Hate That I Love You
"The one I love
Is striking me down on my knees
The one I love
Drowning me in my dreams
The one I love
Over and over again
Dragging me under"
"The One I Love" by The Rasmus'
I hate you.
She wants to say it. She wants to scream it at him and pummel him in the chest with her fists. She holds back.
I hate it when you call me a whore.
That one, she has said. On many an occasion. She has never told him though that the reason why she hates it so much is that he is the one speaking the words and his opinion of her means more to her than even she probably knows. He has a way with words that can pierce her heart and kill her spirit without him having to break a sweat and she can't explain it. With every insult, he pulls her further down, further below the surface. She's scared she will drown.
I hate fighting all the time.
She's almost yelled it at him in the middle of one of their arguments. It was on the tip of her tongue and she was opening her mouth to say it when he stormed out. She hates when he storms out.
I hate it when you get the last word in.
She's never said it aloud, but it has often been in the glare she's sent him after he retreats from her shuttle. She's seen it in his scowls too, when she's gotten the last word in.
I hate our relationship.
She's never said that one to him. She can barely admit it to herself. She doesn't want to fight all the time. She doesn't want to be in constant worry over how soon their next argument will be and how soon it will be before one of them finally breaks. She doesn't want to wonder if she'll ever have to leave Serenity again for fear of the implications of their relationship or lack thereof. She wants more. She wants to have more with him. She wants it to be simple.
I hate that I love you.
She'll likely never tell him that one. It would be too forward and would cause too many complications and she hates complications. The funny thing is, it's the one thing she wants to say to him the most.
fin.
