Chapter 7: Behind Closed Doors
Anna reclined in her chair, trying to think of a conversation topic. Dean had picked the last topic that they had talked about so it was her turn. The elder Winchester was content to wait until she could come up with an idea. She palmed her features, trying to think of something to talk about. "I don't know! I don't know what you want me to say."
"Any thing. Whatever pops into that pretty little head of yours." Dean responded, taking a drink of his beer.
"You really think I'm pretty?" she asked looking down at her strawberry milkshake. Her cheeks flushing a shade of crimson.
Dean cracked his signature pick up smile. "You know that's not really much of a topic. Everyone with eyes can clearly see that you're beautiful."
Anna laughed, "You're just saying that. Big liar. Hm. Okay, okay, okay, describe your perfect day. Doesn't matter what you want to do, doesn't matter who you're with dead, alive, misplaced. Anyone can be there and you can be doing absolutely anything."
This time it was Dean's turn to recline in his chair, putting both his arms up on the booth. He sighed, trying to think about it. That was a tough question, "That's hard. That's a really tough question. I mean... Jeez. Well I guess... I would wake up around noon. Smell something downstairs, I would get up to check and mom would be there. She'd be making pancakes and bacon. She made the best freaking bacon. Then Sam would come running in the room, start harassing me about the fact that I didn't get up early enough."
"Early enough for what?" Anna asked, leaning forward on the table.
"Well, it would be Christmas morning. Mom never got me up and Christmas- always let me sleep in. Dad would be sitting on the couch, reading the paper like he did every morning. He wouldn't have much to say- in fact he wouldn't even be smiling. That is until mom brought him breakfast, then he'd start grinning from ear to ear. We'd all sit around the family room- some of us eating and some of us not- then we would pass around gifts. We never really got that much for Christmas but that wasn't the point."
"After we got done opening gifts, dad would go outside to do the driveway because of course we would be snowed in. Mom would be cleaning up breakfast because that's what she does. Then Sam, being the little kid that he was would ask me to go outside. After much harassing from my little brother, I would agree and we'd go outside. We'd screw up dad's work by having a snow ball fight across the driveway. Eventually he'd get pissed and jump on my side and start helping me. Then we'd be beating Sam until Bobby showed up and jumped on Sam's side."
"Whose Bobby?" Anna asked.
Dean laughed, realizing that Anna hadn't been around for very long. "He's my uncle... I mean he's not really. But he's always been 'uncle Bobby' to me. Anyways, he'd show up and jump on Sam's side to even things out. Until Ellen and Jo showed up. Ellen would go up to the house, telling us that we were immature idiots. Then Jo would jump on Sam's side because she would just love to get to throw a snowball at my head." Dean smiled, "In fact nothing would bring her more pleasure then to pelt me with a huge ball of snow."
Anna blinked. "But then you and your dad would be outnumbered again!"
"Yeah, until your brother got his ass over there. He would be completely useless- seriously I can't see him understanding the point of a snowball fight-"
"No he really doesn't. Though he has been in quite a few. The first snow when we where little kids, my family and Balthazar's family would get together and all of us would have a snow ball fight. There was Lucifer's team and then there was Micheal's team and we would work against one another. Cas was never good but he always had a lot of fun." Anna reminisced. Dean smiled, he was glad to know that he knew Castiel well enough to make an educated guess and be correct.
"So we'd probably end up tying, mostly so that me and Sam could argue about who won for weeks. It would be, highly entertaining. We'd go inside, Bobby and my dad would watch a game on TV and mom, Jo, Ellen, and Sam. Aka the ladies of the house, would work on making a nice Christmas dinner."
Anna raised an eyebrow. "So you and my brother would be doing...?"
"Ah, not much. Just hanging out for a while. Then after that, we'd all sit down and eat. The food would be fantastic, except whatever Jo cooked- that would be burnt. We'd all make a point to harass her about it- because we love her. It would keep snowing and we'd all end up snowed in. So all of us would just chill at our house, probably playing card games and other stuff. And... I guess... that would be my perfect day." Dean finished, leaning forward. Anna smiled happily, stirring her milk shake with a straw.
"See for most people their perfect day would be going out and doing something crazy. Going to a show, a concert, or something. Yours is just spending it with people you consider family." Anna laughed.
"Well, I guess. Yeah. I'm sorry if that makes you bored." Dean responded.
"No, no. It's just not your run of the mill answer. Though, I can't help but notice I'm not a part of this wonderful day. Which is a shame..."
"Hey, hey. Nothing personal but you gotta earn your spot in my perfect day." Dean said with a laugh. "These things take time."
"Fine." Anna returned, pretending to be hurt. Dean gave a small smirk.
"Don't be like that." Dean whined. Anna laughed, throwing a salt packet at Dean. "Hey!"
"I'll be right back I'm gonna go to the bathroom." Anna smiled, standing up. Dean nodded and watched as she strode for the ladies room. Then he noticed something peculiar, the table next to the bathrooms...
There was that kid that he had seen in the diner quiet a few times. The boy with the dirty blonde hair and the blue eyes. Dean glanced around, then climbed out of his seat sitting in the booth with the kid. He looked up, looking utterly surprised. "Uh- uh... h- hello." he stammered.
"I notice I seem to be seeing you around quite a lot lately. Any reason that may be?" Dean asked, looking the boy in the eye. Dean Winchester believed in many things but coincidence was not one of them. It was easy enough to run into one person repeatedly at one place. Yet, to run into the same person at more then one place? That's when things seemed to get fishy.
The boy recoiled a little as if he had just seen something awful. His cheeks flushing a pale pink- Dean leaned forward a little more. Then the boy sighed, "Just... coincidence-"
"Don't believe in coincidence." Dean said cutting him off.
"The lord works in-"
"You say mysterious ways and so help me god."
"Would you believe that it was an accident?" the boy asked.
"No." Dean returned. "No I wouldn't. Now tell me who are you. You've been following me around, why." Dean didn't ask a question, it was a demand.
"Okay, okay- relax. I'm a friend of Castiel's... I was asked to watch over you..." the boy replied. "Now if you don't mind... you're going to blow my cover. So go."
Dean glanced around, checking to see if Anna was back yet- she wasn't. He stared back at the young boy. "One more question, can you get a message to Castiel?"
"I guess. Probably, yeah." the boy answered. Dean whipped out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it, then handed it over to the boy. Then he rose to his feet and started to walk away before he turned back quickly.
"Do me a favor? Don't read it." Dean finished walking back to his table and sitting down. The boy merely shoved the paper in his pocket without reading it. It's a good thing that Dean sat down when he did because Anna came out shortly there after.
"I'm back." Anna smiled, sitting down on the same side as Dean. "So say... we've been here for like an hour. Why don't we go for a walk or something?"
"In the middle of October?" Dean asked.
"Yup. Well, provided the pneumonia is better. You know, if your feeling up to it. We could go to the park and swing or something..." Anna smiled.
"What is it with you Miltons and swinging?" Dean mumbled. Anna turned quickly and cocked her head to the side looking confused. "Ah... nothing. Come on, let's go."
"Your ability to pick topics out of thin air is most impressive."
"Personally I think ninjas would kick pirate's asses any day of the week." Anna decided as she swung higher. "I mean they are trained, killing, professionals. They are meant to kill people- plus pirates are drunk. Its hard to defend yourself from an assassin period. Good luck, trying to defend yourself when you're drunk."
"What?" Dean cried, "No way. One on one maybe, but when they are all grouped together pirates would kick ninja's asses. Ninjas can't work in teams."
"You're crazy Dean Winchester. You are absolutely insane." Anna answered. Dean laughed out loud even though the October air was a little hard on his lungs. He didn't care he was enjoying himself. Anna threw her head back hanging as far back as possible without falling off the swing. Dean watched as Anna's hair flew behind her in the wind. "So Dean, did you used to swing when you were little."
"I dunno. I just kinda do it. Did you used to swing a lot when you were a kid?"
"Hell yeah. What about you? Did ye swing when ye were just a wee lass?" Dean asked imitating a pirate's speech.
"No. Not very often. That's why I enjoy it so much now."
Anna rolled her eyes, "I'd talk like a ninja, except I don't know how. Uh... yeah I did. I loved swinging so high. I loved pretending that I could fly and jumping off."
"You were deprived, your parents should be ashamed."
Dean laughed a little, though he didn't really mean it. A soft sadness fluttered in his chest and he looked at the ground. "How come you never took your brother to the park?" Anna glanced over looking confused. "Well... uh... Cas told me once that he didn't swing a whole lot when he was a kid. But you say that you swung a lot. So how come you never took him to swing?"
"Oh. Well... I dunno... I guess it's cause- I always wanted to be distanced from my family. Michael and Lucifer where always fighting about something. Gabe never wanted anything to do with it, unless they were picking on Cas and then he immediately jumped in to protect him. Castiel was always so quiet about everything. I mean he never asked me for anything. He never said anything."
"For a long time we actually thought that Cas might be mute. See, one of the characteristics of autism is trouble with communication. Castiel didn't speak until he was four years old- he knew how but he just didn't. And even after he spoke for the first time, he didn't become a chatter box. If he did talk, it was to himself when he thought no one was listening." Anna paused to remember what point she was trying to make. "So after mom died, Castiel went back to being mute for a long time. The only time he would speak was when Lucifer demanded that he did. I think he only really did that because he was afraid..."
"Anyway, I guess I never really interacted with Castiel because he never talked to me... I never knew what to say to him. Or really even how to communicate with him period." Anna finished, looking thoughtful. Dean nodded.
"So if you knew that these horrible things were happening to your brother because of Lucifer why didn't you ever do anything for him?" Dean questioned.
Anna shrugged her shoulders, "I guess I was too afraid. I mean what if I helped him and Lucifer came after me? Selfish, I know, but I was just a kid and I didn't know how I could help. I didn't know what to do. I mean there's no manual for this kind of thing. There's no 'how to stop your brother from being a psychopath for dummies' book. Lucifer did horrible things to Castiel. He harassed him, victimized him everywhere that he went, beat him, god knows what else. But I was also Lucifer's little sister... The same thing could have happened to me. So I stayed out of it because I didn't want my life to be hell."
"He wants to make my life hell. You know why?
Because I was born. I shouldn't be here.
I should be dead. So go ahead, tell me how I'm selfish,
tell me to get out. You wouldn't be the first person to reject me.
I'm sure you won't be the last. Like I said, I'm bad luck, I'm bad news."
Dean slowed his swing to a stop, thinking about how broken he had seen Castiel. Castiel never talked about what actually happened to him. He always just said that his brother was terribly evil and wanted to terrorize him. Now that Dean thought about it- he had no idea what actually happened to Castiel as a child. Just that his brother was abusive.
"Anna. What exactly did Lucifer do to Castiel?" Dean asked slowly. He wasn't really sure that he wanted to know but at the same time he did want to know. He guessed it might help him to understand Cas better, maybe see the real reason that Castiel never let anyone in. Understand why he was so damn afraid of everything and everyone.
Anna sighed, "You really don't want to know... I don't know if I can even tell you. I don't know if I know everything that went on behind closed doors."
"Well, what do you know?" Dean asked.
"Well... he would scream at him. Lucifer screamed at all of us- though for us we didn't believe him. Castiel was so young though... it was much easier for Lucifer to make an imprint in his head. He called Castiel every insult in the book, told him how worthless he was. How no one would ever care about him. How he was a nothing and would never be anything more then a piece of grime on his shoe. A bug on the windshield, that kind of stuff. But a lot of the times he would end his rants by telling Castiel that he loved him. That he would always be there to protect him, always be watching him."
"Why? Why tear someone down just to tell them that you love them?" Dean asked.
"I dunno. You're asking me to get into the mind of a psychopath. That's not exactly that easy. If I had to guess though, Lucifer liked to tear down Castiel's mind. He deeply enjoyed ruining any type of positive thought that Cas had- but at the end he would go back and put into his mind that he loved him so much. I think it created a sense of confusion and even more chaos. I mean imagine having every reservation you have being tossed aside. Imagine thinking the absolute worst of yourself and then being told that one person- who torments you daily loves you. It creates absolute anarchy in your head. I mean, you are supposed to care about this person who won't stop hurting you. It's such a conflict in your head." Anna speculated, swinging higher.
Dean paused to think about that. What would it be like to have absolutely no self esteem and loath everything that made you who you were. Then to be told that one person loves you dearly, only to have them turn around and torture you. Even the idea of such a thing made him uncomfortable.
"As far as physical abuse goes I don't know what all went on. I know that Lucifer beat him and cut him. He put bugs in his food a few times, which made Cas starve himself for weeks at a time. I remember that Gabe had to beg Castiel to eat a lot of the time. Sometimes Lucifer would wake Castiel up with alarms that would keep him up for days at a time. Plus Cas already had a huge issue sleeping because of nightmares and night terrors."
Dean interrupted quietly, "How did he even live through that? I mean how does a person live through barely sleeping and eating for weeks at a time- along with crippling self esteem issues and terrible self-loathing?"
"I have no idea." Anna replied simply. "I mean... he was ill a lot and I mean A LOT."
"This is my fault. If I had just told you,
then you could have protected Mary.
Part of me thinks that this was also a punishment for me...
To remind me that no matter where I go,
no matter what I do, no matter who I love.
I am always putting other people in danger
and he will always be there that fallen angel on my
shoulder."
"And you never did anything to help him?" Dean asked slowly.
Anna stopped swinging, "Like I said, I was young. I didn't know what to do to save him. I didn't know how I could help him. I was afraid to get in Lucifer's way. I didn't want to get hurt."
"I guess..." Dean trailed.
"You blame me, don't you?" Anna asked.
"No. No. I really don't. Still, I should be heading home." Dean answered. "I gotta make sure that Sam got home after storming out on me."
"Alright. Later." Anna replied, Dean smiled and started to walk away. Then Anna called after him, "Hey, we should do it again sometime."
Dean turned back, "Hell yeah. See you."
Anna waited until Dean was out of ear shot before flipping her cell phone open. She dialed quickly and waited as the phone rang. "Hello?" a familiar voice rang over then phone. At least it was familiar to Anna. She smiled upon hearing him.
"Hey. It's me."
"Anna. Hey. What did you learn?" the voice asked.
"That we were right. Castiel has been taken by Lucifer. Shocker there. Now he's working for Lucifer, at least according to Gabriel. Though he and Balthazar don't seem to know much, apparently Cas hasn't talked to them in months. I think he's trying to keep them as far away from everything as possible. Probably an offhanded attempt at keeping them safe." Anna answered.
"Good, good. I'm glad that not everyone is involved. Though it's a shame that Lucifer has his grip on Castiel. Anything else?"
"Castiel is working for Lucifer for a reason. The Winchester boys. They're two local boys in town here. Apparently their father had some kind of involvement with Lucifer, I'm fuzzy on the details. Still it ended up being that he kidnapped the younger brother and Castiel offered himself up to save the younger brother. Also... I'm not sure but I think dear little Castiel has a thing for the elder Winchester." Anna said pacing in a circle around the playground.
"Castiel having a crush on anyone is way out of the question. There's no way your information is right. He's not the romance type." the voice argued.
"I'm telling you, he's got a thing for the older one. At the very least the older one has a thing for him. Even if he's way to stubborn to admit it." Anna returned.
"Castiel doesn't know how to care. Lucifer stripped that of him."
"He's become a very different person since you last saw him."
"Fine. You need to be sure. We can't afford to take risks, if this Dean character is his weakness we need to know. So be sure, get them together. I don't care how, but you have to be one hundred percent sure. Not just a hunch. Not what you pick up. We can't afford to be sloppy or Lucifer will catch wind of us. Understand?"
Anna sighed, "I understand but how am I gonna get them together? How am I gonna be able to see? I mean I'm not really seeing options here."
"I don't care how you do it, just do it." the voice snapped clicking off the phone. Anna sighed.
"Understood."
Ah. The plot thickens.
Haha. It's funny because in 'Worker Bee' chapter 7 was also about a phone conversation. Except this one wasn't overheard by a curious Castiel. This chapter is short. I'm sorry for that but this chapter really wasn't intended to be that long. It's pretty short, sweet, and to the point. Well maybe not to the point exactly... I think this chapter should be the chapter that makes you ask questions. We also get some more insight into Castiel, I mean, Dean didn't really know that much about Castiel's past. We as readers knew but Dean only knows so much. He's just trying to get the story straight.
So ask questions.
And I'll laugh because you don't know the answer. And I mean that in the most loving way.
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