear that he would see straight through me and be able to see in plain view my rapidly beating heart, pulsing so vibrantly with the fear of Kadaj's words. I felt sick, and scared. I knew that this summer Kadaj viewed Yuffie as his property but I was starting to get the feeling that he viewed me as some kind of goal. Or prize.
Zack didn't seem to notice, and we carried on walking. I happened to glance down the alleyway from which Kadaj had come, and stopped quite suddenly at the sight of a girl clutching herself at the far end. I pulled away from Zack and moved towards her. I knew that silhouette anywhere.
"Yuffie?"
She looked up, startled, and her eyes also seemed to glow in the darkness of the alley. Her face looked scared, and she was clutching at her wrist. I could see in the dim light that one side of her face was a fierce red, with the unmistakable shape of a hand across the cheek.
"Yuffie what happened?"
"Nothing," her voice trembled treacherously. I was worried – I had never seen Yuffie like this before. She looked so self-conscious and timid. She sniffed hard, and I realised that she had been crying. "I-I'm fine. I j-just fell, is all."
I moved closer towards her, and grabbed at her hands, pulling her arms out straight. They were covered in bruises, like they had been when I had bumped into her outside of Seventh Heaven, the purple marks in the clear, definite shape of fingers digging deeply into her flesh. She instinctively pulled her arms back into her torso.
"I'm fine, honestly ... I'm fine," she kept repeating this, and I knew she wasn't trying to convince me, or Zack, who was hovering behind me with a look of concern on his face but remained silent. I'm fairly certain that we both knew who had left these marks on Yuffie. "I'm fine," she whispered one more time, ending her desperate mantra, and hurriedly pulled on a cardigan she'd had tied loosely around her waist, effectively covering up her arms. I noticed with a slight pang again that it was mine, the one I'd seen her wearing whilst tucked up beside Cloud, as I stood outside in the rain, watching them through the window of the bar.
"I-I'll see you later," she mumbled, and pushed past us, walking swiftly and shakily away. We watched her go, and Zack's face seemed to grow dark. He gently took my arm.
"Come on, let's go home." I nodded, and held onto him tightly as we travelled back to the house. I suddenly felt as weak as a kitten, and all I wanted was to lie down. I clung to Zack's arm, and I'm certain that this time he knew that I was scared.
When we got back to the house I immediately went upstairs to my bed, and fell into a deep, fitful sleep, which saw me waking later tangled up in my sheets, sweat dripping down my face and my heart beating fast. I sat for a few moments, my hands trembling, trying to remember why I was so scared. I couldn't remember, the dream was slipping from my memory as rapidly as water from cupped hands, and I settled for lying my head down on the window sill, my body hunched up against the wall beneath it. My chest was still rising and falling rapidly, but gradually it slowed, and my hands soon became still.
I pulled my hair into a high ponytail, pulled on Zack's big, knitted jumper that had been lying at the end of my bed since the night I fell ill, and stumbled downstairs. It was still fairly light outside, but the house had a late feel to it. The air was silent, and the landing and hallway dark. I trod the stairs knowingly, regardless of the darkness. I had lived in this house ever since I was born; I knew the ups and downs of the floor better than I knew myself.
Downstairs was dark too, and I peered through the gloom at the clock in the hall. It was half past nine. I could see that there was light coming from under the door of Dad's study, but I left him be. The kitchen was dark too; as was the lounge ... I had no idea where Aerith was. I wasn't too worried, though. She'd probably gone with Zack to the bar. I settled down in an armchair in the living room and reached up to turn on the lamp behind it. A soft glow fell over me, and I noticed a book on the floor beside the chair. I didn't know who it belonged to, but it looked well-thumbed, which is always a good sign for me. I picked it up, and looked at the cover, which read Wide Sargasso Sea. I'd heard of it. Heard that it was good. I flicked it open, settled down in the chair, and began to read.
I've never been able to read a book in quite the same way as my father or Zack could. I'm not entirely sure if I remember how my mother would read. As a family, the four of us had always been heavy readers. Three of us, I guess I should say now. When my father or brother settled down to read, it was hard to pull them away. They became so totally absorbed that you could be repeating their name loudly and waving a hand in front of their face for a good few minutes before they noticed that anything was going on. I, however, drifted in and out of books. It took me forever to read a book because my concentration was so scattered. That night, though, I found myself engrossed. Perhaps it was because the house was so quiet. I was only shaken from my reverie by the doorbell, which rang loudly and persistently throughout the house. I glanced up at the clock, and was shocked to find that it was half past eleven. I'd been sat in the exact same position for two hours straight, and as I unfolded myself from the chair the feeling came back into my lower body with sharp urgency. I couldn't for the life of me think who would be ringing the doorbell at half eleven at night, but even so I stumbled out into the hall, and pulled the door open.
It was Cloud.
I couldn't speak, almost couldn't breathe. I hadn't seen him since that night, when he'd shouted at me, but I couldn't tell if I was angry or happy to see him. I'd never felt like this before. It was queer; my hands twitched and I felt a thousand emotions slip in and out of focus in my mind. I just stared at him, trying not to let my face give any of my feelings away, and he stared blankly back. I think he was surprised to see me. He looked dishevelled, and slightly out of sorts. I still didn't really know him too well but I knew that he didn't seem himself. His hair was a mess, more than usual, as though he'd been distractedly pulling on the ends of it. I wondered why, and why his eyes, like everyone else's today, seemed to glow harshly out of his pale face. He was wearing a big, navy cable knit jumper, one I instantly wanted to steal from him simply because of its leather buttons at the neck, but it had fallen over on his shoulder, as though pulled there. I could see white cotton covering the shoulder beneath the jumper, but that looked like it had been pulled at too. He was wearing a pair of cream, knee length shorts, but they seemed normal. I don't know why that thought entered my head, but it looked like he had been pulled or pushed around a bit and I was immediately assessing to what extent it had been. He had a hand on the door frame, but he pulled it away now.
"Tifa ..."
I stared at him dumbly for a few more moments, until I found my voice and managed to clear my head briefly.
"Cloud ... come in."
"Is Zack here?" I almost felt my heart sink at those words. Of course. He was here for Zack. Why else would he be here? After all, he'd seemed surprised to see me at the door. He obviously thought I was still bed-ridden. Well, unfortunately for him, I was up and about.
"He's at the bar with Kadaj. Do you want to come inside?"
He was silent for a moment, and then, seeming to come to a decision, nodded. I stepped back to let him through, and shut the door behind me. He looked around in the gloom. The light was still on in my father's study, I noticed. I wondered if he was writing or drinking. I hoped it was the first but it was highly likely that it was the latter.
I took Cloud through to the kitchen, and after I had flicked the light on he sat down at the table, and, resting his elbows upon it, pressed his face into his hands. I stood in the centre of the kitchen, watching him worriedly. He was naturally a quiet person, this much I knew, but he definitely seemed out of sorts tonight. He looked like he was fighting a battle within himself, though why I could not fathom.
"Do you want something to drink?"
He nodded firmly, and the resolve with which he did so alerted me to the fact that he didn't want a cup of tea. I headed straight for the cabinet that I knew Dad kept the whiskey in, and pulled an open bottle out. I placed two tumblers down on the table in front of Cloud, and half-filled each glass. I needed a drink too.
I left the bottle on the table, knowing that soon Cloud's glass would need refilling. He pulled his head out his hands, and, after taking a large gulp from his tumbler, sat with his hands around it, as though it was a warm mug and his hands were cold. I sipped at my own tumbler, jerking at the strong taste. I was no stranger to whiskey, but the strength of it always seemed to catch me off guard. I watched Cloud, who was alternating between drinking from the glass, and holding it firmly, and when the drink was finished and I had quickly refilled it, I decided to try some conversation.
"Is everything okay, Cloud?"
He stared silently at the table. All I wanted to do was reach out, and brush his fringe away from his face, just to see his face if not in a caring manner, but in the seemingly fragile state he was in, I thought it might be best to leave him be. His eyes, from what I could see, looked sad.
"How old are you, Tifa?"
The question took me by surprise. I hadn't really expected Cloud to answer me. He still didn't look up, but the words were there, between us, suspended in the tense air. I sat down opposite him.
"I'm fifteen." He sighed deeply, seeming to shake his head.
"You're so young ..."
"I'm not a child."
He shook his head again. "No ... of course not."
I drank deeply from my glass, draining it, and refilled it as swiftly as I had refilled Cloud's. I had a strange urge to get drunk, but I held myself back – I didn't want to make a fool of myself, or be so vulnerable, in Cloud's presence. I sipped at the newly full glass, and, seeing Cloud lay down his hands, I reached across the table to place mine over one of them. I had meant it to simply be a friendly, perhaps comforting gesture, but Cloud suddenly turned his hand over, and held mine tight. He began to run a thumb, slightly calloused, over the top of my hand, and I felt my cheek sinking down to rest in the palm of my other hand, supported by my elbow on the table. I watched him, the movements of his thumb strangely hypnotic, and the feel of it comforting. I felt so at ease sat at the kitchen table, just me and him, as he held and stroked my hand – such a contrast from the stiffness and breathlessness that I had felt when I opened the door to him just ten minutes or so earlier. This felt so natural. I felt as though my body had long ago accepted his touch, and now yearned for it. My fingers found his and squeezed them gently.
He still stared down at the kitchen table, at our hands, and he gently licked his lips. "Tifa, about that night ... I'm sorry I shouted at you."
"That's okay, Cloud."
"No," he shook his head, looking more tired than ever. "It's not. It's not okay. I shouldn't have said what I said. I guess I just let my feelings take over."
"It was quite nice to see some emotion. You're normally so unreadable, Cloud." I hoped he could see the smile I was giving, which was just for him.
"I ... I was just ... just ..." he trailed off, but I pushed him gently. I wanted answers.
"Just what?"
His hand squeezed mine tightly. "I was worried."
"Why?" I stroked his hand now, which was surprisingly soft.
"Because ..." he looked up at me, looked straight into my eyes, and for once his face wasn't unreadable. There were a thousand emotions there. I could see sorrow, regret, worry, fear ... perhaps even fondness. His eyes shone truthfully, and I found myself trapped between his thick, blonde eyelashes, unable to look away from the sky blue that looked so earnestly at me. "Because you were -"
Whatever he was about to say was cut off by the front door closing. I cursed inside, as Cloud resolutely shut his mouth and I knew he wasn't going to say anymore on the matter. He quickly withdrew his hand from mine, and he turned in his seat. Zack appeared at the doorway, a tired looking Aerith at his side. My hand still lay, limp as a fish now, on the table between myself and Cloud. It was soon as though I didn't exist.
"Cloud, what are you doing here?"
"I needed to see you ... is that okay?"
"Of course ... you know I'm always up for another drink."
I took that as my cue to get up and leave. Neither of them bade me goodnight. Zack drained my glass and topped up both his and Cloud's. As I trudged up the stairs behind Aerith, I heard the murmur of their voices, and wished whole-heartedly that Zack was still out. I wanted to stay sat across from Cloud, my hand in his, forever. I wanted him to stroke my skin and look at me, talk to me ... I shook my head, much like Cloud had been doing before, before Zack had interrupted us, and put myself to bed. I lay with the curtain open, knowing I'd regret it in the morning, and tried to complete Cloud's halted sentence.
Because ... because you were ...
Because I was hurt? Ill? Foolish?
Because you were ...
I furrowed my brow, but pulled the covers over me, and closed my eyes. Sleep was a long time coming.
Chibi: minor edits made 28/6/2011. Everyone will predictably be clamouring, begging me: what was he going to saaaay? Hah. I wish! Please review. It'll make me happy. I'll still write depressing stuff but I'll be happy. Hm. Paradox. Anyway, thanks for reading.
