LordAce: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen! To another exciting installment of the C.B.P.C.! After a rather...long...hiatus, we're back on track! Because I took such a long break for things like finals and YCS Philly (Which I got my butt kicked three ways to next week at) I also had a lot of time to think up jokes and stuff, as well as figure everything out as far as answering everyone's reviews went.
Nathan: So how did your finals go?
LordAce: Man! I was worried for nothing, all A's and B's this semester.
Nathan: Good for you, how did YCS Philly go?
LordAce:...you just want me to repeat how badly I caught a beat down, don't you?
Nathan: Oh yeah, see, since I couldn't go I'm gonna rip on you as much as I can.
LordAce: Jealous? Aw, that's so sad...well if you're gonna do that then I guess I'll just hold onto all of these Hieratic cards I scored, plus those elemental heroes you were talking so much about.
Nathan: Wait! I'll be good!
LordAce: Enjoy the show people!
Nathan: WAIT!
(Pre) Opening day! PART-1
Nathan, Jonathan, Charlotte, and Juste stood in front of the newly renovated Castlevania with dumbfounded looks on their faces. There was something very wrong with what they were looking at, but no one wanted to point out the obvious and make themselves look stupid.
"...Why does it look exactly the same?" Richter asked, being the one idiot who would point out the obvious.
"I thought we were turning this into a theme park?" He added, everyone turned to Alucard, who was practically crying over the bill. Despite the fact that Nathan called in a favor from Seto Kaiba and got a decent amount of cash for the renovations, somehow, the bill exceeded way over what they had.
"Miss Etna! What is the meaning of this?" He cried as the demon girl exited the castle.
"Oh! There were a few mishaps while you all were gone, so I had to charge extra!" She said happily, patting the dhampir on the head as if he were a child.
"What could possibly be so horrible that you had to charge $50,000,000 for it?" He asked.
"Sexual harassment, of course!" Etna replied, while this was going on, Nathan and Jonathan tried to hold back Charlotte, who caught sight of a group of prinnies playing poker.
"The bill is high enough, just leave them alone!" Juste said rather loudly, not stepping anywhere near the girl, he didn't want to have to put an ice pack to his nuts again.
"But they're CUTE!" Charlotte squealed, stars visible in her eyes.
"How did you manage to charge us for sexual harassment?" Julius asked, wondering why Alucard was sucking his thumb in a corner.
"Ask that perverted priest of yours!" Etna shouted, actually looking pissed off for the first time since the club knew her. Alucard heard this, and got so mad, fire appeared from around him.
"BLADE!" He shouted, and soon, the priest in question and his crew were standing before the vice president. Blade didn't look the least bit worried, despite the fact that Alucard was glaring daggers at him.
"Yo, what's up?" He asked nonchalantly.
"What's this I hear about sexual harassment?" Alucard asked.
"Hunh? ...Oh, that." Blade said, shrugging like it was nothing.
"There's a misunderstanding here." He added.
"Oh this should provide a laugh or two..." Simon muttered, despite the fact that he had just arrived with the rest of the members, a phone call from his son Juste gave him the background of what was going on. At this point, the only one present was Soma, who begged Simon and Alucard to let him bring Mina along. Soon, Blade began his story.
"Well what happened was..."
"Yamada! Go give these papers to that Redhead girl." Eve shouted at the young boy, despite the fact that his real name was Cruz, she still called him that because she has a real problem with remembering people's names.
"B-but I'm cooking..." Cruz stuttered, he was quite busy, as he was cooking for not only him and his friends, but Etna and the prinnies. Normally, Eve would tell him to get on with it, but even she had to admit Cruz had enough of a load as it was.
"Fine, I'll get someone else to do it." Of course, Eve didn't even consider doing it herself. She came across Teriyuma, who was in the middle of training.
"Uchida!" Yeah...she's THAT bad with names.
"It's Teriyuma, dammit!" Teriyuma shouted.
"Go give these to that redhead chick." She stated, tossing him the papers.
"What? Screw that, go find someone else to do it!" And with that, he ran deep into the castle, hoping to avoid Eve's signature 'Eve Cannon'.
"Grr...okay, who's next?" She continued to wander around, eventually, she found Adam Blade. He was sitting around, smoking next to the holy water, which he used as an ashtray.
"Blade! What kind of priest smokes and puts his cigarettes in the holy water?" She asked, annoyed with her partner's idiocy.
"Who the hell are you calling a priest?" He asked for what seemed like the millionth time.
"You, you're the priest, anyway; I need you to go give these papers to that girl with the penguins."
"...Meh, alright." Blade stood up and ran off with the papers, it wasn't long before Eve realized her mistake.
"Oh this wasn't such a great idea, was it?" She asked herself.
Blade was walking towards the throne room, he had a feeling Etna would be there, so he naturally headed there first. When he got there he found Etna raiding the throne room, taking anything that wasn't nailed down and tossing it into a portal that probably led to the Netherworld.
"Oh, um, Mr. Blade! How are you doing today? I was just...umm...getting these things out of the way." She told him nervously, but Blade didn't respond, something crazy happened though...something Etna wasn't expecting. Blade's eyes started spinning like a slot machine, and soon they stopped, looking like hearts. His mouth soon opened up, and a waterfall of golden coins fell out.
"FEVER!" He shouted, jumping into the air like a maniac.
"Dammit, Blade!" Eve shouted, arriving just in time to stop Blade from...whatever he was about to do. She grabbed him by the choker and dragged him to the other side of the room. In the meantime, Etna was confused as to what just happened, so she thought to inquire about it.
"What's wrong with him?" She asked.
"Blade has a thing for young girls..." Eve explained with a scowl on her face while Blade sat in the corner, barking like a puppy, he even grew a tail somehow.
"WHAT? WHY I OUGHTA-...wait a minute...I'm over a thousand years old?" Etna pointed out, getting Blade to fall over and start drooling in a near catatonic state.
"...So much for that..." He muttered before sulking back to the chapel, completely forgetting the papers he was supposed to give Etna.
"And that's what happened." Blade explained, lighting a cigarette like he didn't just basically explain he's a lolicon. Everyone who didn't know him too well had a blank look on their faces, they weren't sure whether to call the police, or laugh their heads off. That's when Alucard got a brilliant idea.
"Hey, Blade." He called, when Blade turned to him Alucard pointed at Charlotte.
"I'm pretty sure she's about 17, you know." Charlotte looked ready to kill, but Nathan and Juste held her back, somehow knowing where the vice president was going with this; and sure enough...
"FEVER!" Blade shouted, hearts in his eyes, and after he was done shouting, golden coins began to fall from his mouth. Alucard and the others wasted no time in picking up the free money, then he had another idea.
"I'm certain that there will be other young ladies coming as well once we open." He added, and that's when the torrent of coins reached epic proportions. Pretty soon, Blade was passed out on the ground, with his friends tending to him (e.g. poking him for no real reason).
"Will this cover it?" Alucard asked, pointing at the now gargantuan pile of coins. Etna took one look at it, and without even bothering to count it, she pulled out a megaphone.
"PRINNES! GET YOUR FLIGHTLESS BUTTS OVER HERE!" She shouted.
"Take this gold back to the Netherworld, and make it quick!...Yes, I think this'll cover the charges." Etna stated as she shook Alucard's hand, completely forgetting how pissed off she was. Soon, the prinnies and Etna were gone, leaving the others to deal with Blade.
"You do realize this is warrants your termination, right?" Simon asked.
"Then who're you gonna have take care of the place?" Blade retorted.
"What do you have that other priests don't have?" Nathan asked.
"We have our powers!" Eve squealed happily, as they were talking, it began to rain, so they relocated inside.
"Oh, THIS is much better!" Maria said happily, for the inside of Castlevania had really been turned into an amusement park. The entryway had concession stands and little arcade games, a map said the throne room was turned into a souvenir shop, the subterranean area was turned into a water park, and the clock tower was turned into a shooting gallery...something Nathan, Juste, and Jonathan immediately ran towards.
"Men! It's time we got our vengeance against the medusa heads, let's go!" Juste said all army like.
"Sir, yes sir!" Jonathan and Nathan, Juste and Nathan ran in with their guns ablaze while Jonathan gave a quick hug to Chippy the Charmander doll before following suit. Pretty soon, the sounds of gunfire and Medusa head screams could be heard throughout the hallways.
"...So you mentioned something about powers?" John Sr. asked, almost falling over when Reinhardt decided to join the fight against the medusa heads, and ran past him with gusto unlike any other.
"Right, these people possess powers known as fragments...it's quicker if they demonstrate." Professor Gido explained. Teriyuma was the first to activate his power, flames began to engulf him.
"I am Momijii Teriyuma, the needless of flame!" he said, striking a badass pose. That pose was ruined, however, when the smoke detector went off and began sprinkling water on him...fizzling him out.
"That was smart..." F.T.L. Muttered, using his Guns N' Roses sweatshirt to cover himself.
"My fragment is Doppelganger." Eve said nonchalantly as her arm turned into an umbrella, shielding her from the water. Everyone else would have stared at her, if they weren't too busy glaring at Teriyuma.
"And my fragment is-" Blade began but was interrupted by Soma, who burst through the doors in grand style, with Mina at his side.
"Hey everyone! What's up?" He asked happily as he dragged the poor girl with him.
"Soma! You ALMOST ripped my arm off that time!" Mina shouted, then sighed when she realized that Soma was too dumb to notice her displeasure.
"Look! I brought Mina!" Soma added to his earlier statement, everyone began to stare at each other, then performed 'The proper way to greet Soma's beloved Mina'. Soma took extra time to glare at Leon, who made the mistake of sneezing last time around. After 5 minutes of bowing and curtsying, Soma let everyone off the hook.
"As I was saying, my power is the Zero Fragment." Blade explained, when he got blank stares, he had to elaborate even further.
"I can take the powers of my enemies and use them as my own." He added, and the second he did, Soma got right in his face.
"I use the powers of my fallen enemies as well." He said all serious like. Everyone, including Mina, stared at the two.
"Perhaps they'll finish each other off." Shanoa said quietly. After a few minutes of what would later be called 'the most pointless standoff ever' the two men jumped into the air and high fived.
"Copycat characters unite!" They shouted in the middle of their idiotic display.
"Can we just go now?" Leon asked, wanting to check out the rest of the castle. Soon, everyone was on their way, except for the four warriors of the Medusa apocalypse, they were too busy shooting down the earlier mentioned monsters with much enthusiasm.
"Behind you, Nathan!" Juste shouted, shooting down a gold medusa head that was creeping up on him.
"Thanks, I owe you." Nathan said happily, really getting into the whole war story thing.
"This is easier than xyz summoning in Yu-Gi-Oh!" Jonathan said, Nathan was teaching him and Soma how to play, so he began using the terms to make sure he didn't forget them.
And now for another session of 'Classtime with Charlotte!'
Charlotte found herself in the same classroom from last time again, and again, she didn't expect to be warped there so easily.
"Okay, can you at least TELL me when I'm going to be warped somewhere?" She shouted at the ceiling, probably to some higher being who controlled her (and the other's) every action.
"Um, okay...what's the lesson for today?" She asked out loud, then turned to Nathan, who had his hand raised.
"Yes, Nathan?"
"We were turning in our reports on the Yu-Gi-Oh trading card game." He said happily, despite the fact that he looked like he had been through hell in his battle with the Medusa heads. Next to him, little Sally held her nose.
"Nathan's stinky!" She said in a high voice, because Nathan was in such a fierce fight, he obviously was in need of a shower and a fresh change of clothes. Nathan put his hand down and began to blush out of embarrassment, also opening a window next to him. Charlotte laughed and looked around at the other students. There were the regular kindergarten kids; Sally, Michael, and Jasmine, and there were people she knew there as well. The people she knew were Nathan, Jonathan, Soma, and Hugh Baldwin for some reason.
"Okay class, let's hear your reports, Jonathan?" She asked for her oldest friend to come up to the front of the class, he tried to stand up, but the chair was too small for him. He struggled for a bit until Michael helped pull it off of him, he then stood up and read from his report.
"My name is Jonathan Morris, and my report is called 'Female Monster cards that are way cuter than Miss Charlotte-" Before he could finish, a book hit him over the head, knocking him out. When he came too, he was tied to a chair in the corner with a dunce cap on his head.
"Soma, your turn." Charlotte said after taking a few minutes to calm down. Soma had the same issue as Jonathan, but no one bothered to help him, instead he just stood up with the chair attached to his butt.
"My name is Soma Cruz, and my report is called 'Female Monster cards that aren't nearly cute as Mi-" Before Soma could finish another book knocked him out too.
"Okay, Nathan?" Charlotte asked, kicking the out cold Soma to the side. Nathan was the only one who was able to get out of his chair, so he was able to stand up with his dignity intact.
"My name is Nathan Graves, and my report is called 'How Konami is beginning to lose the respect of older players such as myself.'" Nathan turned to Charlotte, who nodded for him to continue, he was a little afraid of ending up like Soma and Jonathan, he cleared his throat before continuing.
"A few years ago, the Yu-Gi-Oh trading card game was turned on it's head with the addition of a new summoning mechanic, synchro summoning. This was to market the new series, 5D's, to new players and older players alike. The idea at first was a bit absurd, adding a new mechanic to an already popular game was a pretty hit or miss idea, and the show seemed a bit weird with their 'Card Games on Motorcycles' motif. However, both ideas were accepted by anyone who wanted to play competitively, and the show managed to grasp the attention of players all over, it was certainly a step up from it's predecessor, GX." Charlotte sat down, and motioned for Nathan to continue, surprised at how such a well written report could spark her interest in something that she would otherwise not pay attention to.
"Now we come to today, where the newest series, ZEXAL, and it's new summoning mechanic are trying to make lightning strike twice. However, ZEXAL is being criticized as what may possibly be the worst Yu-Gi-Oh spinoff yet. The summoning mechanic, XYZ summoning, is also receiving it's fair share of critisism. The show itself is ridiculous, how the show went from a tough street youth who goes so far as to outsmart police to a kid who barely knows how to play is beyond most of us. The summoning mechanic however, can be salvaged. XYZ summoning has been proven useful, as many metagame deck types have popped up, such as Dino-Rabbit. It's the name of the mechanic that is upsetting players. Originally, it was to be called Exceed summoning, which would have made more sense and easier to pronounce. Now, as XYZ is pronounced ik-zeeds, players are upset and saying that the whole ZEXAL era is marketed towards children who have no appreciation for the history of dueling and who have no problem making themselves look foolish by saying it out loud. Not to mention, there is an archtype of monsters known as VWXYZ, in which a monster is called the XYZ catapult cannon. This initially caused confusion amongst older players because no one was sure if the two were related somehow. All in all, the only thing that is barely saving the ZEXAL era is the XYZ summoning, and even that is hanging on by a thread with it's ridiculous name. Thank you." Nathan bowed as Charlotte and the other students stood up and applauded, except for Hugh, who was starting to throw paper balls at Nathan.
"HUGH! OUTSIDE!" Charlotte shouted, and after a bit of shouting, Hugh could be heard crying in the hallway.
"What did you do to him, Miss Charlotte?" Jasmine asked.
"I called his father, I imagine that he'll learn his lesson by tomorrow. Speaking of which, class is over for today, you all did well...except for you two." She said, pointing at Soma and Jonathan. Soon Charlotte found herself back where she was, touring the rest of the Castlevania theme park.
LordAce: That's it for part one, everyone, Let me go ahead and explain what's going on with this particular chapter.
Nathan: Please do.
LordAce: Well this is pretty much the longest chapter so far, and by breaking it up into two parts, I can continue to write as well as give everyone something to read while I finish up.
Nathan: Any particular reason?
LordAce: Only because between Finals, YCS over the weekend, and work, I'll admit; I'm beat like crazy. And I apologize, if I had the wear with all, I would have no trouble typing up the rest of this. I hate missing deadlines like this but I really don't have another choice.
Nathan: I guess that's understandable.
LordAce: At the very least let me say that I do have the rest of this chapter planned out, and I'm going to upload the rest sometime this week, so there won't be as long a wait.
Nathan: I'm sure everyone can live with that.
LordAce: Well we will let everyone speak for themselves, and I'm happy that people are reading this still, even with the break. Let me thank Satanic Park of Madness, VladCT, Foretoldlegends, and RichterReinhart ahead of time for reading and reviewing. I'll provide more feedback to the feedback in the next half, no doubt. I appreciate the love, and I love you guys just as much no homo. Anyway, legit, I'm worn out and I'm going to get to everything else that people asked and wanted the characters to do.
Nathan: On a side note, is Blade really like that?
LordAce: Shit you not, he's legit like that. Anyway, I hope you guys understand, and I promise the rest of this chapter will be up by the end of this week, so I keep on track. LordAce out!
