Author's note: Thank you to everyone reading this story! :) Just a heads up: although the rating of the fic is T at the moment, it may (or may not) go up in later chapters.
I hope you enjoy this chapter!
He was feeling warm and safe. His eyes opened drowsily. After slowly getting used to the sunlight that filtered through the shutters, Obi-Wan's face materialized in front of him, just a few inches from his. He looked so relaxed... more than he'd seen him in a long, long time, even if he was at an awkward angle. Anakin smiled as he observed him.
They had fallen asleep in the couch. Sometime during the night (or sometime during the early morning hours...they must have fallen asleep at five or six) they had sprawled on the length of the couch and somehow managed to not disengage from their embrace. Anakin was the one closer to the edge of the couch, facing Obi-Wan, whose back was pressed against the back of the couch. One of his arms was around him, as if still trying to shield him from his suffering.
Were they like this that other time, when Anakin came to his home after freaking out the day of Padmé and mum's death anniversaries? He'd woken up in the couch alone, and he never gave any thought as to whether they had fallen asleep together, entangled in each other's arms, just as they were now. By the way, this meant that it was the second time Anakin had been a kriffing nuisance. I'm such a pain the ass.
He remembered how flustered he'd been back then, only a few weeks ago that now seemed far, far away. How mortified he'd felt after waking up. A bundle of nerves took up residence in his stomach, and didn't go away not even after he'd talked to him in the classroom. He faintly remembered the feeling of his cheeks heating up as he approached him when the class was over, the sweat in his hands, the sense of anticipation and apprehension as Obi-Wan slowly, too slowly, raised his head from the pile of exams, greeting him with a bright smile that drew the uneasiness away, just as that fluttery feeling returned to his stomach—
No. No, no, no, no, no. Just no.
His eyes opened widely. That kriffing clock chose that moment to make itself known once more, and of course it had to be twelve PM just then. Each obnoxious chime pounded in his ears, and they seemed to be mocking him, daring him to deny the epiphany he'd had just as the clock started its unwanted orchestra.
He wouldn't—couldn't— go in there.
He was an expert at hiding unwanted thoughts in the depth of his unconsciousness, under layers and layers of all the rotten shit that he chose to ignore for the sake of his sanity. And so he tried to do the same this time. But sometimes, sometimes thoughts resisted the suppression. How could one not think about something, when that thought had already begun to take shape, and the mere effort to not think about it constituted in itself a way of thinking about it? Shit, shit, shit.
This was absurd. He'd just learned less than twelve hours ago that he'd been a Jedi in another life, that his deceased girlfriend had been in fact his wife in that life — oh, my angel, I'm so sorry— and that his professor and friend had once been his Master, his best friend, and— for all intents and purposes— his brother! His life was enough complicated as it was without adding this, whatever this was, to the equation.
Get your shit together, Anakin.
His sweet, loving, perfect Padmé was dead. He was never to see her again, never to reminiscence together about their past joys, never to call her wife in this life. That dream was gone. And that, of course, did the trick: all other troubles paled in comparison. This unnameable beginning of a thought would never be elaborated: it would forever be kept inside his storehouse of memory, under lock and key, never to be rethought again.
Yes, Anakin thought resolutely, never again.
Upon gazing at gentle grey-blue eyes intermingled with green shades (and just when had he started noticing these things?) he realised that his friend was already awake. Even heavy-lidded as they were due to the fatigue, those eyes still bespoke of wisdom, still seemed to be holding the secrets of existence, no matter what life they were in.
His lips slowly curved in a familiar, amused grin, just as his index finger traced his cheekbone. "Hello there."
It was not fair. Two words and his heart was about to burst from happiness. Just a simple "hello there". That's all it takes.
What's worse, he could feel his skin burning just where Obi-Wan's fingertip was in contact with his cheekbone. The blush soon spread all over his face, so that in a matter of seconds he was more scarlet than the rug of the living-room, and he chose to ignore just why that may be, just as he did definitely not think about the reasons that might explain the tingling in his stomach as he gazed into those grey-blue-green-whatever eyes—
Not going there, remember, brain?
He tried to put some distance between them, and put some distance indeed, too much distance in fact: he forgot he was at the edge of the couch already.
"Ouch!"
"Anakin! Are you alright?"
He let out a groan, muffled by the rug—yes, he had fallen face-first on the floor, and he'd be damned if the day didn't look promising already.
"Awesome" he replied ironically as he sat up on the floor, sending an unimpressed glare towards Obi-Wan, who was looking at him with his eyebrows raised from where he was still lying on the couch. "I'm just awesome."
Obi-Wan's shoulders started to shake; it took Anakin a few seconds to realise that he was laughing. One more second to realise that he was laughing at him.
"Must you always be so clumsy?" he asked between chuckles.
"Excuse me? Need I remind you how many times I have saved your sorry ass? How many spaceships I managed to..."
"...crash in my presence?" he finished for him. "Oh, I dare say I remember too well." Obi-Wan smiled to himself. Good old banter. "One of the reasons I got so many grey hairs in that life prematurely, undoubtedly."
"Crash? Crash, you say? You're an ungrateful bast—"
"Mind your tongue, Anakin. As I conveniently pointed out yesterday, I'm still your teacher."
"Yeah" Anakin huffed, deeply amused in spite of himself. "I mean, poems? Really, Obi-Wan?"
He frowned at him. "Is that a problem? I'll let you know I already liked poetry back then."
"No way" Anakin looked at him sceptically. "Seriously? I would have never guessed. I always thought that poems and stuff like that could only be enjoyed by people more... well, you know, less cold." Although they were in jest, this last comment had struck a nerve, if Obi-Wan's lifeless gaze was anything to go by. He tried to cheer him up in the only way he knew how. "And don't blame my dexterous skills at piloting for your grey hairs. That was rather a consequence of you being an old man." Banter, it always came to that.
That did manage to cheer his friend up. He shook his head in fond exasperation. "I'm only twelve years older than you in this life, Anakin."
"Only?" he laughed. "Always the optimistic one!"
"And" he continued as if he hadn't heard him. "The absence of grey hairs in my head in this world, in which I haven't had to put up with you for so many years, proves that it was indeed your stressing behaviour the one at fault for that." He then grabbed a lock of his own hair and looked at it carefully. "Well, there might be some grey hairs now that I think about it—"
Anakin rolled his eyes before interrupting him. "Your hair is perfect, Obi-Wan."
For some reason, Anakin looked as if he wanted to kill himself after saying that. It hadn't escaped Obi-Wan how edgy his friend had woken up this morning. Last night we remembered our past lives, he reminded himself, a little edginess is certainly to be expected. Understatement of the year, Obi-Wan thought amused to himself.
"So" he said as he came close to the window, lifting the shutters to let the sunlight in. It was a sunny, splendid day, so unusual at this time of the year. He basked in the comfort and warm it provided as he continued speaking, "it wasn't a dream."
"No." Anakin sounded a mixture of amused and exasperated as he joined him in front of the window. "No dream. We're just crazy."
Obi-Wan let out a chuckle. "Speak for yourself" he joked as he tapped his shoulder lightly with his own.
"This is so weird, Obi-Wan" Anakin broke the silence after a few minutes. "I don't know what to do with my life now."
"The same thing you've always done, Anakin." He turned his head to look at his friend, a worried frown adorning his handsome features. "You are the same person you were one day ago."
"No, not the same" he corrected him. "And neither are you. I... I can't believe that that life is gone now, you know? I don't know how I'm supposed to go on with this life now!"
"But it's not like we are new to this, Anakin. We've had a life of our own here, after all."
"Yes, I know! But after having our memories back... I don't know, this is kriffing difficult."
"I know what you mean. It's a lot to take in for me too."
"Really? Then why do you seem so calm?"
"Well, I try. One of us has to keep a cool head, at least. And since you were never good at that..."
"Very funny" he deadpanned and then sighed. "Some things never change."
"Indeed" he bit back.
Anakin had still a lifeless gaze on him, looking at the window but not seeing. Obi-Wan caught his attention by putting his hands on his shoulders, looking at him with determination. "It's certainly going to take us time to adjust to this. Sometimes it won't be easy..." He gave him a heartfelt smile. "But we have each other to go through this. And that has always been enough for me."
Anakin gave a teary smile. "The Team, uh?"
"Just like the old times" he answered squeezing his shoulders lightly. "Only without our lightsabers, and..."
"... and without things trying to kill us every kriffing day?"
Both exchanged a chuckle. "Among other things, yes." When their chuckles died, he looked at him seriously. "I'm so glad and grateful to have you by my side in this life as well."
"Yeah, me too" Anakin answered in a weak voice.
After one last squeeze, Obi-Wan withdrew from his side.
"My goodness, look at the time. I better prepare some lunch, since breakfast is completely out of the question."
"Wait, Obi-Wan." The photograph in the coffee table caught his attention, and now it took on a whole different meaning. "I'm so sorry."
Obi-Wan's confused glance dissipated when he looked at the photograph of himself and Qui-Gon, his adoptive father in this life, and former Master in the other one. "It's alright."
"No, it's not! Here I was last night, complaining about my pathetic life, being consoled by you, who has the same right as me to complain about the unfairness of it all! You've lost a father figure twice, of course it's not alright, Obi-Wan!
"No, that is not alright. What I meant is that I have come to terms with it. And, frankly, I'm grateful that I got to spend more time with him in this life. We didn't always see eye to eye, of course, but our relationship wasn't as strained here as it was before, probably as a consequence of not having Jedi matters to disagree over. So I'm glad I got a second chance. I choose to look at it this way."
"I wish I could see things the way you do, Obi-Wan... I mean, I get what you mean, my brain gets what you mean, but my emotions can't catch up with it."
"It's only normal, Anakin. You got to spend more time with your mother here, true, but Padmé, well—" How careless of me? How could I bring that again, knowing all the pain it causes him? In some aspects, he was completely clueless.
"Go on, you can say it. I was robbed the chance of spending my whole life with her, as I was always supposed to do, if I hadn't listened to that green gnome—"
"Anakin!"
"Sorry, I got carried away. I know it wasn't his fault..." He ran his hand over his head, getting his hair all messed up. "It's just so frustrating." He shook his head. "So... how did he die? If you don't mind me asking."
"Illness took him away." His voice sounded more broken than he would have liked to. It's not that he minded Anakin seeing him at his most weak, not at all; but rather, he always strove hard to not be overcome by his emotions— remnants of his past life as a Jedi, undoubtedly. As he'd told his friend minutes ago, he always tried to keep a cool head, even when he was breaking on the inside. "I guess it's a better death than being stroke down by a Sith, uh?"
Anakin's eyes were sad as he looked at him. He knew him too well, so it was not surprising that he saw through his lame attempt at humour and nonchalance. He had enough tact not to comment anything, though.
A growl resonated amidst the silence in the room; Anakin's stomach was clearly of the opinion that his owner needed to eat something. Soon. This time, Obi-Wan's chuckle couldn't have been more honest.
"I better get started with lunch" he said between chuckles as his friend blushed, something that didn't happen very often. "A hungry Anakin is an insufferable Anakin. Even for your standards."
"Your sense of humour is hardly humorous!" he heard him saying as he disappeared into the kitchen.
"So" Obi-Wan said as they were eating, "today is like a new beginning, so to speak. What do you want to do?"
"What?" he asked confused. "Nothing has really changed, you said it yourself before."Of course he would remember that, Obi-Wan thought exasperated.
"Not essentially, no. But, symbolically, we could see it as the day of the awakening."
Anakin huffed. "You read far too many novels."
"And" he kept on saying as if he hadn't heard him, "I believe it would be fitting to do something of symbolic significance. That might help you come to terms with all this—"
Anakin interrupted him. "Again, you read far too many novels" he said, and that was the end of it.
After lunch, Obi-Wan was correcting exams and essays in his desk while Anakin watched the TV, after Obi-Wan had assured him that the noise didn't distract him.
Well, the TV was on, but he was certainly not watching it. His mind was too occupied going over the recent events that had turned his life upside down. He turned his head from where he was sitting on the couch to look at the table where Obi-Wan was working, glasses on and an absolutely focused stance on his face. Every now and then he took one of his books to check something, then he would think about it as he brushed his beard (seriously, old habits never die) and afterwards he would continue with his corrections.
"Why are you staring at me?" he asked without lifting his gaze from his corrections.
Anakin shrugged his shoulders. "You amuse me."
"That is hardly reassuring."
He chuckled. "I was just thinking... this literature thing might suit you, after all. It's so fitting that you like all this nerdy stuff." Obi-Wan did look at him then, raising an eyebrow, unimpressed. That made him chuckle some more, lifting his hands in a gesture of peace. "I didn't mean it in a bad way! It's just... very you" he finished off with a kind smile. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes, muttering something along the lines of "the things I have to put up with" before he continued working.
After he'd finished, he picked up a book and started reading, the soft murmur of the TV a comfortable sound in the background. So immersed was he that he was startled when a throat clearing sounded near him— sometime during his reading, Anakin had approached him and sat down in the chair situated in front of him, in the same position they used to be when Obi-Wan explained something to him during their private lessons.
"Obi-Wan" he started hesitantly.
"Yes?" He closed the book and directed his whole attention to the young man in front of him, his expressive blue eyes looking back at him, deep with emotion and apprehension.
"I've been thinking."
"That's worrying."
"Again, not funny." His friend did look less nervous now, though. "I've been thinking a lot about what you said before... and there is something, somewhere I want—I need— to go, today more than ever. But I'd prefer it if I didn't go alone, so... could you come with me?"
Before he'd finished the sentence, before he'd even said just where he wanted to go, Obi-Wan was already on the corridor, buttoning his coat and throwing Anakin his leather jacket.
"Not coming with you was never an option. Let's go." He disappeared behind the door. Anakin, immensely grateful, took a deep breath as he put on his leather jacket, and he followed after him.
The iron gates creaked when they opened. The anticipation within him increased with every step he took, Obi-Wan a steady presence beside him. It was weird, being at a place like this in such a sunny, lively day, the birds' songs filling the silence among those who slept for eternity. Life and death put together; surely an expression Obi-Wan would have been proud of— the literature classes seemed to be paying off after all, who would have thought.
It'd been a while since he last visited the cemetery; after Padmé's death, it had just gotten harder and harder.
He visited his mother's grave first. The flowers he'd last brought had withered, and he felt a twinge of pain. He changed them for the ones he'd bought in a florist's nearby.
He prayed silently to himself; the letters "Shmi" carved in marble were slowly tearing down his heart. Twice now, he thought, I have lost you twice, mum.
His legs gave out; he kneeled before the grave, humbly, like a child asking for forgiveness, or guidance. And he talked to her in his mind.
What a mess, mum. What a fucking mess.
So, as you probably know by now, wherever your spirit is (because I like to think you are listening to me!) we had a past life. And we were slaves. And we had to work for Watto, too, that fucking bastard. Anakin sighed, reminding himself not to say so many swear words: his mother never liked it when he did that. And if he could honour her at this one thing, he was definitely going to.
I was so mad yesterday. I couldn't believe that I got you back in this life only to lose you once more! Yoda said that if I didn't take this chance, only bad things would lie ahead of me in that life...And yet here I am, at the cemetery, having lost you and her. You know, Padmé and I were married in that life. Yes, you heard right. Married, mum! That rule of no attachments was so stupid... it never made any sense to me. I managed to fool the Jedi! — well, that's not completely true. Obi-Wan suspected something, apparently. Oh, I introduce you to Obi-Wan; he's the one standing right beside me. He's a good man, mum. Both here and in the other life. I barely got to spend any time with Qui-Gon, and Obi-Wan took me as his apprentice after his death. Only because he promised Qui-Gon, he thought bitterly, remembering the words "pathetic life form" that, even across time and space, still managed to hurt as much as when he first heard them.
Anyways, even if I was a burden at the beginning (he never said as much, but I'm sure there were times he wished Qui-Gon had never found me)—and, Force, did that thought sting— he warmed up to me, eventually. I think. We were best friends, and comrades-in-arms; closer than brothers. We were even called The Team! And I'm so glad that he's my friend in this life too, mum. I don't think he can imagine just how glad and thankful I am. I remember having told you last time I visited you (almost three months ago... I'm so sorry) that he was a jerk, stiff, pompous— well, you get the idea. But we'd had a 'disagreement' that day. We had plenty of those, especially at the beginning. He has an ability to drive me mad— always had. In the other life, we fought a lot, too. I guess that our temperaments are very different, although deep down, we're very similar. Whatever, we soon forget about those fights (most of the times) and end up bantering as always. I think banter is our way of apologising, or even thanking each other without saying it. We were never good at sharing our feelings with each other (his fault, mostly).
But I was so surprised when he told me he'd known about Padmé and me, and he never said anything to the Council! I should have trusted him more, he's far more understanding than I thought. Of course, there are some things not even he would understand... Some secrets he could never share with him. Like what I did to those... monsters who, who—
And that was another memory, another kind of pain that he would never forget, that would always hurt as much as it did once. But they'd deserved it: the Tuskens, those abominations were no more than animals, and he slaughtered them like animals. He would never forget the weak state in which he found his mother, how she didn't even have the strength to tell him she loved him before she died in his arms.
But then why did he feel so guilty? Because you slaughtered them all, that's why, a voice inside his head reproached him. Even the children, and the women. Are you really better than them?
He shook his head, suddenly too aware of the fact that his friend was scarce centimetres away from him. If he knew... Anakin shivered. His companion must have misunderstood his uneasiness for sadness; he put his hand on his shoulder, trying to provide him comfort.
He would never tell him, in spite of the part of him that knew that nothing good ever came out of secrets.
Well, mum. I'm sorry for having come less frequently to visit you since Padmé's death. It's just that coming to this place... it was like agony. A reminder of all that I lost. Of the fact that I was alone, completely alone in this life. Nothing made sense to me anymore. But I don't want to worry you, mum. Things are not so terrible now... at least I have Ahsoka and Obi-Wan. I don't know what I'd do without them.
It is hard, knowing that I lost you twice. But I'll try to look at it like Obi-Wan... he's a wise man. He said, he said that at least I got to spend more time with you in this life. And that's true. We lost so much time when I left with the Jedi, and that is a thought that has always tormented me. Especially after your death... the first time. Many times I wondered if I did the right thing leaving you behind. But, at least here, you saw me grow, and I have so many happy memories of our time together. Those memories are a treasure for me, mum. So I'll try to look at it this way.
Well, I have to leave now. I promise I'll come back sooner than last time. Goodbye, mum. He fought against the humidity in his eyes. I love you.
They visited Padmé's grave afterwards. No sooner had Anakin seen the carving of her name and the poor state of the flowers than his resolve to appear collected crumbled. He ended up crying in the cold floor, kneeling before her tomb, utterly heartbroken. Obi-Wan's arms were around him before he knew it, and Anakin suspected that the twinge of guilt he felt was not solely due to the fact of not having come to see her sooner.
"I'm alright" he assured him in a broken voice as he disengaged from his embrace to kneel down before Padmé once more, talking to her in his mind just as he'd done with his mother, replacing the old bunch of flowers for a new one.
Oh, angel. I don't—I don't even know what to say.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I... If I'd known you would die in this life, I would've never, never taken the chance that the Force gave me. Yoda said that something terrible would happen otherwise... but you know what, I don't care about that. Nothing could be worse than losing you. True, I don't know if you would have lived, nor what 'tragedy' he meant. But losing you, it's just... I don't think it can be any worse than this.
And to think that our last conversation in that life was an argument... Oh, Padmé, that just kills me. I'm sorry I was so edgy that day. The fact that I'd had a fight with Obi-Wan is no excuse.
And, oh love... you never knew we were married in another life. You died before you could remember. It's not fair, it's not fucking fair! I swear to you, if I could, I would do anything, anything to have you back, safe and sound.
But that can't be. We'll be forever apart.
I know I told you many times, and in many ways (oh, how many times you called me cheesy!), but, going back over all my memories, I keep thinking that I should have said it even more times. I love you. I love you so much. You were the light in my life, and it's been so lonely without you. And now it's when you would call me cheesy... damn, how I wished you were here to call me cheesy again.
He was about to say that she shouldn't worry, wherever she was, for at least he had Ahsoka and Obi-Wan to help him. But somehow the words (or rather, thoughts) didn't come out.
Goodbye, my angel. I love you. Never forget that.
He stood up and turned around, towards Obi-Wan, who was looking at the grave rather solemnly. It then struck to Anakin that he must be sad too; he had been friends with Padmé, after all. That thought warmed him. He didn't like it that his friend was feeling sad, of course, but it was heart-warming to know that his love had been admired by so many people. She truly was an angel.
Their gazes met.
"Are you alright, Anakin?"
He took a deep breath. "Yes" he answered. "I'm fine."
They left Padmé's grave behind, walking side by side, the sunlight warming their backs.
"I just received a message from Ahsoka" he said as they walked in the park after having left the cemetery. "God, I'd forgotten it was Saturday... we had planned to meet at eight o'clock."
"That's in two hours from now. Don't worry, you have plenty of time."
"Oh, thank you, 'Mr. Obvious'. I already know I have plenty of time. What I don't know is how I'm going to face her. She's going to notice there's something off with me... Do you think I should tell her?"
Obi-Wan fastened the scarf around his own neck. Now that it was darkening, the air had gotten very cold. "I don't know, do you think she deserves dying of a heart attack at her young age?" he replied in irony.
"Are you aware that I was going to tell you everything last night, before I had the faintest idea that you already remembered?"
"I always knew you were going to be the death of me" he answered jestingly. Anakin, offended, rolled his eyes and stopped walking, arms crossed in his chest, giving his back to him. "Now Anakin, don't be like that" he said approaching him, earning a frown from him. Always so easy to annoy, he thought fondly. "You know I didn't mean it. I'm really grateful, and honoured, that you were willing to tell me the truth, even at the risk of—"
"— Of you thinking that I was bonkers."
He smiled. "Yes, basically. I don't know how I would have reacted, to be honest. Who knows; maybe I would've believed you. Or maybe you would've made me remember... I guess we'll never know. The thing is, I understand why you came to me, believe me. I was utterly lost before you knocked on my door. I didn't know what to do. Just imagine, it was even more chaotic for me, as I had absolutely no idea of what was going on. But now we both know, and we have one another to try to make some sense of this. That is why I don't see it necessary to drag Ahsoka, or anyone else for that matter, into this madness. If it's shocking enough when one has their memories back, imagine just what it must be to be simply told about it."
"Yeah, you're right. I still think she deserves to know... but it's true we would be doing her more harm than good this way." He sighed. "Do you think she will remember?"
"Perhaps in her own time she will, just as it happened to us."
"And do you think the rest of the people will remember?"
"Anakin, I don't hold all the answers! I know as much as you do."
"So, literally nothing. Some Master you are."
"Well, technically, I'm not a Master anymore."
"But you're my teacher. Surely you should have some answers to my questions" he teased.
"I'm afraid the workings of past lives and alternate universes were not in the schedule of the university I attended."
Anakin chuckled, before giving a sigh "I hope she remembers, in time."
"Me too. By the way, I'd forgotten I had a work dinner tonight. It's going to be strange for me being around them too, now that I know I knew most of them."
"Wow, it'd be like the old times. A Jedi Council meeting in modern life." He huffed. "I don't envy you at all."
"I find it funny that even in this life you don't get on so well with Windu."
"It's not my fault! He has it in for me. As I said before: some things never change."
"Of course, it's never your fault, Anakin..."
They walked some more, admiring the fountains and the vegetation of the park.
"I guess it's time for us to go" Obi-Wan said after a while.
"Yeah" he answered distractedly, looking at the reddish leaves on the ground.
They stood in silence for a while, alone, the birds' songs and the splash of water in the fountain the only sounds between them. As he raised his gaze to look at him, Anakin realised that he wasn't prepared to part just yet. Right now, Obi-Wan was the only fixed thing in his life. His only anchor to reality.
But life never waited for him and, prepared or not, he would have to go.
"Try to have fun with Ahsoka. Don't worry about her noticing something's off with you today. How about you tell her you spent the day with me and we had a fight? I give you permission to insult me all that you want to make it look believable. Not that I'm assuming you don't usually criticise me without me knowing of it, of course."
"No, I will think of something else, or else she'll start getting the wrong idea." Or the right one, said an insidious, unwelcome, and completely wrong voice in the back of his mind that sneaked in his consciousness. Shut, shut up, shut up! He prayed to whatever deity who might be listening that his face didn't look as red as it felt.
"Well, don't worry, if she thinks you're acting weird today she will just attribute it to you being you."
"You know Obi-Wan, I thought it was impossible, but it turns out your sense of humour is even worse in this life. Whatever, I'll think of something. Try to have some fun in the dinner too. And don't listen to any bullshit Windu says about me. Whatever he says, it's not true."
"Do you really think us professors criticise our students when we're out?" Anakin just shrugged. "Well, you're not completely wrong" he said laughing. "Don't worry, Anakin, I'll stand up for you if that happens."
"Or maybe you'll take advantage of the situation to criticise me some more."
"Perhaps" he answered jestingly, feigning an enigmatic look. "I guess you'll never know."
After saying their goodbyes, they went on opposite directions, Anakin's apprehension growing with every step that took him away from him.
"You're really weird today, Skyguy, even for your standards" she said for the fifth time. "Care to share what's going on? And don't tell me some bullshit, you know I can tell when you lie."
His current friend and former Padawan (and former friend too) was always very perceptive, he thought proudly. Although, sometimes, this acuteness was more trouble than it was worth. This was one of those times.
"It's nothing, Ahsoka, I just... I went to the cemetery today." Yes, as he knew very well, it was way more effective to mask or distort a truth than to outright lie.
"Oh." She looked at him surprised and sympathetic. "I know it'd been a while since you last went. I'm sorry, if I knew I wouldn't have pestered you with questions."
"If you knew there wouldn't be any need for making questions, to begin with" he said amused.
"Ha, ha. Very not funny." She sighed before addressing him hesitantly. "And how are you feeling?"
"It was hard. I barely go there because I can't stand to be reminded of the fact that they're—" Emotion prevented him from finishing the sentence. Put yourself together. "But I've realised that hiding from it won't make the pain disappear. It's... I needed to do this. I needed to talk to them today." He laughed ironically. "However crazy that sounds."
"I'm so proud of you, Anakin." She smiled to him. "That was a huge step, don't underestimate yourself. I know it sounds cliché, but it will be less hard in time."
He highly doubted it. And if Ahsoka knew all he knew, maybe she would change her mind too. Still, he hoped with all his heart that his friend was right this time. There was only so much pain he could take.
There's only so much lack of sleep I can take, he thought to himself as he put on his slippers and was dragged out of bed by that obnoxious and familiar knocking. There's no need to be so loud. And much less so at four AM.
His suspicions (not so much suspicions as certainty) were confirmed when he opened the door.
"If this is going to become a habit, you better tell me so that I can change my sleeping patterns for your sake" he said ironically by way of salute.
"I'm sorry, Obi-Wan. I didn't want to bother you again, but when I was at home, alone, I started to brood on everything, and it was unbearable, I couldn't—"
"For God's sakes, Anakin, I was only joking!" he said incredulously. "Of course I don't mind you coming. In fact, I appreciate it. The loneliness was suffocating for me too. At least until I managed to fall asleep, barely an hour ago, before you woke me. Meaning, my chances of falling sleep again are very low."
Anakin tried to look serious. "I'm sorry."
"If you apologize once more I'll start getting really worried about your health." Anakin rolled his eyes. Obi-Wan leaned on the door and crossed his arms, amused. "By the way, you seemed pretty sure I would let you in, if that bag is anything to go by."
"Well, what can I say, you were never one to turn your back on your friends."
"Flattery never worked with me" he said raising one eyebrow, letting Anakin inside as the young man chuckled. "Come, I'll lead you to your room."
"My room? I thought you only had one bedroom."
"That's correct. I'll sleep in the couch—"
"No way!" he exclaimed before returning to the living-room. "I'll sleep on the couch."
"Don't be ridiculous, Anakin, you barely fit in there with how tall you are—"
"I don't care!" he said as he sat in the couch. "I'm intruding enough as it is. I'll sleep in the couch, end of the story."
Obi-Wan gave up. "You were always so stubborn."
Anakin smirked. "You know, Master, everything I learned, I learned from you."
"Oh, no, don't start with that nonsense, I'm begging you. If only..."
"... that were true" he finished for him imitating his voice.
"Indeed." He sighed. "Let me at least look for some covers for you."
"Great. I'll change in the meantime... where's the bathroom? I forgot again."
He pointed at the corridor. "Second door on the left."
In a few minutes, Anakin was already sprawled on the couch, cocooned by the blankets, his limbs too long for the length of it.
Obi-Wan gave him an exasperated smile from where he was standing near the wall, his fingers on the light switch.
"Goodnight, Anakin. Sleep well."
"Goodnight."
Just as the lights went off, Anakin felt the overpowering need inside him to say it. "Obi-Wan, wait. I... Thank you. For everything."
He could barely discern his silhouette among the shadows of the room, his pupils not yet used to the darkness.
"You're very welcome, Anakin" he heard him saying before his footsteps gradually disappeared towards his bedroom.
No sooner had he closed his eyes than he was immersed in a profound and hopefully dreamless sleep, the fatigue of the day finally taking over him.
The next day found him on the couch, studying for his next exam of mechanical engineering while Obi-Wan did his own work in his desk. It was a good thing he'd remembered to bring the book before he'd left for Obi-Wan's at 4 AM.
"You know, Obi-Wan" he said, amused. "I was just thinking about how unprofessional it would look to a stranger's eyes that you're correcting exams, mine included, all the while your student and friend is located in the same room as you, in your home no less."
"It would seem unprofessional at first sight, yes" he answered distractedly. "That thought would crumble, though, as soon as that stranger looked at this."
He raised an exam, full of corrections in red. The person who did the exam hadn't managed to pass, not by a mile. And of course, it was his exam.
"That bad, uh?" he asked disinterestedly.
"You should try to take this seriously, Anakin. I'm aware that this subject doesn't pertain to your degree, but you also have to remember that you need to pass it."
"As if I could ever forget, what with you repeating it at every hour..."
"Because I want you to do well! Trust me, I don't like to have to give you so low marks. But this is just terrible."
Anakin couldn't help chuckling. "Geez, Obi-Wan, don't sugar-coat it as much" he said in irony.
"Will you ever listen to me? Never mind, that was a rhetorical question. I understand that the last days you haven't had much time to study... but please, try to take this more seriously in the future."
"Yes, sir." He tried to stifle a laugh, a task which became much harder when he heard Obi-Wan saying "why do I even bother".
Time flew that afternoon, probably due to the fact that he enjoyed himself greatly watching movies with Obi-Wan and reminiscing about past anecdotes.
He didn't know what he would have done if he hadn't had Obi-Wan by his side that weekend. He wouldn't have been able to withstand the confusion and hurt unleashed by the awakening of his repressed memories. Everything was easier alongside Obi-Wan.
All good things must come to an end, though, as he knew very well.
"It's time for me to go" he said when the clock chimed eight. "Ugh, Obi-Wan, that clock is so annoying, I swear... Have you seen my book? Yeah, that one. Thank you."
Obi-Wan, always the chivalrous one, accompanied him to the door.
"I hate Sundays" Anakin blurted out. "This Sunday especially."
"It'll be alright, Anakin. It will take us some days to reconcile our everyday routine with our memories, but I'm sure everything will go back to normal in time."
"Right" he said sceptically as he pressed the button for the elevator. "Do you think you'll be able to survive without me?" he asked mockingly.
"Oh, sorry to disappoint you, Anakin," he replied with one raised eyebrow and an amused grin as he leant on the door, "I will thoroughly appreciate the silence and peace of mind."
"Sure, tell me that again in a couple of hours" he said as he entered the elevator. "It will get boring without me!" he shouted as the elevator door closed, laughing to himself as he imagined Obi-Wan's unimpressed stare.
Once in his own apartment, he started the routine of every Sunday evening. When he got to bed, an unsettling feeling of unreality took over him. He couldn't believe that tomorrow he would go to the university, just as every other Monday. Mostly, he couldn't believe that so many days had gone by without him knowing anything about his past life. It was surreal. At least, he thought, I should be grateful for having regained the memories. Needless to say he was immensely lucky Obi-Wan remembered everything as well.
His phone vibrated with a new message.
Obi-Wan: How are you doing?
Anakin: Not good. I still find this situation so hard to believe.
Obi-Wan: Trust me, I know how you feel. Don't worry. Remember, we have each other to go through this. If you're feeling bad tomorrow at the university and you need to talk, just look for me. I'll be with you as long as I don't have a class to give, of course.
Anakin: Thanks, Obi-Wan. I mean it. And it runs both ways. If you need anything, just look for me. Goodnight.
Obi-Wan: Goodnight, Anakin. Sleep well.
Obi-Wan: PD: It does get boring without you. Just a bit.
That elicited a chuckle from Anakin. Obi-Wan had always had a special ability to make him smile even at the hardest of times.
Anakin: I told you it would :P
He turned off the phone and stared at the ceiling in the dark. Tomorrow, the same old routine would return. Except, he thought, things would never be the same, not really. His life had changed, inevitably, with the awakening of his memories. Only time would tell if the change was for the better.
