Back to it then!

To the Driver, thanks for the regular reviews, as always, and I know that you would probably relate The Dark Knight Trilogy to the Mysterion fanfics. Yep, totally. JUST Mysterion. Mhm. Anyway, I always wanted to make Cartman a badass killer type of superhero compared to Mysterion's "beat criminals into a pulp, handing them serious injuries but not enough to cause death" type of combat, especially since CARTMAN HAS CLAWS! CLAWS! Definitely picked the right time to write this, with Logan coming out prior. And about the whole Coon and Friends thing, please take yourself back to the prologue of the first "Mysterion" story, where I stated some information that might be of some use towards your questions.

Anyway, let's get this chapter started!

Disclaimer: I do not own South Park or any of its characters.


Later That Night

Cartman's PoV

"This is the spot then?" I ask them as we pull up to the bar.

"Yep, 'The Secret Room', funny name, that is." Jeremy replies.

"It sounds super fucking gay." I tell them.

"Well, at first, but once you have a couple of drinks, you're sorted." Geoff replies.

"Yeah, about that, one problem…" I tell them.

"What is it?" Geoff asks.

"I'm still 17, so wouldn't I need some sort of fake ID to make it look like I'm 18 and whatever." I say.

"You don't understand, they really don't give a shit." Jeremy assures me.

"You're 17? You look a bit older to be honest." Geoff adds.

"Do I? Sweet. Alright, let's get drunk!" I reply.

"Well, we can't get too drunk tonight." Geoff says.

"And why not?" I ask.

"You see, tomorrow we have this big meeting coming up. He helps us with the weapons and stuff, and we meet every week at his joint to collect some shipments, in exchange for cash of course." Jeremy explains.

"And who the hell is this hippie?" I ask.

"Some crazy French asshole. People say he used to dig holes or some crap, other say he's a mercenary. Not many people know his name either, so he's just, mysterious." Jeremy explains.

"Yeah, mysterious and fucked up in the head." Geoff scoffs.

"Well, we'll deal with him tomorrow. Come on, let's go!" Jeremy says. Hmm, I don't know, but that description makes this guy sound a bit familiar…

We enter the bar, and I immediately notice that the place is filled with a bunch of other guys from the mob.

"Jesus, you didn't tell me that everyone comes here." I tell them.

"Yeah, because this is one of the few places the cops don't seem to give two shits about!" Jeremy says.

"Yeah, like we can literally rob a bank and casually head to this place, and they still wouldn't give a fuck!" Geoff adds.

"Sweet." I reply.

"Woah, would you look at that." Jeremy says.

"Oh Jesus." Geoff facepalms.

"What, what's going on?" I ask him.

"Jeremy is in one of his "modes" again.." Geoff says, not bearing to watch Jeremy strolling up to a- oh, and hot as shit bar lady.

"Oh, I see.." I reply.

"Yeah, every single time he sees a hot girl in the room, he goes up to them to try and swoon them. And every single time, he fails and it's fucking hilarious." He explains.

"Why hello, gorgeous." Jeremy says to the attractive barmaid.

"Umm, hello?" She says, looking confused.

"It's a great night tonight, don't you think?" He says, in a really fucking gay voice.

"Umm, I suppose?" She replies, still confused.

"Maybe I can make it a fantastic night, for the both of us." He whispers to her, and I can barely contain my laughter.

"Umm, I'd rather be with the fat oaf that's behind you." She replies, before walking away. I burst out laughing, before realising something.

"Hey! That bitch meant me!" I say, before walking up to her.

"I'm not fat, you slutty fucking cow. I'm BIG, BONED." I say to her face.

"Whatever, love." She says, winking at me, before tending to her customers.

"What a fucking Jew." I say as I sit down at the counter.

"Well, that was quite the episode." Geoff says as he joins me.

"Eh, I think she's into me." Jeremy joins us.

"Whatever. Hey! Barmaid! Over here!" I shout over at one that seems she can't be bothered to do anything other than being on her phone. Yeah, go on, hashtag it, retweet it, take drunk selfies of yourself and accidentally send nudes to everyone on your Snapchat friends list. Go on bitch.

"What do you fags want?" She asks us while she pops a piece of chewing gum in her mouth.

"I'll take a glass of vodka." Jeremy says.

"Rum!" Geoff says.

"Beer will do." I tell her.

"Alrigh- hang on a minute. How old are you?" She asks me.

"Does it really fucking matter?" I spit back in her face.

"Eh, not really." She says and she walks away to the machines. Phew.

"See, I told you. When it comes to this joint, nobody gives a flying fuck!" Geoff tells me.

"Will you get the fuck off of me!" I hear from one side of the room. I look around to see a woman trying to escape her seat, but keeps getting pulled back by these pedo-looking motherfucker.

"Is anyone gonna help her?" I say as the situation seems to get worse. The dude starts licking her face as she squirms, clearly uncomfortable during the whole situation.

"Why should we? It isn't our problem, or our business to do anything about it." Jeremy says.

"Besides, I'm 70% sure that she's his property by now." Geoff adds.

"Property?" I question him, a bit confused.

"Yeah dude, you know, he bought her to be his lapdog or some shit. Must be one of the Overlord's clients or something." Geoff explains.

"Oh." I say, a bit fazed by the truth. That's a bit disturbing, even for my standards.

"Besides, we don't want to mess with the Overlord's business. We have a good deal with him, gets us some good money." Jeremy says.

"Okay then…" I say, before continuing to watch the scene. I begin to notice the sort of things that makes sense with human trafficking. Like for example, the girl is wearing some slutty outfit, that looks way too small and tight for her. Quite a lot of makeup that doesn't look natural on her, and all that shit.

"Here you go!" I look back to see the barmaid handing us our drinks. Geoff hands her the money to cover it.

"Hey, guys." Jeremy motions for us to stop before we down our drinks.

"Today was a good day. To our new recruit!" He says, and we all down our drinks at the same time. Wow, beer tastes fucking nasty.

I continue to watch the scene playing out in front of me. The girl continues to struggle free from the man's grasp, and she succeeds for a second, but ultimately, she gets caught and dragged back onto her captor's lap, to which he slaps her for the ordeal.

At this point, I stop staring at them, returning to my drink, and lowering my head. My fist begins to clench as I start to remember things that happened on a Christmas Eve.

"Hmph! HMPH!" I remember my mother unsuccessfully trying to escape from her captors' grasps.

"LEAVE MY FUCKING MOM ALONE!" I remember screaming that at them before they threw her into that van and slammed the doors shut.

I return to reality, clutching my drink quite tight.

"Grr…" I grumble before drinking half of my drink.

"Something up mate?" Jeremy asks me.

"Nah, it's just I haven't drank in a while. Still getting used to it again." I reply. I turn back to realise that the dude's gone, and the girl's left alone sitting there. She must be scared to leave or something. I look around before finding the asshole walking past me, and into the bathroom. Hmm..

"Excuse me guys, I need to take a dump." I say before following him into the restroom. I crack my neck before walking in, and the guy's using the urinal. I take the one next to him, trying to not be that obvious.

"I noticed you have a nice lady with you tonight." I tell him. He smiles, giggles for a bit.

"You seen her? She's a good one, isn't she?" He replies.

"Yeah, she sure is." I say.

"I'll tell you, she is quite enthusiastic too." He says, and that right there gave it away. Pretending that she's all over him to make it seem like it's not so fucking obvious.

"I see." I say as he finishes up and moves to wash his hands.

I make sure he's looking down at the sink before I grab his head and slam it into the mirror, before throwing him against the wall. I pick him up, delivering a few punches to his face and mid-section, before dragging him into a stall. I shove his head down the toilet, send the seat crashing down on his head before flushing it.

"Don't ever think that nobody knows what you do, and don't ever think that nobody will try and do something about it. Got that bub?" I say, leaving him lying in a heap on the floor, before casually exiting the restroom. I walk up to the lady, who seems a bit scared, but I calm her down before moving closer to her.

"Get out of here before he wakes up." I whisper into her ear, and her eyes widen.

"Thank you. Thank you!" She says before quickly leaving the bar. I return to the mobsters before grabbing my drink, downing the rest of it, and setting it back on the counter.

"Well, you said it's a big day tomorrow, so I think I'm going to head a little early. Is there anywhere I could stay for the night?" I ask them.

"You can stay in the warehouse! There's some beds on the second floor, and I'm sure the Boss will allow it, 'cause he allows it with everyone nowadays." Geoff says.

"Seeya Jack!" Jeremy says, and I walk away from them.

"Hey, isn't that fatass our new guy?"

"Jesus, look at the size of him."

"I think he might be a cop, because it looks like he ate too many doughnuts!"

I hear a bunch of people comment about my weight as I leave the bar. Yeah, well fuck it, I'll head to the gym tomorrow, get super ripped. Besides, if one of those fags back at the town saw me, they probably wouldn't believe it was me because I became even more hot.


The Next Day

I grab my bottle of water and chug the contents down my throat. Jesus Christ! I just ran on that treadmill (more like dreadmill, eyyy) for more than 5 minutes! Holy shit! Oh well, I guess that's that done. Might as well head on to the fun stuff. I move to the weights and I start bench pressing some heavy shit. Man, I seem to be strong, and I lift this tough barbell 20 times. Suddenly my phone starts ringing, and I find Jeremy on the screen. I set down the weight before picking the phone up.

"Hello?" I say.

"Hey, dude! Get your butt to the warehouse, we're heading to meet the French weapons guy! Come on!" I hear him screaming at me through the phone.

"Alright, alright, I'm coming." I tell him, before hanging up.

In the Car

"So, we're taking a van and a car this time. Why?" I ask them.

"We have quite the heavy shipment today. About 20 boxes of weapons how into that van, and another three with you in the back of this car. Thomas and David are in the van, and will help you load the shit. Now, this guy might seem a bit crazy at first, so don't do anything to piss him off." Geoff explains.

"Just hand him the money and help with the weapons and shit." Jeremy says as we head into a U-Stor-It alley. I see a bunch of guys coming out from one of the storage units. We exit the car, and I bring out two bags of cash, along with Jeremy and Thomas and we set them down on the ground in front of the men.

"I DON'T GIVE A SHEET! YOU GET ME THAT FUCKING EQUIPMENT NOW OR I WILL TAKE ZIS SHOVEL OF MINE, USE IT TO BASH ZE TINY FUCKING BALLS YOU 'AVE, AND THEN FORCE ZEM DOWN YOUR FUCKING THROAT!" I hear a French voice coming from the unit, before a dirty, young man comes out of the unit with black messy hair, and a cigarette in his mouth.

"Sorry you 'ad to see zat. Hey, who ze fuck if zis douchebag?" He looks at me, and I begin to get familiar senses again.

"New guy, and he's good with this type of crap." David says.

"Well, I might as well properly introduce myself. Whoever ze fuck you are, my name is The Mole, good to meet you and all zat sheet." He says, and my eyes widen as I realise who this is. Someone who, of course, has a grudge against me because I let him get mauled by guard dogs once.

Well, fuck.


A/N: Yay! New characters! Ever since watching South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut, I automatically came to the conclusion, that even though Christophe has about 4 minutes of screen time, he fucking nails it in those 4 minutes of screen time. Yeah, Gregory can fucking die in a hole, posh prick, but Christophe is a badass! Anyway, if you liked this chapter and have any feedback, please let me know by leaving a review, as it will be very much appreciated. And as always…

Thanks for Reading!