Can't Teach Old Dogs New Tricks

Summary: Edward, Jasper and Alice think that Emmett has been dumb for one decade too many. They decide to try to teach Emmett to be clever. Is it impossible? Will Emmett ever not be stupid?

Authors note:

Many thanks to my very random reviewers. I now know that I am not the only twilight basket case you thinks of strange and disturbing thoughts about Emmett in different situations. Like Emmett in a pioneers dress and wearing clothes that he has made himself.

Short disclaimer because I'm lazy ^^

I don't own nothing :D

{ Good standard English of course }


APOV

After some powerful persuading skills (not to mention emotional blackmail) Emmett agreed to let us teach him whatever we wanted. Idiot.

"Now Emmett your going to learn to sew"

"Oh great, is there a more feminine skill you can teach me that you haven't already"

I simply giggled. Thinking of the possibilities of seeing Emmett cut hair or pick out outfits.

"Okay Emmett, all you have to do is sew a little cross on each of these little squares and when your finished it makes a pretty picture"

"PRETTY PICTURE YAY"

"Okay Emmett just sew, I'll be back in 10 minutes I just need to go get something with Edward and Bella."

"okay"

I questioned myself at leaving Emmett on his own for 10 minutes. Of course I would know what happened before hand. But still Emmett with a sharp pointy object. At least he couldn't hurt himself with it, I suppose.

EMPOV

Hmmm, I never knew how much fun sewing really could be. Whoever sewing was for girls was an idiot. Alice still wasn't back from shopping. Whatever she was getting was definitely taking more than 10 minutes. As for my sewing I hadn't finished within 30 seconds. Alice could have at least give me some more things to do,if she knew she was going to be this long.... Then the door swung open with Alice, Edward and Bella walking through it. At last.

"HI BELLA, HI ALICE, HI EDWARD"

"Hi" they all replied in unison.

I was wondering why they hadn't asked about my sewing yet. Wasn't I ment to be the centre of attention?

"EDDIEE look at my sewing. I CAN SEW"

Edward quickly grabbed the sewing out of my hand, his eyes widening as he looked it over. Had I not done it neat enough?

EPOV

Can Emmett really not do anything right. I looked at the supposed cross stitched sewing that was lying in my hands. I passed it along to Bella as I burst out laughing at Emmett's stupidity. Slowly Bella sank to the floor, her head in her hands, quietly giggling to her self. Alice had already ran out to her car to retrieve what we had bought from shopping. No doubt she had seen this happen long ago.

"Emmett when you cross stitch, you don't cross stitch across the whole material, you sew a cross in each square you dummie"

"And what would you know about sewing Eddie, huh? Eddies a girl, Eddies a girl"

Oh my he has taken to chanting now.

"Emmett if I'm a girl for knowing some general knowledge about sewing in general then why were you thinking about how much you enjoyed sewing just 5 minutes ago"

Crap, damn your mind reading skills Edward I mean block thoughts, block thoughts

"That's what I thought Emmett"

"So Edward and Bella, I guess I fail this sewing thing aswell huh?"

My angel was the next to speak

"Not necessarily Emmett, Me, Edward and Alice decided to buy a sewing machine so we can teach you how to make clothes.

You know Emmett's oh my god face will never get old. Never now and never for eternity.

Finito ...

Sewing machine + Emmett = Disaster??

You don't need to be psychic to work that one out

Remember poll for what Emmett should be taught next and reviews of course