This nice, long chapter is my thank you to those of you who have been reading all my updates and patiently waited for the short chapter I released last time. :) Again, thank you.
The knock on the door to signal dawn startled me from my deep sleep, and I gripped on to what my arms had been wrapped around; which just so happened to be Farkas. Panicked, I lay still hoping maybe he wouldn't have noticed that I was now hugging him rather tightly. I released the air my lungs had been holding on to when I heard him let out a solitary snore. He was on his back, with his far arm raised over his head and the other wrapped around me. I had awakened with my head resting on his chest and my arms snug around his torso. I didn't remember moving into this position; or falling asleep for that matter. The beating of his heart was soothing and I soon found myself drifting back into unconsciousness.
My mind wandered as I thought about the events from the past few weeks that had led me to sharing a bed with this unusual man. He was so kind, from the first moment I met him and I found myself loving him for it. He was warm and inviting, but didn't expect me to be anyone but myself. He was simple and you could tell everything you saw was what he was, there was no trickery or manipulation like I had grown accustom to with men. Most of the men I had known would come see me because they wanted their needs met, not because they cared for me in anyway and here this man shared a bed with me and worried more about my warmth than anything else.
I thought of his words that filled the room the night before.
"Here, I can keep you warm."
My cheeks grew warm with blush. I was sure he had said something else, but I couldn't remember it through my muddled memories of the night before.
Again I felt myself being pulled from sleep, but this time it was from movement coming from beside me. I pretended to be asleep, maybe I could be spared the embarrassment of being found hugging him if he thought I had done it in my sleep. I felt his arm tighten around my shoulders.
"Dyre." He whispered and shook my shoulders lightly. "It's a little after dawn."
"Mmmm..." I kept my eyes closed.
"Do you want to get up?"
"Mmm…" I grumbled. To be honest, I had no desire to move. I was warm and comfortable; two things that had alluded me for a long time. "Not really." My voice croaked.
I could feel him chuckle. "We can keep sleeping if you'd like." He ran his fingers along my arm. "This is very nice."
"Yes." I agreed.
"Okay." He gave my shoulders a little squeeze. "We aren't in a hurry to get anywhere."
I responded by sighing.
"You know," He stopped moving his fingers along my arm. "I meant what I said last night."
"What?" I still couldn't remember what he had said.
"You are beautiful."
"You are beautiful."
My eyes snapped open. I remembered him saying it now; I thought I had dreamed that. I looked up to see him staring at me. "I, uh…" I wasn't sure what to say. The only time I was ever called beautiful was in the middle of some married man's passion while he was on top of me. "I thought I had dreamed that." I wanted to be honest with this man, he had been nothing but truthful with me.
He chuckled again. "You didn't." He began to move his fingers again. "I thought I had dreamed this."
I smiled. "You didn't."
Farkas and I stood outside of Dustman's Cairn.
"I don't understand." I confessed to him. "Why do I need to undergo a trial?"
"So that we can officially name you a Companion." He patted me on the back. "You'll be fine, it's a simple retrieval mission."
"Okay." I forced a smile. "I am just glad I don't have to do it alone. These ruins creep me out."
"We all have things that creep us out." He smiled at me. "I promise you're not alone in that."
We entered the first room of the crypt and there were obvious signs that someone had been there.
"It looks like someone has been digging." Farkas looked at me a little worried. "We need to keep a sharp eye out."
I nodded and pulled my bow out. I placed an arrow so I would be ready if the need arose. We made our way through the adjoining room and quickly took out the Draugr that were there. "I hate those things." I said, kicking one of the husk-like bodies. "They're so… blech." I shuddered as I said the last word. Farkas chuckled.
We entered a large, open room with stairs that led to a lower level. Farkas put his sword away. "The tunnel is blocked by a gate, we'll have to find the lever on this side that triggers it."
I nodded and began to make my way around the room while he looked at some books left out on a table. It wasn't long before I saw the lever in a small connected room. I slung my bow over my shoulder and placed my hand on the lever. "Farkas!" I called, beginning to pull on the lever. "I think I found…" I was cut off by the sound of a gate sliding shut, not open. I swung around to see that I had locked myself into the small room.
Farkas laughed and walked over to the gate. "What did you get yourself into?" He smiled at me.
"I thought it was for the other gate." I shrugged. "Sorry."
"It's okay. Let me see if I can find the release lever for you."
"Thank you…" I trailed off; I had seen someone enter the room behind Farkas. My mouth fell open as more of them followed. "Farkas…" I pointed at the people who were encircling him.
"It's time to die dog!" One of them yelled as they closed in around him.
"Which one is he?" A woman asked.
"It doesn't matter; he's wearing their armor, so he dies." Another sneered.
I ran to the gate and reached for him. "No!" I yelled. I had never felt so helpless. They were forcing him back against the gate and there was nothing I could do. "Farkas!"
"Killing you will be an excellent story." The woman mocked.
"None of you will be alive to tell it." Farkas growled.
He hunched down in the dirt and the air around him began to shimmer. At first I thought he was casting a spell but I could hear his bones breaking and the growl that was rising in his chest was inhuman. I backed away from the gate and stared as I watched his arms and legs elongate and fur sprout from all over his body. It seemed like forever, but it must have only been a few seconds before Farkas was no longer standing before this group of warriors, he had been replaced by a giant wolf.
It lifted its muzzle and howled; the eerie sound echoed off the stone walls of the crypt and filled the halls. I backed myself up against the back wall of the cell I was locked in and slid to the ground. I planted my hands over my ears and with tears streaming down my face I watched as it ripped them all to shreds. It turned to look at me in the cell and I felt my chest tighten, I couldn't breathe. It's yellow eyes burned into me and the same fear that had struck me in the tower snuck into my mind now. 'Run!' It told me. 'Run now!' But I couldn't. There was nowhere to run to, I was locked in this room. The beast looked around the large room outside of my cell and soon lumbered off to the corridor the warriors had come from.
When the gate closing me in the cell opened I began to shake with fear that the animal would come back and kill me too. I began to sob when Farkas appeared in the large room.
His face contorted with an almost physical pain when he saw me. "Dyre." He breathed and came towards me.
I felt like a child, sobbing in a corner when he crouched beside me I all but threw myself at him. He wrapped his arms around me and rubbed my back. "I am so sorry you had to find out like that." I don't know how long we sat there while I sobbed and he held me.
After I had calmed down I pulled away from him and wiped my eyes. "What was that?"
"It's a gift given to some of us, so we can become as fearsome as wild beasts." He pushed some of my hair behind my ear. "I am a werewolf."
It was so much to take in. Here he was, this wonderful, kind-hearted man who could become like a wild animal and I wasn't sure how to handle it. I reached for his face and let my fingers rest on his cheek.
"It's still me, Dyre. When I change, I am still me inside."
I nodded. I was beginning to shiver.
"We need to finish here, Skjor wouldn't take kindly to us coming back empty handed." He cupped my face in his hands. "We will talk about this more later, I promise"
I nodded again. He stood and reached out his hand to me. I smiled weakly and took it.
"Now." He turned around. "We need to find my armor."
We sat in the open field just west of Whiterun. The previous day's events had been given time to settle in my mind and I knew that Farkas had risked the closeness that was growing between us by showing me what he had in Dustman's Cairn. The initial shock had raised doubts in my mind about his trust worthiness, but as I watched him stand before the Circle and told them of my courage and valor.
"I would stand at her back, that the world might never overtake us." He proclaimed.
"Let her heart beat with ours, that the mountains may echo and our enemies may tremble at the call." Kodlak announced.
I was officially a Companion. I had a home, a family and a duty. The thrill of having somewhere to call my own had pushed aside any fear I had been feeling. Why would I think these people would treat me any different now that I knew their secret? They had taken me in when I had nowhere to go and given me work when I needed coin. They had proven themselves to me as I had proven myself to them.
"I don't know what to say." Farkas broke the silence. "You haven't spoken to me since you saw."
I hadn't. I just needed time to process everything, and by the time I had gotten over my initial fear I began to feel guilty. He had a secret he had kept from me, but I had a mountain's worth of secrets I had kept from him. He knew nothing of my past, of the terrible things I had done in the darkness of night. I began to realize that I didn't deserve the attention and affection of such a kind man. I could see how my silence hurt him, and I didn't want to think of how sharing my past with him would make him see me, but I knew it was only fair. He had shared himself with me and I needed to return the favor.
"I know." I replied. "And it's not you." I toed the dirt, unwilling to make eye contact with him. "I have come to terms with what you are, and honestly it doesn't change anything. You, The Companions, everyone who lives at Jorrvaskr are my family now. I can't imagine where I would be without you."
"I must confess." He sighed. "I came out here expecting to be lectured for not telling you sooner."
"Farkas." I clenched my fists. "There are things that you don't know about me."
"Anything I need to know I will learn in time." He reached across the void between us and touched my shoulder. I pulled away and I could see the hurt return to his face. "Dyre. I don't understand, if you aren't upset about what happened in the crypt, what is bothering you?"
"My father died when I was very young." I began my story like I had rehearsed it over and over, preparing for this moment. "And my mother when I was only four summers."
"Dyre. You don't need to tell me anything you don't want to." He frowned.
"I need to Farkas." I finally looked him in the eye. "You need to understand who I am and where I come from before you say anything else."
He sighed. "Can I at least sit next to you?"
I nodded. When he had joined me on my rock I continued my story. "I only survived by begging when I was little. Once I was old enough I lived in the forest outside of the town I was born in. I learned to hunt and care for myself, but the outdoors don't provide everything you need. I needed money and when I was about fifteen summers I learned of a good way to make easy gold."
He took my hand, like he knew where the story was leading. "I lost track of how many times I have been with a man by my sixteenth summer. It was easy and was no cost to me, save my dignity. I lived like that for years Farkas. For years I sold myself to just about any man who could pay me. I was able to separate that part of my life from everything else and it worked until I came here." I could feel the tears filling my eyes. "Until I met you, I didn't care about that. I didn't care that men had used me and didn't think twice about me. If I had known that a man could be as nice and caring as you I never would have allowed them to touch me. I thought all men were cruel and manipulative." I was sobbing now. "If I had met you when I was younger I would be so much more than I am now."
He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me to him. I rested my head on his shoulder and cried while he ran his fingers through my hair. "It must have been frightening," He sighed. "Being completely alone. Even when we were little, Vilkas and I have always had each other."
"Dyre." He pulled away so he could look me in the eye. "I like who you are now. Your past is what has brought you here, but it doesn't define who you are."
"But…" I sniffed. "But there's nothing special about me. I am not worth your affection."
"Dyre I think you are wonderful just how you are." He held my face. "I think you are worth more affection than I can give you. Life has been cruel to you, it has left you with a distorted view of yourself."
"I am not special." I mumbled.
"If you won't believe me," He stood up and pulled me up with him. "Believe the words that come out of you. You can Shout, Dyre. No one in Skyrim, except the greybeards can do that. You are amazing and those men were blind and cowards to not see that. They should have fallen to their knees and trembled before you!"
I stared at him. I had never heard him talk like that, with so much force and passion. "Why do you care about me so much?" I finally asked the question that had been bothering me since we shared breakfast my first day in Jorrvaskr.
"Because when I look at you I can see my future." He grabbed me by the hands and pulled me close to him. "Because when I look at you I can see the whole world." He pressed his lips to mine and I melted in his arms.
