The next morning I wake up and I smell eggs. I groan a little realizing that Shawn did not make coffee. I roll out of bed and discover that Ellie is already up and they are talking about when Shawn's mom left.
"I never really knew why, sweetie. But I found out later that she wasn't my mom."
"Morning." I walk in and kiss Ellie on her bedhead. And walk over and hug Shawn from behind. "Smells good." He is making omelets. "What do you mean your mom wasn't your mom?"
"Yeah, she wrote to me after he died and told me. Apparently, my real mom took off when I was born and then my dad met my mom. "
"You never told me that?"
"Yeah, well it isn't something I think a lot about. I always kind of assumed that was why it had been so easy for her to leave."
"Did you figure out who your biological mom was?"
"No, I tried to but I couldn't really get anywhere." He poured Ellie more juice and me some tea. The omelets were almost ready.
"Would you want to try again?"
"I don't think so, it hurt a lot the first time." He put Ellie's omelet on a plate and handed it to her. Mine, he added the onions, he had been cooking.
"So your mommy, wasn't your real mommy."
"Yep."
"And your daddy left you to go find your not real mommy."
"That is right."
"That is when he stayed with your teacher." She thinks as she puts another bite in your mouth "And Mr. Turner was going to adopt you?"
"Yeah, Mr. Turner had gotten papers drawn up so he would be my legal guardian."
"And Mr. Matthews parents wanted to adopt you?"
"Yeah they offered."
"Wait how did you two get on this discussion?" I ask. Shawn sits down next to Ellie.
"She asked me what adoption meant this morning." Shawn looked at me, with a 'I don't know where this was going either' look.
"Honey, where did you hear about adoption?"
"Yesterday, Riley and Miya were talking about it. They wondered if Shawn was going to adopt me?"
I stop eating for a minute. Okay how do I answer this one.
"So you wanted to know what adoption meant?" Shawn calmly responds, turning to look at her.
"Yeah."
"Did I explain it?"
"Yeah, lots of people wanted to adopt you."
"Because I did not have parents who really wanted me. But you do."
"I know."
"Your dad loves your very much."
"But he left, like your dad."
"He got a job across the country and he had to go. It doesn't change the fact that he loves you."
"But you love me." Ellie says quietly.
"I do, very much." Shawn is looking at me for help.
"Sweetie, you are a very lucky girl. You have two dads who love you. Most kids only have 1. You also have 7 uncles and 7 aunts who love you. You have a big family." I add trying to help.
"So you don't want to adopt me?" Ellie looks a Shawn. And Shawn's heart melts, I can tell he is heartbroken.
"I would adopt you in heartbeat. But it doesn't work like that. Your dad would have to say he didn't want you. And he would never do that."
"But what if something happened to Mommy?"
"Nothing is going to happen to me, baby."
"But what if it did."
"Then your dad and I would figure out what is the best thing for you. I promise you, I will never leave you."
She looks at Shawn and she looks at me. She then smiles at him and hugs him. Shawn is still a little shocked by the conversation. Ellie gets down off of her seat and says she is going to get dressed. Shawn and I both sit in silence. I look over and Shawn is trying not to cry.
"This is why I didn't want her to know about my childhood." He says softly. "This is why I want Noah to be in her life."
"Honey, she is going to find out and she has questions."
After a long pause Shawn asks "What if something did happen to you? I cannot lose her too."
I walk over and hug him. He starts to cry in my shoulder. Shawn is not a cryer, so I know he is really upset. "I will talk to my lawyer and find out what we can do. Noah is not going to give up custody but I am also pretty sure that he wouldn't want to have her full time. Especially since you will have her sister or brother."
"I had never thought about it before, until right now."
"Shawn, nothing is going to happen to me. I am not going to leave and Ellie is not going to leave you. I promise you." Shawn's abandonment issues had always been hard for him to verbalize. They were deep and very well-worn into his psyche. He tries to play it off, but sometimes it hits him full force. "We are adults now and those things in our childhood that hurt us, we can stop. We are not our parents, and we don't have to repeat their mistakes. You need to remember that."
"I love you." He kisses me.
"We should probably get dressed and finish shopping." I stand up to quickly and get a head rush. Shawn jumps up next to me. "I'm fine, just stood up too fast."
