Chapter 7

Last Minute Thoughts

Over the past few weeks I learned how to gain full control of my thirst. So guess what that means, time for us to finally start school. I was excited, yet nervous. I can do this though I just had to keep reminding myself that I could do it. I mean everyone else seemed to think I would be able to do it and now I was starting to feel ready. Today was Sunday, the day before we go to school. So all of us planned to go hunting for the day. I felt a lot of pressure because all of them had experience in school except for me and if I messed up then my whole family would be in danger and we would have to move again and start all over and I wasn't ready for that. So I had to do everything right. Carlisle is taking a job at the local hospital as a doctor. I always wondered how he could stand seeing all the blood and not once be tempted.

"Come on Caroline, we're going," Edward called.

"Coming," I ran down the stairs and went to the door and saw that everyone was there except for Emmett and Rosalie.

"Well…" Edward started to say.

I thought about his hesitation and realized what he meant and started to laugh.

"Never mind then," I replied.

"They're going hunting later," Alice informed us.

"Let's go then," Edward replied.

We walked out the door and I darted into the woods, trying to find what I came here for. I was searching for a big meal today since I would need it to last through tomorrow. I was hoping to find some bigger animals to fill me up more. I really don't think elk would cut it for today. I needed a big amount of blood to last me through tomorrow. My head jerked to the left and I quickly went that way. I could tell the difference between animal and human blood now and I definitely knew that it was an animal. I ran as fast as I could, stopping here and there to find the trail of the scent. I kept running until I finally heard a pulse. As I got closer I could hear a little creek and the animal's tongue lapping the water. But, what I noticed the most was the animal's heartbeat that made my mouth water.

I tried to be as quiet as I could as I crept through the trees and now saw the animal. It wasn't an elk it was something bigger thankfully. All I saw was the back of it so I couldn't tell exactly what it was because its head was down towards the creek. As I got closer the heartbeat got louder and I crept slower and slower trying to not scare it away. Then unfortunately my foot cracked a branch and the animal looked straight at me and started to come towards me probably hoping to take me down. I could tell that it was a mountain lion now and I started to walk closer and closer to it.

"Try me," I challenged it.

The lion got into a crouched position and I did the same. I stared at it and waited for it to strike. It took it's time and tried to find the best way to attack me I guessed. I figured I would get out of my crouch position thinking that it would figure that I was giving up. Then finally it leaped towards me. I smirked a smile and rammed into it. It was strong, but not strong enough. I quickly took it down and slammed the animal into the ground. It tried to claw at my face and escape, but my grasp was too strong for it to break free. I opened my mouth and dug my teeth into its furry neck. I sucked the blood from the animal and made sure to get every last drop of blood from the animal so I could get as much of a meal as I could out of this one animal. Then after I finished with the animal I heard someone calling my name out. I could tell it was Edward.

I turned around and darted the other way towards the sound of his voice. He repeatedly called out my name and I decided to let him know that I heard him.

"Coming," I shouted back.

I tried to hurry up, thinking they found a herd or something and then I saw Alice. She seemed to be waiting for me.

"Did you find anything?" she asked.

"Yea I found a mountain lion just through there. I think I should drink more though," I said.

She nodded her head and smiled.

"Here we saved this one for you, you need it more than we do," she lead me to the others that were holding down a bear.

My eyes widened in delight and I licked my lips. I saw Edward and Jasper, struggling to hold the animal down. So I quickly jumped onto the animal and dug my teeth into its skin, sucking out everything that kept it alive. I felt Edward and Jasper let go of their grasp as I kept sucking out all of the blood.

Once I finished I wiped the blood from my face and thought about how messy I really was when I hunted. I laughed to myself and rejoined the others. We ran to the place where we usually found elk and devoured almost the whole herd. I had almost eight of them. It was pretty tasty and I felt like I was finally and completely full.

***

"Ugh," I groaned as I sat down on the couch in the living room.

I cuffed my hand over my throat and put the other on my stomach. I felt really full and I couldn't drink one more drip of blood. But, I knew that I needed to feel this way in order to make it through school tomorrow. In a way it was good to feel ten pounds heavier, but in other situations it wouldn't help much.

It was already dark outside because we spent almost the whole day hunting out in the woods. It was probably the most blood I've ever drank in one sitting. I didn't feel like getting up though, I just wanted to sit there all night and just think about everything before I had to go to school.

I could feel the burning in my throat starting up again. It was burning only a little, but it was getting worse and worse by the minute. I couldn't believe that just a minute ago I was groaning from the ten pounds I felt like I gained, but now I was suddenly…a little thirsty.

I shook my head and got up from the couch, forgetting about my thirst and trying to concentrate on something else.

The burning kept coming back and then leaving again. It was sort of weird.

"Stop it, stop it," I whispered to myself.

I walked up the stairs and ran into my room, slamming the door behind me. I didn't understand how or why I was already thirsty. I couldn't do this, I would fail. I would lose control and kill the whole school full of people. I hated being a vampire, why couldn't I just be normal? I just want to be dead, that's what I was supposed to be, dead…with William. If Edward didn't save me I wouldn't have to be put into this situation I could just be happy in heaven. I wouldn't have to worry about revealing my family's secret and hurting all those people!

I screamed as the burning got worse and worse. I fell to the floor and decided to sit there and give up. And of course, there were no tears. I wanted to cry my eyes out right now and I couldn't even do that because I'm no longer able to produce tears. How more freaky and weird can I get?

I put my face in my hands and my elbows rested on my legs. I didn't know how long I would be sitting there for, but I didn't want to go to school anymore. I wanted sit here until I died, but I couldn't even do that.

"This sucks," I whispered.

It would be so much easier to be human and that's really all I wanted right now. I just wanted to be normal.

Suddenly I heard a knocking on the door. I didn't get up to get it I just ignored it. They could open the door if they wanted to.

The door opened and I heard someone's footsteps coming towards me. I kept my face in my hands and knew the only people who could possibly know what was going on was Edward and Alice, but I knew, from the relationship I had with both of them, that it was Edward. I didn't feel like talking so I just thought instead.

Leave me alone.

I heard him sit beside me. I didn't feel like seeing his face.

"I'm not going to let you give up, not now, not when you've come so far," he said.

Well guess what, I am.

He paused for a moment and didn't say anything.

"Can you please talk to me instead of just thinking things, even for me reading minds gets annoying after a while."

I hesitated to do what he said, but gave in and looked at his face. He looked angry or disappointed.

I finally decided to speak to him.

"I wish you would've just let me die," the words came out of my mouth so suddenly that I didn't even realize I said anything.

I stared at him and hoped for a response, but all he did was look at me with a weird expression.

"I know how you feel…all of us do," he turned his face away from me and stared at the ground.

"I can't do this anymore," I admitted.

We both sat there on the floor, speechless. I pulled my legs towards my chest and wrapped my arms around my knees, hoping for some sort of response. I needed to tell him what I was thinking, even if he already knew.

"I just…have doubts about me being able to handle myself I guess..."

"You will be able to handle yourself," he looked at me.

I shook my head in response.

"Everyone says so, but I don't believe it," I said.

"We will be there for you and you know that if anything ever happens I will be there to help you…and you have William too."

I managed to crack a smile.

"Thanks," I said.

He nodded his head and grinned at me.

"Don't worry about it anymore."

I chuckled.

"I won't," I promised.

He got up and I did the same. Then he walked out the door and went down the hall to his room. I closed my door and sighed. I knew that tomorrow was the day I was anticipating and it was so close that I felt like I wasn't even prepared for what I would go through.

I plumped myself onto the couch and decided to just think. There was nothing more I wanted to do than think right now and there was so much to think about.

"You'll do fine," I heard these three words echo in my head over and over again.

"I hope so," I thought.

"You will and don't deny it," he demanded.

I chuckled.

"Promise me you'll be there tomorrow watching over me and making sure I don't do anything bad."

"I promise you I will be there every minute…no every second of every day," he said.

I smiled and let his words echo through my mind over and over again.