I wasn't expecting to have this chapter finished so soon. Don't get used to it, I'm usually a slow updater.

I don't own South Park.


Fall Back

Chapter 7: Maybe You'll End Up With a Scar

May, 2011

"Cartman and Wendy asleep?"

Kyle looked up to see Stan standing over him. "It is two o'clock."

"Then why aren't you sleeping?"

Kyle looked tired. Not the typical two-in-the-morning kind of tired. He looked physically and emotionally worn-out. The way Stan felt.

"Penny for your thoughts."

Kyle patted the seat beside him. "Sit."

"What's on your mind?" Stan asked, accepting the offer.

Kyle offered a weak smile. "My high school girlfriend just had a baby."

"Yep. That's something."

"Nothing like a high school reunion to make a guy realize that other people's problems are so much more…real than his." Kyle shook his head. "Stan, everyone's leaving me behind."

Stan raised an eyebrow. "Everyone's here, Kyle."

"No, I mean… It's like, everyone is growing up. Starting their real lives. Bebe is a mother now. Cartman and Wendy are getting married. Kenny and Craig are trying to have kids. And here I am, afraid to move forward."

"You?" Stan replied, incredulously.

"Yeah, me. It's been ten years since we graduated, and what am I doing? I'm working for my dad, living with Cartman in South Park."

"It's not as if you haven't done anything with your life. I mean, you went to law school…"

"I got into Columbia," Kyle blurted.

Stan squinted. "What?"

"I got into Columbia. I could have gone to an Ivy League school, Stan, and I went to the freaking University of Colorado because I was afraid of change. I didn't want to leave Colorado and all of the people I knew, because I was too comfortable with my life."

"You got into Columbia University? But senior year, Clyde told me they rejected you."

"I told everyone they rejected me," Kyle replied. "So that I wouldn't have to go."

Stan put on a sympathetic smile, placing a hand on top of Kyle's. "Hey, it's okay."

"Oh, good. It's fine that I threw away the biggest opportunity of my life, as long as I have your approval."

"So you didn't go to an Ivy League school. Kyle, it could be so much worse."

"Oh really?"

Stan sighed. "Kyle, I took off to California after graduation. Not because I got into a school there. I didn't even apply. I was running away from South Park. My entire first summer in California, I stood on a street corner wearing a sandwich board advertising five-dollar pizzas. And the only reason I came back to South Park was because I was running away again. Because I just got dumped."

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Okay, you win. Your life turned out shittier than mine."

"I wasn't trying to one-up you. I'm just saying…you're not the only one being left behind while everyone else builds their lives. You're not alone."

"I was alone ten years ago," Kyle snapped. "When I was freaking out over everything changing too fast for me. When all I really needed was to talk to my best friend."

Stan frowned. "Is this why you invited me here? To blame me for your problems? God, when are you gonna stop using that against me? It was ten years ago. You said you forgave me."

"Well maybe I haven't forgiven you as much as I thought. It may have taken all of two seconds for you to drop me as a friend and forget all about me, but I'm just not as forgetful as you are, Stan."

"Fine. Maybe I deserve that."

Kyle had to be right about everything. It was one of his more unbearable qualities. He had this way of talking that just made people believe he was always right. So when Kyle reminded him of how much he'd fucked up, Stan was forced to quietly agree. Not that it took much convincing. He'd been an asshole in high school. He fucking knew that without Kyle reminding him every chance he got. But hell, he was a closet case back then, not only coming to terms with his sexuality, but trying to control the feelings he was having for his straight best friend. He thought that warranted him at least some excuse.

He stood up, suddenly angry. "You know what? No. I'm done letting you make me feel guilty for that. It was ten fucking years ago. And, has it occurred to you that maybe I had my own shit going on? Shit I couldn't talk to you about? Shit that was a little bigger than not knowing what college to go to?"

Kyle crossed his arms. "When could you not talk to me about your shit, Stan? Unlike you, I was always prepared to listen."

"I don't know if you know this about yourself, Kyle, but you've always been a little bit judgmental."

"This is why we stopped being friends? Because I was too judgmental to listen to your shit?"

"We would have stopped being friends anyway. If you'd known."

"How do you know if you won't talk to me about it?"

Kyle reached for Stan's hand and pulled him back down to the couch. Stan landed with a thud beside him, crossing his arms stubbornly as he hit the cushion.

"Tell me what was going on," Kyle urged.

Stan sighed. "It was just…the same as you. I really wanted something, but I didn't have the guts to go after it."

"A college?"

"Not exactly."

"What, a girl?"

Stan snorted. "Definitely not a girl."

Kyle sat, pensive. "You know," he said after a while, "I don't remember you ever having a girlfriend in high school. How come you never dated?"

Stan bit his lip. "I dated. We just…kept it on the down low."

Kyle raised his eyebrows. "No way. You had a girlfriend in high school?"

Despite the solemnity of their conversation, Stan laughed.

"Well?" Kyle pressed. "Who was she?"

The other man looked down at his lap, wiping his palms on his jeans. "Kenny," he said at last.

Kyle's jaw dropped. Stan could tell that the revelation he'd been preparing himself for had not been along these lines.

"Kenny?"

"Kenny."

"That's the big secret? You're gay?"

Stan sighed. "Yeah."

"And that's why you pushed me away?"

"Yeah."

"Stan, that's retarded."

Stan's head snapped back in Kyle's direction. "Pardon me?"

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. You pushed me away because you're gay? You thought rotten, judgmental Kyle was gonna shun you or something?"

"Or something," Stan muttered pathetically.

"Stan, come on. We were closer than that. You know I would have been your friend no matter what."

Stan stared at his hands.


May, 2001

"Cold, Bebe?" Cartman teased, glancing down at Bebe's breasts as the foursome stepped into the doors of South Park High for what would hopefully be the last time.

"Stop staring at my girlfriend's nipples," Kyle said, socking Cartman on the arm.

"But they're coming out to say hello."

"Oh, God, you are nipping out, Bebe," Wendy said. "Why are you so cold?"

"Because you and Cartman can't just get a move on," Bebe snapped, crossing her arms over her chest and rubbing her shoulders for warmth.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Wendy asked, wrinkling her forehead in confusion. "Never mind, we'd better find our places in line."

"I want to talk to Kyle real quick," Bebe replied. "Go ahead, I'll catch up."

Wendy nodded and took off toward the back of the line, between Butters Stotch and Craig Tucker. Cartman shoved his way to the front of the line, between Token Black and Clyde Donovan.

Kyle waggled his eyes and Bebe. "So you really did it? Nothing on underneath that gown?"

"That was the deal, wasn't it?"

"Can I have a sneak peek?"

Bebe sighed and glanced around to see if anyone was watching. Satisfied that no one was, she tugged at her collar, allowing Kyle only the briefest of glimpses.

"That will do for now," Kyle said.

Bebe re-crossed her arms over her chest. "So I guess Columbia is totally off the table now?"

"I won the bet, didn't I?"

Bebe rolled her eyes. "You know, you're lucky Cartman only told me about that letter, and not your mom."

"You give Cartman too much credit. He's not that smart."

"He's one of the top students in our class. He's ranked higher than me."

"We've been over this, Bebe," Kyle said, pinching her cheek playfully. "You don't need brains when you're as pretty as you are."

"I know, I know. I'm a dish," Bebe said, smacking Kyle's hand away. "We should get in line. We'll be walking in soon."

"Kay," Kyle agreed, dipping down for a quick kiss before Bebe took off to take her place ahead of Butters.

Kyle passed Stan and Kenny on his way to the front of the line. They were standing together, as always, but Kyle reminded himself that he could hardly blame Stan for his last name or the order of the alphabet.

He joined Cartman at the front of the line, squeezing in behind Token.

"Ready to give your valedictorian address?" Cartman asked, bitterness lining his voice.

"Mad that I'm smarter than you?" Kyle asked.

"You got better grades than me," Cartman corrected. "Smarter is a more objective word. I didn't turn my nose up at an Ivy league school."

"Well I can tell when a girl way out of my league is into me."

Cartman frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're smart. Figure it out."

Cartman puzzled over this for a minute before dropping the subject and moving onto a new one.

"So, this year didn't really go the way anyone expected, did it?"

Kyle nodded. "I always figured it would always be you, me, Stan and Kenny. The fantastic foursome. I never imagined I'd end up closer to you than to Stan or Kenny."

Cartman snorted. "Whatever. I only hang out with you because your girlfriend is best friends with Wendy, and Wendy is damn fine. Before she opens her mouth."

Kyle rolled his eyes. "We're friends and you know it. You said so yourself; I'm the first one you go to with your problems."

"Yeah, well don't tell anyone."

Kyle snickered. "Hey, when you're the best man at Bebe's and my wedding, promise you'll cite this year as a turning point in all of our lives."

Cartman scoffed. "Right. You're wedding. She's gonna dump you before we finish college, dude."

"Hey, she and I are gonna stand the test of time."

"Yeah right."

"I'm willing to bet on it. If she breaks up with me before we graduate from CU, I will wear absolutely nothing under my graduation gown."

Cartman grinned. "You've got yourself a deal."


Kyle looked confident and collected as he made his way to the podium, but his trembling hands were not lost on Stan. Kyle had always been good at making speeches, but Stan could tell he was nervous about this one.

He cleared his throat, and politely greeted the audience as he placed his typed and matted commencement speech on the podium.

"I have a scar on my elbow from when I was five years old," his speech began. "That's when my dad taught me how to ride a bicycle."

Stan swallowed the lump in his throat, turning to look at Kenny. He was staring straight ahead, listening intently to Kyle's speech.

"Hey," Stan whispered.

Kenny tore his eyes away from Kyle to look at Stan.

"On my fifth birthday, my dad took off my training wheels. He said it was time I learned to ride without them."

"I'm sorry," Stan whispered. "For the way things turned out."

Kenny shook his head. "It never would have worked, Stan. We want different things. I eventually want to get married and have a family. You want Kyle."

Stan shrugged. "So do you think…we could ever try again?"

Kenny licked his lips, looking back at Kyle thoughtfully.

"At first I was scared, but my dad told me that everything would be fine. He said he'd hang onto my handlebars as long as I needed him. He promised he wouldn't let go until I told him it was okay."

"I'll tell you what," Kenny said at last, turning back to Stan.

"My dad lied to me."

"If you're single in ten years, you come back to South Park for our ten-year reunion. And if I haven't found the lucky man who gets to spend the rest of his life with me, you and I can give it another shot."

"You want to make me your fall-back?"

"We'd be each other's fall-backs."

Stan smiled, sticking out his hand. "Shake on it?"

Kyle let out a breathy laugh. "When I felt my dad's hands leave the handle bars, I panicked. I picked my feet up off the pedals, I wobbled a little bit, and then I ran straight into a Jeep parked on the side of the road."

Kenny took Stan's hand and shook it firmly. "This is a binding agreement, Stan. So I'd better see you at our ten-year reunion."

"If I'm single. I always honor my agreements, Kenny."

"We'll see."

Stan shook his head lightly, turning back to hear the rest of Kyle's speech.

"This story, in case you couldn't tell," Kyle said, "is an analogy. We're all about to head out into the world, and from this day forward, no one is going to be holding our handle bars. And, there's a good chance you're gonna fall down, or maybe crash into an orange Jeep and wind up needing four stitches on your elbow."

"How come you couldn't stay friends with Kyle?" Kenny whispered.

Stan swallowed, staring straight ahead. "Because just being his friend wasn't enough."

"You were never just his friend. You were his best friend. Maybe it wasn't what you wanted, but it was better than nothing at all."

Kyle looked directly at Stan. "Maybe you'll end up with a scar or two."

Stan shivered.

"You should tell him the truth," Kenny advised.

"I can't."

"Why not? It will ruin your friendship? A little late for that, isn't it?"

"But if you aren't willing to take the risk," Kyle went on, "you'll never get anywhere. You'll just stay in one place, sitting halfway off the seat with your feet planted on the sidewalk."

Kenny nudged Stan's side. "What do you have to lose?"


May, 2011

"Stan, come on. We were closer than that. You know I would have been your friend no matter what."

Stan stared at his hands. "I know. That was the problem."

Kyle cocked his head to the side. "What are you talking about?"

Stan swallowed. "Kyle, I have another confession. But you have to promise not to freak out, okay?"

"Of course. I promise."

"The reason I stopped talking to you senior year was that I was…"

Kyle scooted closer to Stan, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Stan, you can tell me anything."

Stan looked up at him.

After all of the confessing they'd done already, Stan thought, I was in love with you, should be a little easier to say. But even now, as Kyle looked him in the eye, prepared for the worst, Stan could not bring himself to say the words.

So he kissed him.

And not a shy peck on the lips either. It was a kiss that held every word, every emotion, every secret he'd ever hidden from Kyle. He gave all of that up to him in that kiss, and Kyle could do with them what he wished. He could throw them back at him, push him away, laugh in his face. He could tell Stan to leave, to go back to California and stay there this time. He could shake his head with pity and tell him that, sorry, he just didn't like him that way. But at last, Stan was going to let Kyle make that decision.

Kyle kissed him back.


THE END.

No, just kidding. There's more coming.