The Journals of Wisdom, Power, and Courage

Chapter 7: Oh Look, it's Weirdmageddon but I Promise it Won't be a Rehash of Canon

Beginning AN:

You can probably tell that I was somewhat directionless with this chapter. Ironically, I think it was around the time the election plot came in that I really started to buckle down and focus on writing this. Just a warning in advance.


So Bill and his buddies were goofing off in the apocalypse world. ...That was during Mable the Typomonster's apocalypse. Ford shook his fists angrilly, and McGucket came out like "Uh what I'm sudednly a main character now?"

So there was also Stan, who walked in and was like "WOW these mechas got bigger and there's suddenly a triangle! Also, Soos's girlfriend mecha is even HOTTER! Wow!"

...I forgot if Gideon was good now or not. Uh, looking back the only mention of him in Chapter 6 was his Mechanical Boss counterpart. And in Chapter 5, he was just... kind of forgotten about. So he's still evil? He went up to Bill and was happy.

"HEY!" Shouted Gideon. "CAN WE WORK TOGETHER TO RULE THE WORLD NOW?"

"Um... no." Said Bill. "Honestly, seeing that fucking abomination Not-Bill, I don't really actually want anything to do with you anymore."

Gideon frowned.

"THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT! IT WAS NOT THE FAULT OF ME!" I kind of forgot a bit about Gideon since writing that huge load that was Chapter 6 so for some reason I'm thinking of like a Nic Cage-like hammy performance. If they ever do a Gravity Falls movie where everyone is given new celebrities voice actors, Gideon should be Nick Cage.

"Yeah, buuuut..." said Bill, "That was so disgusting and also you're pretty useless. PRAISE MABEL for opening the portal with her punch!"

"Spiral power!" Said Ford. "Ass, I should have known! That's the best way to get to another world! I had no Spiral Power myself..."

"Neither do I..." Said Stan.

"Is that a bonding moment? You're still out of my lab, you know." Ford told Stan. And that was angst because they were in a troubled relationship of siblings. Kind of like Dipper and Pacifica, whose refusal to kiss started this whole mess (but that makes sense because htey're brother and sister so them kissing would be gross).

"ANYWA," Said Gideon, "I WANT TO RULE THE WORLD WITH YOU STILL!"

"Nah." Bill replied.

"What?! Are you trying to betray ME! Because only Nzyvo can do that!"

"What will you do for me? I'm already in this world."

"Well, if I work for you, I can promise that I WON'T TRY TO KILL YOU!"

"Really?" Asked Bill. Then he turned big and red. "BRING IT ON!"

But then suddenly Bill looked like he was sarting to disintegrate.

"Oh no! It's my stupid components! Argh, in that other multiverse, they're disintigrating! CURSE YOU, NEPETA LEIJONNNNNNNNN!"

Then he just disolved in to green dust. This is a reference to how he was originally going to be green.

The Henchmaniacs were like "...The hell happened to him? Is he dead?"

(If you want to know, it's gonna be answered in HOUSESTUCK: THE SPLIT, the grand finale of SBIG that's not out yet! But yes he's "dead.")

Unlike Bill's canon death this didn't just erase the Weirdmageddon. The giant rift thing and the Henchmaniacs were still there.

"Uh... now what?" Asked 8 Ball.

Teeth shrugged. "Fuck, I'm still gonna break stuff if nobody minds."

"WE MIND!" Dipper shouted at him. Pacifica, who was by Finalayer and thus Finalayer Shackan Lagann, just stayed silent. But then Pacifica kinda also hid in the shadows, very mysteriously.

"...Not you you morons! You don't count! Now, who's with me of starting this party without our MC? ...Wait, I don't know what 'MC' means. 'Master Chief?' 'Mega Chef?' 'Magma Cokc?'"

"Did someone say 'co - I'm sorry I don't swear - ck?'" Asked Soos. "Because if we're talking about that kind of thing, I want to weigh in."

"Me Tooo!" Said Meloy.

"No you moron imbicils!" Said Teeth. "We're demons from He- I mean, the Nightmare Realm, and we're gonna PARTY!"

And then disco rap music began playing as the Henchmaniacs all went "WHOO!" and started throwing shit around and knocking over tables. They were jerks!

"WE'RE GOING TO STOP THEM!" Said Mabel. "Gigan... Drill... BREAK!"

And then that move easily drilled through Hectorogon and he expl,oded. The other henchmaniacs looked at that and were like "OH SHIT!"

"Well..." said Teeth. "THAT looks tougher than I thought! I guess maybe we'll have to step Weirdmagedon up a bit! Everyone! Consider getting mechs!"

And then Mable returned. She looked at Finalayer Shackan Lagann and glared at it.

"Just to let you know the mechanical Bosses" (AN this is based on Terraria if you didn't get it.) "Still exist. Prepare to face off against four more of them soon." She said that and then disappeared. Kind of a dick move, to be complletely honest.

Suddenly the Henchmaniacs had their mechas! Well actually the Lust Devil and his DEMONS FROM HELL didn't use mechas so maybe they'll have something else.

Hrm...

Oh, I know! They ride on giant beasts like that Cthulhu-ish thing, and... what, there was a giant ear?

"LET'S BATTLE!" Yelloed Teeth. He was on not any of them, which seemed odd, but he'll see this later.

"We got this..." Said Melody as the Hexaseximal tried to dash foreward-

Instead they just got knocked over by a FALCON PUNCH from the giant ear that 8 Ball rode on.

"You mother fuckers!" Yelled Melody. And suddnely that Lumberjack sign from the intro (except covered in RED AND ORANGE AND YELLOW AND BROWN leaves because AUTUMN) also fired a bunch of axe missiles at the Hexaseximal and that ended up keeping them busy. Pyronica was riding on it.

"Sorry dudes!" Said Soos as he returned to his mech position from his sex position with .GIFfany. "You're kind of on your own while we have to fight them!"

"But-" Said Mabel. "On my own..."

"At least I'm woith you." Dipper said, although kind of annoyed for some reason.

"Aw, thanks. Never leave my side ever, okay?" Asked Mabel. "Or else I'll die without you constantly in mmy life."

Then Teethblasted the Finalayer Shackan Lagann with a blast. And he laughed because he was a dick.

Ford looked at all off this and shook his head. Then Xanthar and 8 Ball jumped next ot him.

"Oh hey," Said 8 Ball, "You're that guy that did that thing."

"Fuck off." Replied Ford. "That goes for you two Stan I'm still mad at you since you made that portal."

"But actually," said Stan, "That rift up there was- uh nevermind. Gotta protect Mabel's secret identityy. OH SHOOT DID I JUST SAY MABEL BECAUSE-"

"I already knew about Mabel being the one who opened that portal. Still, you took over my house and did dumb shit like risking universe destruction with that portal. So fuck off while I kill these things. This should go by easily and I'll be able to defeat them and move on tto being a researcher alone by myself."

Then he saw McGucket there as well.

"Oh dear." Said Ford. "We have past angst."

"Who are you?" Said McGucket. "I think I used a memory gun to wipe out all stuff about you and the weird shit you found."

Ford started to weep.

"Well, crap. I'm going back to my lab to find a way to destroy these things."

And then the Trickster materialized by them.

"Hi there Ford." Said the Trickster. "I'm fucking your brother, so can I weigh in here too?"

But Ford already disappeared.


Ford was in his lab thinking "Hmmmm... I should probably use the mecha I had hidden too... that can also transform in to a lava-proof ship..." So he flipped some switches and some dumb tiny book-looking thing was there. It was the user manual. "But then again that's only IF lava comes in to play..."

The Journals walked up behind him. It's pretty easy for me to forget that they even exist in this story seeing how different the beginning is to this part right now. Same with the Golden Goddess (and Modascend). Actually, they showed up too, because Dipper and Mabel were doing just find without them.

"Oh. Right. I forgot about you being cursed or something." Ford sighed. "So you're like my research but you're now rude."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING RUDE, YOU MACHINE-FUCKER!" Shouted Journal 3.

"The 'Machine Fucker' in any case might actually be Soos..." Said Journal 1.

"A true hero seeks neither fame nor women, just to kill the bad guys." Journal 3 said. "Anyway, author, if you really are a true hero, then how far must you come for this moment where evil is all around us?"

"I barried over the lab." Ford explained. "Now there should be no thing that can get in from Bill's apocalypse. Although I guess now it's Teeth's apocalypse after Bill's mysterious vanishing that can only be answered with Housestuck: The Split. Which will be kind of out soon, I promise."

"Excuse me." Farore broke in. "Uh, J3, how do you know about true heroism exactly? Heroism isn't just about killing bad guys."

"But it plays a part it in!" Said Din. "You know... power, and everything."

They both looked at Nayru.

"Nayru? Any tie breakers?" Asked Farore.

"Eh, hero is just dumb dictionary word. I don't really care." Said Nayru who was just reading a book. "Look, I'm kind of distant because Pacifica is being a mysterious bitch right now about Dipper angst, so sorry."

"I'D LIKE TO WEIGH IN!" Commented Hammithan. "YEAH, BEING A HERO IS ABOUT KILLING BAD GUYS!"


(Flashback to how he got the barrier)

Ford was walking in one of the few times he left the lab, with him going to the unicorn.

"HEY UNICORN!" Ford shouted.

"THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, YOU IMPURE ASSHOLE?!" The Unicorn shouted back. Celestabethabella? I'm not even gonna bother with her name. It's worse than Schrodinger from Hellsing, I can't spell that shit right off of memory.

"I NEED SOME HAIR FOR A BARRIER BECAUSE THE APOCALYPSE JUST HAPPENED!" Ford was talking about Mable's apocalypse not Bill's. That explains why he's able to get back to the lab/old (new? I'll just call it the lab from now on) Shack so quickly.

"FUCK OFF."

"BUT APOCALYPSE!"

"FUCK OFF!"

Then some spare lasers from the battle with Savior ended up setting the forest area on fire and the Unicorn went "Well shit here you go." instead.

Ford said "THANKS NOW YOU FUCK OFF!"

"Oooh burn..."

Then she laughed because of the pun of her own place burning down. And yeah it was really burning. Like Stan's memories at the end.


"So we should be okay. Evil things are kept out in this border barrier."

"Does that include me because I'm supernatural?" Asked the Trickster.

"No. As you can see by the fact that you're here. It's evil supernatural which is why in canon Rumble and those Golf Assholes were able to come in."

"Yay!"

Then the President of Canada broke in. How did he get in to Ford's ultra-secret lab? Because he's the fucking presedent of Canada!

"Your next challenge is about to begin, Stan." He said. "Well, eventually. I mean, it's today."

"But the apocalypse!"

"Watch this."


The President of Canada left and Stan, Ford, McGucket, and the Trickster followed. Keyhole walked over to the Shack and glared at them.

"Hey let's kill you." Said Keyhole.

The President of Canada just glared at Keyhole and he exploded.

"This is bull,shit to me." Said the President of Canada. "Even the Typomonster's mechs won't harm Canada. They're too scared of it. Come over there, it will be the one last piece of Earth that will survive... BUT, I kind of don't like your country if you are considering voting for a man who wants to ban porno..."

"Damn, even Bill's group is afriad of Canada..." Said Ford.

"DAMN RIGHT THEY ARE AND HAVE EVERY REASON TO BE LIKE I KINDA EXPLAINED! Now Stanford Pines, if you stick with me in the next challenge you will be protected."

The brothers just looked at each-other. Ford glared at Stan and he laughed.

"Okay I'm gonna have an election now." Said Stan. "PS I kinda used also your name but still, but some times it's like my name?"

"Good. Bye." Replied Ford. "You're still an awful brother."

"And I don't want you to touch the kids."

They both turned away and crossed their arms. Mabel noticed this.

"Hrm..." she said. "Wow, how sad..."


Inside Finalayer Shackan Lagann, Nzyvo thought she could be an edgy badass and take over the controls. She kinda thought wrong but that's not until later, as right now she was fighting these giant floating head abominations with the power of the spirtal.

Meanwhile, Mabel went over to Dipper's section of the mecha. Which was just dropping from Lagann to the Mystery Shack.

"Dipper! Dipper! Dipper!" She said. "Remember that talk earlier about being your own person with Pacifica? The one that kind of started the apocalypse?"

"Huh? Why are you talking about that now?" Replied Dipper. "I uh... what about it?"

"Well, I'm suddenly thinking about it. Because of Stan and Ford, and I don't want us to become like them."

"Okay."

"You should bond more with Pacifica right now."

"I could save the world and Pacifica still wouldn't want to talk to me. I think it's better if we keep some distance for right now."

"But Dipper..."

"What can I do?"

"Uh... well uh, I'm not sure, but...

"Actually forget Pacifica because you abandoned her for twelve years but then again I also abandoned her, just don't leave me, okay Dipper?"

"Uh... well."

"Don't ever leave by my side or I'll cry!"

Teeth somehow heard that and started laughing.

"Ha ha, wow. The Lust Devil was kind of right about part of you. Same with Mable."

"You know both of them?" Mabel asked.

"...I'm the Sloth Devil. You didn't get that E-mail from Mable?"

"What e-mail?"

"Didn't Mermando or the Sea Emperor tell you? Or better yet, e-mail you?"

"...Huh? Oh, wait. I think I remember now."


Flashback, a few months before the Mable apocalypse but after Chapter 5:

Mabel was on the computer. She got this e-mail:

"Hello Mabel Pines, I am all of your biggest issues personified, Mable the Typomonster. AKA the Pride Devil. I have been informed that you have finally been reunited with your other three siblings, and I assume that you will foreward this to them. Please do, because I hate sending multiple copies of the same e-mail. Mabel, your love interest Mermando is held by the Sea Emperor and forced to marry the Manatee Queen, but there is an agreement to let him go if you find the seven Devils Wanted by the Sea. I'm telling you this since you seem to like him: I know that beating me, the Pride Devil, is fucking impossible. The other six of them are... we were 'made together,' but we hate each-other. If you fail one of my rituals, I will start an apocalypse... which might piss off the other six Devils and they'll start doing bad things. Well, just thought I would let you know! Do everything exactly as I command and I will not destroy the world with robots! Maybe if you can kill the other six Devils - which I would like, I can't stand those idiots - then the Sea Emperor might just let Mermando free, knowing that killing me as the seventh and final one is literally impossible."

Mabel stopped reading at "I am all of your biggest issues personified" and looked offended.

"I have no issues! Fuck you, I'm perfect! Must just be a nolife virgin troll 40-something man who lives with his mom in the basement. Fuck you, Comic Book Guy, and fuck your comics!"

She deleted the email.


"Ohhhh..." said Mabel. "So the Lust Devil - what a dick! - wasn't just a random dick, he was part of a group of seven."

"Yeah, yeah, and I'm just the 'next' of them, and one that happens to know Bill. Or, happened to have known Bill, since he's dead."

"He's just hiding! :(" Said Pyronica, whining. "I uh... I know this! Because I have a theory! Maybe he turned in to Nzyvo somehoe!"

"Dove already made a joke kinda related to Bill theories you're done." Said Soos. "I mean, not here, but in run:gifocalypse."

Pyronica just replied by using the lumberjack to punch Hexaseximal again. Hold on, I'm losing track of where everyone is... oh wait! I know! I can just cut the scene, and then when we're back, I'll list the positions everyone moved to offscreen!


Tambry and Dan were angrilly texting around on their smartphones.

"Fuck I hate Stan's SJW conspiracy in censorign boobs." Said Tambry. "It's just like Naked and Afrid WHY HAVE THEM BE NAKED IF YOU'RE JUST GOING TO CENSOR IT? THAT'S LITERALLY HE ONLY REASON TO HAVE NUDITY IS IF WE CAN SEE IT!"

"Fuck I hate the white men for wanting to objectilize women by making them not appear fully clothed." Dan texted back. "THE REASON WHY GAY NAKED MEN IS OKAY IS BECAUSE IT'S BEAUTIFUL ART THAT SAVES THE WORLD AND ADDS THE NEEDED BEAUTIFUL HOMOSEXUALITY IN TO EVERYWHERE!"

They then looked at each other. Suddenly, news.

"TODAY WE'RE GONNA HAVE A DEBATE!" Announced news guy. "Blondulina, rebuplican nominee, versus democrat nominee Ryan Christian."

"Hahahaha, thanks News Guy." Said Ryan. He had a name, just that Ryan was being a dick. "Anyway, I'm here to talk about why clearly being the far left is the only right way for humans and anyone else is an idiot that must be 9/11'd. So, Female Sexy Hitler, what do you say you're going to do about child issues?"

"Um, I ask the questions." Said News Guy. "My question is: there's two apocalypses who do you think is gonna win?"

"What?" Asked Blondulina. "This is like nerd talk about superheroes, 'who's gonna win?' What about saving the country from both of them? Mabel Pines already defeated the Lust Devil guy that waged a war on .GIFfany Land, and the Lust Devil already had a lot of power."

Suddenly 8 Ball broke in.

""Um, hi." He said. "Do you know where rebuplican nominee president Stanford Pines is? I'm sorry, Mabel threw me around a lot and now I'm lost."

"...No." Replied both of them.

"HOWEVER!" Said Ryan. "I CAN tell you where DEMOCRATIC, LIBERAL nominee Ryan Christian is!" He grinned like an asshole and pointed to himself. "Right here."

"Mmmm... thanks but I've read your novel before - well, like the first ten pages of it - I'm out I don't even want to talk to you."

He just got on the microphone and announced:

"UH, STANLEY PINES! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DISAPPEAR IN TO YOUR STUPID LAB WITH YOUR STUPID BARRIER WITH THAT STUPID FUCKING UNICORN HAIR?"


L'ets actually look at the unicron for right now.

"...Boy that Ford guy fucking sucked." She looked up and saw the sky's rift thingy.

"Haha, I hope those dumbasses rot."

Then Finalayer Shackan Lagann dropped down from above. It turns out the Henchmaniacs just threw it down there.

"Hi there, unicorns I never met!" Said Mabel. "I'd love to talk to you and see more of you, but I have to fight some demons right now!"

Then one of the minions, uh... Teeth/Sloth Devil at this point, dropped. Final answer: Teeth's fighting the Pines, Pyronica's fighting Soos's gang, Stan's group has to fight... Keyhole? No wait, he was killed by the President of Canada. Urgh, so much shit to keep track of. I kinda hate this chapter even though it's a mid-story arc WEIRDMAGEDDON of all things. Maybe I shouldn't have killed Bill like that so suddenly. Then again, his death is important to the plot of Housestuck: The Split.

Anyway, right now is Teeth, the Sloth Devil.

"Wait," said Mabel, "'Love' God being the Lust Devil makes sense because he's a dick with loce potions, but what do you have to do with sloth?"

"I'm kinda lazy, and Weirdmageddon was formed in canon when you made a deal involving not wanting summer to end which I guess is not moving foreward and I guess that's like sloth not moving foreward like on the couche at home not moving foreward for the TV."

"Okay I guess you're sloth."

"Now time for my NEWER AND COOLER AUTUMN FORM! HURRRRARAAAGHH!"

And then he began to transforms! Now he looked like a hydra-ish thing... of teeth? I guess.

"THIS IS MY TRUE DEVIL FORM! NOW, FOR THE POWER OF SLOTHS!"

Suddenly Finalayer Shackan Lagann stopped moving.

"Oh, FUCK!" Shouted Mabel. "I really feel like procrastinating everything and not moving at all. I'm feel a lot lazier."

"Yeah, me too." Said Dipper, "Like, I barely even want to crack open a journal and read that."

"MWAH HA HA! YOU'RE LAZY NOW! THAT'S AN AMAZING ATTACK I HAVE!"

"I think I'm usually like this, hahahah." Said Mabel. BUT THEN THAT MADE HER REALIZE SOMETHING! And Gurren Lagann music (I don't know pick a random song) began playing as she looked at her core drill.

"Wait... these Devils... embody parts of my problems? So uh, you're my not growing up?"

"No dipshit I'm your 'family must always stay by me and do what I want' part of you. Symbolically. Biologically I existed way before you did. Not growing up is uh... I dunno, Greed Devil?"

"Well that's confusing. I'd want to think about it, but I'm too lazy to do that. Nzyvo, how do you feel?"

"Just sleepy! Remember, my spiral energy-lack killing me!" Nzyvo said. That was a recap. "I can't just slack off!"

"ARGH!" Cried Teeth. "Is that going to be the weakness of ALL SEVEN OF US?! That Nzyvo's dying-ness will keep her out of it?!"

"No, I AM feeling tired too it's just that I know that not acting for long will kill me. And sleep doesn't count because... um, dreams? It's the difference between actually being tired and just the LACK OF WANT to be active, which the latter is what kills me."

"Sounds needlessly complicated."

"And the .GIFfanys aren't?"

"You have a good point."

Teeth/Sloth Devil didn't even NEED a mecha! Yeah, his Hydra Form thingy. I don't think Lust had a mecha either, just a blimp. He just fired sloth beams and laughed.

"Well, I guess I'm the next powerful in line after Bill's random and sudden 'death,' so I should be the leader? That beam was pretty powerful after all."

Let me elaborate. The beam in question just kind of shot Finalayer Shackan Lagann back. Yeah.

And after being shot back, Finalayer Shackan Lagann just made a hammock and rested.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" Asked Nzyvo. "Mabel, you NEED to kill him! Don't just sit there and rest!"

"Meh." Said Mabel. "I'll do it later."


So now let's get back to the Stans.

"Uh... guys?" Said the Summerween Trickster, who was looking outside the lab's window. And yes, the lab has a window, don't ask.

"WHAT THE FUCKK?" Asked Ford.

"The demons are coming over to us anyway."

"WELL MY BARRIER CAN BLOCK THEM OFF! NOW, STAN, YOU RAN FOR PRESIDENCY UNDER MY NAME kinda?, SO I CAN SUDDENLY STEAL THE TITLE FROM YOU AND BECOME PRESIDENT IF I WIN!"

"...Ford no, that's bad." Said Stan. "I'm running for president to prove a point. Also my popularity is really low since I made that promise to ban porn."

"WELL THEN! I WILL JUST HAVE TO STEAL PRESIDENCY FROM YOU! AND IT WILL BE EASY BECAUSE OF YOUR COMMENTS OF BANNING P- uh, the economy. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't vote for someone who wants to ban the economy. Yeah, that's just me."

"That would be a bad idea."

8 Ball broke in.

"Urgh, I told you." Summerween rolled his eyes.

'HOW THE FUCK DID YOU BREAK IN?" Asked Ford. "THIS THING IS BILL PROOF!"

"Yeah, but I have a VIP ticket."

"Oh, that makes sense."

Then Ford said "FUCK IT! I HAD BEEN NOT SUCCEEDING BEFORE! IT'S TIME TO TAKE THE FIGHT TO THEM!"

He punched 8 Ball in the face and started to have a badass fist-fight, which ended when suddenly Xanthar summoned an evil skull-fist thing (use your imagination on what that looks like) and punched him back.

"SHIT!" Shouted Ford. "I CAN'T DO IT ALONE!"

"I'M NOT HELPING YOU!" Stan shouted from the Mystery Shack.

"Can't you two just get along?" Asked the Summerween Trickster.

"Not really honey." Replied Stan. Of course it's Stan, because why would Ford call the Trickster "honey?"

McGucket just shrugged. "Ford, you're a dick." He said.

"Oh it's angst time now..." said Ford. "Look, you left because the portal made you see something bad. Something Bill-related. But now that Bill's gone, you should feel reconciliation. So, forgive me. I did nothing wrong, ever."

"...Wow." Said the trickster. "Yeah, no, I take back what I said. Ford, you're a dick. Gucket, you're right."

Ford got sad and began playing violin (he's good at fingering because he has six of them) and began twalking (AN that typo looks like twerking LOL what is this Escape From Fanservice Island by Great Pikmin Fan?) by and away.

"YO are we njust non-existence?" Asked Xanthan. "Everyone's ignoring us it's pretty boring. And this apocalypse is supposed to be FUN! Let's make things FUN!"

Using his VIP pass, 8 Ball just set the whole lab on fire and had to drive everyone out.

"WELL, FUCK MY RESEARCH!" Shouted Ford. "STAN THAT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"BUT HOW?" Replied Stan.

"BECAUSE!"

But then thankfully Ford had his own TINY mecha because it's a coincidence (this is not the same as the one we'll see later this chapter): He called it the Sciencebot, and it showed a giant gold six-fingered hand like on the Journals.

And speaking of the Journals...

"HEY, CAN WE DO SOMERTHING TOO?" Asked Journal 3.

"Sure." Answered Ford. "Look through yourselves and see what I wrote about Bill's group. It's been 30 years since I read you, I forgot most of that shit."

"OKAY... dammit, I wanted to be important! Oh well, at least I'm not key-hunting! LOL!"

"Yeah... is it weird that I actually feel just a tiny bit bad for Dipper for that?"

"You shouldn't, I take back what I said about not key-hunting because that's actually kinda fun."

"Yeah key hunting is fun and Dipper's just a bitch."

"Speaking of which, weren't there like two 'special keys?' Nzyvo's 'Key that gets the other keys key' didn't get it."

If Journal 3 had eyes, they would have been really fucking wide.

"Oh... OH SHIT, I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT!"

And then he began running.

"DIPPERRRRR!" He cried. "DIPPPER, THIS IS REALLY FUCKING IMPOORTANT! REMEMBER THE KEYS! WE NEED TO GET BACK TO THAT NOW...!"

But Dipper obviously couldn't hear him because they were like a mile away. In fact he can't won't even catch up until the end of the chapter.


Speaking of Dipper, he and the others were getting their asses kicked.

"Okay," said Nzyvo, "Clearly maybe even Finalayer would work when turned in to a mecha. BUT! There's else we might be able to use."

"What's that?" Asked Mabel.

"You see, my branch of the Northwests also constructed a space station the size of Jupiter, that's a fake Jupiter."

"SHUT. UP. THAT'S AMAZING WHY DIDN'T YOU BRING THAT UP WHEN WE WER FIGHTING THE LUST DEVIL, WHAT A DICK!" Mabel got excited.

"Because we were fighting the Lust Devil, what a dick, and then now we were dealing with Bill. We had no time for this shit, just enough time to get to Fianlayer."

"Can we go there now?" Asked Mabel.

"Mmmm... maybe after we're finished with Sloth Devil and thus have some fucking space open to do that."

Sloth Devil just laughed, still in his badass hydra form.

"I'M ONE OF THE DEVILS, YOU IDIOT! YOU REALIZE THAT LUST DEVIL IS CONSIDERED THE WEAKEST OF US! AND IT TOOK ALL THE .GIFFANYS TO KILL HIM! Or, get to a point where you guys and shit could kill him."

So then Finalayer Shackan Lagann just got in to fighting position.

"Now," said the Sloth Devil (Teeeth), "COME AT ME AS COOL AND KICKASS AS YOU CAN!"

In case you couldn't tell from the past six chapters, I'm actually bad at writing fight scenes so bear with me. Anyway, so then Finalayer Shackan Lagann ran up and did some mega-punch combo thing but then Teeth/Sloth Devil just kicked her back a little.

"SEE? YOU CAN'T! THIS IS THE POWER OF A DEVIL!"

Then Paci-Fier just walked in.

"Hey," he said, "do we 'normal demons' get this same shit too?" He asked.

Mabel just Giga Drill Broke him and he answered with "Okay that answers my question. I guess not. Bye!" And then exploded.

"HAH!" Said Sloth Devil. "Pussy! He's not like me! Now... SLOTH POWERS ACTIVATE... ACTUALLY, AGAIN-ISH BUT SOMETHING NEW!"

Then he spawned a mega-punch that acrually ripped Shackan Lagann out of Finalayer Shackan Lagann, not only leaving Nzyvo by herself, but shooting sending Dipper and Mabel far across the world.

"HAHAHA!" He shouted.


Meanwhile, Soos was already kinda against Pyronica and shit.

Yeah, Pyronica just kinda tried to get in to the Hexaseximal (she succeeded) and laughed, punching him in the jaw. Which was kind of a dick move because he had just been helping .GIFfany recover.

Then Soos went "Wait a minute! I still have some kind of power thing, don't I? Yeah, from all that training I was doing over the months!"

"What?" .GIFfany asked, zapping Pyronica but it didn't really do much.

"Yeah, I think I got an amulet or something that wasn't mentioned until just now. It works on demons."

"Why didn't you use it on the Lust Devil - WHAT A DICK - 's skeletons that kept saying they were demons from hell?"

"Because the plot said so. The plot says a lot of weird things about me. Actually, no. They were skeletons. That's why. This won't work on skeletons. And the Lust Devil was guarded by a skele-barrier."

.GIFfany put a hand on her head. "You are kind of confusing, but... at least you can now beat Pyronica."

"Yeah! I can! Watch!"

He just flipped a coin.

"The hell is that?" .GIFfany asked.

"It's a thing! That brown-haired news reporter kinda showed up and gave it to me!"

"News-reporer?"

"Yeah, remember when we were coming back to the Mystery Shack after being the .GIFfany for the first time?"

"Yes. Oh yeah, that was weird, she teleported away. ...What happened to her, anyway?"

When the coin landed, it fired a laser that plasted Pyronica to death. Hey, if you wanted more of the pink ass, read Escape From Fanservice Island. This doesn't count as the gag of recommending run:gifocalypse because EFFI isn't RG. :)

"Ahem. I'm right here, you know."

That wasn't said by Pyronica or anything (she's dead now) think of it as a continuation of the conversation: It was the reporter from Chapter 4! She was actually going to be in Chapter 6, but I ran out of room.

"Oh, hey! Reporter!"

"Please. My name is Kyu. Well, I guess you're seeing me again, huh?"

"Hi Kyu! It's been, like, forever months. How do you feel about Mable's apocalupse? Actualyl, what about Bill's? Or even the Lust Devil's"

Kyu shrugged. "I've seen worse, but the Lust Devil was a dick. Anyway... Tell Melody that the next challenge is actually not just 'about to start,' but it's right now. You know, this should be convenient for you now that you've killed Pyronica using some cool coin shit."


Meanwhile Teeth was still in this colossal monster multi-headed/teeth set form, that was kicking around Finalayer Shackan Lagann.

"Okay this is getting boring." Said Teeth/Sloth Devil. "I'm just gonna watch the election now."

So then the Sloth Devil turned on the news and thanks to the President of Canada's badassness the two candidates were already in position for stuff.

"Okay." Said the interviewer. "Debate. What is your stance on the transgender bathroom law?"

"...What's that?" Asked Melody. "Is that like, those gender bending magic comics I read on DeviantART?"

"Yeah, I'm confused." Said Stan. "Isn't that a porno flavor?"

Ryan Christian said, "Transgingers are funny to make fun of on Family Guy. Hahaha I coukd make a puking gag for one minute." (He's a Brian Griffin reference.)

GPF siad, "Well, Pikmin don't exactly shit - or really 'eat' for that matter unless you count nectar - so as long as I'm in this body I can't really say anything of that."

Quimby- oh right, he failed, nevermind. Uh... Lawyer Guy. "I'll solve the issue by copyrighting genders."

Rounding out the demos was - one two three four, Stan was technically a repub... oh, nevermind. Let's just go to the other side.

Hank and Bank both said "I don't want to share my pissing room with men in dresses?"

And finally, Blondeulina. "Trans r fuking hot I'm fine with that."

The interviewer tilted his head on the side. But then Tambry and Dan both angrilly broke in.

"Trans are mentally ills that don't exist!" Shouted Tambry, half-shouting to the microphone. Because of the angle it just came out in that REEEEE BEWWWW sound effect.

"What?! No! Trans are the superior extra third and fourth genders that should wear their body hatred as a proud badge and kill the cis!" Shouted Dan.

"Fuck off, normie!"

"Shut up, KKK leader!"

"Are you two gonna kiss?" Stan asked. "Because the tension between you is obvious."

"Ew! I'm an adult and she's 16!" Dan finally said something that wasn't fucking retarded.

"Age is just a number though, you need to grow up and accept how normal it is to want to date 14 year olds!" Tambry's moment for that, however, might have to wait a little. "As a proud lolicon fan, I- wait, Debate Guy, can this be about lolis instead?"

"No." Said Debate Guy. "On to our next question and then the Baseball Challenge, I'm gonna ask about war. What's your opinion on war?"

This time only the main two get to answer that.

"I like playing a lot of Call of Duty, so uh, you can shoot people and get points, that's cool?" Said Melody. Everyone cheered although Melody facepalmed because that wasn't supposed to be a good attempt thing.

"Yeah! Shoot people! See that? She's for shooting those stupid SJW cancer that's everywhere!" Said Tambry, with stars in her eyes.

"No, she's clearly talking about shooting Nazis and bigots!" Said Mandly Dan. "Also, the cis. FUCKING DAMN YOU CIS!"

"My opinion on war is FUCK EVERYONE WHO IS AGAINST AMERICA!" Said Stan. "VOTE ME FOR PRESIDENT OR YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE BRITISHPEAN!"

But nobody cheered.

"You're against America by your proposed pron ban!" Said Tambry. "So you should be saying to go fuck yourself! That's logic!"

"I don't care about war can we talk about how killing the cis again? :(" Dan asked.

"Okay we're out of time!" Said Debate Guy. "Now, your next challenge is to play baseball with eachother."

Tambry and Dan were still wrestling over the mic and then their Fakebook friends, Tambry's multihaircolored teenages and Dan's manly lumberjacks, all crowded around the mic to try to grab it. Debate Guy turned off the mic got on a lawn chair and ate popcorn and laughed his ass off as they were now all trying to wrestle for a piece of metal that doesn't do anything.

"MELODY GO WIN FOR PRESIDENT I LOVE YOU YOU'RE A TRANS ICON EVERYWHERE BY TRANS AND FOR TRANS!" Said Manly Dan.

"Uh, what? No I'm not. I don't even know what a ranch-gender is." Said Melody. "I don't even want to be president, it was a spur of the moment."

"IN MY HEADCANON YOU ARE! A TRANSWOMAN BETTER THAN WOMAN, AS YOU'RE NOT REALLY A WOMAN!"

"NO, THEY'RE NOT REALLY WOMEN!" Shouted Tambry. "THEY'RE INSANE MEN IN DRESSES BETRAYING THEIR BIOLOGICALLY!"

"NO, THEY'RE NOT WOMEN! THEY'RE TRANSWOMEN, SOMETHING NEW AND BEAUTIFUL!"

"NO, THEY'RE NOT WOMEN! THEY'RE MEN!"


(Baseball)

"Listen," said Stan, "I really fucking hate sports episodes, so I want to get out of this as soon as possible. You remember Grunkcle Stan Wins the Football Bowl I know nothing about this shit."

"The teams are only four against four." Said Melody. "Actually, wait. Why the hell are we playing with our opponents in the same party?"

President of Canada answrred. Oh yeah, they were in a baseball stadium in uniforms, except .GIFfany's was like a bikini version of baseball because she's the Fanservice. And yes, the teams are: the repubs as one team and the demos as the other. Oh, GPF did not wear a uniform, because PIKMIN DO NOT WEAR CLOTHES.

EVER.

Sorry about that. Anyway. Neither did Soos because he was still naked.

Tambry and Dan were still yelling back in the debate room but you probably don't care about that shit. It's like Steven Universe where nobody gives a rat's ass about 90% of the humans, except instead of Gems they want to find out about Bill. Unfortunately Bill is dead now so you'll have to have fun with his weirdos, like the Sloth Devil.

"It would make more sense if I get to play with Soos, .GIFfany, and Rumble on one team. And four people team baseball?" Melody continued.

So then the teams were that the first lady/gentleman, head of the president guard, and president scientist were all... that would be a total of sixteen on each, right? They were all gathered by the line, with the baseball in the middle and Stan and Melody facing each other.

"Same regular baseball rules applies." Said the President of Mexico. "If the candidate leaves, then the rest of her or hsi-"

"His or her this is a man's sport." Said Hank. "Not like soccer at all."

"FUCK YOU HANK, IN MY COUNTRY IT'S CALED FOOTBALL, YOUR COUNTRY IS THE ONES THAT CALL THAT OTHER SPORT 'FOOT' WHEN YOU'RE JUST THROWING IT AROUND AND GETTING IN TO GAY PILEUPS! YEAH AMERICAN FOOTBALLL IS FUCKING GAY, IF IT WASN'T FOR THE CLOTHES IE EVERYONE'S NAKED I'D ASSUME IT WAS THE SAME KINDA PORNO STAN WANTED TO BAN!" Preisdent of Mexico shouted at him, folding her arms.

"Is that really gonna be the one thing keeping me out of the white house?" Stan said with a frown. "I mean... it's still what Mabel wants, but..."

"Anyway," continued POM, "her or his entire team of... uh, I don't know what they're called, but they quit too. For example, if Stanford Pines leaves, then Wendy, Trickster, and... oh, Soos, you were with Melody last challenge, you should be with Stan this challenge." Yeah sorry I guess it's not an even 16 vs 16 then. "Will also have to leave. OKAY, READY? *WHISTLE!*"

Ryan was behind Melody ready to make the first catch. He went "Giggity" because her butt was in front of him.

Melody threw the baseball behind her, but to get disqualified she did it shitty on purpose and threw it on his head. Ryan's dog nose was broken and he went "OWIE!" and Stan made an easy steal.

Stan began dribbling the ball over to the Demo's goal net, and he was going "YES! FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE, I'M DOING SOMETHING COOL, AND MY BROTHER CAN'T DO JACK SHIT ABOUT IT-"

And then a sword was thrown in the crowd, and the crowd gasped. It was Ford! And he had Fiddleford on top of him!

See, you thought this election stuff was just filler, right? Welll... PLOT AND CHARACTERS AND SETTING.

Ford also had the dead bodies of the other demons except Teeth, because I was getting sick of keeping track of them.

"HEY, LEADERS OF THIS ELECTION!" he Shouted. "I AMD THE REAL STANFORD PINES! THIS ASSHOLE IS JUST MY STUPID BROTHER STANLEY, STEALING MY NAME! AND I WANT TO RUN FOR PRESIDEN!"

Evryone gasped except Ford (who just said the above), Fiddleford (who was trying not to fall), and Ryan (who was like "OW MY FUCKING NOSE IS BROKEN AND BLEEDING!"). Also the President of Canada. The agents guys knew but eh... you know what? Fuck it, I'm retconning that. Stan used his fake name the whole time if anything in Chapter 6 said otherwise.

"Your brother is Stan Lee?" Asked Soos. "Oh. Right. Duh! Haha."

"CITIZENS OF THE UNITED STATES." Announced Powers nand Trigger (fuck it, at the same time). "WE HAVE A NEWCOMER TO THE ELECTION CHALLENGING THE IDENTITY. HOWEVER, STANLEY HAS PROVEN THE BARE MINIMUM FOR BEING PRESIDENT, WHILE THIS GUY JUS SAT IN HIS CREEPY BASEMENT LAB. SO... WE'LL HAVE THEM COMPETE FOR THAT REPUB SPOT! BUT FORD, YOU'LL I RECOMMENT A FULL TEAM BUT YOU DON'T TECHNICALLY NEED IT AS MELODY IS GOING WITHOUT A FIRST GENTLEMAN THIS CHALLENGE! NOT JUST THAT ONE GUY WHO IS YOUR FIRST GENTLEMAN!"

"Actually, he's my Presidential Scientist." Said Ford. "He's already married to a racoon."

":(" Said Fiddleford.

"But I have special guests!"

Suddenly, a familiar meme started playing.

GOOD MORNING SLAM, WELCOME TO THE JAM!

Bugs Bunny popped out from one of those burrow-trail things.

"WHAT'S UP DOC!?" He asked, chewing on a carrot.

"That's my head of the guard!" Said Ford. "He's a cartoon, so he's invincible!"

And then Lola walked up and stripper music began playing. I'm not a furry but she's fanservice for the furries.

"And that's my... ugh..." Ford shuddered. "I know we don't have to have a full team, but First Lady! Loophole reasons!"

Stan pauced. "IT'S ON, BROTHER!"

Stan grabbed the baseball and pressed the "SWROD" button, whcih turned it in to a sword, and he swordfought against Ford.

"So while the overall scores is still the same and Ford's playing on the Repud side, whoever Stan scores the most points individually gets to stay on, and if they both tie at, say, zero to zero, then I'll hold a terrible tie breaker." Said President of Mexico.

Suddenly Bugs Bunny went through the ground and drilled out kinda like Mabel did in Lagann, but it was a drilling-out so that he ended up hitting Stan in he nuts. Ford smiled evilly as he grabbed the sword-ball, turned it back in the ball, and dribbled it over to the net.

Melody, Rumble, and .GIFfany were just standing there not doing anything. Because Soos was trying to build Stan's reputation, he was kicking as s our there.

Ford threw the ball and it landed through and scored a Republican Goal.

"GOOOAAAL!" Shouited the Debate Guy.

"YES!" Cheered Ford.

Stan looked at his others. "Aren't you guys rooting for him or me?"

Blondulina said, "Well, I like porn. I'd rather have him running than you."

Hank and Bank shrugged. "Whoever scores for us."

"I just thought of something." Said Melody. "What's even the point of making these challenges if both teams both have someone lose? Oh yeah. Approval from others so they'll see how the president acts in war."

Ryan meanwhile recovered from his nose (he was now in one of those cones a dog is in) but was now plotting something evilly.

"I'll use magnets!" He said.

And then h got out some Dick Dastardly thingy that was a giant magnet. Those red U-shaped things even though why can't they be in different colors? I want rainbows of magnets they seem like the kind of thing associated with rainbows and coming in color varieties for some reason. (Maybe the 'fucking magneys'/'double rainbow miracle' old meme?)

But when he turned it on, things just went to shit.

Ford was pulled forward because of the metal plate in his head, ending up headbutting Stan, but also going past that and hitting Ryan not in the nose this time but the balls. Ryan also ended up fucking over his own party, as Melody was having metal coins in her pants pocket so it ended up ripping off her pants and her panties were everyone could see and that was mbarassing.

"Oh, fuck you!" She said.

"I swear." Said Ryan. "That time, it was unintentionaly."

But then the ball went past her and that threw off the rest of her clothes.

"BWAH!" Said Bank and Hank at the same time. "FEMALE NUDITY! I AM OUTTA HERE!"

Hank ran off the field first, followed by Bank. Remember this order, it's important.

"YES!" Shouted Ryan. "I got two of the shitty conservative team off!"

But then he turned it off because his cone was also being attracted by it. He was pinned to the magnet as he said that.

Buggs Bunny kept scoring shots in and eating carrots, and that scored five points on the repub side.

"HAHA, NOTHING CAN STOOP ME DOCK!" He said after scoring the republicans - and Ford - five points (the same five points as above, not five new points. The Repuibs and Ford have six points). But then he slipped on a hole and broke his ankle. "OW! FUCKING GOPHERS!"

"This is gettting boring." Said the president of Canada as Stan kinda took the ball and went around GPF. "Time to make this more Canadian."

He pressed a button and the arena flooded in with lava, and two tornados popped out.

"That's better." He said.

Suddenly everyone was like "OH SHIT!" and ran for cover. Professor Sandy zipped on the arena and used her powers (remember she's the earth one) to lift some of the grass and the stone beneath, acting as a platform for Rumble and Melody. (.GIFfany (and the other .GIFfanys) was immune to lava becausse she's OP, and Soos was part of the other team.)

Lawyer Guy just used money to call in a giant lava-proof cruise ship, and it had an indoors section so that protected from the tornados. He gathered the other democrats there.

"Okay, Lawyer meeting." Said Lawyer Guy. "I'm sick of this shit. I don't care which of the Stan brothers wins this."

"Hi there!" It was Stan and his team! "Can we hide on your ship too?"

"I mean, lava will melt me." Said the Summerween Trickster. "So that sucks."

Lawyer Guy just looked angry. "NO!"

"Look! If it helps, we're on your side! We both don't want Ford to get more goals!" Said Stan.

"STILL NO! BECAUSE YOU DISAGREEWITH ME ON HOW TO PROPERLY HANDLE PORNOGRAPHY! I'LL END YOU!"

Then he hit Stan with a Lawyer Punch, which sent him flying off of the Lawyerboat. Ford had his own ship, the Stan O Not War Because I Don't Rofgive my Brother, and that had all the republican nominees on it. And yes, Bugs Bunny was saved by the ship.

"Thanks Doc!" Said Bugs.

"Actually, I am literally a dcotor. I have 12 PHDS." Said Ford.

"OH SHIT!"

"Why 12 PHDs that item does not stack with Diplopia." Said Professor Dove. "Although I do agree that it is a good item, I hate negative pills. Especially Amnesia, taking away my fucking minimap!"

The Binding of Isaac. That is the reference.

Everyone looked at her.

"HEY!" Shouted Blondeulaina. "You're on the democratic side!"

Dove shrugged. "Technically I'm part of the 'This Country should be a little more like some European nations and other neighbors, namely first and foremost in terms of removing their fucking retarded measurement system' Party. Seriously, fuck 'inches,' 'feet,' 'yards,' and 'miles.' Are powers of ten really that hard to remember? And the prefixes only start sounding weird when you get to the high and low extremes. Like, 'yotta' and 'pico.' Those don't come in for quite a while."

Stan flew through the air and landed on Dove. Well, Dove was strong, so she wasn't knocked over or anyhing, but she just looked at him.

"Also," said Ford, "I don't want to risk you winning and stuff. So get off."

"In to the lava?"

"Mmmmmm... no, but just... somewhere else. I don't care about you."

"But I saved you!"

Dove rolled her eyes. "If you want me gone, I am leaving, because I have no interest in this family arguing business. Uh, you both make excellent points, just don't be so much dicks about it. That's all I gotta say." Then she jumped off and zipped to the other ship.

"I PUSH YOU OFF IN TO THAT TINY ROCK PLATFORM MELODY AND CO ARE ON NOW!" Shouted Ford. Oh yeah, Stan's team was also thrown on the boat.

So then Ford charged at him but suddenly McGucket stood between them.

"Fiddleford! What are you doing defending him? Uh, that can be filed for treason, right?"

"Your quest for answers had turned you in to a dick!" McGucket put bluntly.

Dipper, still part of the fight against Teeth, was watching this game/challenge on the news. He was getting sad.

"Yeah, I went insane," said McGucket "But I got my sanity back JUST to verbally kick your ass in the be-hind! And think of all the damage you did!"

"Ha!" Said Stan. "See?"

"But you also kinda assed a little too. See, both of you have to work through with your growth together. You can't just one only."

Mabel saw that part too and got sad.

But both the Stans were sad-ish and they both sighed at the same time.

"Okay, fine." Said Ford. "We'll I forgive I assume. Thank you for saving me and I punched you in the face, that was terrible."

"Great! In fact, I could put you a part in running for presi-"

But then there were laser blasts! It was one of those Anti-Spiral like portals that the mechs were coming out of! And that first one was a mechanical Stan!

"I would like to introduce the next of the mechanical counterparts." Announced Mable the Typomonster, evilly. "Anyway. Stanley, yours is OLDMAN. All caps."

Stan looked annoyed. "Really? Soos has Savior, Melody has Fleshgirl... I just get a robot named OLDMAN? That's me? That's a lame ass name!"

"Stanford, yours is the Metalmind. McGucket, your counterpart is called the Mad Mech. And Trickster, yours is the Jack-O-Demon."

"All badass names! (Except maybe Jack-O-Demon, that sounds like something from a Children's show or a dumb movie for immature teenagers a jacking off joke.)" Said Stan. "And I'm just OLDMAN?!"


Meanwhile, democrats.

GPF was kinda following .GIFfany around and she kept backing up.

"I keep telling you!" She said. "Stay back, you're kind of all of a sudden started weirding me out with your fan fiction crap!"

"Come on! I love overpowering you!" GPF said in response. "Maybe, in my child-less city, once I actually turn 25 from me being 22 right now, then we could - oh. Wait. You're 20. I'm sorry, 21, your birthday was in September."

"That sounds fine... but I have my own issues! Why are you slowly creeping up on me?!"

"Because, Giffster! It's you, dammit!"

"Stop stalking me or I'll get a restraining order."

"...Nah."

Then GPF got out the Illegal Prime Neutraalizer from run:gifocalypse and said "I'm gonna capture you and stuff now. I don't know. The script said I'd do something like this."

"DON'T CAPTURE ME! FUCK YOU!"

And then .GIFfany grabbed him by the stem and threw him off the ship like Olimar woudl to a Pikmin (remember GPF's avatar is a green Pikmin) and he landed in the lava and burned to deaath.

"GAH!" Were GPF's last words. "I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU THE IMMUNITY TO THE IPN! Oh wait, that doesn't make sense." There no more chance of him derailing the plot like he did in Chapter 6. Fuck that guy.

"WELL!" Said Melody. "With a democrat dead, I'm automatically going to move up to the next round anyway! No offense .GIFfany, but... you couldn't have waited until I was kicked off?"

"Are you victim blaming me?" .GIFfany asked.

"No, sorry."

"Well still, kind of sorry for uh, giving you an automatic spot. Still, your Presidential Scientist is a murderer! That should discourage people from voting for you, right?"

Anyway let's go back to the Repub's ship. It was under attack by the mechanical counterparts!

"I have a mecha just in case a moment like this, it is lava proff just like the ship. In fact, it IS this ship!" Said Ford.

And then the lava-boat turned in to a mecha! Bigger than the one back in his lab. That was kind of a shitty one.

"Okay is everything mecha?" Asked Soos. "Because I actually don't mind that."

"Daaaaamn!" Said Bugs Bunny. "That's one sweet-ass ride."

"NOW WE'LL MECHA!"

But then OLDMAN just fired out a lot of... uh, the fez symbol-shaped lasers which pushed the Ford's mecha back, and down in to lava.

"Ow..." he said.

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS ALONE!" Cried Stan. "Trust me, I'm an EXPERT at kicking my own ass! I can take this guy down!"

OLDMAN just got out a lot of machine guns from his pecks and fired them, which ended up blowing holes in Ford's mecha. But then Stan lept out and cut OLDMAN in half with a spiked baseball bat, and that caused him to explode. Stan ended up landing safey on a rock platform, so he didn't fall in the lava.

"One down and three to go-"

Did I do the Anti-Spiral thing where they turned in to bombs? I should do that if I didn't.

The explosions were a lot and even the other mecha, Jack-O-Demon, went "HOLY ASS SHIT!" in surprise.


The explosions also attracted Sloth Devil, who was watching this from... where were they? Was this all still in Gravity Falls? By .GIFfany Land? SEE, I TOLD YOU THIS ELECTION CRAP WAS RELEVANT!

"Hey that looks more fun than just kicking your ass." Said the Sloth Devil. "In fact, I'm just also gonna hop over to the ocean and get a certain someone to help."

"Ocean?" Said Mabel ."Are you talking about my husbando from the sea-o...? I tried to make that rhyme, sorry."

"FUCK OBVIOUSLY YES OF COURSE! IT'S MERMANDO YOU DUMB FUCK! WHAT, YOU THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T GONNA SEE HIM UNTIL THE VERY END?! NO! THIS IS A GREAT PIKMIN FAN STORY, AND THAT GUY LOVES PLOT TWISTS AND SPEEDING SHIT UP!"

So he Slothaported (I don't know it sounded good in my head) away and came back with Mermando.

"Mabel!" He said happily. "I knew my psychic link would help us destine to destroy the Seven Inner Devils!"

"YAY!" Mabel said back.

Dipper just frowned. Hard. "Not too fand of Mermando..." or whatever he said in Sock Opera I'm trying to copypaste it's hard I don't see how so many fan fictions can do that easily.

But he was interrupted from frowning when the Sloth Devil Sloth-Punched them to the Baseball stadium!

"ALRIGHT! TIME TO FINISH THE SPORTS!" Said Sloth. "PREPARE TO FEEL THE WRATH OF THE INNER DEVILS!"

Meanwhile, Ford was sad because his dickishness was geting his niese, nephew, and long-lost neise Nzyvo (uh, Pacifica the last niese was just kind of angsting off and was maybe watching the baseball in the audience? I forgot...) to be attacked by Teeth/The Sloth Devil. So he nodded.

"OKAY STAN! US MYSTERY TWINS OLD GENERATION WILL NOW WORK TOGETHER!"

And then his mecha began to glow with hot bloodedness! And it healed up.

"STANLEY! LET'S COMBINE!"

"...Wait, not so fast! I still don't kind of completely like you!" Stan replied.

"And anyone who hates Stan hates me!" Said the Summerween Trickster.

"I'M SORRY!" Said Ford.

"NOT GOOD ENOUGH! DO SOMETHING HUMILIATING!"

So Ford parked his mecha on the camera recording the game and said, "HEY PEOPLE WATCHING TO SEE WHO'S THE NEXT PRESIDENT! ELECT THIS!"

And then he started twerking to the camera while he stuck his lips out.

"Okay I forgive you!" Said Stan, smiling. He is actually kind of cute when he smiles.

"Yes I agree :)" Said the Summerween Trick- SHUT UP TRICKSTER DON'T TALK TO ME WHILE I'M TELLING THE STORY!

Anyway, so then now that they were teamed up, they could fight back! All the little 'candies' on Jack-O-Demon flew off and were actually these robot drones like the Destroyer from Terraria, so now instead of a metal body with 'candy' lights on it, it was all these holes - OH GOD TRYPOPHOBIA!

Un, quick! Stan hopped in the mech and their combined brotherly spiral energy let them be immune to all the lasers and then they blew up Jack-O-Demon too, leaving just Ford and McGucket's counterparts.

"HA HA, ISN'T THIS FUN! BUT GUESS WHAT!" Shouted Sloth Devil. "I HAVE THE UPPER HAND NOW!"

And then he stuck out a multi-teeth hand, grabbing Dipper, Mabel, Nzyvo, and Mermando! (Um did I say Mermando was in the mech now? He was.. Sloth zipped him in there.)

"LET GO OF MY FAMILY AND MY NEISE'S CRUSH!" Shouted Ford, who fired a laser at the Sloth Devil.

"HAHA, TASTE THE POWER OF THE DEVILS, MORONS!"

Then he fired a laser at Bugs, blowing him up! OH SHIT!

Bugs Bunny is now dead. Things just got super serious you guys.

"HOW DARE YOU KILL BUGS BUNNY!" Ford shouted. "I'LL END YOU!"

"Do you still want to be my hubsand?" Lola Bunyn asked.

"Um, no. I'm not a fury."

"...Well aren't you a whore." Lola narrowed her eyes.

So anyway Stan and Ford joined their Spirtal Energyes and tries to punch at Mad Mech, but then suddenly the Hexaseximal flew by and blew him up with a punch, and he shouted "AH! DOG DANGIT I'M DEAD!"

"What?" Asked Soos. "We don't have to evenly fight like this, with you guys taking out your mechanical counterparts. That's what friends are for."

Stan grinned. "You're amazing, Presidential Scientist!"

"What about me?" Asked Wendy.

"Well..." Stan began.

But then the last mech was there! Metalmind!

"PREPARE TO BE ANALYZED! I NEED MY MASTERPIECE WORK TO BE DONE, WHICH IS TO DISECT YOU AND SET UP YOUR INNARDS!" That's what he said that's his personality I guess.

"NO! BROTHERLY LOVE BUT NOT BROTHERS THAT SUFFOCATE POWERS AWAY!" Shouted Ford. "STAN, ARE YOU THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING?"

"THE GIGA DRILL BREAK?"

"YEAH, LET'S DO THAT! AND FINISH THESE ROBOTS AND THAT TEETH GUY OFF!"

Metalmind rolled his eyes.

"It's futile you fucks." He said. "Individuality is key here."

"TWIN PUNCH!" Stan and Ford cried, not actually doing the Giga Drill Brea kjust yet. (False advertizing! Or not, they're saving up for Sloth Devil.) Anyway, the mecha just simply used two hands to both punch at the same time, and because they were spiral-charged, it blew up but the Hexaseximal made an electric forefield to collect all the explosions.

"Now... to END WEIRDMAGEDDON!" Stan cheered.

"Yeah!" Cheered Lola. "End Weirdmag-"

But first Sloth Devil fired lasers at Lola Bunny and blew her up because he's a dick.

"Ha ha ha you can't stop me!" Laughed the Sloth Devil. Then his mecha-form or whatever it was got out a skateboard.

"Fuck these presidential challenges I know something that can fuck with all of you, at least the 'group of four' with the 'focus' of this chapoter to desperately not make everything about Soos boning .GIFfany."

Soos shrugged and laughed but then he felt bad about laughing because Bugs and Lola Bunny just died. "Well, he's right." He said.

"A SKATEBOARDING CHALLENGE, YOU OLD FUCKS and I'm not sure how old the candy guy is he's over 18 right!" Sloth Devil shouted. He smoked with one of his mouths and then just threw it away. "CAN YOU RACE ME DOWN THIS LAVA WAVE?! But seriously the Candy Guy was made in, like, the 80s or something? 90s? That's... I dunno."

Then the Stan twins trried to Giga Drill Break but Sloth Devil's big hydra-ish but not form just deflected it with Sloth Waves that made them feel a bit too lazy even with Spiral Power. It was astronger sloth wave that's why.

"Wait a minute." Said Ford. "I have an idea. Yes, let's do it! The skate contest!"

"HAHa, you're an idiot. My powered up mega form is so much bigger than your mecha. I'll make it to the other side first. AND WHEN I DO, PLOT TWIST, I'LL LASER BALST YOU!"

The skate challenge was to ride the lava across the baseball stadium. Because Sloth Devil's powered up form was about as big as Finalayer Shackan Lagann and also Hexaseximal. So he kind of grinded on the outer edge of the stadium and laughed as he soon reached the end but while he did Ford just shrugged and thought "What the fuck is this desperate guy doing now attacking our ages?" So he, Stan, and also Fiddleford and the Summerween Trickster just went "GIGA... DRILL... BREAK!" And attacked him before he got to the end as a trick! That drilled a hole in him which destracted him for him to fall off the rail, and then most of him exploded except for one lower jaw which kept talking. Meanwhile, Finalayer Shackan Lagann had kinda flown off but nobody was completley sure where it went.

"Okay, you're dead now!" Said Ford. "Weirdmageddon is over!"

In fact the portal began to close up and some of the weird stuff like the giant head was sucked back up. But not Bill's friends as Ford already killed them earlier in this chapter. Remember?

"Urgh..." said the Sloth Devil. "Okay, Lust and I were the easy ones! Starting with Greed, they get a LOT harder! This is... HARDMODE!"

But then Finalayer Shackan Lagann flew back with a giant iceberg and crushed the lip thing or whatever with it, completely killing off the Sloth Devil. Or... Teeth, of all things. Why Teeth? Because he's pink and Pyronica's pink and I kinda wanted the pink ones to be important for some reason. Actually Cuphead has nothing to do with it but if they did it would be an easy parrying. I can imagine Soos parrying all over .GIFfany's hair and she would be like "Soos stop it ." and Soos would be like "Why this feels good and fills up my super meter" and .GIFfany can be like "Oh I want you to fill up my 'super meter' with your 'bullet hell.' ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" And Soos would be like "Okay. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" and wow I see what Sloth Devil meant when he said I write about those two too much.

(Oh and to make it dirtty 'parrying her hair' would be parrying her public hair so he'd be slapping her you know what. With girls isn't that like spanking? I know if my thingy, as a guy, was slapped it wouldn't be ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) it would just fucking hurt like hell.)

"...Who's the Greed Devil?" Asked Mabel.

"ME!"

The person who shouted that was a snowman inside the iceberg! Remember Chapter 6, when we saw a snowman get trapped in? Well, the heat of the lava from the baseball game helped Global Warming the iceberg faster and when it Global Warminged it until the snowman broke out!

"I'm the Fucking Frost!" He shouted, then he got out a bass guitar and started rocking with it. "AKA THE GREED DEVIL!" Guitar Riff. "AND YOU, MABEL PINES," Guitar Riff, "ARE GONNA FAAAAACE THE MOTHERFUCKING WRATH OF MOTHERFUCKING CRISTMAS!" Two guitar riffs. It was the exact same riff every time ((Think Idiocracy). Anyway, in addition to the purple clouds with faces on them by Mable the Typomonster, below them was normal gray stormy clouds that began making snow.

"...What?" Asked Ford. "These guys jjust get weirder and weirder. And not in the Bill way, in the 'sillier' way."

"I'LL FIGHT HIM!" Shouted Wendy.

"Uh, oh, right." Said Stan. And he was reminded more when the President of Mexico flew up to him in a jetpack. "Uh, Ford, wanna just run with me for presidency?"

"Yeah..." said the President of Mexico. "Technically, your team won, because time ran out while you were fighting the Sloth Devil and the Mechanical Bosses. Uh, because of Hank and Bank's leaving, and Hank was first, he's out. So is his first lady Peggy, Presidential Scientist Dale, and head of guard Bill. And GPF is out for the democrats because he's dead and dead people can't run for president otherwise I would have voted for Abaham Lincoln to run another term. This also nukes that yellow pikmin for Presidential Scientist and purple pikmin for guard. He had no first lady, hahahaha loser. But, your battle thing. Ford, technically you scored more points than Stan. So..."

"We're merging together!" Said Ford. "I can be the head of the Presidential Guard, and Fiddleford can be the Presidential Scientist. Trickster can still be first gentleman. Since Bugs and Lola are dead and Soos is already working with Melody then everybody can still be happy except the dead people."

The four all nodded. Oh yeah, and because of the 'team alternating' thing, Soos was there.

"Wait a minute... this means I can just be Melody's first gentleman?" He asked. "YAY! I don't have to pick sides! Boy, that would be stressful! Like, if Melody somehow failed at failing the election and made it to the end, but then got hyper agressive against Stan, and Stan also made it to the finals. Now IF that happens I'll just be hard on Melody's side and won't even think about your feelings!"

"Wait a minute..." said Wendy, "WHAT ABOUT ME!?"

"ALSO WHAT ABOUT ME!" That was shouted by GIDEON! Who dropped down in an upgraded Gideon-Bot! It landed in the lava, but he was immune to lava. "HA, YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME!"

Oh shit! Now the group has to deal with Cristimas monster, Gideon, and Wendy not having a job anymore!

PS Dan and Tamrby were still arguing about transtransers they didn't know Weirdmagedon was even over and now CHRISTMASMAGENTTON was about to begin.

Oh then the snow froze the lava to obsidian and Gideon's mecha was stuck.

"FUCK!" He shouted.

...

Fuck it I'm feeling lazy so no cryptogram right now. Maybe I'll edit it or something or later or I don't even know, just pretend there's some cool message here about Bill spooking you even though he's dead so he can't spook in like ever.


Closing AN:

Sorry to Bill fans expecting this chapter to focus a lot more on weirdmageddon, although at the very least it's kind of Stan/Ford focused. I also wasn't expecting my writing and interest in this to speed up once the election came back in to the story, but it did.

By the way, the Lust Devil being one of seven was made up as I went along - originally it was just him as a corruption of "Love God," then I got more and more interested in Scott Pilgrim series and just went 'fuck it.' I had thought of Teeth being kinda important to Weirdmageddon and of the Fucking Frost (hence why he shows up back in Chapter 6), but I never thought of 'linking' them together. The parallels between Lust and the first Evil Ex (namely, female demon flunkies) were coincidental. For Sloth Devil, by the time I started on the chapter I hadn't thought of it much, but then I just kind of slapped on the "fails from his own skateboard trick" to give a half-assed reference to the second Ex. From the Fucking Frost/Greed Devil onwards, the references to the Evil Exes should become a lot more obvious.

Oh, and Chapter 6 originally cut off on what Blondulina was going to do to improve the country. (It was just "So I'm just gonna see if I can help protect the country by ") I finally went back and gave her something to say about that.

PS: Mermando hype! Oh, and a word in advance: the "group" of this chapter was supposed to be Stan, Ford, the Trickster, and Fiddleford. And the next chapter will be kind of "meant" to be centric on Wendy (as the ending implied), but also Gideon, Candy, and Grenda.