Heaven Forbid

Disclaimer: If I was Masashi Kishimoto, I would update a lot more often.

Author's Note: I'd offer yet another lengthy apology, but I have a feeling you'll just want to get on with the chapter, so I'll try to keep it concise. Basically, I utterly loathe this chapter. Not only was it born out of obligation rather than inspiration, but nothing happens. Literally. Well, it does have more plot relevance than, say, Chapter 3, but it's just awfully boring - to me, at least. Read it anyways, just for the sake of knowing what the fuck is going on. Also, it's far shorter than my other chapters, but I can't bring myself to add more. Also also, ignore the lack of humor. I was in a more depressed mood than anything else. Hence, poor writing. Although, I do think I got some of my mojo back towards the end...

Hah, so much for "concise".


Chapter Seven: Silence

She was being smothered.

That was the only way to describe Tenten's situation as soon as Team Gai passed through the gates to Konohagakure. Everyone, at least that was how it appeared in the brunette's eyes, gathered around to welcome her back into the village, to welcome her home.

Home…

Tenten flinched at the word. Was this place really home? True, it held many memories, including that of her dear friends, teammates, mentors… All those experiences were in this one place, yet somehow, in some inexplicable manner, all of them combined did not amount to the single, though perfectly inexplicit, experience she shared with a certain Akatsuki member.

She was in love, and she realized it.

"Fuck," the kunoichi muttered, wishing eternal damnation on the world with the knowledge that the world had no fault regarding her unfortunate, tragically romantic situation.

Luckily for her, the comment went unheard as Lee, on whom she had been riding for the last stretch to the village, gently eased her off his back and onto her own feet so that the other Leaf villagers might greet her. And greet her, they did.

"Tenten!" came the simultaneous screech of Sakura and Ino with Hinata silently following, a broad and somewhat relieved smile plastered on each of their faces. The three girls clung to their friend in an affectionate embrace.

However, almost being mowed over by three grown women, good friends though they may be, did not sit well at all with the weapons mistress, and she ducked beneath the kunoichi and out of their arms. The three other girls simply ignored this action, crediting it to their friend's exhaustion, and each hugged her successively.

"Are you okay? Any injuries?" Sakura asked in concern, eyeing her friend as she held her out for examination by the shoulders. Tenten shook her head and twisted from Sakura's grasp.

Ino posed heroically, her hands on her hips and her chin jutting into the air. "If anyone did hurt you, I swear, I will whoop their asses like no tomorrow!"

"Shut up, Miss Piggy. You know you don't have a chance against any S-class missing-nin."

"What did you say?!"

Hinata poked her fingers together nervously. "Um…maybe you two should stop fighting for once and greet Tenten more appropriately."

The two girls stopped and stared at the Hyuuga, who began fidgeting anxiously beneath their stare in fear of the infamous wrath of the dynamic duo. However, they simply agreed and nodded at each other in a silent truce.

"Really, Tenten, we missed you," Ino finally said. "After the first three days, Hinata hear was afraid you had died."

"Is that so?" Tenten asked, raising an eyebrow at the quieter young woman. "Well, I guess it's a comfort that I'm here, in the flesh, alive and well."

"Yes, it is," Hinata concurred, smiling slightly. "I mean…I am so glad you're okay."

"Me, too. It's great finally seeing all of you again. I missed you guys, too." Tenten truly meant it from the bottom of her heart, but she knew that although she was incredibly grateful for such fantastic friends as hers, there was no way she would be able to live without…him.

As though noticing the brunette kunoichi's misery, Sakura asked with a worried furrow of her pink eyebrows, "So did anything worth telling happen at the Akatsuki hideout?"

"No, not really," Tenten half-lied, unsure what experiences to categorize as 'worth telling.' "I cooked for them."

The four young women shared a laugh at that, the other three having found the prospect of Tenten cooking for some of the evilest criminals in the world like a housewife absolutely hilarious.

Tenten didn't. She actually missed it. Well, more specifically, she missed cooking for Hidan as he sat at the table, bantering with her by way of witty yet coarse insults, a luxury that she was deprived of in the company of Lee and Neji. She missed the way his eyes lit up each time he tasted her food and unwittingly complimented her. Heck, she even missed the way he could not stop cussing, even when speaking of the most trivial topics.

Abruptly ending her forced laughter, she apologetically excused herself from the gathering, claiming exhaustion from the return journey as well as her ordeal.


"Defect?! Do you want the Leader to fucking kill me?!" For a man supposedly enraged and panicky about Kakuzu's rather outlandish suggestion, Hidan seemed surprisingly contemplative about the idea.

Kakuzu mused his partner's outburst. "I suppose that would be an added bonus."

Hidan glared. "I really, truly, honestly fucking hate your guts, asshole."

"If you defect, we won't have to see each other ever again," promised Kakuzu, hoping this was one of the younger man's more gullible moments. He repeated, for good measures, "Ever."

"And Leader will permanently separate my head and limbs from my torso," added Hidan, ever the pessimistic yet pious man that he is.

"You've already run from your own village. Why won't you run from this organization?"

The Jashinist's violet eyes narrowed dangerously. "It's an all or nothing situation. For all I know, Tenten hates me right now. And if that's the case, as soon as I show my face to her, she'll turn me in to the Hokage. Then Leader will have me disposed of before I can reveal any information about our base." He took a threatening step towards Kakuzu, flexing his fingers in a menacing manner. "I'm not a fucking idiot, you bastard; I know the goddamned ramifications."

"Or, if done properly, you can get away from this place that you despise so much and run away with the girl of your dreams." Kakuzu's eyes began doing that twinkling-glowing thing again, and it was just as unsettling for Hidan as it had been before. "Think about it."

"Leader'll still kill me."

"Is Orochimaru dead yet?"

"Hey!" Hidan interjected indignantly. "Don't categorize me with that fucking snake bastard!"

"I'm not categorizing you with anybody; I'm just saying that if Orochimaru, of all people, can defect and survive Sir Leader's wrath, then you, oh-so-pious-one, can certainly do it as well. Unless, of course, you're a lesser man than that 'fucking snake bastard'." Kakuzu smirked malevolently at his manipulation of his partner as the younger man's lips twisted downwards in an indignant scowl.

However, Kakuzu's smirk soon slid off his masked face when Hidan's mouth suddenly turned upwards, smirking right back with equal animosity. "You just want to get rid of me," Hidan remarked, the reasoning behind his hostile expression still unknown to Kakuzu. "Whether I live or die, it's a win-win situation for you."

The lack of cursing in his partner's statements began to perturb Kakuzu. "Yes…so?"

"So…" Behind Hidan's glinting eyes, Kakuzu could have sworn he saw cogs turning as the man's twisted mind concocted all plans generated out of the pure evil that only he possessed. Or something like that. "Maybe I need a little…incentive to go."

"The girl of your dreams?"

Hidan waved offhandedly at that. "Besides that." With a sharp glare, he elaborated, "If I'm never going to see you again, I've obtain money from you in some unethical way at least one more time."

"You've stolen money before?" The masked man's bloodlust abruptly increased, so much in fact that Hidan could almost taste it in the atmosphere.

Deidara, who along with Tobi had somehow managed to remain uncharacteristically quiet throughout the whole exchange, grinned with a maddened glee at the argument sparking between the two and added, "It was what he used to buy Tenten her lingerie, yeah. Oh, and the replacement TV after he smashed his scythe into it when that annoying cat food commercial came on."

"Shut the fuck up!" Hidan snapped. Turning back to Kakuzu, he continued, "Hell yeah, I have. But so has everyone else. Deidara bought a fucking hair dryer with your cash!"

"Ooh, low blow, yeah," the blonde sniffed indignantly, jutting his chin out in ire. "Don't forget all the hair gel you bought."

"What about your stupid ribbons?"

"Oh, oh!" Tobi butted in, raising his hand excitedly. Even so, he continued speaking without being called on, so the gesture was rendered absolutely pointless. "And Deidara-senpai's artsy stuff!"

Kakuzu turned on Deidara, his green eyes glowering dangerously. "You bought your mud with my money?!"

Before Deidara could reply (though it was doubtful that anything he said would abate the rage of Kakuzu), Tobi once again interrupted, "Not his clay, those magazines of nude women posing."

Several long moments of strange silence passed as Kakuzu glared at Deidara, Deidara glared at Tobi, and Tobi smiled at everyone. Quite amused by the situation, Hidan finally broke the silence by laughingly asking Deidara, "So does buying porn mean that you really do have a penis?"

"I'm gonna kill you, idiot!" the blonde bomber yelled at Tobi, lunging towards his partner with a wild gleam in his blue eyes.

"B-but senpai," Tobi protested as he fled from the angry artist, "you said you were using the magazines as references for your art!"

"Shut up and stand still so I can rip that masked head of yours off your damned body!" was the only response Tobi received, so he did the intelligent thing (for once) and locked himself in his room, where he would hopefully remain relatively unharmed.

Relieved that nothing had been broken in the scuffle between the two partners, Kakuzu turned back to Hidan. "So how much do you want?"

"Well—" The younger man tapped a finger against his chin in feigned thought. "—since asking for it all is obviously the stupidest fucking thing I could ever do, I'll just ask for, say, half of whatever's in that fucking safe of yours."

"Half?!"

"You heard me, bastard. Now cough it up." Hidan held out an open palm expectantly, waiting in a rare moment of patience for his partner to oblige to his demands.

Gritting his teeth in ire, Kakuzu forced himself to refrain from maiming his soon-to-be ex-partner. It'll be worth it, he mentally repeated like a mantra, to never see his blasted mug ever again. It'll be worth it and then some. Finally calming himself down, the masked shinobi trudged halfheartedly to his quarters, in which his safe laid (ironically, unsafely to the hands of the other Akatsuki), with Hidan triumphantly following.

"Damn, I'm fucking amazing." Hidan's comment went unanswered.


Tenten struggled with opening her door. After retrieving her keys from Gai, the kunoichi made a beeline to the nearest market and then to her abode, greatly desiring some alone time with the quart of ice cream she just purchased.

"I hate this—stupid piece of shit—open up already—MOTHERFUCKER!" she nearly screamed when the key broke in the lock. Irritated beyond belief, yet not quite enraged enough to break down the door, Tenten grasped the knob and, with her super kunoichi strength, yanked it open, breaking the lock in the process.

"Fucking shit-ass lock," the weapons mistress muttered as she slammed the door behind her. Glancing around the room, she immediately noticed that no one had cleaned up the place during her absence. If the numerous cobwebs were no indication, the multiple weapons still embedded in her wall most certainly insinuated not a single soul had set foot in the place since her abduction.

"What a crap-hole this place has become," Tenten observed, almost fondly as though she were remembering her time spent in the place. Despite her tone, the kunoichi rarely frequented her own home, opting instead to associate with her team and friends at other places. Very few memories could she connect to the residence and those were not particularly notable ones at that, save for a few.

Stifling her breath with an arm, Tenten entered the kitchen, equally coated in dust and cobwebs, and hurriedly scooped half the tub of ice cream into a bowl before throwing the remaining dessert into her freezer. (The brunette was amused to find numerous packages of frozen peas in the appliance, having been purchased just days before her abduction at an extraordinary deal in the grocery for the many injuries she obtained from training with her team. However, they looked a little old.)

She then allowed the couch to engulf her in its unbelievably soft cushions—ironically, the weapons mistress enjoyed her furniture squashy—as she dropped herself onto it like a dead weight. She spooned some of the frozen treat into her mouth and moaned in delight. "Ben, Jerry…forget Neji and Lee; you guys are my best fucking friends in the whole entire world."

Tenten swallowed another mouthful of ice cream.

The knock that came after echoed hollowly through the otherwise silent apartment, resounding against the practically naked walls back and forth until it faded into silence once more. She waited several moments before finally uncurling from her position and rising to answer whoever the caller was.

"What do you want?"

Lee ignored his teammate's irritated tone and greeted her in his habitual cheery manner, "Hello again, Tenten! I know you just arrived and that you probably wish to recuperate from such an ordeal, but Gai-sensei, Neji, and I would nonetheless like to invite you to join us for our afternoon training session!" As he said this, he eyed her bowl of ice cream with the slightest hint of worry.

The kunoichi, however, simply answered with a blank stare and spooned some more ice cream into her mouth.

"So what do you say?" Lee prodded again, ignoring her exasperated vibes as though they were Neji telling him to just concede already.

"Lee, I've just come back from a days-long abduction which involved criminals notorious for many, many terrible felonies. Does it look like I want to fucking train?"

The taijutsu specialist recoiled at her words, an expression of shock flashing on his face as he took a surprised step backwards. "Tenten…I—"

Before he could finish, Tenten pinched the bridge of her nose and apologized insincerely, "Look, Lee, I'm really sorry, but I just feel really shitty right now, so if you could just leave me alone…"

Without waiting for his response, the brunette shut the door. Listening to his footsteps while he stumbled away, no doubt still confused by her attitude, she leaned against the door and slid into a sitting position, laying the ice cream bowl to her side as she buried her face in her hands in an attempt to cease her tears. The effort was ineffective for her entire body shuddered with her sobs and salty droplets ran down her face in torrents.


"Goddamn you," she sniveled, wiping her nose on the back of her arm. "You ruined my fucking life, you bastard."

"That stupid bitch ruined my fucking life," a certain foul-mouthed asshole muttered as he sprinted through the forest with nothing but his scythe, Kakuzu's money, and a bag of essentials. "Not only do I have every Hidden Village in the whole goddamned world after me, but now I have the evilest fucking criminal organization wanting my ass, too! Why, Jashin? Why the fuck am I being such a moron?"

Something inside him told him because you love her.

Almost instantaneously, he mentally sacrificed that inner voice for saying such utterly outrageous bullshit.