"What does it do?"
Spirit is speaking softly in deference to Stein's current state, which is as close to asleep as the weapon ever sees him. Stein's head is in Spirit's lap, arms linked loosely around his waist, and his eyes are shut while he hums at Spirit's fingers sliding through his hair. At this angle Spirit can see the scarring patterning the base of the screw through Stein's head, can run his fingers across the metal warmed to just below normal body heat by Stein's blood.
"Clears my thoughts," Stein says without opening his eyes.
"How, though?" Spirit runs one finger down the groove in the middle of the screw itself while his other hand combs through the meister's shaggy silver hair.
"Hm," Stein offers in reaction to the hand in his hair, smiling at the contact. "It resets everything. Jumbles up the thought patterns I'm stuck on so I can refocus."
"I never see you turn it anymore." Spirit's voice is very soft.
Stein's response is just as steady and quiet. "I don't need to reset as much."
Spirit knows what the answer will be, but he asks anyway. 'Why?"
Stein opens one eye to look up at Spirit and raises an eyebrow. "Why do you think?"
Spirit smiles in admission of the hit and goes back to playing with Stein's hair. The meister closes his eye again, humming occasionally. At the angle he is across Spirit's lap it feels a little like he's purring with the sound.
Eventually Spirit's curiosity gets the better of him and he speaks again. "What did you do, though? Or how?"
Stein smiles without opening his eyes before sighing, and when he speaks his voice has taken on the undertones of a lecture. "It was right after. When I thought I had killed you." He sounds perfectly, oddly calm, given the subject, but his hold on Spirit goes tighter for a minute. "I couldn't - I couldn't think about anything else. My Madness was worse too, as bad as it's ever been until the Kishin's revival. I had to lock myself in the lab; I'm not sure what I would have done if I was loose. I did some damage to myself before I thought of the solution." He lets go to touch the end of the screw to clarify but keeps talking. "I understand there was a significant of my blood across the lab when the first person - Marie - found me." He sounds calm, still, but Spirit's hands have gone still and he's glad Stein's not looking at him because he doesn't know what sort of appalled horror is across his face.
The meister goes on, like he's explaining a perfectly reasonable next step. "Once I had the idea for the screw it was a matter of sketching out the design and confirming that the hypothesis was solid. That took some time but I don't think I slept at all until after Marie arrived, so it was probably less than a day of design." He shrugs one-shouldered, still with his eyes shut. "I had completed the surgery by the time she came in."
"But how did you manage it?" Spirit's voice is low and shocked but he can't regulate it, and Stein doesn't react to the tone at all.
"Sufficient preparation and a lack of concern for survivability."
Spirit flinches, pulls Stein's head in close against his chest and curls over the meister before he can make himself relax his protective pose. "God, Stein, I can't -" He can't finish his sentence, isn't sure what he wants to say.
Stein rolls onto his back and opens his eyes to blink up at the weapon's face. He smiles gently, reaches up to brush Spirit's cheek with his fingertips. "I thought I had killed you, Spirit. I didn't know until Marie told me that you were going to live. It was the best solution at the time; I either attempted the surgery, possibly dying in the process, or stayed as I was without you and lost myself to Madness."
"I'm -" Stein is brushing away tears, Spirit realizes. He hadn't even known he was crying. "I'm not that important, Stein."
"To me you are." Stein says it like it's an explanation for everything. "You always have been." He smiles wider, bright and sharp for a moment. "I gather most people don't trust in others for their sanity, but I've never deluded myself into thinking I was most people."
Spirit laughs at that, even if the sound is damp and shaky. "No, you're not." He leans back, tries to let the pointless past-tense panic ease from between his shoulderblades. "I had no idea. I thought you were fine."
"I don't know who would have told you otherwise." Stein turns sideways again and shuts his eyes once more. "We were valuable students, even separated. Lord Death wanted to keep you stable and the best way to do that was to not tell you about me."
"He should have!" Spirit starts, but Stein cuts him off by sliding his fingers up along the weapon's spine.
"He didn't. And you were fine."
"You weren't."
"I was eventually. I am now." Stein smiles again, comes forward to kiss Spirit's stomach, and the weapon can't really argue with that.
There is another pause before Spirit speaks again, carefully calm this time and deliberately shifting the subject. "So it - resets your thoughts?"
"Yes. Usually when I needed to focus on the present and not the past. You were more of a distraction when you weren't there than when you were."
Spirit curls his fingers around the end of the screw, tries to imagine adult Stein without it, without the curving stitches across his face. For a moment he has it, childhood memories aged up, but then the image vanishes under the weight of reality. He's not even sure it's a loss, the hypothetical undamaged Stein instead of the actual one, marked with scars and weighted with history like Spirit himself is. At least they match, this way.
"What would happen if I turned it?" he asks, idly setting his fingers against the metal.
Stein's eyebrows go up. "I don't know. I suspect the effect would be similar to my own action, but no one else has ever asked before. Others seem to find it alarming." He smiles, lopsided and darkly amused. "I have no idea why."
"Can I?"
Stein laughs. "Sure. Clockwise. It shouldn't be able to turn the other way but it's best to not risk it."
Spirit cringes at the idea, almost retracts his request, but curiosity is getting the better of him. He steadies his grip, committing to the motion, and after triple-checking which way clockwise is, slowly turns the metal.
Stein convulses against him, his hands going tight against Spirit's skin, and groans hard against the weapon's skin. Spirit lets go instantly, reaches out to Stein's shoulder and face as panic floods through him. "Oh my god, Stein, Stein are you okay, oh my god what did I do are you okay?"
Stein is speaking as fast as Spirit can panic, though, although his hands are still pressing flat against the weapon's back. "It's fine, I'm fine you didn't do anything wrong."
"Oh my god what happened?"
"It -" Stein takes a deep breath, careful and controlled, and when he sighs the tension lining his face smoothes enough that Spirit can recognize the pleasure in his expression. The weapon has a moment of stunned realization that corresponds precisely with Stein's deliberately steady words. "It was amazing, Spirit, do it again."
"What?" Spirit hasn't - well. He has seen Stein like this before, a handful of times in that first week, but not regularly. Usually the meister is somewhat controlled, maintains some sort of self-awareness, but now he is pressed against Spirit and panting for breath and this is not the way this usually goes, at least not while Spirit himself is still in a condition to observe rationally.
"That felt fantastic," Stein says again.
"Really?" Spirit reaches out, sets his fingers back where they were with as much care as if he is touching a bomb. "You're sure?"
Stein laughs, and the sound is relaxed and breathy and it is weird to hear Stein laugh like a normal person. "Yes."
Stein's reaction isn't as violent the second time; either Spirit is expecting it or Stein is braced for it, but either way the meister is largely still. His fingers do shift involuntarily against Spirit's back, though, and he groans low and satisfied against the weapon.
"What does it feel like?" Spirit has to ask. "I thought you said it just - jumbled your thoughts.
Stein takes a minute to collect himself before he answers. "It's - it's still resetting everything like it usually does, but -" He pauses, swallows. "It's - there's nothing else, for a minute, except the feel of your hand. There's just nothing at all in my head except for you and me for a moment and it's -"
"Amazing," Spirit finishes for him, and Stein smiles and hums again. "You make it sound orgasmic."
"It is," Stein answers instantly. "You should do this all the time."
Spirit laughs. "I'll make a habit of it."
"Good." Stein stretches so the muscles across his bare back pull tight for a moment before curling in again into a tighter loop around Spirit. "Keep touching my hair."
Spirit laughs, and does.
