'That wasn't a very smart thing to do.'

'I don't want to hear that at this moment.'

'One step further and you might've….' Hisoka deliberately stopped there, I didn't need to force him to. 'So you're taking the next session as well?' I sat back up on the couch and started tying my hair back again. Although I didn't have physical contact with Killua, I haven't used that little trick in a long time, and it had caused… complications. Combined with the session as it had been today had proven difficult for me to handle.

'I'm meeting with Chrollo in two hours to discuss that.' Hisoka stood up from the ground and picked up his previously discarded phone in the process. It's not a good thing if I have to visit the redhead in the afternoon.

'Ooh~ that sounds like an interesting meeting.' He ignored his phone immediately and looked back at me quite amused. I wasn't giving him this one though.

'I'm not backing down.'

'Do you think that's fair though, working out your own issues through your patient?' He set his hands on my legs and slid them further up while leaning in closer. He stopped with his face an inch away from mine. I am a hypocrite.

'There's nothing to work through, I just have it. And I will maintain professionalism.' I grabbed his wrists and pushed them off my legs while standing up.

'You sound so sure of yourself. But still…' He didn't step away though, and we were still close. I replied like I always did to this situation.

'I am fully capable to deal with this myself if you become too troublesome.' He chuckled before taking some distance to open the door for me.

'See you next time.' He made a curtly bow, but I walked past him without responding or looking at him. Although it's nothing I can work through, I need to find better ways to handle it. It's getting harder to keep Hisoka away when I don't actually need him.


Tomorrow Gon was finally allowed to come by… they'd told him he could be here any time after my session, but I'm still laughing at that. I was imagining Gon getting up to be here at eight in the morning. Oh he was going to be here at exactly that time, but the look on his face was gonna be priceless. I'm surprised he ever got good grades for anything with that sleepy head of his in the morning.

I smiled away at that prospect through the window in one of the common rooms; it was snowing again. I'd gotten a temporary bedroom while the other was being fixed, but even the common room is better than that tiny thing. At least here they've learned not to come talk to me without a purpose other than small talk. I may have sent one or two crying with just talking, but that's not very difficult in this place.

The physical checkup had been a joke, by the way. They were allowed to assess any abnormalities on my body, but not allowed to draw any conclusions from that. That was reserved for my shrinks. During this morning's session though, I'd heard nothing about it. Not even Yellmi was mentioned again. Seemed he'd at least been honest about not bringing that up again. You'd think that after finding the scars on my legs he'd start talking about the vague wounds on my back or over my chest, but no. Nothing. Like I needed any more confirmation that Illumi was a weirdo though.

I sighed and looked back at my laptop. I'd made a beautiful documentation which Gon was allowed to take home. I'm pretty sure he's not gonna hear everything I have to say tomorrow, so he's gonna need it. And it's not like I got so much else to do around here.

'How's Illumi treating you?' I turned my eyes up when I heard Chrollo's voice on the other side of the table.

'Hello to you to.' I looked out the window again, but he sat down in front of me either way. 'I'm being harassed outside of sessions now as well?'

'No, this is purely an evaluation of my colleague.'

'Isn't everything you need to know in his documents? I don't want to talk with any of you if it's not obligated.' You shrinks always seem to have a way of getting one conclusion or the other by "just talking" with anyone.

'Then I'll make it obligated.' Jesus Christ, the persistence of these guys… I sighed again before looking back at him and answering.

'What I think of Illumi right?' He nodded. 'He's creepy. He never shows what he really knows but never lies either. He doesn't show anything except that one little trick of his that induces fear – which was completely out of line, by the way – and he makes me fucking uncomfortable. Happy now?' He gave a slight nod again.

'Does it feel like a personal attack, or just general.'

'Just general.' It doesn't seem like he's interested in contact with anyone at all, why would it be personal? Do my shrinks have bad communication?

'What do you think triggered him to use it?' I looked at him for a couple of seconds with an accusing look, he was already going inside my mind again instead of staying focused on his colleague. Still he patiently waited with a friendly face for me to answer. What the hell are you guys.

'I was about to leave the session early.' I looked away, ready for more questions, but,

'Thank you. Enjoy the rest of your day.' He stood up and lay a hand shortly on my shoulder before walking past me and out of the room. Seriously? That was fucking it? I think I'm gonna hit the gym again before I'm gonna kill someone tomorrow.


'You're calling me? Is it urgent that you do this after ten?' I looked up at the clock hanging on the wall in front of me. Sunday evening and for a change I'd actually made it home. I've only been home for one hour and had just sat down comfortably to get some rest; only to be interrupted by my supervisor five minutes later over my house phone.

'I want to come back on something we discussed two days ago.'

'Ah, you decided I can't use that method anymore after all?' I raked a hand through my hair and leaned back in the chair. When I told him how I'd kept Killua in the session then, he'd shown some doubt, but hadn't spoken up about it.

'No I'm okay with that, but I have the feeling there's something missing from both your verbal and written report.'

'Something missing?' I blinked at that statement. I hadn't left anything out, had I? That would be the first time. He remained quiet for a second before answering.

'You sound genuinely surprised.'

'I am because that's impossible. I never leave out any technical detail, so you're not talking about that.' If, in the highly unlikely possibility, that was the case, then I was somehow distracted, and I refuse to believe that something as inconsequential and new as Killua's case was doing that to me.

'No I'm not. To some extent I can understand the reasoning in what you've told and written and I can follow what you're saying, however…'

'You're saying there's something in there from me that you don't understand. It is motivation behind certain words, isn't it?' However what Chrollo is asking for is an explanation of something from my past, and I still don't have the need to discuss this with him. 'But if you can understand the reasoning, then there's no problem.'

'I'm going to sit in on the session tomorrow, I'm curious to see your interaction.'

'You've seen it before.'

'Not like the way you've described it.'

'There's no need to tell me you're going to do this, you know I don't take anything personally. It wouldn't impede on our cooperation if you would just show up to watch. Are you doing this out of curiosity or out of professional courtesy?' Seeing as that he called at this time I figured it was the first one. He laughed shortly,

'This is purely because I like to understand these interactions.'

'Then I will see you tomorrow.' After he'd said his goodbye as well, I hung up and looked at the phone a little longer. That Chrollo was interested in what motivated me was nothing new. That he'd called just to announce this was something out of the ordinary. Was he now interested in that little trick of mine as well? He's hoping to find more information about me through that?

I lay the phone down on the table and stood up to get something to drink. If he was more interested in me than Killua at this point, then I'd rather not have him in the session tomorrow. However, he has the authority to be, so I can't refuse him if he insists.

At that point I stopped walking towards the small kitchen and turned around to go back to the phone. If tomorrow morning was going to be the way Chrollo wanted, then I'd ask the question I certainly wanted answered by my patient right now.

I dialed the number of the reception and asked them to put Killua on a private line with me. While waiting for this, I decided to get my drink either way, and waited leaning against the kitchen counter. It took a while, but I didn't expect Killua to rush to the phone,

'What the fucking hell did I do to deserve this?'

'Ah, Killua, one question.'

'First Chrollo bothering me, and now you again? Aren't the sessions long enough already?' Chrollo had talked to him today? 'You just out for the same stuff? Wanna know what I think of that guy?' I cocked my head when I heard that. He'd asked Killua what he thought of me as an individual? If I won't read about that in the paperwork, then I need to take some measures to make him more cooperative.

'I don't have need for that information.'

'Then get this fucking over with, you guys don't let me get any sleep either way.' Although that doesn't seem to affect you. I pushed myself away from the counter,

'What do you recognize as love?' It was a basic question, but it hadn't been important up until now. For the information I want to get from Killua next, I need his answer to this.

'…Are you fucking kidding me?' He sounded exhausted.

'… …'

'Are you obligating me to answer as well? 'Cos I sure as hell don't feel like answering a question like that over the phone.'

'If that convinces you to answer, then yes.'

'You're all the fucking same…' A silence fell over the line for a while. I still heard him breathing, and walking around a bit before answering. I was waiting for an answer not from the textbooks, else that would mean he either didn't know what it felt like, or he was too tired to think of something himself.

'Alright,' I perked my ears when he spoke up again. 'I can't really answer if I don't know what kind you're talking about. So… in the first place it's something that makes you feel happy whenever you see someone, right? You feel comfortable, free, it's fun and relaxing, no questions asked, you know it's there. It can also be… god fucking damnit, do I really have to do this? It feels weird over the phone.' Slowly I walked back to the living room with my drink.

'Yes you do. I thought we were clear on that.' He sighed deeply before continuing, and I put him on speaker when I sat down on the couch. It sounded like he was talking more about love he felt towards Gon than towards his family with that description,

'It's also a sense of loyalty, that you'd do anything, no questions asked 'cos you know they'd never make you do something that'd hurt you.' There was spite in the last part. I got exactly what I wanted.

'Thank you. Then one last thing in regards to your time and activities with Gon tomorrow…'

'Shoot.' I heard a quiet thump, he'd probably sat down against the wall,

'How much privacy will you be needing, because we have a room without surveillance specially for maximum privacy visits.' There was complete silence on the other side for a couple of seconds. I hunched over the phone a bit when it took a while,

'What?!' I leaned back again in response to the volume,

'You won't need it?'

'Fucking hell no! He's a friend, a friend, can you comprehend that?!'

'Then I won't reserve the room for you, I'll see you tomorrow.' I heard some disgruntled noises coming from the other side before I hung up. Not a relationship then. I'd wondered about that from the moment I saw them together in the park. The depth of what I saw with Gon and Killua alike then, had looked either like brothers or lovers. I will come back on this tomorrow if I can.


'So… you're here too?' I leaned back against the wall next to the door and gave Chrollo a disgruntled look. I'd hoped to just have to deal with Illumi today like last times. Although the less experienced one seemed to be more straightforward he was still unpredictable; but not as unpredictable as Chrollo seemed to be. I barely had any time alone with him, and I had no fucking clue what his angle was. I don't care that he said he was only out to help me. There's no such saint in the world, and most certainly not someone like him. Someone that kept a friendly face at all times.

'I'm taking care of your parents today, so I thought it good to hear some more live instead of reading reports.' I huffed at his explanation and pushed myself away from the wall. You just don't want to come over as a lazy fuck. He seemed like the complete opposite though.

'That's why we're talking about your family today.' You'll not hear much if that's our subject. I turned back to Illumi as I pocketed my hands and let myself fall down on the couch lazily.

'Fine, fire away.' I snided and looked away slightly, leaning my head back on the rest.

'How old are you.'

'Excuse me?' I lifted my head again immediately. 'Fourteen.'

'What day were you born?'

'On a fucking Wednesday. We've been over this in this first session.' Did I time travel back to a week ago?

'Both your parents are alive?'

'No they're not. You're meeting with ghosts in a couple of hours.' I side glanced at Chrollo, but he kept an even face as usual.

'What are their names?' I hung my head and sighed.

'Silva and Kikyo Zoldyck.' What kind of game was he playing?

'Any siblings?'

'Three, Milluki who's older, and Alluka and Kalluto who're both younger.'

'Nephews or nieces?'

'Not that I know of.'

'Where do you live?'

'21-23 Kukuroo road.' He was firing simple questions at me so he could catch me off guard? Or was he simply testing if I could lie?

'That's a big house, how can you afford it?' Most of all he was testing my patience though. I felt my eyebrow twitch and I got my hands out of my pockets, leaning my arms on my knees.

'My dad works as a merger/takeover specialist, we have a high income.' Sure, mergers. I folded my hands and looked at him irritatingly. I inclined my head a little.

'What does your mother do?'

'She worked at the same company as my dad before they had me.'

'That's where they met?'

'Yup.' It was a good thing I'd spent a lot of time in the gym yesterday.

'When was this?'

'Almost thirty years ago.' How long should I play along? I could stop, but he probably wouldn't, and they would hold me here longer. Chrollo seemed to be eager to see where this was going as well, there was a slight change in the way he looked at the scene. So you are capable of changing expressions?

'What does your mother do now?' My eyes turned invisibly back to Illumi in front of me.

'Been a house mom ever since I was born.'

'What's been your father's place in your upbringing?' Should I throw him off by pausing now and again?

'You mean what kind of dad he is?' He nodded. Shifting in his seat to match my position. That was a cheap trick, and nothing like him. So he was trying to belittle me? He was annoying me to throw me off?

'He's at work most of the time, but when he's home he teaches me how to fend for myself.' I'll keep an even voice and rhythm to his answers then. I can lie just as well as tell the truth, there's no difference.

'Physically or mentally?'

'Mentally.' Not entirely untrue, he supervises my verbal skills now and again.

'What's your mother's role?' Making sure I do as I'm told. They were both so stoic today that it was throwing me off a bit. Fuck.

'She's there when I need her, but she still hasn't grown out of her separation anxiety, she smothers me.' That was perhaps not the best choice of answer. She hadn't shown any problems letting me go here, after all. Illumi never stopped asking though, so perhaps it was alright. Yeah, not fucking likely.

'You get in trouble now and again, right?' Why do you think I'm fucking here.

'Yeah, mostly school pranks.'

'How do your parents discipline you for that?'

'They ground me.'

'That's it?' I nodded leisurely, but knew I'd fucked up with that one. It's the answer that's been drilled into me and it's not a lie; these cuts are from training, not punishment.

'You're interested in martial arts?'

'As are you.'

'What sports do you practice or have you practiced?'

'I'm a genius at martial arts, I do several at the same time now.'

'You combine them into your own style yourself?' Nodding… 'Did you teach yourself that punch earlier this week as well?' I kept nodding. No I haven't, dad taught me that and it nearly killed me learning it.

'Then I would agree you are a genius.'

'Thank you.' Somewhere I liked it that I finally got some recognition, even though it should go to my dad. Surviving those training sessions made me a fucking genius though.

'Not a problem. Do you get a lot of compliments?' I changed the motion to shaking my head slowly.

'I'm expected to be a genius by both my parents. They have high hopes for me.'

'I wasn't necessarily talking about your parents.'

'Doesn't matter.' I missed a nuance in his sentence, this is getting dangerous.

'For what do they have high hopes for you?'

'No fucking clue, they just want me to give all I have at everything I do, they don't accept less.'

'That's hard to live up to.'

'Not very.' Like there was a choice. I never even considered a different life than what they offered me; and surviving through the day under hardships that pushed you harder each and every time was just the life I lived.

'It's a way of life for you then? How is that, now that Gon has shown you a different way?' Alright, this needed to end fast if he was already up to guessing my thoughts. I leaned back and lay my arms wide over the backrest. While having this interrogation, Chrollo had disappeared into the background completely and such a half-hidden presence made me itchy. You don't do this unless you're an enemy or provoking me.

'I thought this was about my family, not Gon?'

'You're entirely correct. Is Gon like family to you?' My eyes narrowed a little when he asked that question – remembering the talk yesterday - and decided to talk around it.

'For the sake of moving this along, no he's not.' It hurt a little to say that, but I can't tell if Illumi picked up on that.

'How do you define family?' He inclined his head, that wasn't a good sign either.

'The ones I'm related to by blood.'

'Therein lies your loyalty?'

'Yes.' I was starting to feel apprehensive of where this was going, but kept an even voice and look through all of it. This had to do with his questions yesterday, he was trying to pinpoint the feelings belonging to my different relationships.

'So by your definition you have no loyalty towards Gon?'

'Of course I have loyalty towards Gon, he's my friend.'

'But your blood relatives come first?'

'Yes.'

'If you were told by them to harm Gon so they could survive, would you listen?' I couldn't keep an even gaze with that question. I narrowed my eyes more at him. This was the first time he'd hinted towards the reason I'm actually here and he chose to do so just before Gon's visit. I was not appreciating this.

'I can't answer that. Because they would never ask me something like that, they know what he means to me.' They know exactly what he means to me, that's why they told me to…

'Then you chose on your own volition to-' I stood up and wanted to walk away when he was about to say it, but refrained from doing so, remembering the last time I'd attempted this. Illumi followed me with his eyes, but didn't even let out a hint of wanting to stop me. He was so fucking sure I wouldn't walk away that it pissed me off even more.

'It was a series of unfortunate events that came together. Nothing more.' He stared back at me blankly until I'd sat down again.

'Very unfortunate indeed.' I knew I was stuck. I'd shown signs of being trained more than I should be at my age; that together with that they knew I cared about Gon and would never choose to harm him voluntarily; put all of that together with the reputation my family has of being ruthless in one way or another… Illumi and Chrollo were too perceptive, I wouldn't be able to mislead them very long… I sincerely hope dad can fix this situation as quickly as possible. They learned too much about me through Gon.

'But would you harm Gon if they asked you to?'

'I still can't answer that.'

'Would you be able to?'

'Physically, yes.'

'Mentally not?'

'The only reason I'd consider was if I had to choose between him and my parents.'

'Who forced you into the series of unfortunate events?' Alright, I can work on this notion that I was forced by someone outside all of this.

'No-one.' I gave a slight hint of a lie, and he stopped talking for a good while. He leaned back and turned his head towards Chrollo, apparently silently communicating with him. I goddamn swear they're telepathically connected. After a couple of seconds, Chrollo nodded and turned to me,

'I'm taking over for now, Illumi's going to take a break.' Break my ass, he's going to investigate, or wants me to think he is.

'I'll be back in half an hour.' They both stood up from their chairs, and Illumi left without looking back. I followed him with my eyes until Chrollo appeared in my periph. My eyes shot back at him as he sat down. He waited 'till I had my full attention on him before he spoke up.

'So, now that you've been given the freedom to leave without anything or anyone stopping you,' So that's why Illumi left? 'Would you care to tell me, where did you learn to lie so well? It's not often that I have trouble discerning truth from lies. Although you did give away you felt cornered when Illumi offered you a way out of our accusations towards your parents, and you took it with both hands. So either way it seems your parents are involved in what you did against Gon or there's a secret surrounding them that you won't share. However, because Gon could get in the way of their expectations of you they're probably not fond of him, are they?' For the sake of keeping up appearances, I hoped that there was still blood in my face. How the hell could they…

'… …'

'Not answering? You know we already understand a lot about you, but you will never directly admit anything so we won't be able to hold anything directly against you. I could always revoke Gon's right to visit, but you still wouldn't talk. Because in past actions you've shown to be willing to go against him for something or someone else. I could also keep you here indefinitely, but I'm sure whoever's manipulating you would act against that in one way or another.' I knew this, I already knew they figured out this much. But even from them I hadn't expected they come out with their findings so easily. 'This is all based on the fear that we'll either find out something incriminating about this person manipulating you, or that we find out something about you yourself.' Those are closely related. 'This fear is based on getting locked up or hunted down, and is ungrounded.' He stopped longer after having said that and just looked at me. Is he some kind of freak that gets pleasure out of analyzing like this?

'Of course I'm not looking forward to being locked up, I won't have much of a life left. Let alone if he dies while in a coma.'

'Safe answer. The problem here is that you're so preoccupied with not saying anything,' I can't say anything, '…that you're missing a vital point with both me and Illumi. And that's the reason we've been put on your case.' He paused for a second before leaning closer a bit, 'Neither of us cares even a little if you're guilty or not, and it's not why we're asking you these questions.' I quirked an eyebrow at that, he said this before…

'… …'

'I'm guessing it will take time before you believe that, that's why I'd upped the time on our sessions.'

'If you want me to believe you, then why do you leave me alone with Illumi all the time?'

'Believe it or not, because of your history with Yellmi, you have the inclination to be more frank with him than with me. No matter how much you hate that.' He smiled when he saw the reaction in my expression. How can I not react to that face. 'Although it seems verbally you've adapted quite well to his presence. Now if you would be so kind to indulge if the place you learned to lie is the same place you got those scars?'

'If you're so sure I'm not going to talk, then why ask me?'

'You don't need to talk for us to find out what we need to know. Like I said, we're not interested in "evidence". If you won't say anything about them, then I'm going to assume they've been caused by your parents. From what your physical examination told me, the wounds had been inflicted on you over an extended period of time and with your acting skills, you wouldn't be able to hide them from your parents for so long. And if they would've found out, they would've acted against this person and you wouldn't have had a similar fresh wound just last week, would you?'

'… …'

'Are you waiting until I've given you my full analysis so you know how to retort next time?'

'I'm quiet because none of this is correct.'

'Oh? But you have indicated that your parents push you a lot so you will live up to their expectations. It wouldn't be uncommon if those wounds came from either them or the martial artist they may have hired to train you.' Gon, I could really use your company right about now.


A/N

Oh fucking snap snap SNAP
Ya better watch out Killua, 'cos Chrollo's Z-snapping all over the place today.

Yes, I am putting a lot of thought into this story.
These are high-grade psychologists (plus they have their secret pasts that have made them sharper of course), and they will notice the small things in mannerisms and the words that their patients say. So I will have to be just as scrutinizing as they are. I love being that way though.

Cooperation between Chrollo and Illumi is starting to show cracks though. How will that end?

Also, publishing it on here is doing wonders for my productivity. Ilu guyz :3
(meanwhile my wrist is killing me... don't ever sew an entire outfit by hand if you can help it; brb off to kill the guys that are slow in repairing my sewing machine with my sore wrist)