AN: Ok, folks, here is the first part of Chapter 6, this one is the longest that I have written to date. That is why I'm giving it to you in parts. So now it's up to you and your reviews how fast I can get to part 2. Buaaahahahaha, I'm evil I know, but your comments are the ones that have feed my muse and we don't want her to turn into sleeping beauty and leave us all high and dry (yes everyone, even me in the lurch, right?). Thanks to all those that have given me reviews and those who have read the story.

Note: I think it is possible that there may be some confusion with this chapter so I am adding a few lines to make it clearer. Thanks to GreysAnatLuver for pointing that out. 120409 12.19 am

Now, on with the show…

Don forget the big R's

Chapter 6 Ties that bind

I feel so at peace in this place. How could I forget what it was like here, to close my eyes and remember...

Olivia looked at her watch before knocking on the door, it was just after 7:00 p.m. and for a moment she hesitated. She didn't understand why she felt so nervous. For God's sake it was only a couple of days ago they had been snuggling on the sofa in her apartment and confessing how attracted they had been to each other. For her it had been a complete surprise that Alex had felt the same way. However, despite the fact that they had talked at length about their attraction and what they wanted; the secrets that she had in regards to herself and her origins caused her doubt. Secrets that Alex knew nothing about and that Olivia was not sure she could confess to her. Who was she after all? Just a simple detective and Alex, well she was a Cabot!

She breathed deeply and raised her hand to knock just as the door opened forcefully and she found herself with the reason for all her doubts.

"Liv!" Alex gasped, surprised to see the detective at her door.

"Good evening Counselor." Olivia said a bit embarrassed. "Are you going out?"

"Yes, I was going…" Suddenly she looked a little nervous, "I called the precinct and they told me you had just left. I was about to send you a text message to see if I could catch you."

"Well here I am did you need me for something?" She asked lowering the tone of her voice to nearly a whisper which caused Alex to shiver.

"Always." Alex responded looking right into her eyes, communicating with her eyes what Olivia needed to see to placate any doubts. God, you're beautiful, Alex thought.

"I'm glad." She smiled crookedly, that patent smile that always left the attorney breathless. "Would you like to go get something to drink?"

"I have a better idea, are you hungry?" Alex smiled and turned to lock the door.

"I'm famished, what do you suggest?" She was tempted to take the briefcase but she hesitated, it wouldn't be intelligent to act with chivalry and not raise suspicion. They had agreed that the best thing was to act normally since they worked together. And given the sensitivity of the cases they worked on there would be no lack of defense attorney's that would use that against them as a conflict of interest.

"My apartment, we can call in Thai." She looked at her from the corner of her eye.

"Great, let's go." She accepted happily.

******

The doorman knew Olivia, it had been at least a couple of weeks that she had visited Alex in her apartment regularly, so he didn't stop her when she passed by and said "Good Evening," despite the fact it was well past 12 a.m. He didn't question the reason for her late night visit. Olivia rang the elevator and in two minutes was at Alex's door. She ruffled her hair nervously. What was she doing? It's late she though. She was about to turn away when her cell vibrated startling her.

She hadn't answered it all afternoon, after speaking with Huang, she let Cragen know that she would be taking the rest of the afternoon off. The Captain did not object because he knew how difficult the Guan case had been for her. So after speaking with him she decided to take a walk and wonder around torturing herself with 'what if's.' If her mother hadn't borne her would her life be any different? If her father had been a rapist could that mean she could be too? If I'm the daughter of an alcoholic and a rapist what can I expect for the children I'm not sure I'll have.

This and a thousand other questions flooded her mind, questions without answers but that either way tormented her. She refused to answer her cell, the times she had looked at the caller ID and she saw it was Alex she would close her eyes in pain. Could it be possible that her genes could be a danger to the beautiful attorney? Elliot knew her to well to try to call her after she had made it very clear she did not want to talk about it. She knew he would try later but for now he left her be.

She checked the caller ID, Alex, without answering she waited for it to stop vibrating and knocked at the door. Alex was awake, she must be really worried, she didn't know what was going on, but she must suspect that something was wrong not only because she had not showed up for their lunch date at her office, but also because she wasn't answering her cell. And if she knew the attorney, she had probably called her at home and maybe even stopped by the apartment looking for her.

"Olivia!" Alex exclaimed when she opened the door. "Where have you been? Why haven't you answered your cell? Damn it Olivia!!!" she snapped. Alex's eyes were full of anger and relief at the same time if that were possible.

"Forgive me Alex, I…needed to think." She said against her neck as she hugged her. "This case has been very difficult for me. It touched on an open wound Alex, forgive me for scaring you."

"Do you have any idea how it felt not hearing from you, you wouldn't answer your phone, no one knew anything. Cragen told me you had taken off for the afternoon, but when I went looking for you at your apartment thinking you might be ill and I didn't find you…I waited for two hours Liv! I thought…" her voice caught in her throat at the very thought.

"No Alex, no, it was my fault, I was just feeling overwhelmed with everything that happened. Don't think like that sweetheart. Never, don't!" She pressed herself against Alex in search of warmth for her aching soul..

"I don't understand Liv." She looked at her questioningly. "I know it was a difficult case, all the cases we face day to day are."

Olivia sighed and took her hand. They were still standing at the door. Anyone could have heard them.

"Come," she closed the door and led Alex by the hand to the sofa.

Olivia waited for Alex to sit and began to pace back and forth searching for the right words.

"I…this case Alex was very hard for me." She looked up blowing out a breath of air; there was no way to say it without feeling some pain. "My mother was raped in 1967, they never found the perp." She blurted out.

Alex stared at her and her agile attorney's mind did a quick calculation, Oh, God…Olivia was born in…

"I'm a result of that rape Alex. Do you understand? I'm like Darrell Guan, my father rapped my mother just like Starnes did to Darrel's mother."

"Olivia Benson, you listen to me." Alex jumped, "You are not like Guan, don't even dare think it, for God's sake Liv, you are the sweetest and strongest woman that I've ever known. You have dedicated you life to protect victims Liv, how can you believe something so stupid?

"But, How I know that it is?" Olivia almost yelled anguished. "How? I'm violent and I can lose my head easily! How can I say I'm not some psycho and that I might not explode one day and hurt someone innocent in my blind fury. I have damaged genes!"

"Liv are you listening to what you are saying?" Alex incredulously exclaimed. "Olivia you are not and you will never be like your father damn it! You shouldn't even call him father, it was just a simple sperm donor and that's it." She added. "You are an incredible woman Olivia Benson. It's true that genetics account for something but we can also be grateful to your father that you are here. You are a marvelous gentle soul and full of courage. Liv you are not and will never be like the man that caused your conception".

"But if I wasn't here my mother would be alive and perhaps she would never have drowned her problems in alcohol which finally killed her. Don't you see Alex, I'm…" her voice broke in defeat.

"You are a woman full of love and compassion, you are the woman I love Olivia Benson." She interrupted gently; Olivia sometimes needed to be told things in a straight forward and cold manner, but then at other times when she was feeling vulnerable and full of pain the best way to treat her was with kindness. Alex now understood the reason for this; despite the fact that Olivia was a good detective she had in certain situations a low opinion of herself because of her origins.

"You love me?" She said like a small child and looking incredibly surprised.

"Yes Liv, I love you." She smiled letting all that she felt for the detective show on her face.

"Good, because I love you too Alex, with all my broken down heart." She hugged her letting out a sigh of happiness. It wasn't exactly the way Olivia would have liked to confess that she was hopelessly in love with her, but what the hell.

"Don't say that love, there isn't anything broken down about you, maybe a little dented but not broken down, you are an incredible woman Liv. Don't let anyone tell you different." Not even you Alex thought.

***

Contrary to Olivia's normally tough and cynical attitude and despite the fact that she exuded a great deal of sensuality, she in reality had never felt anything for anyone as she felt for Alex Cabot. No one had ever been able to capture her heart like the attorney had done only with a look.

And no one would have ever imagined that Detective Olivia Benson would want to court Alex Cabot in the old fashion way even though they had already confessed their love to one other. Olivia had decided to do things the proper way and without rushing things. Olivia loved Alex and Alex loved her but that was no reason to give in to her basic instincts. Oh, she was dying to make love to Alex but when their busy schedules allowed them to spend anytime together Olivia would not allow things to go any further than kisses and petting much to the ADA's frustration. Alex and obviously Olivia had spent too many nights that had ended in cold showers in their own apartments.

Olivia wanted to court her girlfriend, she wanted with all her heart to conquest Alex with all the Little details, romantic evenings, rides in the park…She wanted to show the young attorney that she was worth her love and that she treasured every minute at her side. So Olivia began a campaign to romance her.

On occasion Alex would get to her office to find a rose waiting for her on her desk with a little note tied to the stem. Olivia never ever signed them but Alex didn't need to see the signature to know it was from Liv. For the attorney, a single rose meant more to her than a dozen of the most expensive floral arrangements. At moments like these Alex would feel her heart bursting with happiness. Olivia tended to do those little things that just swept her off her feet.

There were some days that were especially difficult, full of court cases that didn't allow time to go eat or take a break, and it would seem that Olivia had an especial radar for those days. Sometimes she was the one that would bring lunch and she would stay with her for lunch. It wasn't always easy due to the sensitive nature of their relationship; however, the detective never lost an opportunity to let the attorney know that she was in her thoughts.

It wasn't only the roses and the lunches, but sometimes she would also leave her candy or even poems in her office. On other occasions when Olivia had a case that would keep her awake all night she would appear at her door at six or seven in the morning with a coffee and a smile before heading home to change or rest a few hours if the case permitted, but not without first giving her a good morning kiss and leaving with a crooked smile that inevitably would leave the attorney breathless and would cause her to fall in love with the detective a little bit more each day. Olivia Benson was determined to conquest Alex over and over again, because having to learn to live without her was not what the detective was willing to live with again.

So it wasn't surprising that a month after having confessed her attraction and love for the attorney they still had not consumed the relationship physically. Perhaps the pessimist in Olivia, a part that was difficult to let go made her doubt, perhaps she thought that if Alex had time to get to know her well she would then decide that it wouldn't be worth it in the end. And with the crazy work hours and her passion for her profession Alex would get tired and would leave her with a broken heart and a life of loneliness and sadness. Or perhaps it was Olivia that wanted to have the relationship grow on a stable basis and not be clouded in the lust of a new love. The detective wanted to have everything with Alex, her present and her future.

The big day finally arrived. Olivia prepared everything meticulously for almost a week she had worked extra hours, covering shifts for Munch, Fin & Stabler so she could make sure that she would have a whole weekend free. She asked for Friday off so she could prepare everything for the weekend and made sure that Alex had the weekend off. Olivia was planning to show Alex how much she loved her in the most romantic way.

"Cabot." She answered tersely with a bit of impatience.

"If you don't want to answer the phone anymore Alex why did you?" Olivia asked playfully.

"Hey," her voice gentled immediately once she heard her girlfriends voice. "I suppose it's just habit, I was just packing up my briefcase."

"Alex, you promised me that you wouldn't work this weekend, remember?" she reminded her.

"Yes, I know but I need to take the court documents that will be starting on Monday so I can read them Sunday night."

Olivia was going to protest but held back, she doubted Alex wanted to or had the energy to read the file Sunday night, but… "Hmm, are you on your way out? I'm waiting for you." She lowered her voice to a sensual whisper that made Alex shiver and close her eyes in pure reflex.

"Yes." Suddenly her mouth was dry. Olivia had refused to say anything to her regarding the plans for the weekend. Nothing else mattered even if this meant she would spend the entire weekend locked away in the apartment with the delicious detective. "I'm on my way."

"Hurry up counselor, I'm waiting for you." She said hanging up.

Alex sighed deeply before setting the handset back down, she looked around to make sure that everything was in order and once again checked her briefcase. "Oh, what the hell!" She closed her briefcase, turned off the lights and locked the door. Alex had asked her friend Serena Southerlyn that in case it was necessary if she would cover for her. Serena only accepted after Alex promised to pay her back someday no matter what.

With hurried footsteps she left One Hogan Plaza and next thing was in a taxi on her way to her apartment, impatiently imagining what Liv could have planned for the weekend. She couldn't deny that the sexual tension between them had reached the breaking point. Alex was dying to make love to the woman she loved, all her being clamored for her, and nothing would make her happier than to finally consume their love in the most delicious way possible.

She was opening the door to her apartment when a pair of arms surrounded her from behind and a silky voice whispered in her ear. "That was fast counselor."

"Liv." She let the name escape with a slight gasp. "I thought you were waiting inside for me."

"Nope I was behind you." She gave her neck a soft kiss as she felt the attorney shiver. "Let's go inside you have to get ready or we'll be late."

"Get ready?" She asked a bit distracted, Olivia's slips on her neck were making it impossible to concentrate on anything that wasn't the sensations that the detective were causing.

"Yes, get ready, you and I have a date. Alone without ringing phones, without cases to attend to, we will forget the world Alex and it will only be two women in love." She promised.

Alex turned to capture the detectives lips in a hungry kiss that only caused the fires that had already been burning inside to ignite further. Olivia felt her body give into the assault, pressing Alex against her. When the attorney moaned against her and she pressed her thigh between Olivia's, she found herself fighting for control and ending the kiss against Alex's protests. "God, Alex." She leaned her forehead against the attorney's. "Come on or we'll be late."

Alex pulled away and nodded without a word, her eyes darkened with passion, Olivia just about ready to carry her to the bedroom. "Alex, please." She begged.

The attorney took a deep breath and made her way to her bedroom still feeling her breath catch and her legs shaky. She would have to shower before leaving, she could feel the desire that Olivia's single kiss had left damply on her underwear.

Olivia closed the door to the apartment and threw herself on the couch, she knew that if she followed Alex to her bedroom she wouldn't be able to control herself. "For God's sake, what you do to me Alex!" Olivia thought to herself still shaking from the kiss.

Finally after 20 minutes, Alex appeared in the hallway, her hair was damp from the quick shower. "Liv you haven't told me where we are going, I need to know so I can pick out what to wear."

"Oh." She raised her eyes and was left paralyzed. In front of her was Alex wrapped in a bathrobe. Alex's creamy skin was clearly visible and for a moment she forgot to breath. "Well…" She cleared her throat; the butterflies were having baby butterflies. "Formal," her voice raspy. "Elegant."

"Ok, I'll be out in a minute." Alex smiled delighted at the detective's reaction to her presence. Olivia's welcome when she got to her apartment had distracted her from noticing how Olivia was dressed. If it hadn't been for the nervousness she felt at the moment perhaps she would have noticed the elegant suit that the detective had on. Her athletic body clothed in a well tailored black pin striped suit, with a red silk shirt and well polished black shoes.

Olivia stood and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Her mouth was totally dry. These would be the longest three hours of her life!

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