I know it's been forever and I'm going to try and get the last few chapters of this I have planned out this month because I'm also wrapping up my other WIP and then I will be writing fanfiction no more. It's time for me to move my writing efforts to my original fiction and focus on that. I'll still be around but won't be penning any new fics in the foreseeable future. But thank you all for taking the time to read this. I appreciate you all more than you'll ever know.
Preciousfairymom80 is my beta babe even if she's deluding herself to think that her preteen son isn't ready for 'the talk' and the actions that may start coming with it. LOVE YOU CRYSTAL! And babies do grow up lol.
I only own the plot and of course, Rod Pattinhead!
Ramblings of a Whipped Peen Chapter 7 – The Talk
I was sleeping snug in my boxer brief hammock when I was awoken by Hot Puss's host's voice.
"Edward?" Bella called out and Edward immediately tensed and had me on high alert. The way she said his name was not good. That woman wanted something.
"Yes?" Edward replied, walking out to the kitchen where she was sitting with a cup of hot tea.
"Have a seat, we need to talk," she said and I blanched. I seriously couldn't have gotten hard even if Hot Puss was naked and hovering over my head because all the blood had left my shaft and I was probably as white as a ghost.
"Did…I…do…something?" Edward asked very slowly, trying to figure out what was going on and I just knew that Hot Puss and I were no more. We hadn't been fooling around so maybe Hot Puss had fallen for another peen? Fuck that! I'd woo her back with my swivel and twitch signature move. I'd keep Hot Puss my puss forever!
"No, but I need you to," Bella replied and her cheeks slightly reddened.
"Bella, what's going on?"
"Um…this morning…I was going to make sure Masen was up…and…" Bella was clearly flustered and growing redder by the minute.
"What? Is he ok? Is he sick? Do I need to take him to the doctor?" Edward asked in a panicked tone.
"No, not sick and he is ok, but I'm not. Not after what I saw," Bella replied and Edward grew even more panicked.
"Just tell me what happened!" he nearly yelled at her and it was enough to fire Bella up so she yelled her response.
"I found our son masturbating!"
Silence.
More silence.
Still more silence.
No one spoke for nearly ten minutes and finally Edward broke the silence.
"So…you need me to talk to him, right?" he asked Bella and she nodded.
"He needs the 'sex' talk and I know I won't be able to get through it without embarrassing him further since I caught him this morning," she replied.
"But, he's only ten. He shouldn't be doing that yet. I'm not ready for the sex talk yet!" Edward whined and I scowled up at him since enough blood had returned to me after the admission. Truly, I wanted to laugh at it all. I knew Junior would be a handful, and he probably was…literally, but Edward and Bella were making such a big deal out of a simple situation. I'd make sure to impart my pearls of wisdom on Junior while Edward fumbled his way through it with Masen.
"Look, I'm going to head out before he gets home from school and let you handle this. I just can't have the talk with him with a straight face and I think it'll be better coming from you since you weren't the one to catch him in action. I know I was supposed to do this since you potty trained, but after what I saw and the resulting embarrassment on both of our parts, I think you need to take this talk," Bella told Edward and I really understood where she and Hot Puss were coming from. Besides, a peen-to-peen talk would be more appropriate as I was experienced in it all where Hot Puss had only been on the receiving end of my superior shaft.
With the agreement made, Edward began worrying about how he would handle the conversation with Masen. Right before Bella left, she ruined his best plan when she told Edward that he wasn't allowed to use porn for the talk. Defeated, he slumped in his recliner and waited for Masen to arrive.
About thirty minutes later, his bus brought him and Edward was waiting to talk things over.
"Hey Dad," Masen called out as he got off the bus, then looked around to see if Bella was there and looked relieved when he didn't see her. "Mom not home?"
"No, she's giving you and me some time together," Edward told Masen as he shut the front door and led him into the living room.
"She told you, didn't she?" Masen moaned, burying his face in his hands and Edward started to stumble through his explanation.
"Son…you know that as you get older you will begin to have some urges…" Edward started but I tuned him out and decided that I needed to get to Junior before Ole Eddie Boy could ruin him with his stuttered, stumbling explanation.
Junior, you listening? Good. So there are some things I want to tell you about being a man-peen. You'll get there soon, I promise. In fact, I already know you're well on the way to man-peenhood after what you did today. Now, there's no reason to be embarrassed. All peens have times of rigor mortis and your host will yank on you incessantly. Try to talk Masen into using lotion or lube or something because you can chafe. Trust me, I know.
Also, there's going to come a day in about five or six years, though I hope it's more like nine or ten years, that you are going to have sex. Now, Junior, sex is where you get suffocated in a rubber wet suit and shoved repeatedly in and out of a puss. Your eye can be slammed into the puss's back wall, your brothers might suck up to you in an uncomfortable manner, and you will start to feel sick to your stomach. Then, when you think you'll not be able to handle anything else, any more torture, you're going to be forced to throw up on yourself inside that wet suit.
Now, as unpleasant as that sounds, it is enjoyable, and you can go bareback if the chick's mouth is on you instead of her puss. Now, when that happens, you might get bit, have teeth scraped up your body, and be covered in foul smelling slobber if the chick has halitosis. Yeah, I've experienced it before and it's not that pleasant to wear that smell, but if you're able to spooge in her mouth in retribution, give yourself a pat on the back.
And, let me tell you that you better NEVER get wet in a puss without your wet suit on. There are some funky diseases out there that'll make your mouth-eye ooze funky gunk and your brothers' itch like they've been infested with the fleas of a thousand camels. And don't get me started on the ones that make funky shit grow on you. So, repeat after me, 'wet suits are required to ride the peen.'
Ok, got all that? Good then, my work here is done. Go out upon the puss laden world and make Papa Rod proud.
"So, you got all that?" Edward asked Masen as I finished speaking with Junior. "Good, then my work here is done. Don't go out there and think you can do anything you want and remember to respect the woman first and foremost and your pleasure is second to hers." Edward told him and then stood up and headed for the kitchen. I had a feeling he needed a beer after his talk while all I wanted was a date with my Hot Puss after mine.
Hope none of you spewed drink on your computer while reading this lol. I almost did going over it with preciousfairymom80. Only a few more life events planned and Rod Pattinhead will get tucked behind the zipper for good. Hopefully I'll see you soon.
Oh, and may I add that if anyone would like to download a copy of any of my fics for personal use, please feel free. But all I ask in return is that you respect my wishes and not pass the downloaded format around in emails or upload it to sites. My stories will remain posted as of now and I would appreciate it if the link is what was shared and not the document. Thank you for understanding and complying.
