RUHLSAR000 Here! And I would advices anyone against hiding in a Chuck E. Cheese rip off. Or pissing off fangirls with the wait. But the main issue was that this is so long. Given my issues with length, I am going to break this up into three chapter. ANs will be here and end of last chunk. I DO NOT OWN STAR WARS REBELS! Its Made By the Mouse! Hope you all enjoy.
Asha is only conscious enough to register the fact she should be grateful to be unable to process more of what is going on. The past is gone. The future doesn't matter. There is only the now. There is only the here.
Even as her eyes flutter open, she can't shake the fog clouding her mentality. Bubbles pass over her blue-green tinted vision. Beyond are distorted versions of her mother, her lekku twitching wildly, and her Aunt Sabine, staring at sheet of paper with an unhappy glower, both clear signs that they where both worried, possibly on the verge of panic. Her Uncle Zeb walks in rubbing the back of his head and with a look, he wordlessly conveyed a message that Asha can't comprehend.
Asha is floating. I am dreaming. Asha registers. She reaches out a hand. It knocks into an invisible wall, creating a small tap. Their heads snap to her, rushing to the invisible wall. Where's Dad? Where's Uncle Ezra?
Her mind yells at her so loudly she can't comprehend what it is saying, as she is filled with the need to find him, to find her uncle. Asha opens her mouth to ask where he is, but something, something plastic gags her.
Reaching up a hand, she feels a mask, covering her face and connects to a pair of tubes. Oh, please don't let there be a mirror showing me in Darth Vader's mask. Asha groans at the thought of a bizarre dream turning dark as they so often do, especially for Ben.
A sound echoes from above. She looks up to see the surface of water, glowing, from underneath. She kicks up to it, breaking the surface. "I got you." Dr. Marian says, grabbing her armpits like she is a small child. A bacta tank? Everything crashes down on her.
"Where's Uncle Ezra?!" Asha yells desperately, yanking her mask off. "Uncle Ezra!" Asha calls out before she's even been fully out of the tank.
"I will knock you out if I have to." Dr. Marian warns.
"Asha, we'll take you to Ezra, but you need to be checked out first." Her mother has crawled up to the platform at the top of the tank. Her mother's hand finds her cheek. Hera smiles, a tired relief shining in her eyes. Her arms wrap around her daughter. Guilt fills Asha as she realizes what she had put her parents through, what she is still putting them through.
"Yeah, alright…" Asha agrees, only for her mother. In all honesty, she can't bring herself to care about her health, not even when the doctor tells her sadly that left her lekku is partial paralyzed. She deserves it and far more.
Finally, after being wrapped in her light blue fluffy robe, she is led into the quarantine section of the medical wing. Asha gulps, as she walks through the door to an observation room. She is met by four people, including Master Skywalker and Knight Jade-Skywalker, who look up immediately. Her father and, of all people, Her Majesty Queen Isolda are pinned to the window. The walls of the observation room are decorated with cards and flowers.
Asha looks past everyone, through the window, to her uncle. Her hearts knots itself. She rushes to the window, pinning her nose to the glass.
He is in a hospital bed. A breathing mask rests over his mouth and nose. An IV pumps fluid into his veins. A feeding tube has been placed with his throat. But the worst thing, that she can see at least, is the bandages wrapped around his eyes. The rest of his wounds are hidden away under a scratchy sickly yellow blanket, though she knows what they are, a slash to his side that nearly killed him and a leg so mashed up that he may be walking with a limp for the rest of his days. He also has a nasty concussion that cannot be seen.
Asha wants to do nothing but scream that isn't Ezra! He uncle isn't that fragile, or broken but… She did this… "Why isn't he in a bacta tank?" Asha asks.
"The doctors wanted to be able to examine him more closely and not be inhibited by a need to get him out of the tank if they needed to interfere. And the bacta would have made it harder for him to breath. It wouldn't provide any benefits if he is in coma, rather than a healing trance." Her father puts a hand on her shoulder, clearly gulping back tearless cries to be strong for everyone. Asha can't help but think that isn't fair, He is the last person who should be strong right now. Everyone should be supporting him.
"Asha," Master Skywalker steps forward. "I know you have been through a lot, and I don't want to rush you. But I need to know what happened and if there is a threat to the temple."
His wife looks ready to smack him, "Luke, your friend is recovering from a near death experience-"
"There is no threat." Asha interrupts, with a shake of her head and tears building in her eyes. And with that she launches into her tale, breaking away a few times to curse her stupidity. Surprisingly, only Isolda is able to pull her out of these tangents. As she finishes, Asha realizes that she has buried herself into Isolda's arms. And in that moment, Isolda isn't a queen; she isn't even a former professor. She is her Aunt Izzy, who was even more apart of her childhood than Aunt Sabine or Uncle Zeb. The same Aunt Izzy that was over for dinner once a week after she turned nine and would watch whatever stupid shows Asha had on repeat at Ezra'a apartment with her. The aunt that would always make time to play a game with her, or help her with her reading skills. And Asha doesn't deserve it.
Asha takes a ragged breath, pulling herself away.
"Asha, you do realize you are grounded for life. Like I will be enforcing this when you like forty. Your kids will be asking why you are grounded before you are ungrounded." Hera looks her daughter in the eyes.
"Yes, Mom." Asha resigns herself to it.
"And for killing Maul, you are getting extra dessert for a week at least." Hera pats her head.
"Hera!" Kanan protest.
"What? I am not a Jedi. I can feel satisfaction at that monster's death especially after what he has done to you. To him" Hera gestures to Ezra. "To her!" She gestures to Asha. "You know as well as I, he's been hunting Asha since she was born! Ezra was gone for months at a time trying to find him!"
"What?" Asha whispers, shaken.
Isolda sighs and whispers into her ear. "It's the reason why he was gone for most of your early years." Asha looks up at with a clear question in her eyes, why was this hidden from me? Isolda sighs, rubbing her back comforting.
"I hear what you're saying, but the death of any living creature should not be celebrated." Kanan argues. Hera raises a tattooed eye in her infamous you-have-got-to-be-kidding look.
A doctor enters the room.
"How is he?" Asha asks, breaking them up. Both Hera and Kanan shut up turning to the doctor immediately.
"He is stable." The doctor says. "A single visitor can now sit with him now."
Everyone's eyes shift to Kanan, but Kanan looks to Isolda. "Isolda, would you like to go in?" Several confused looks cross the faces in the room.
Isolda shakes her head, "Kanan, you're his brother. I know, you're worried about him."
"And you're his wife." Kanan says, causing Asha's jaw to drop as everything clicks together. And her jaw isn't the only one to drop.
"Ex…" Isolda says, weakly.
"Not by either of yours choices." Kanan says. "I know, he's missed you, terribly."
"Thank you for being there for him when I couldn't be there for him." Isolda says, a pained look covering her face. "None of you mind?"
"Ezra would be utterly happy to have you there." Kanan shakes his head, as does everyone else, though that may have been shock more than anything.
"Thank you." Isolda wipes the tears forming in his eyes away. Isolda follows the doctor out.
"When did Ezra get married?" Hera asks in a voice that sounds more like "You were going to tell me when?"
"I don't know. Not long before the former Queen died. Though, apparently, they began their, and I quote, 'official' on-and-off relationship around Asha's ninth birthday." Kanan says rubbing his forehead, clearly already hearing the scolding he is going to get later tonight.
Hera sighs, letting it go for now.
"And here Sabine and I thought he was gay." Zeb gruffs, sitting down with a sigh.
"Zeb." Sabine warns, before shaking her head. "It's true, though."
Asha watches as Isolda is lead in, cover in scrubs, gloves, hairnet, and facemask. She sits down, and takes Ezra's hand. Gently, she presses it to the facemask as if kissing it. The doctor lightly scolds her. Isolda immediately lowers the hand, but doesn't release it, as if letting it go means he'll be gone.
Asha enters a haze as her parents drag her away, putting her on bed rest. And she stays like that without much prompting or stimulus, wallowing in he own guilt and endlessly worrying her parents.
Zeb and Sabine stay as long as they can, often sitting at her bedside, trying to get her to talk or, when that fails, sitting in silence. But the two have there own lives and with the First Order still at large, they needed to get back to them. The only visitor she gets out side her family is the Jedi Master Mara Jade Skywalker who spends her few visits trying to reassure Asha that she isn't the first to heed the Dark Side's call. Asha doesn't answer. She knows, but that doesn't comfort her. That doesn't do anything to relieve the pain and the guilt.
None of her friends visit, though it is hardly a surprise. With it being school break for a few more days, few students are actually wandering the halls of the temple. And those that are, are more like Ghosts to her. Echoes of happier times seen only through her Force sense. She is also grounded, so the lack of visitors isn't surprising.
The one thing that is surprising is the lack of Ben. But Asha can't bring up enough energy to think too much over of that.
And three days pass like that. The new term begins with much fretting from her parents, as she is still on bed rest but they have to leave. Hera even contemplates cancelling her piloting seminar; though Asha comes out of her haze enough to reassures her she is fine to stay on her own. Hesitantly, they agree. After all, Asha is sixteen.
As the day progresses, a new feeling fights the guilt for dominance. Though it isn't much better. Asha finds herself not only guilty, but also annoyed with herself. Finally, the restlessness that had unknowingly building for three days gets to her.
Asha throws off the sheets and quickly goes to change, shoving open her wardrobe. But a problem hits her immediately. Before, Asha had been so proud to be a padawan. Before, she rarely wore anything besides padawan robes. Before, she literally only had one outfit, the out fit she wore to Malachor, that wasn't a set of robes. And it worked for her. But that was before. Now, she doesn't feel like she deserves to wear them.
But… She wants out of here and they are one of the few things that won't disturb the cast on her lekku. Asha sigh, trying to ignore the familiar weight of the robes but savoring it all the same. This is probably one of the last times I'll be allowed to wear the robes. Asha thinks, sadly.
As she finishes tying her favorite belt, she enters the kitchen area and grabs a small datapad used for making lists and reminders. She presses the record button. "Sorry. I know I'm grounded and on bed rest. But, my mind is chasing itself in circles and… I just need some air… It feels like the walls are closing in on me… I'll only be gone five minute. I swear. I… I know that probably doesn't mean much anymore. I wish it did. I wish I could go back and stop this from ever happening. I wish I could make this all better. I wish I could hide under my covers… and make all of this go away… I sound like a…. four year old. I am so sorry for disobeying you. Feel free to yell at me after you hear this. I deserve it…. I… I am sorry for everything…" Asha can barely breath as she finishes her ramble.
She stumbles out of her home and start walking, with the plan to walk to the courtyard and back. But her body has other plans and since her mind is still rattled with self-hate, she doesn't notice her veering off her set course and onto a very familiar course.
It is only when she is standing in front of the door does she realize she walked the path to Ezra's classroom. Asha glances up at the clock that she, Ben and Zal accidently cracked while practicing Force technique five years ago. She should head back, but…
This room is filled with so many good memories; surely she could sit in her desk for two minute… just one more time….
A large crash is heard from the other side of the door. She flings the door open. "What happened?" Asha yells.
Her entire padawan class turns to her. They are all there, some in chairs, some on desks. Even Ben, who is sulking in the corner. Asha subconsciously groans in the back of her mind, knowing she'd have to drag him out of the gloom. "Hey, Ash!" Zal smiles warmly.
"Is everyone alright? What was that?" Asha asks, stepping into the classroom and sliding the door closed behind her.
"Oh, Cameron just laughed so hard at Lane's fishing story that she knock the desk over." Zal says, as Cameron, a red hair fourteen year old girl who had become a padawan last year and had a photographic memory, and Lane, who was know to embellish his stories, pick up the chair.
"What are you all doing here? Class was canceled." Asha says, not noticing the spike in anger coming off of Ben. Zal does though, shooting him a look.
"I just didn't feel right being anywhere else." Lane says, though Asha, as always, swears she hears a laugh in his voice, like always.
"Isn't that why you're here?" Zal asks.
Asha immediately goes to deny it, but stops herself. Is that why she suddenly became so annoyed with herself? "I don't know." Asha says, walking over and sitting in her seat.
"That and we all wanted to congratulate, Zal" Lane says, slapping Zal's shoulder. Zal blushes, furiously.
"Why's that?" Asha asks confused.
"Zal's been knighted!" Lane says, joyously.
"Seriously?" Asha asks, excited for her friend.
"It's no big deal." Zal says.
"No big deal? You knighted at twenty! That is incredible." Asha leans over and hugs him.
"I still feel so unready. I hope to speak with Master Ezra when he wakes up, so I can continue to sit in on his lectures." Zal says.
Asha gulps feeling uncomfortable. But Cameron's curiosity changes the subject, "How did you even do it?"
Zal shrugs, "Apparently, I demonstrated, and I quote, 'An ability to calmly think though things, lead responsibly with wisdom beyond my year, and to listen to the Force and follow it's directions, all essential qualities to a Jedi as well as passing four of the five trials out side of my lessons.' Then they had me do the last trial at the beginning of the break. And I was a knight."
"Wow," Asha says.
Zal shrugs, "As I said before all this mess, they don't look at just look at the test they give."
"Speaking of that." Another padawan says. "What was all that? I comeback after going to Funworld with my parents and find the temple cleaning up after chaos and my master in the medical wing?"
Zal looks at Asha with a clear message, it is up to her. Of course he knows, he is a Jedi, now. Asha takes a shaky breath. "It's all my fault." All eyes are on her. That's all Asha needs to break her floodgates. After all, these are the people who had welcomed her with open arms, even before her first lesson. The same people who were excited at her success and cried at her pain. Just as she had for them. She spills what happened between tears and with enough self-deprecation, that all, but one, of the padawans grieve for their friend. Zal had his arms around her in support.
"And that how we got back. I was so stupid." Asha cries.
"Stop. Yes, you were stupid. What happened to Master Ezra was not your fault. It was this Maul." Zal says, shifting to look at her eyes.
"Yeah, he played you like an instrument." Lane says. But there words don't bring comfort. They are knives twisting deeper with each mouth movement. She doesn't deserve this.
Asha pulls away from Zal. Cameron bites her lip. This past year, Asha had become a mentor to her and it hurt seeing the brilliant girl like this. "Uh, well, anyone going to change the subject? I am drawing a blank."
Zal shrugs. Lane, who never was at a loss for an excuse to talk, takes pause before saying anything. "Um… Did anyone see the news? I am amazed the Holonet hasn't caught fire, yet."
"You sure about that? Some of the fury on the reporters' faces makes seem like it has." A padawan with a halo of gold hair rolls his eyes.
"What are you talking about?" Asha arcs an eyebrow.
"You haven't heard?" Cameron's jaw drops.
"You are kidding?" Another says.
"I've been on lock down for the last least two week! Cut me some slack." Asha shakes her head. "What did the First Order encroach on Republic territory?"
"Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader." Zal says.
It doesn't register at first. It is an incredibly simple sentence but Asha hasn't felt this confused by a simple sentence since she was struggling to read in her first years of education. Only one thing makes it make sense. "Two questions. What the kriff are you on? I'm pretty sure I want to avoid ir. And how did you get it past the Masters?" Asha says, completely serious.
"I'm not on anything." Zal says. "Evidence has come to light that Anakin Skywalker, father of Jedi Master Luke Skywalker and Senator Leia Organa, became Darth Vader."
"Bantha Poodoo." Asha blanches. "You're actually serious…" Asha spins around to Ben, springs up, and walks over to him. She brushes his shoulder with her hand, "Are you alright? This had to have been quite a shock." She leans in to hug him.
Ben stands up abruptly, breaking away from her touch. Without a word, he exits the room. Asha pauses for a moment in shock, before rushing out after him. He is already down the hall. "Ben!" Asha runs after him.
Ben doesn't stop.
"BEN! STOP!" Asha gasps. Ben does so. Asha leans over, and fights off a cough as she gasps for air. So, that's the reason I'm still on bedrest. Asha realizes.
Ben turns to his expression unreadable. "Are you alright? I know this must be a shock, but I am sure there is a reason why they didn't-"
Ben cuts her off. "I don't care about that! I don't care that my Grandfather is DARTH KRIFFING VADER! If the old Order was anything like this sludge hole, good on him."
Asha takes a step back in shock, then forward, going to touch his shoulder "What? Ben-"
Ben cuts her off, "NO! My problem is you! You took everything good this order had to offer and destroyed it. May be if you weren't so caught up in your own little world, you'd see that you weren't the only one who needed Uncle Ezra! The others needed him! I needed him! You knew that! You knew that I don't have anyone else! And you still- And you come back here EXPECTING EVERYTHING TO BE ALRIGHT! THAT IT WILL GO BACK TO NORMAL! WELL, IT CAN'T! AND I CAN'T FORGIVE YOU!" With that Ben turns and storms away.
Asha can't muster the ability to go after him. She denies, to herself, that, that is how he thinks she feels. Surely, he knew her better than that. She glances at her extend hand. It's trembling. She pulls it in, trying to regain control.
"That was terrifying." A voice says.
Asha's head shoots up as she looks at the source and then around her, mortified. All the classroom doors are open and everyone, students and teachers alike, is staring at her. Even the padawan classes. Asha doesn't stop to look at her father, afraid of the disappointment and frustration, she is sure, is on his face. But she does stop at Master Skywalker.
She takes a calming breath, though it does little with how ragged her emotion have become of late, "Are you going after him?"
"I'm in the middle of teaching." Master Skywalker says, his eyes following after Ben, worry clearly in them.
"Permission to speak freely, Master Skywalker." Asha says, in a robotic voice, as if she is saving her emotions for the tidal wave need to break through the thick skull of Master Skywalker, though she has only a vague direction of what to say.
Luke looks confused, "Of course, anyone is free to come speak to me about anything."
"That's a load, considering your own nephew doesn't even feel that way. So stay quite and listen." Asha throws back; letting all the words she wished she could say over the years come to the surface. I am going to get kicked out anyway. "I know you wish to be as fair to all student here as much as possible. In doing so, you treat each student equally, but not fairly. In treating Ben like any other student, you made him different than any other student. Everyone else, myself included, gets to go home and be with their family or can call them when ever they want. Ben doesn't. He is alone and he is scared. The only people he feels he can rely on are me and Master Bridger.
"Shut up! He told me himself. The point is he alone and he is hurting. Of the people who he can open up to one is in a coma and you just saw how the other went. He is your nephew and he needs you. Seriously, if you can't show affection to your nephew, which I know you haven't in spite of loving him dearly, what is going to happen when your daughter becomes a padawan? Are you going to abandon her too? He needs you. He needs you, right now. And not as Master Skywalker. He needs his Uncle Luke, someone he never thought he was good enough to have even a passing glance from. So, either go talk to him or call the people who, and I quote Ben here, 'abandoned' him here and still think they have right to be called Ben's parents!"
Luke is gobsmacked for a few moments, his jaw opening and closing as if to find something to say. Finally, he is able to speak but not to Asha. He turns to his class, "Free study." Then without a word, he rushes off after Ben.
Several thing flash through Asha's mind ranging from That worked? to I actually kriffing did it. A hand comes down on her shoulder. Asha glances up to see Master Jade-Skywalker. "Good job. You actually got through to him about how bad the situation is." She smiles at Asha. "I'd better go to. I guess I failed as his Aunt as well." With that Mara Jade-Skywalker walks off, her red curls bouncing behind her.
Asha sighs. She's not wrong, but she had done better than her husband. "You're up." Her father's voice causes her to jump. The jolt through her lekku causes her to wince, even with it restrained.
"Uh… Yea- Yes, Father. I apologize… I just needed some air." Asha looks down.
Her father gently touches her shoulder. He looks up suddenly. "Everyone, back to class! Shows over!" He orders. There is a flurry of squeals and door slams. Asha wraps her arms around herself as if expecting to be scolded. She deserves it.
Kanan sighs, before wrapping his arm around her, careful of his baby's lekku. "Your mom and I were worried. It's not like you to stay still. I am happy you felt up for a walk."
"I'm not sure how up for it I actually was." Asha sighs, thinking over everything.
Kanan squeezes her closer. "What happened… It wasn't your fault. Maul manipulated you."
"And I let him." Asha sighs.
"Come on." Kanan smiles, leading her away from the classrooms. She sighs, letting him take her home.
Asha squints as the sun beams down on her face. Asha is surprised to see herself in the courtyard. "Figured you were sick of your room." Kanan smiles, leading her to the tree Ezra often sat under while teaching out doors. He helps her down and kisses her forehead. "When your ready to go in, comm me or someone. Call me a worrywart but after all that I don't want you to walk back alone."
"I won't. I promise." Asha says, hugging him. "I love you, Dad."
"I love you, too. So much, Asha." Kanan smiles. They release each other and Kanan heads back to class.
Asha sighs, shifting into a meditation position. Hesitantly, she opens herself up to the Force. It envelops her like a blanket warm and welcoming. It is her home, just as much as her family is home.
She's never been overly fond of meditating, but it feels so good right now. A sense of calm in the chaos. She stays like that for a long time. She could have stayed there longer, but the Force tugs her attention. She doesn't hesitate to follow it. Her eyes open immediately. A thirteen-year-old human girl in gym civilian clothes is practicing her forms. Her waste length auburn hair tied back in a french braid, the base of which is covered in a cage-like wire headpiece. She isn't terrible, but she isn't great. If Asha had to rank her she'd but the girl on the better side of average. She'll need a heck of a test score to become a padawan… Asha then remembers she caused this year's trials to be cancel.
The girl turns to her. "Sorry I didn't mean to interrupt your meditation, Padawan Jarrus!" She bows respectfully, but is clearly panicking.
"No, no it is fine." Asha brushes off, trying to remember who this initiate is. "I don't believe we have had a chance to talk, Initiate?"
"Aodh, Ma'am. Aki Aodh. No we have not." The girl bows.
"Stop. You sound like you are balancing on a knife's edge. And call me Asha or Ash. Or Anything else. Jarrus is my father." Asha smiles at her.
"Right, Miss Asha, ah, Padawan Asha…Umm…" Aki stubbles over her words.
"Alright, sit. Now, I know you feel like your balancing on a knife's edge." Asha directs her to sit in front of her. She does so nervously. "When did you arrive here, Aki?" Ash takes her hands.
"It will be three years in two months." Aki says.
It takes all of her training to prevent Asha eyebrows from shooting up. While that age wasn't uncommon a decade ago, the order has gotten better at identifying at a younger age. Still, to get that good at forms in that amount of time, must have taken a good bit of stubborn determination. Especially since she, Asha can tell from her movements, isn't naturally good at forms. "You must have work hard." Aki nods. "Are you thinking of trying to become a padawan?"
Aki looks at her in the did-she-really-just-ask-that manner, before school her expression into one of respecting one's senior, "Isn't everyone?" That actually got a chuckle out of Asha. It felt strange and end up with her coughing, but it was good. Asha smiles at Aki, who looks a little more at ease. "I'm actually glad that they got canceled this year. I have more time to practice. I know I'm not ready."
"Is anyone ever?" Asha smiles. "Though I am mildly surprised that you were actually taking it this year. Normally, if someone comes in as late as you did, the Masters would push back that initiates trials' a few years."
Aki sighs, "But Kirk said everyone has to take it at thirteen."
"It is encouraged, but there are several factors that determine when someone may take the test. It wouldn't be fair otherwise." Asha reassures, then bites her lip before asking, "Though, if I may ask why do you want to be a Jedi?"
Aki sighs, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "I wish I had some amazingly wonderful reason like wanting to end inequality or something, but I don't. I only have my reasons. It's just me, my little sis, and Mom. And Mom's been sick for a while. We were on the streets. Heck, I remember living under a bridge for a while. I often had to beg to get enough to eat. Often there wasn't enough. I will never forget the look in those peoples eye."
"Their kindness…" Asha assumes.
"No. There were some but… It wasn't kindness I saw the most. It wasn't even pity." Aki shakes her head. "I was worthless in there eyes. I was like a disease to them."
"What does that have to do with becoming a Jedi?" Asha asks, confused.
"Beside the fact that the Jedi who found me treated me like an actual person. Besides the fact that he personally made sure my family was set up here. And this is the one thing I never thought I'd have." Aki says.
"What?" Asha looks at her.
"A chance. A chance to look others in the eye and have them look at me as an equal. A chance to give that to others. I know its selfish-"
"No, I don't think it is." Asha smiles, recalling words that had echo through her childhood. "A single act of kindness can fill the galaxy with hope." Aki smiles, relieved that someone understands. "So, I'm curious, who brought you to the temple?"
Aki's eyebrows rise in a baffled expression. "It was your father, Master Jarrus, on his last mission to Calili." Asha pauses, and then smiles gently.
Aki bites her lip, "Can I ask you a question on something?"
"I've asked you something." Asha smiles. "Though, I am not sure how helpful I can be." Especially, with my own failures. But she does her best answering Aki's very insightful questions for an hour. Aki seems very happy and interested in her answers, though Asha can only feel doubt in her answers and herself. Much too soon, Aki has to go home to make dinner for her family.
Asha sighs as she waves goodbye. She leans back against the tree, as dark thoughts filled her head, now that her distraction is gone. They bounce around her head, taunting her. What if Uncle Ezra doesn't wake up? Ben was right… I kriffed up… I don't deserve to be here…
"Hey…" A voice startles her from her thoughts. She looks up to see Isolda looking over at her.
"Your Majesty, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be watching Master Bridger?" Asha says, trying to cover her guilt-ridden sobs.
"Maybe. I go where I am most need. And none of the Your Majesty stuff. So can you tell me where I am most needed?" Isolda asks.
"With Master Bridger, of course." Asha answers almost automatically.
"Really? I'm not so sure." Isolda places her hand on her chin as if pondering. "I heard the Records have become a real sty since I left." Asha raises an eyebrow. "Mind giving me a hand? I'd like to get back to Ezra quickly."
Asha nods, "Only if my parents agree…"
Isolda looks over to the other end of the courtyard. "Is it alright, Hera?"
Isolda looks up to see her mother giving them a nod. "Just have her back for dinner."
Asha nods, getting up and follows Isolda to the Records. The two begin to search and organize the records. They wallow in silence until Isolda breaks it. "Do you know why I love history so much?'
"Not at all." Isolda smiles. Asha looks up at her. "Time is like a river branching out into a delta. Some paths are inevitable. Some of our own choosing. But in choosing a path, we limit ourselves to the future paths connected to the choice we made."
"Why would you like that part? It is cruel. And once it happens those paths are gone." Asha slams down the document not carrying for once if she damages it.
Asha tenses as she feels a hand on her shoulder. She looks up into understanding eyes, not judging or pity or worry or anything else she has been forced to look at over the past couple of days. She sees wrinkles of wisdom starting to wear into the face of one too young. "But it also opens new paths. New paths that affect and shape the routes we take today. And those paths are for us to choose again, creating more paths and more paths after that. Paths we can't even dream of."
"I don't want a new path!" Asha shouts. "I want to go back to the way things were. I want to feel like I belong in my class. I want Ben to look at me. I want to see that spark in uncle's eye. I want to be a Jedi! I… I want to be able to laugh without feeling guilty…"
Isolda sighs, "So your old paths were taken when you fell. The paths you had while on the dark side were also taken when you returned to the light. Now new paths lay ahead of you. And you can make them better than any of the paths you gave up."
Asha stares at the ground, and mumbles. "There are always more paths. We just aren't always able to see them through the brush."
Isolda squeezes her shoulder. "Do yourself a favor, don't be like your uncle and let the guilt of taking the wrong path get in the way of choosing happier paths." Ashalooks up at her confused. Isolda sighs. "I love your Uncle. Stars above, I love him. He gave me the path to being more than I ever believed I could be and makes me feel so utterly amazing. But, he is utterly an idiot when it comes to letting go of his guilt. He, for a long time, didn't believe he deserve happiness after Maul blinded Kanan and he fell to the dark side." Asha jumps at hearing that. Isolda lets out a sad chuckle. "Yeah, it was Maul. History does have a nasty tendency to repeat itself. I know Ezra still doesn't believe he deserves happiness."
Asha protests. "That's ridiculous."
Isolda smirks, "You're preaching to the choir, Kid. But, because of that feeling, he took so long in actually letting himself have a romantic relationship where he could be happy. Because of that guilt, we weren't publically known to be married, so it was better for everyone to pretend it never happened, as we couldn't have kids. Now, I love my two sons and wouldn't give them up for anything. But if we had started earlier or gone public, the path for me to still be at the temple would have been open. And, I know, Ezra and I would have be happier."
"You don't like being queen." Asha asks.
"There are very few aspects that I hold any fondness over and those are far between." Isolda admits, trying to be diplomatic about it.
"Then why did you leave, Aunt Izzy?!" Asha mumbles, some long seeded questions coming to the surface, hugging her.
Isolda rubs her back. "You know why. The galaxy needed me to be a Queen. Just as it needs good Jedi… Jedi like you."
"I'm no Jedi." Asha cries.
"Do you really believe that?" Isolda asks. Asha nods. "I don't. I know you are still a Jedi. If I were a betting woman, I'd wager you're now on the path to becoming an even better Jedi than before."
"I wish I could believe that." Asha mumbles.
Isolda pats her head, as if saying You will in time. Instead, she smiles softly, "I must return to Ezra. I... My time with him has always been limited. Besides you look ready to drop. I'll walk you back." Asha nods, suddenly aware of the bone-numbing tiredness settling upon her. They walk back in silence, with Asha being so tired. Finally, they reach Asha's home. Before leaving, Isolda says, "Asha, the Force will be with you. Always." Isolde turns and leaves before Asha can protest.
