I just want to say a HUUUUUUUGGGGEE thank you and give lots of virtual love and cuddles and unicorns to ghostbuster03 for an amazing first review! After a ridiculously early morning and a looooong day, coming home to read that really made me smile! Thank you very much!

To anyone who's reading and/or following this story, I know that my updates are slow and I'm very, very sorry! I just have assignments from uni that I'm attempting (and generally failing) to keep on top of and then there's the fact that I'm really very lazy…it's not that I don't love you….I do, I swear! Pinky swear! If I don't update for longer than a fortnight then feel free to message me to tell me off!

Looking at the clock which tells me it's now 09:54A.M, I repeat to myself what I've been telling myself for the past 48 minutes.

I need to get out of bed.

I want to get up and close the window that Dorea opened when she'd woken me from my nightmare last night but I don't want to leave the bed. When I woke up, I lifted my arm out of the duvet and almost lost it to the cold so here I am bored, with a cold face and warm body and a mounting need to wee.

Fuck my life.

In an attempt to avoid getting out of bed I had spent most of the 43 minutes mentally going over yesterday and had established the following -

1) Alastor gave me the shove I had needed to mentally start pulling my head out of my ass and actually face up to what was happening instead of acting like I don't have any choices to make. I have to train harder and actually make some decisions. I may have an adequate reason as to why my Defence skills are so shitty but no I also have a more than adequate reason to perfect them. I'm still just as scared as I was when I woke up yesterday morning and all the days before that but I can think around that and I think it's because what Charlus said was right. I need to stop blocking my emotions and face up to what I'm feeling if I want to work through it. The fear still feels as though it's going to swallow me up at times and everything's daunting as hell but I'm going to work through it one step at a time because I don't think it'll ever stop.

2) I won't ever be able to go home again. I'm not going to start trying to deal with the fact they may be dead because they may not be – it's too hard. I'll miss my family, I'll always love them and I'll always have a hole left that no one else can fill. The Potters won't replace my biological family, no one will but I've accepted them being my adoptive guardians. For now the Potter's have accepted me for me and that means more to me than I could ever say. My friends are a different matter, I always considered them more my family than my actual family. Jamie was my best friend and sister – the one I was closest to, Esme was the mother of the group – always keeping us in line making sure we never offended anyone or got into trouble too badly, Becc the irresponsible but adorably lovable little sister that we all had to keep an eye on and then the rest, Hayley, Tom, Daniel, Ashley and Joey that we'd hang around with during lunch and our spare time. I'd miss the constant joking and laughing, the arguments, the random drinking sessions we had, sleepovers, pigging out, the girls in our group being mistaken for lesbians more than once because we'd constantly hug, cuddle, hold hands and were generally very affectionate with each other. Everything. I'd miss everything and everyone more than words can say and I don't think that's something that will ever really go away. I'm just going to have to face each hour as it comes. No matter how strong I try to be I'll never be able to put aside the fear I feel for any of them and where they are now will plague me until I find out...I just have to find a way to stop pushing that back without letting it consume me because I seem to be bouncing from one to the other and I don't know how to act.

3) I had been adopted by the Potters. Charlus and Dorea Potter are now my adoptive parents. James Potter – Harry Potter's father – the man who married Lily Evans and at the age of 21 gave his own life to give his wife time to escape with their infant son– is now my adoptive brother. He is currently 16 and I'll have to spend the next indefinite amount of years dedicated to keeping him and his friends alive so that none of them die needlessly. Peter Pettigrew will caught out for the cowardly piece of scum he is, Sirius Black will not go to Azkaban with the world believing his guilt in handing the Potter's over to You Know Who, Remus Lupin would not spend decades being in the company of those who shun and stick their nose at him, only to die alongside his compassionate wife just days after the birth of his son and Lily Evan's would not have to ever face the situation where she'd have to lay her life down for her son. No matter how hard and daunting, no matter how much my stomach flips and I want to throw up from terror at the fear and responsibility, I have to stop it. I can't quite figure out if I'm going to tell James about where I'm from, how I got here and that his rat friend is really a traitor and should be hung, drawn and quartered while having the Cruciatus curse cast on him. If I do what if he doesn't believe me or what if he hates me for it?

4) I'm going back to Hogwarts. It's going to be hard, it'll be the exact same as it was before The Battle and yet completely different because no one I know will be there. It'll make missing my friends even harder being in the place I met and grew close to them...there's going to be memories associated with literally everything there. I'll have to be really cautious, I know Charlus mentioned some precautions that Dumbledore had put in place but I'll make sure they won't be needed, I'll be careful. I'll be very much behind the rest of my year thanks to the year and a half away from Hogwarts and the months that I've missed which means along with having physical training with Alastor, the sessions I'll have with Dumbledore to regain my memories, school lessons and any extra training Moody wants me to do I'll have to spend a fair bit of time catching up and getting my grades up to at least an acceptable by the end of the year as Dorea said so I think it may be beneficial to my sanity to start getting re-acquainted with the curriculum and get as far forward as I possibly can in the next month and a bit. I'll have to face going into where this all started, the Hogwarts library at some point or other and that absolutely terrifies me. I'll be at Hogwarts with people who go on to be Death Eaters like Regulus Black, Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape – who at this age I remember is supposed to have been- be – very much into the Dark Arts...I'll have to be especially careful around them. Mainly Snape considering it came out that he's been a skilled Legilimens since Hogwarts - which means now.

5) I have to get used to responding to my name because it'll look suspicious as hell if I make a habit of not responding when someone calls my name. Mia Adara Potter. That is me. That's my name. My initials are M.A.P. I am Mia. My middle name is Adara. My surname is Potter. My name is Mia Adara Potter, my date of birth is 17th April 1960 and I am 16 years old. I will repeat it until I accept it and know it.

6) Charlus has mentioned his connections to the auror department more than once and I'm not sure if he's trying to hint something. I need to look into this.

7) I have no idea what Dumbledore's plan to get rid of You Know Who is but I'm going to ask him and to be a part of it. In order to protect James and his friends and family I need to be as proactive as possible, I can't just sit and hide behind the Potter's protection. I can't be a coward and protect them at the same time and I wouldn't cope with their deaths on my conscience so I need to act.

8) I need to be very careful or Harry Potter will not be born. The simplest change can make the biggest impact so I have to watch myself and make sure James knocks Lily up by conceiving on or around Halloween 1980. The irony. Also, in regards to Harry Potter, I need to get rid of the idolising crush I've had on him since my first year and saw him beat that dragon in the Tri-wizard Tournament. He's going to be my nephew and that is just not acceptable. Just no.

Even compartmentalised, the whole thing is overwhelming but it feels as though my brain is less cluttered and more ordered. There are so many things to worry about and do at once that it worries me but there isn't any other choice but to get on with it and that's what I'll do.

My plan for today – when I finally get out of bed – is to have some breakfast, have a session on getting back my memories with Charlus and Dorea, do some studying while I recover and regain my energy from that, do the 3 and a half hours exercises that Alas-Uncle Alastor has set me, shower and then do whatever springs to mind.

A knock on the door startles me out of my thoughts and the door opens.

It can only be Dorea, Charlus waits until I tell him I'm decent before coming in.

For some reason I find that adorable.

My deductive reasoning turns out to be on point when Dorea walks in gracefully as ever and smiles at me warmly.

"Oh, you're up. Did you sleep okay after I left?" She asks with concern, eyeing the dark circles that had only gotten steadily worse since coming here.

"Yeah, the sleeping potion knocked me out until about an hour ago. Sorry for disturbing you again." I sit up and tell her, feeling bad for waking her up every night with a heart attack when I start screaming.

"Don't apologise Mia."

"I cried and snotted all over both you and Charlus last night."

"Snot and sob as much you need, Mia. We want to be there when you need support."

Shit.

My throat tightens and I wait a few seconds for it to go before I respond.

"I'm beginning to realise that." I tell her as we pull away, shooting a small but real smile at her.

"Breakfast will be ready in 20 minutes – well just under 15 now I suppose so please be dressed and come down by then." My adoptive mother tells me as she walks over to the window and shuts it before heading towards the door.

"Aye aye."

Her steps falter and she turns back around and simply looks at me for a moment. Before I can begin to feel uncomfortable she smiles again and heads back out of the room. She pauses after moving her hand up to the handle and turns around with a gentle look I've not seen on her before.

"See you downstairs." Then leaves the room, closing the door behind her.

I get out of bed and into the en-suite bathroom.

First things first, I head to the toilet and take care of the pressing need to pee.

With a relieved bladder, flushed toilet and cleaned hands I feel a bit better about life.

Only a little.

My bathroom routine only takes me a couple of minutes seeing as my makeup bag is currently stuck in 1999, there's no point in showering until after my work out and I can get my hair the way I like it with a flick of my wand.

Not that I bother to flick my wand at it today. The bed head kinks look more like waves so I simply leave it, not even bothering to run a brush through it.

Back into my room, I root through the clothes that Dorea got me rooting for what looks the least horrible.

Fashion in the 70's can kiss my bloody ass.

Settling for a pair of dark blue high-waisted jeans that flared from the bottom and a grey Bob Dylan jumper that hangs off one shoulder, I shake my head at the flare and resolve to see if I can find skinny jeans anywhere the first chance I get.

I bloody hope to God skinnies exist in this time!

I don't bother putting on a pair of shoes as they all make me want to cry and I leave the room after putting on the fluffiest pair of socks I can find.

I shake my head at my line of thoughts – clothes should be the least of worries right now.

I almost trip down the stairs several times as my feet slip and slide on the wooden panel of the stairs and then move to walk down the middle instead where there's a runner/carpet thing running from the top step to the last.

I walk into the kitchen and find the scene that I'd gotten used to seeing: Charlus reading the newspaper over his glasses with a cup of steaming black coffee in front of him and Dorea at the stove.

I usually make it down just as breakfast is being served but now that I'm down early I figure I may as well help.

The squeaking of his chair draws my attention back to Charlus as he puts down his paper, stands up and walks over to stand in front of me.

"Good morning!" He pulls me in for a hug.

A flash followed by a click surprises me and everything goes black all of a sudden, the only think I'm aware of is the fear rushes through my veins like adrenaline.

Staggering backwards, all I can see is black, before I can wonder why the lights are off, two jets of light are coursing right at me, one orange and the other pink. I can feel a pair of arms come around me, holding me just as a green light soars towards me.

Where are Charlus and Dorea?!

Straining against the arms I escape and the jet of light just misses me.

I hit my head off something and I don't know which way's up or down, I couldn't tell you if I'm stood or if I've fallen. I couldn't tell you what happened five seconds ago. Suddenly I'm not aware of anything other than the arms that have come back around me and the crippling fear coursing through me.

Images flash through my mind so fast, like a VCR on fast-forward but I can hear and see everything.

I'm in a library, looking through shelves.

It's dark.

I'm alone.

Or I thought I was.

I can hear voices.

"No! The boy's the only one we's can use, we has to use him! He sent Lord Voldemort away and he will bring him back!"

"It's too risky, he's an auror and the whole bloody wizarding world's always got their eye on him and his fucking Muggle loving herd."

"I call his red head blood traitor, we'll see if she's a pro with my personal broomstick as well as the one her team gave her."

"Ha! The Dark Lord will gift her to you once he's been revived. Once Potter's been sacrificed there'll be no one else to keep her pussy satisfied, she'll probably be begging you for a real cock. I want the bookworm myself...you know what they say about the studious ones."

Someone's – no several people are laughing.

I only heard two...maybe three voices.

They sound like they're inside my head, I can't see them.

I'm backed into a something – a shelf.

People in cloaks and masks appear in front of me and approach me slowly with their wands pointed right at me.

I have to go. I have to run.

I have to do something.

They're talking to me.

One voice is calm but cold, it frightens me.

The other shouts and has to be restrained.

"Well, well. What do we have here? What house are you in, little girl?"

"Why are you here?

"She's heard too much."

"Killing her will send them a message. We'll leave her body in the Great Hall and the whole school can have a little surprise tomorrow morning."

"It's a risk we can't take."

"Don't kill her straight away, I want to have some fun with her while she's alive enough to enjoy everything I do to her. I want to hear her beg." The words are followed by a laugh as cold and emotionless as the eyes staring at me through the skull mask.

They're in my head, why are they in my head?!

I can't see anything. Everything's gone black again.

Oh god, where are they?

Where is he?

A skull mask.

They were wearing skull masks...Death Eater's wear those.

The fear sears through me, reaching, spreading and consuming until my entire body's alight with it.

Run.

They're still several feet away, back away!

"-telling you, s'definitely around here somewhere."

"hear me? Mia! Focus on my voice, Princess!"

Who's Mia?

Do they have her too?

This voice sounds friendly, I can trust them.

Where is Mia? Maybe I can help her.

"It's okay, just listen to me, follow my voice, Mia. Focus on my voice and follow it to me."

Each voice is different but they start to run together. I don't know which one was the one I trust.

"We can't. Whoever did this used dark magic, it's not something we can fix ourselves and if we try we'll kill her.

"Look at me, dear. Listen to my voice, trust it, trust me. Focus on my voice."

Charlus...Charlus Potter...

"You need to calm down, pet; the more you panic the worse it'll be."

"No, open your eyes, now. Get up."

"You're going to learn not to eavesdrop on conversations you've not been invited into."

I open my eyes and instead of bookshelves or even the ceiling of the library, I'm looking at the sky.

How did get here?

Trees...am I in the forest?

"If we wait much longer she's dead, she's already delirious."

Who is that?

A sandy brown haired head is suddenly beside me and aside him is a black haired head who opens his mouth.

"C'mon Princess, open your eyes, you can do it."

Potter...Dorea...

Where are they?!

We were just in the kitchen, what happened? I have to find them!

"Don't worry kitten, who knows, maybe you'll even like it and be purring when I'm done with you."

NO!

A hand touches my face and I rear back, turning to run.

"Tell me, after I'm done will I have the pleasure of being your first? Are you a virgin?"

The next thing I'm aware of is a pain that tears through my head and a blinding purple light which illuminates everything that was black and the voice continues.

I'll making it...memorable for you, kitten. I'll make sure that after I'm done with you, you'll be ruined for everyone else."

The light started off purple but becomes so bright I close my eyes and everything stops.

...

The first thing I become aware of is that I'm on a cold surface.

And my head hurts.

And my stomach's killing.

What the hell?

"Uunnphh"

"Mia?" A woman's voice calls, sounding extremely worried. "Can you open your eyes, my dear?"

Dorea? Is she okay?!

After a bit of resistance my eyes I wrench my eyes open and flinch back at the face directly in front of me.

"It's alright, you're safe." She cajoles softly.

Dorea.

"Are you okay? Where are they? Where's Charlus? Wha-" Charlus's hand comes down on my shoulder.

"I'm right here Princess, it's okay. Calm down and let Dorea look at your head." His voice is calm and soothing.

Why are they calm?!

"They'll come back. They'll kill us, they'll kill us. We have to go. We can't stay, let's go." I babble at him, trying desperately to make him understand.

I can feel the fear returning, choking me in its grip. When my breathing accelerates, Dorea puts herself in my eye-line, making me jump from the sudden-ness.

Was she pushed? I think, twisted every way to identify the attacker.

They won't hurt her.

"Mia, listen to me. You had a flashback." She says slowly. "Charlus and I are fine, no one attacked us. I'm guessing the flash from the camera sparked a memory and you it caused you to become frightened and hit your head off the corner of the kitchen table when Charlus tried to calm you down. It's okay." Dorea reassures me.

I blink.

It can't be, it seemed so real.

The voices.

"But...they were there. I could hear them, I was scared. I can still feel it. I could see the people and the library and the..." I trail off, remembering how it seemed as though I had jumped from the library to outside.

My eyes start to drift shut and I feel exhausted all of a sudden, but shaking my head I redirect my attention back to Dorea and Charlus.

I tell them, looking between the two. "S-scared, could hear their voices...but then it changed and there were different voices, I wasn't in the library, I was outside and there were trees and different voices." My voice trails off as I remember the unorganised memories. "There were faces, they didn't have masks on but they were young...boys. But the same voice came. He said he wanted to hurt me. The black haired one was going to reply to the brown haired one but it wasn't his voice, it was the voice, he said- he-he'd..." I suck in a shaky breath and go to continue.

"Mia stop, you were in the kitchen with us the whole time, I promise you. It was a flashback, one of the memories you've been trying to regain." Charlus tells me soothingly.

It can't be. It was too real.

My heart rate's still too fast and my eyes keep darting to every corner of the room, under the table and towards the back of the worktops as though they might pop out of any of them at any given moment.

"Princess, look at me."

Fuck, if I knew it'd be like that I wouldn't have tried so hard.

Yes you would have. To find out the truth, you need to remember. A little voice whispers.

"Look at me, Mia." Charlus instructs, keeping his voice calm but instructive.

After I drag my eyes away from all the possible places a Death Eater could be hiding, I comply and he puts his hands on either side of my face.

His gesture shocks me and his eyes take in my expression before he carries on.

"Are you listening to me?" He asks.

I nod my head awkwardly between his hands.

"You had a flashback, everything you just saw was a memory of what happened. You are not in danger in this kitchen, there is no one here who will hurt you and there is no one here that is a threat to us." He tells me, his deep voice slow, calm and soft. He tilts his head forward and his eyes are completely sincere. "No one's going to hurt you, you were here the whole time. The flash of the camera triggered a memory. You never left our sight, not for a single second, I promise you Mia. You never left."

I want to believe him but it doesn't explain how I hit my head.

"Then how did I hurt my head?" My voice raspy and demanding as I ask the question.

"You were frightened and backing away. You tripped over a chair leg and hit your head on the corner of the table." Charlus answers.

"It's a miracle you didn't split your skull open with how hard your head off it and then the floor, thank god you're okay!" whispers Dorea from beside Charlus.

My head has difficulty wrapping itself around the possibility that the scene that played out was just a memory. It felt so real. Too real.

But it makes sense at the same time.

Dorea leans forward, taking my hand and asks,

"Mia, what's the last thing you remember before the flashback started?"

Err…

I take a moment so that I can separate the memories in my head.

Trees…faces…the boys…

Thinking back on it I think that the faces of the boys when I was under the trees, they looked familiar.

I'd seen them before.

"Seen who before?"

It's only when Dorea asks me that I realise that I must've said that out loud.

"There were two boys when I was under the trees. One had mousy brown hair and a scar on his cheek and the other had black hair and…"

Thinking about it, the second boy didn't have a single discerning feature because his whole face was one.

"He looked a bit aristocratic."

"That'll be Remus and Sirius, they stayed with you while James ran back to the house to find us." Charlus tells me. "Do you remember anything before that?" he asks gently.

I don't particularly want to go over it again but this is what I've been working for. It's just the start, I can't bitch out now.

Dorea moves to sit beside me and puts her arms around me in a silent gesture of support and Charlus follows by putting his hand on my shoulder.

"You can do it, darling. Just focus on what you're trying to remember." She encourages while he nods on the other side of me in agreement.

Sat between the two with their support and comfort makes me feel slightly less terrified of revisiting the memory.

I take a deep breath and nod.

"That's a girl. Close your eyes." Charlus guides me. He waits for me to do so before he continues in an even, deep tone. "Good girl, now Princess, relax your mind and let the memory come back to you. Don't force it, just let it come by itself. Accept that you need to know…that you want to know the truth."

I let his words sink in, I find it's easier done now that my eyes are closed for some reason.

The first flash of the memory comes straight away and this time I don't shy away from it or the terror that come along with it. I know Charlus and Dorea are right next to me, I can feel Dorea's arm and his hand comforting and reassuring me.

The memory starts with flashes of everything running through my mind…the trees, books, faces, masks and it's not long until the sounds follow.

"Talk us through it Mia. Tell us what's happening, it'll help you remember it's not happening."

So I do.

I tell them what I see.

The sound of my heart pounding, the blood rushing through my ears, the voices – the cruel ones combined with the concerned.

I describe it all to them.

I shake my head in a futile attempt to dislodge the confusion and fright that the dislodged images and sounds have brought but still don't try to stop it.

I need to know.

I want to know what happened.

I get my wish. No sooner does the thought flash through my head it's as though a barrier's lifted in my mind and I'm back in the library.

I do as Charlus advised and talked them through the memory even though I'd give it to them to see themselves through a pensieve later.

Even though I'm talking through it, it's still difficult, the emotions threaten to overtake me and the images still terrify me.

The words and the cold, detached voice of the main Death Eater sends shivers through me.

By the time the memory's over I'm a wreck. I've forgotten that it wasn't really happening right now and I'm hyperventilating and sobbing.

"It's okay, you're okay darling. Open your eyes Mia, look at me."

I recognise the voice as Dorea's but forget that it's them comforting me and panic makes me wrench my eyes open and shuffle backwards, away from the confining embrace.

It takes several moments for realisation to set in. And here I thought I had been prepared. Apparently not.

Taking a shaky breath, I look up at the couple opposite me.

"It'll take time to be able to build up and ability to hold onto reality with those kinds of situations." She says understandingly.

"I-I thought I had prepared myself." I say as much to myself as to them. "It's not going to be as simple as telling myself I can cope with it and doing so, is it?"

The silence answers my question.

No, it's not. That would make life a little bit too easy. I can't help but think bitterly.

"You can cope, Mia but you can't expect to be able to do so straight away. You're coping with so much right now that it's going to take time to adjust and be able to handle everything. You're doing amazing so far, don't let one set back get you down. You've just had your first memory, this could be the beginning of you finding out what you need to know. Don't feel dis-heartened, you're doing fantastic."

It's hard not to feel disheartened when you get what you've been working your ass off to achieve for the past 3 weeks and then have not one, but two panic attacks over it.

Rubbing my face I sit up slowly, trying not to aggravate my stomach.

"Now what?" I ask shakily with a wince, honestly bewildered over what to do after that.

"Now we have the breakfast that Dory made, I'll take the memory and store it in a pensieve and then you and Dory are going to Diagon Alley."

It takes a moment for what Charlus just said to sink in and then I object.

"But what about my memory session? And then I need to study and do the exercises Alastor set me." I don't want to face whatever Alastor has in store for me if I don't do the exercises every day.

He'd probably make me do it on top of the sessions while he's here.

Just the thought makes my muscles feel sore.

"Well considering you've just had a flashback I'd say that counts as your session for the day, overdoing it will only slow you down, Princess. As for your physical exercises, one day won't hurt, you need a break and don't worry about Alastor, I'll deal with him if he makes a fuss over one day. Besides you need to get your school things and other bits and bobs, you can make a day of it and have lunch somewhere and get your hair done or… whatever it is you young ladies like to do to waste time and money nowadays. You both deserve it." Charlus says with a smile, taking out an empty vial and his wand.

I balk as much at the idea of the Potter's spending more money on me un-necessarily and the idea of his trying to access my memory.

What if it backfires and my brain blows up?!

I open my mouth to protest, "You've already spent-"

Dorea cuts me off. "Young lady, we established last night after dinner that we'd buy your essentials and anything else and you agreed so no arguments." She says sharply with her arms crossed and her eyebrow raised.

"But-"

Damn, I did agree.

I look to Charlus for help but that thought's quickly dashed as he just grins and winks at me.

I go to nod but quickly stop as my head throbs.

"I suppose I did agree, didn't I?" I say, my head suddenly hurting too much to argue the point.

"Yes, you did." Dorea's voice is a lot closer this time but more gentle. "Here." She says, handing me an unstoppered purple potion. "It'll help with your head, you whacked it pretty hard."

"Hold on, I'll need to take the memory before you take that." Charlus says quickly and apologetically. "I'll be quick, I promise."

I watch him come forward and raise his wand, pointing it at my temple and then he stops.

"Would you rather I take the full memory so that you don't have to be reminded of it?" he asks quietly.

"You mean forget?" I ask sharply.

As much as I don't want any reminders of what happened and could have happened, I need those memories. They could be the push I need to remember more.

"Not quite, you'll be aware of the memory but you won't have to carry the details of it around with you and it'll be in the pensieve where you can always revisit it when you're ready." He clarifies. "It's not permanent though."

I think about it for a moment.

I won't have to constantly have to remember the sight of the Death Eater's looming towards me or their vile conversation about me and the fear I've never felt before.

It's not permanent either so you can know what happened and come to terms with that without the fear and then it may be easier when the potion stops working.

You won't have to remember what it's like to lay on the floor thinking you're about to die.

But you might need that memory to remember more. I argue to myself.

It'll be accessible sooner or later and if you need it to be sooner then I could use the pensieve.

Your mind won't be accessible when it blows into bloody smithereens.

Dorea said that'd only happen if they try to extract the memories before I remember them myself and they wouldn't suggest it if they weren't 100% I wouldn't get hurt.

I smother the automatic doubt of my adoptive parents, they had been nothing but kind and inviting, and I'm not going to insult them by fearing my safety around them.

After another moment of contemplation, I come to a conclusion.

"No thank you."

They both look surprised.

"Right now it's the anger from remembering the attacks and fear that drives me to work so hard in the memory sessions – I don't want to remember any of this but it if means it may help, I'll deal with it."

"Are you sure, dear?" Dorea asks hesitantly.

"100%"

"Alright, it's your choice. You can take the potion now, Princess." Charlus tells me as he places the memory in the vial where it shimmers prettily and deceivingly, he stoppers it and places it in his pocket, out of sight.

Even after the flashback and the after-effects, him calling me Princess still feels odd.

I neck it back quickly, wincing and shuddering at the bitter taste and am glad when the potion starts to take effect immediately and the shooting pain in my head and the throbbing in my stomach both cease. I wonder briefly how I managed to hit my stomach and how hard but the thought is only temporary as I'm just thankful the paid has stopped.

A rumble from Charlus's stomach elicits a grin from him and a humorous eye roll from Dorea who stands up saying "I take it that that's my queue!" with an affectionate smile.

She immediately turns and focuses on the breakfast that had been neglected in favour of me and my 'episode'.

He follows her lead and get up with several theatrics that included a groan and an admission of not being as youthful as one's mind-set.

Forcing a smile to him, I get up and go to offer a hand with breakfast.

"Thank you dear, but you sit down today. I insist." Her words are delivered with the steely undertone that tells me yet again not to argue.

"Okay, but I'll wash up." I say as she looks at me for several seconds.

"If only James was as helpful." Is all she says letting me take the cutlery to the table.

I'm glad she doesn't continue to treat me as though I'm made of glass. I want to be of at least some use.

I have to smother several yawns as I set the cutlery and cups on the table, the flashback seems to have been as draining physically as it was mentally.

By the time everything's set out, Dorea brings breakfast over and places Charlus's plate in front of him first and mine next so I walk over to the counter and bring over hers and place it where she always sits and receive a smile from both of them.

"Thank you dear." She tells me.

"No problem."

We sit down to eat in an almost comfortable silence and tuck into the sausages, bacon, eggs, beans, toast and fried tomat. It's bloody delicious and I have to restrain myself from attacking the plate with full gusto.

"What time do you think you girls will be back?"

"We'll be back at 5pm, we've got quite a few places to go."

Do we?

"Do you need anything?" She replies ignoring my raised brow and takes a dainty bite as opposed to my wolfing down full forkfuls of food.

"I don't thi- oh actually could you make a transaction at Gringotts, arrange for 200 galleons to be placed into Samwell Sutton's account, I've got the papers you'll need for it in my jacket in the closet by the front door and also pick up some rat spleen, eye of newt and some unicorn hair please?"

"I can do that." Dorea agrees amiably.

I eat quietly and listen to the conversation between Dorea and Charlus, I find the simplicity of it soothing to my still frayed nerves.

I'm actually just surprised I can eat after the flashback.

It continues on this way until we're all finished with breakfast. Charlus and I get up at the same time, he walk out muttering something about "stupid Sutton luck" while Dorea laughs quietly and I start taking the dishes over to the sink.

"You know you don't have to do that, Mia." She says quietly, bringing over her plate and a few other things.

"I want to help."

When she opens her mouth, most likely to argue I add in, "Part of being a family is to help out wherever you can" I say "I never had that mentality before because I was never close to my birth mother and I didn't want to be but I want to now, it's not because I feel obligated, I promise."

That was a lie.

Well, sort of.

I do feel obligated to be of some use around here but another part of me genuinely acts because of what I said as well.

She responds by wrapping me in a hug and says "You could be the laziest little chit and you'd still be considered one of us" pulling back she takes my face into her hands and looks me in the eye, "you know that, right?"

Ignoring the deep ache her words brings up, I swallow the emotion creeping up my oesophagus and nod.

Dorea leans forward and kisses my forehead.

"I'll empty the rest of the things from the table and you can start washing up." She tells me.

Feeling relieved not to delve further into the conversation I run the warm water and start washing up but it doesn't stop my mind from going off.

As far as I can remember I had not had so much affection from my own birth mother than I have from my adoptive one in the past week alone. Any attention I had from my birth parents before was negative, they constantly picked at everything and I couldn't pick out a time where they had fully supported any decision I made or told me they were proud of me. Hell, if they had their way I would never have had a chance to make my own decisions as opposed to Charlus and Dorea who give their thoughts and opinions but let me make my own decisions.

I might not feel fully settled in yet but I feel like less of a burden and more accepted by the Potters than I did with my own family.

The familiar feeling of resentment wells up inside me which is quickly smothered by guilt. Shaking my head I redirect my attention to the dishes and double check that the ones I've done so far are properly clean, which to my surprise they are.

Sparkling.

I wonder what washing up liquid I used…huh, Fairy Liquid…I used this back at home as well.

Despite the resentment and guilt the coincidental occurrence makes me feel less as though I'm in a completely foreign place.

As I continue washing up the last few dishes I take stock of how I feel towards the Potter manor.

Sometimes I feel like a chicken in a horse stable but with every day I'm beginning to feel a little more comfortable and a bit more settled.

I don't like it.

I don't completely feel at home and I do still wish none of this had happened but the stronger my attachment to the Potters becomes the more accepting I become that I can't change any of this.

I rinse off the last dish, dry my hands and turn around to find Dorea simply watching me with a slight smile on her face and a coat and a cloak folded over her arm.

"Ready to go or would you rather go tomorrow instead and rest today?" She asks concerned.

I'd rather you not spend any more money on me at all.

I don't say that though.

"I'm alright now the headache's gone, it's up to you." Is my response.

You know, because I don't want to be slapped round my head.

"Now it is then." Is the cheerful response. "I've got your coat here, I ordered it a few days past and it arrived this morning, just in time."

I don't protest out loud about them having brought me a coat as I know it'd be pointless, instead I simply say "thank you, I appreciate it." and put it on.

"Ahhh, see that Dory? The girl's a quick learner!" Charlus's voice booms from behind me, making me jump. He chuckles and ruffles my hair. "It'll save you a lot of energy to just go along with whatever Dory puts her mind to." He laughs.

"I never doubted she wasn't a fast learner." Dorea replies starchly but with eyes shining in mirth. "Ask Charlus how long it took him to learn that." She faux-whispers to me, a mischievous grin suddenly lighting up her face, making her look 20 years younger.

Not that time hadn't been generous to her, but it's clear to see every time she smiled that Dorea must have been considered seriously beautiful back in the day.

Charlus too, his smile is very charming and the twinkle of his eyes mixed in with his booming voice and personality must have attracted quite a few women.

They make the perfect pair. Their personalities complement each other as well. I realise.

Pulling out of my suddenly sentimental mood just in time, Charlus turns to me and pulls out a bulging pouch.

"Here's your allowance, Princess. There's 80 galleons in here, 40 for last month and 40 for this month, spend it wisely because we only give an upfront for the next month if it's urgent."

I splutter for a moment.

"I don't spend that many galleons in a year, what the hell am I supposed to do with this much money every month?" The words leave my mouth unintentionally but I don't regret it. This is too much.

80 galleons.

80 fucking galleons.

"Whatever you don't spend you can save, no arguments." Dorea insists.

This time I don't let it go.

"I honestly don't need that much, you both have said you intend on getting me all the things I need so there's nothing really I need this for, I won't buy anything. It's pointless me having all of this."

"This is for Hogsmeade weekends and if there's a Hogwarts ball then you can buy a dress with this money or presents for friends' birthdays and the like. It'll be easier than you having to ask for everything. Besides, this is for the things you want, money for you to spend just having fun instead of on the necessities." Charlus says encouragingly, still holding the pouch out.

"James receives the same amount every month." Dorea explains s though it settles everything.

Taking a deep breath and not allowing my need to placate people overtake my unwillingness to accept so much from people who had already done so much for me.

"I understand that you want to treat me the same way as James and I appreciate the kindness and compassion and it comes from, really I do," I explain, getting the feeling that I'd need to give a speech every time I wanted to overrule some overly kind and generous gesture. "but I come from an entirely middle class muggle family, I don't think I'd even know how to go about spending this much money. Half of that would be too much."

"My dear, we understand that and it's not our intention to make you feel uncomfortable but modesty aside, we are a very wealthy family and while we don't feel the need to spend outrageously we-"

Charlus has a minor coughing fit that draws an evil eye from his wife.

"While we don't feel the need to spend outrageously very often on mundane things" She clarifies pretending she hadn't been interrupted "we take great joy in being able to provide for you children. We do the same for James and Sirius and we want to do so for you too."

No! I won't be taken in by the emotional guilt trip! No!

"You already do, but I honestly don't need so much. I'm not so great at making friends, I don't like dances or dresses to be honest and I've got to catch up on the school curriculum while keeping up to date with homework and classwork, have memory and physical training sessions and find time to do the exercises Alastor's set me before I even start thinking about a social life." I say, doing a good job of hiding how daunted I feel by the prospect of my last point.

"Let's talk about this later this evening." Charlus suggests. "Take the pouch for now, Mia and we'll discuss that and your allowance after dinner. Is that okay?"

I'm still reluctant to take the pouch, I'm convinced that one way or another they're going to make sure I accept the pouch and the obscene monthly allowance and that it'll include a guilt trip.

I'm such a sucker for guilt trips, it's unreal.

Unwilling to pick an argument from of their kindness towards me, I simply nod, resigned and take the pouch from him with a thank you.

I turn to Dorea, ready to go but she just looks at me for a second before saying,

"I know we seem like we're pushing a lot on you at once but we just want you to feel as accepted as you are. Is it too much all at once for you?"

Yes.

No.

Fuck!

I don't know.

"No. I just don't know how to react." I don't think about the reply, I just speak and the words come out truthful, if not quite eloquent. "You've done so much for me, I feel as though anything more you do is excessive and I haven't exactly done anything to deserve it."

I didn't intend on going that far but I didn't think about what was coming out of my mouth.

"Mia, you don't need to do anything to deserve a place in this family or the things that come along with it. You have our affection and attention no matter what and the only thing that's going to change about that is that you'll grow more secure of it with time." Replies Charlus uncharacteristically serious with not a hint of his usual smile is on his face.

"Material objects don't mean anything, they're not a big deal to provide. You don't have to do anything to deserve anything we give you, we give it to you because we want to and because you deserve it just for being as strong and sweet and patient as you are." Dorea continues. "40 galleons may seem excessive but at least that way we know that you won't want for anything."

"Especially considered how adverse you are to accepting things, we'd hate to see how awkward you'd feel asking." Charlus finishes with a grin.

"Right well, we should be off, we can talk properly about this later. Would you like me to carry that in my bag?" Dorea motions to the pouch still sat in my hand.

"Please. See you later."

"See you at dinner, Princess. You two stay safe and have fun." He responds and pulls me into a hug and kisses the top of my hair before turning and doing the same to his wife but kissing her on the mouth instead.

Aww.

He smiles one last time and apparates out.

"Our turn." Dorea says to me, smiling and holding out her hand.

I've never apparated or even side-along apparated before and from what I've heard the feeling of it's not exactly one to look forward to.

I nod, take hold of her hand and before I can even take a breath I feel like I'm being squeezed through a bloody toothpaste tube.

As soon as my feet touch the ground I literally topple sideways until she pulls my hand, yanks me her way and leans me forward in case I throw up.

"Give it a second, if you need to throw up then don't fight it." I'm advised while rubbing my back and sounding slightly too amused.

Unwilling to make a scene of myself again so soon after this morning I fight back the nausea until I'm mostly convinced my recently swallowed breakfast will stay in its place, it makes a few moments but eventually I feel secure enough to stand up – carefully – and look at Dorea slightly triumphantly who grins back.

"You've got a stronger stomach than James." She chuckles, moving her hand from my back.

I don't know what else to say and I need to stop the panic that's settling in at the idea of being out so I smile in response and look around.

Don't be soft. You're fine, Diagon Alley's full of people!

Hogwarts is too…that didn't stop you from being attacked then either.

"I thought you couldn't apparate into the Leaky Cauldron." I say in a slightly high pitched voice, recognising the shabby and rather grubby ladies toilets.

Right, I randomly remember Professor Slughorn saying in 2nd year that the establishment had put up wards and other precautions against witches and wizards doing so because of You Know Who and his followers.

"Tom trusts Charlus and I, we're one of the few exceptions." She explains, her voice soft. "However we don't make a habit of it or make it entirely well known for several reasons."

"Oh. How did you know there wouldn't be anyone here?" I use my questions as stalling methods, I don't feel ready to go outside yet.

What if someone can tell I'm not supposed to be here?

My heart rate picks up and my palms are starting to get a bit sweaty.

"I floo-called Tom while you were washing up to say we'd be coming. He's put a mild repelling charm around the entrance so we'd get the privacy we needed without arousing any suspicion." Is the patient explanation.

"Oh." I repeat, lamely. "Okay." I don't know what else to say.

Smiling warmly again, Dorea slips her arm into mine in an unexpected but not unwelcome affectionate manner, kisses my forehead and looks at me encouragingly.

"I was hoping that you'd still be too caught up in our money conversation to feel too nervous about coming out."

Am I that obvious?!

"The first time going out after an attack is always the worse and the scariest. It'll get easier each time after this."

It's the idea of getting through the first time without having a heart attack that's causing a problem at the moment.

"I won't let anything happen to you, Mia. Besides, people aren't stupid enough to attack in such a public place, especially while I'm around…I'm a bit of a badass you see." She says smiling cheekily. "There are several aurors stationed around the area, I promise you're safe, Mia."

My anxiety fades slightly-I'm still more frightened than not but I don't want to waste Dorea's time when she's got things to do so I smile at her and hold my arm back out.

Taking it with a reassuring grin we head out of the ladies washroom.

Dorea's is stopped for a chat that lasts several minutes literally as soon as we emerge from the washroom by several smiling patrons and Tom. She takes the time to greet them and introduces me by saying "this is my recently adopted daughter, Mia. I figured I'd take the opportunity to show her around and show her off while Charlus is dealing with some estate matters." Whilst squeezing my arm reassuringly every so often, silently letting me know that I'm safe with her.

I smile politely and fakely at the curious looks, wishing I was young enough for it not to look beyond ridiculous if I hid behind Dorea. "Hello. It's lovely to meet you all." I say, keeping my voice smooth.

She hurries us out after that, using the excuse that we had an appointment before anyone can start asking any questions.

I've got the details I need in my head, Charlus wrote them down for me last night and asked me to memorise it all. As far as anyone and everyone is concerned, I am Mia Adara Potter, 16 years old, born and raised in Amesbury to muggle parents who were very protective of me and instead of sending me to Hogwarts, they hired a wizarding professor who taught me and several other witches and wizards in the area. Amesbury has the highest percentage of witches and wizards being born there in comparison to its tiny size and people often put that down to the magic and mystical ways of Stonehenge so I was never without friends. Charlus had said I wouldn't need any more details about that as I could simply pass it off as though I'm too affected by the loss and trauma to go into any more detail.

It only take my mind several seconds to rehash the details but by the time I've snapped out of my inner script Dorea's used her wand to tap the code into the wall linking the Muggle world to the Wizarding one and the passage is opening up.

I can still remember the first time I came to Diagon Alley, it was with Professor McGonagall and I was in awe of everything and the feeling hasn't completely faded in the years that have passed.

I swallow the panic rises up in my throat like bile…

Or maybe it is bile…

We pass through and I distract myself by voicing a question I had wondered about but disregarded earlier.

"What happened that first time James side-apparated with Charlus?"

Dorea chortles and says. "I love telling this story! He was 12 and it was nearing the end of the summer holidays, he had been begging for weeks to be allowed to go on a business meeting under the reasoning that he'd need to know it all one day and the sooner he started learning, the easier he would find it. Well, one day Charlus finally gave in to James' begging and agreed to take him to visit the family vault in Gringotts to oversee and sort a few matters with the Goblin that processes our finances. As soon as they arrived, the Goblin waiting for them got a nasty greeting when James vomited his lunch and the sweets he'd been scoffing since lunch all over the poor goblin."

I can't help it, I burst out laughing as I picture the rather gross but hilarious scene in my head.

"Yes, Griphook hasn't been very enthused to work with us after that."

Shaking my head. "I don't blame him, I'd be eternally terrified that James would either come back and do it again or that he'd gotten his tender stomach from either you or Charlus and either one of you would blow at any given moment. I bet he was traumatised!"

"I don't suppose it helped either that Charlus found the whole scene positively hilarious and couldn't find the restraint to stop laughing for several minutes. He thought James' look of horror and embarrassment combined with the look of horror and disgust on Griphook's face was "comedy gold". She air quotes the last two words, shaking her head.

I can just imagine it and it makes me laugh a bit more.

"Things have never got boring for you with those two around, have they?" I ask as she directs me towards Gringotts.

"Oh good lord, no. Between the two of them I'm sometimes unsure which one to be most worried about." She replies with a smile and eyes full of love and warmth at the thought of her wayward husband and son. They'll have either roped you in or given you greys by the time you graduate." She warns. "Or both."

Oh lord.

"Thanks for the warning." I respond dryly as I walk through the doors.

"Thought you might appreciate it." Is Dorea's equally dry response.

I glance at her sideways and see her doing the same and I smile slightly as she does.

Walking through Gringotts always gives me the heebie-jeebies, the goblins make me feels as though I've done something wrong and the walk to the front desk is like doing the naked walk of shame in front of Satan's judging minions.

Can you tell I have a slight aversion to Goblins?

I'm all for equal rights and not judging a book on its cover and all that shablahhh (I have to, it goes along with not being even remotely attractive), but…they just freaked me out with their black, beady eyes that they fix on you like they're just waiting for you to do something so that they can gouge out your eyeballs with their unnaturally long fingers and creepily long fingernails.

I get there are wizards that have treated them bad in the past and considering the Goblin Reform Act doesn't come to pass until 1998 they still have it bad but so do muggleborns and 'blood traitors' so perhaps a smidgeon of decency wouldn't be too much to ask for!

I eye the Goblins nervously, it seems like forever until Dorea and I reach the queue at the front desk. The queue's not long, there's about 3 people ahead of us but it seems clear that we'll be there for a while when an even-from-the-back haughty looking woman with unnaturally (ahem dyed *cough*) black hair pulled back in a severe bun and spotless, wearing a what looked like spotless, silk black robes begins to shriek at the flustered and intimidated goblin.

"HOW DARE YOU, YOU FOUL, LOATHSOME LITTLE CREATURE? DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO I AM? I DEMAND YOU GIVE ME ACCESS TO MY ACCOUNT THIS INSTANT! HOW DARE YOU ASK ME TO WAIT IN LINE LIKE SOME COMMON MUDBLOOD, YOU WRETCHED, BUMBLING BAFFOON!"

Beside me I feel Dorea stiffen, looking up at her I see her expression has become hard and her eyes are levelling a look of undisguised distate and dislike at the woman causing a commotion. She shoots a contrastingly worried glance in my direction which I reply to with a questioning raised eyebrow.

My stomach rolls and I force myself not to panic-vomit.

"We'll come back later." She mutters quietly, shooting a disparaging look at the loony but said loony turned her head at the sound of Dorea's voice.

Is she a dark witch? Oh sweet fuck, is it Bellatrix Lestrange?

How she heard her over her own screeching is beyond me, but the "woman" immediately dropped her fanatic demeanour and had the audacity to contort her leathery face into an uppity mask of superiority and look down her nose at Dorea which gets my back right up with a surprising force.

Who does she think she is?

Also the way she could just switch from loony to icy and superior is rather freakish.

"Well, I wouldn't have thought you'd have the nerve to show your face in public for the foreseeable future." The she-devil sneered.

I don't think it's Bellatrix Lestrange, whoever she is seems more inclined to give out verbal abuse than physical torture.

"Is that so?" Dorea asked in a flat tone, unperturbed by the vile attitude coming her way.

"Indeed it is." The woman smirks and pointedly switches her gaze to me. There's no trace of any anger from her screaming fit left on her face, instead her gaze is stone cold as she looks me up and down and concludes her assessment with a disdainful twist to her upper lip. Dorea moves in front of me slightly which doesn't pass crazy lady's notice.

"Pleiade and her sisters mentioned that you'd stepped up your charitable work, Dorea. However we were wondering whatever Charlus must think of you bringing that work to the doorstep? However..." She drags out the pause here intentionally and raises her eyebrow sardonically to counteract her next word, "honourable you feel your actions may be, they do reflect poorly on your name." Her eyes move off assessing me, derisively and back to Dorea. "Not that you've ever given much thought to that, dear cousin but do think about your dear 'daughter…but then despite the stigma attached to her, it's not hard to see why she's attached herself to you despite what people may think."

Cousin?

I couldn't see Dorea's face from my position behind her but from the stiff way she's holding herself it's evident she's furious. Before she can say anything I put my hand on her shoulder and say in a dry voice,

"It's alright, Mum" Putting extra emphasis on the word so that the horrendously rude halfwit would pick up on it. "I was told once that when people try to put you down, it's because they're jealous you're above them."

"You dare-"

"Also, people who feel the need to go out of their way to comment on other people's lives are often the ones lacking in their own, so really the only thing we can do here is pity this poor…" I purposely look at her and imitate her pause and sardonic eyebrow raise before continuing, "woman."

The woman puffs up in extreme indignation while her mouth works furiously and yet thankfully, and probably only momentarily, silently while Dorea looks at me with some surprise, pride and… wariness? Something else? Maybe. I don't know.

"Perhaps you're right, my dear. Come on, we'll come back a bit later on." She puts her hand on my back and starts to guide me back out of Gringotts.

I feel slightly wary about turning my back to Crazy Lady and walk but a ballsy little Goblin steps in front of Dorea and I. His eyes shift nervously to The Bint before defiantly saying:

"Ahem. We at Gringotts would like to apologise for the situation you were put under and if you would follow us to a private room we can deal with the matter you came to sort straight away."

I shift slightly and look back at The Crazy Lady who lives up to her secret names with the way fury radiates from her body and her left eye is twitching. She begins walking over, shoving another Goblin out of her way.

"Right this way, Madams." The Goblin talking to us, instructs and proceeds and hastens through a door to the right.

"HOW DARE YOU, YOU INSUFFERABLE HALFWIT! I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD ON A-"

Which one of us she was talking to and where exactly she planned on putting the chosen one's head, whether on a wall, up her expanding backside or on her dinner table as a gruesome centre piece would forever be unknown to the Goblin, Dorea's and my ears as the door shuts behind us with a soft thud and a click. The room we've entered matches the ostentatious decor of the lobby.

Before Dorea can say anything the Goblin speaks first.

"We don't normally allow our customers to skip the queue or offer special treatment but in this case we decided it would be a good thing for Mrs Black to discover we don't care about her standing in society any more than we care what she wishes to do with our heads. Please do not expect this kind of generosity again in future."

Scowling at his assumption we'd think more of ourselves thanks to his "generosity" I almost tell him where to stick his "special treatment" but Dorea squeezes my shoulder reprovingly and replies,

"We understand completely. Now, if we could get down to why my daughter and I are here?"

With a slight narrowing of his eyes he agrees as though he's making some big concession which makes me want to practise the headlock Alastor taught me on him.

Bozo.

"Of course, Mrs Potter. Seeing as you're already here it would be a waste of time to do anything else. Please, take a seat." He mutters insincerely, counteracting the respectful bow of his head.

The business at Gringotts is done within 15 minutes and by the time we walk out Loony McPsycho is nowhere to be seen and I also have access to the Potter vault and am slightly baffled as to how it happened.

The idea made me kind of uncomfortable which Dorea must have picked up on so she assured me that I was "only allowed to use in a case of extreme emergencies otherwise there'd be questions and trouble."

Weirdly that made me feel a bit more comfortable with the idea.

Huh.

Before coming here I felt like all the restrictions and rules my parents imposed were suffocating me but here they make me feel better.

I look around the Alley several times in paranoia not sure if I'm looking for Death Eaters or the mouthy woman.

"She'll have gone back to her manor to bully everyone around her until her need to have everyone around her on their knees kissing her posterior repeatedly while she kicks them until she's satisfied." Dorea bites out as she adjusts her handbag and walks forwards.

Dorea doesn't strike me as the type of person to usually be so distasteful about someone, even if they're as vile and rude as that woman was earlier.

"Who is she?" I question.

Hopefully someone I'll never have to meet again. Fingers crossed.

A few moments follow my question that tell me she's reluctant to talk about her to me, so I let it go. To some extent.

"Is she someone I should be worried about?"

If the answer's no then let it go.

Pursing her lips, Dorea holds off for a moment before replying.

"Walburga Black-"

"Sirius Black's mother?" I cut in, surprised.

Dorea however doesn't look surprised. "I see even where you're from, her reputation precedes her."

I snort as a way of response. "I'll put her on my list of people to keep the hell away from, just in case insanity's catching."

"Shall we get your school supplies first and then we'll go on to the fun stuff?" Dorea asks changing the topic non to subtly, nudging me and waggling her eyebrows comically.

Trying to ignore the panic that is suddenly trying to grip me again at the idea of wondering around in such an open place, I try to distract myself and wonder if Dorea's warm demeanour is something that a lot of people see.

Is it that she's being nice out of pity or because she genuinely considers me a part of her family?

Or is she overcompensating as a way to get herself used to a new "daughter"?

Whatever her and Charlus' reason, I still feel grateful and think I should stop being a sentimental sissy and answer her question.

"Sounds good." I smile at her.

"Madame Malkins is just across the road, let's start there then." She says briskly, smiling widely, linking her arm back in with mine and starting forward.

The interior of the robe shop was exactly the same as I remember, the only difference is the style of the robes - which is to be expected.

Oh, and Madame Malkin is considerably less wrinkled.

It doesn't take long to get my school robes measured and fitted and despite the fact I know that I've lost quite a lot of weight since arriving here what with spending 2 weeks unconscious, the first week of being conscious not being allowed to get up a lot or eat much due to the nausea and dizziness certain potions I had to take caused and then the extreme exercise Alastor gets me to do since a week after that- but being so used to seeing a slightly more than slightly chubby girl in the Hogwarts uniform, I guess I had been subconsciously expecting to see the same sight I'm used to staring back at me so it shocks the hell out of me to see that even with a white school shirt, a thick sweater and my robes on I actually kinda have a nice figure.

There's only one issue.

I turn to where Dorea is answering Madame Malkin's rather nosy questions about me.

"Ermm, could I get trousers instead of a skirt please?" I ask awkwardly after yet another paranoid scan around the shop.

My legs and thighs aren't chunky anymore – they're actually kinda shapely, but I still don't feel comfortable in skirts, they're just too girly… and I feel naked.

I don't fancy feeling a breeze on my yoohoo in the winter.

Madame Malkin gawks at me while Dorea looks somewhat relieved that the woman's attention is no longer fixed on receiving questions to her nosy questions.

"But…you're a girl." Madame Malkin tells me slowly, as though I'm unaware that I have breasts, a vagina and got my first period when I was 13.

"Oh, well I was wondering why I had these." I say sarcastically gesturing towards said breasts. "At least I know now that I've been making the right choice in underwear when I put on a bra each morning. Actually speaking about those, could you make the shirts a bit looser around my chest please?"

I can feel the buttons near my boobs straining slightly and I don't fancy having that gap between the buttons showing in the summer when I don't wear a jumper to cover it.

Looking scandalised she just stares at me with wide eyes.

I raise my eyebrow and turn to Dorea who looks disapproving.

I'm just about to apologise when I notice the slight upwards twitch of her lips and refrain.

"Dear, Hogwarts hasn't quite caught up with the times, you see. I'm afraid it's still a rule that girls wear skirts." She tells me placatingly.

The fact makes me scrunch my nose up in distaste but I nod in acceptance and glare at my skirt once Dorea's turned to the seamstress with an apologetic smile.

"My daughter mentioned the shirt being slightly tight, if you could fix that we'd be very grateful."

She sniffs snootily and answers without looking at me, "I assure you the shirt is properly fitted, as it is for every other girl."

"Yes but she happens to be uncomfortable with it and I do not wish for her to feel uncomfortable while she is at school." Dorea retorts politely but pointedly.

The woman scowls as though severely put upon. "Well take your robe and sweater off and let me see." She instructs.

So feeling awkward again –I wonder if I'll ever feel anything other than awkward and anxious here- I take off my robe and sweater while they watch leaving just my white blouse.

And the gap.

You know, the one that gapes between button holes showing the world shirt a la boob.

It's there just proving the annoying woman wrong.

And the annoying woman's just there staring at my cleavage.

And so is Dorea.

But she looks amused.

A quick spell fixes the blouse but the stain of wrongness and shame lingers on the woman's cheeks. I feel smug.

Five minute later Madame Malkins seems glad to get us out of her shop, and so with 3 lots of skirts, shirts, jumpers and robes. Two would have been enough for me but apparently having "back-ups are essential when around James and Sirius."

The next hour and a half is spent going from one school supply store to another and although I can't stop myself from feeling scared and scanning the faces of everyone we go past, the familiarity of the place and tasks soothes my nerves enough so that I can enjoy Dorea's company.

"Right, now on to the fun stuff!" With a wave of her wand, she makes the shopping we've just done disappear.

At my slightly baffled expression, she laugh, "I've sent them home, we'll need our arms free!" She says brightly.

Turns out when she said that she wasn't lying.

4 hours later we exit a boutique on some high street in muggle London with several new bags to add to our growing collection of them.

Just before we left Diagon Alley after having brought something from EVERY shop we sent those bag homes as well before going to a muggle diner and eating obscene amounts of chocolate cake.

I opted for a warm, melt-in-the-middle chocolate cake with a side of vanilla ice cream and a triple chocolate cheesecake while Dorea had the Cookie Blast explosion in a Mug with chocolate sauce and then followed with a triple chocolate cheesecake as well.

Bonding's not the same if it's not done over chocolate cake.

And now our arms were laden with shopping bags again.

I don't feel too guilty as I talked her into exchanging 40 of my 80 galleons into muggle money so that she wouldn't have to spend any more money on me.

Not that it worked of course, having unashamedly used emotional blackmail, there was at least one thing from each shop that she had brought me.

Did you know that a galleon is the equivalent of roughly £3? I didn't!

I have £120 to shop for nothing in particular on top of everything I've already got.

Also, here's the big one….

Are you ready?

I wasn't.

Alright…

Skinny jeans.

I HAVE THEM!

Apparently they're becoming all the rage. That right there is my silver lining.

I brought like 6 pairs and regret nothing.

2 black pairs.

A light grey pair.

A dark grey pair with rips on the knees that Dorea surprised me by insisting I buy.

A normal denim blue pair.

And a navy pair.

I love the high street, it's so cheap!

With all those jean along with some tops and a pair of shoes, I've spent £95.

I've spent the last few hours split between paranoia, having fun, feeling guilty about having fun, paranoia, feeling guilty over how much money I've spent, paranoia and trying not to fall asleep standing up. The last of which I'm almost losing the battle to.

On top of that the cramping pain in my stomach has returned with a vengeance and despite my almost cheery demeanour, every time someone so much as looks at me or puts their hand in their pocket to get their wand and I can feel a major headache coming on.

I'm ready to go ho- back to the manor but not wanting to ruin Dorea's fun I carry on smiling and pretending I'm fine and haven't got the images of the flashback from earlier this morning raging in my mind.

"It's almost 5, my dear. Ready to head back?" She smiles at me, her arm still linked with mine and her eyes knowing.

YES.

"I don't mind. Is there anywhere else you wanna head into?"

Pleasesaynopleasesaynopleasesaynopleasesayno. I think while keeping a straight face.

"No, I think you're worn out." She says shrewdly. "I apologise, I got rather caught up and should've noticed sooner...you're still recovering and after this morning as well. My dear, I am very sorry."

"It's fine, really. It's been good to be out, I think I needed it. Today's been great and… let's face it, it was worth it just for the chocolate cake and skinny jeans let alone the rest. If anything I should be thanking you – for all that and for all this." I finish with a smile, gesturing to the bags in the hands.

It's not really a lie, I feel better than I've come out for the first time and got it out of the way. I even had quite a good time with Dorea…it's just I'm now physically and emotionally exhausted and in quite a lot of pain. I want to sleep.

Actually I want to eat and then sleep.

And then wear my skinny jeans.

Unfortunately I still have to do my exercises and I want to see if I can remember anything else.

With the cramps having come back, the idea of working out sounds horribly unappealing.

"I'm glad you think so dear, but when we get home it's dinner and then rest – be it watching a film with Charlus and I on the TV or going straight to bed. No arguments, young lady." She adds when I open my mouth to argue.

"I won't get very far if I just sleep or keep putting things off." I say quietly.

"And you won't get very far if you drain yourself either. If you want to be at the top of your game you won't achieve it if you're walking around like a zombie." She counters.

"Moody will be pissed if I miss a day."

"Charlus and I will take care of Alastor. Just because he chooses not to have a life doesn't mean that everyone should. You have everything ahead of you and are capable enough that focusing on your own life will not detract from anything." Dorea sniffs.

"Am I ever going to win an argument with you?" I ask, exasperated.

She just smirks and directs us down an empty alleyway.

Holding her arm out, I fidget with my bags using adjusting them as a pretence for what I'm actually doing – covering the fact a cramp's currently ripping apart my insides and preparing myself for the horror that is side-apparation.

Here goes nothing.