Hey
TRIGGER WARNINGS AN SUICIDE ATTEMPT
I just wanted to say I have no medical knowledge, and I don't know exactly what a therapist would suggest so I'm sorry it's brief, If anyone has any corrections that need to be made or have better knowledge on this topic I woudld be glad for the help
Lyna Laufeyson
The choir room was quite. The boys had just performed, without Kurt. Mr Schue stood at the front of the room, clearly upset by Kurt's absence. All of the boys were annoyed that Kurt had abandoned them. The girls were all uncomfortable, the room was extremely tense. Mercedes was worried, she had text Kurt 7 times and she hadn't got a response- Kurt always texted back, that boy practically lived on his phone.
"Where the hell is he" Puck shouted standing up "I know he wanted to sing lead and we said no but there is no need to be so selfish"
"Yeah, it's not that hard to sway in the background" Finn said
"Guys, we don't know why Kurt's not here" Mr Schue stated
"I'm worried, he always texts me to tell me he's going to be late or if something's happened" Mercedes said
"You don't think Karofsky has done something do you?" Quinn asked
"I wouldn't put it past him" Mike added
"Spies!" Rachel suddenly shouted, the New Directions looked up to see the Warblers, led by Wes, running into the room.
"Shush woman, we aren't here for you or your extensive collection of journey songs" Wes snapped
"Wow Wes, way to show everyone you're not a jerk" David responded
"Can both of you just shut up" Elliott snapped, quickly scanning the room for Kurt "Where is Kurt"
"Why do you care?" Rachel asked
"He didn't bother showing up for our song so your guess is as good as ours" Finn stated angrily
"You wanna know why he didn't care about your stupid performance," Jeff hissed "Because you sent him to us when he gave you ideas, you didn't even tell him what song you guys were singing" Jeff took a step towards Finn but Nick pulled him back
"J..." He whispered "We have to find Kurt"
"Do you know where he is?" Sebastian asked Mr Schue who shook his head. Just then Miss Pillsbury burst through the doors of the choir room
"Emma what is it?" Mr Schue asked stepping towards her
"It's Kurt; he has been rushed to hospital. One of the boys on the football team found him in the locker room, he had slit his wrists"
"What?" Everyone exclaimed
Everything was a blur, Finn rang Burt and Carole. Elliott, Blaine, Jeff and Nick drove to the hospital along with Mr Schue and Finn. Everyone was panicked and terrified that they might lose their friend.
Elliott was blinded by tears as Nick drove, he didn't understand why Kurt would try and kill himself, he knew the bullying kept pushing him own but Elliott never knew he was that depressed. He should have noticed, he should have done something. Kurt sounded so scared on the phone it just didn't make sense.
When the four Warblers got to the hospital they stood in the waiting area with Mr Schue and Finn. None of them were allowed to be told anything because they weren't family. Burt and Carole arrived a few minutes later, Burt in his overalls, he had puffy red eyes.
"How is he?" Burt choked out
"They won't tell us anything" Elliott said quietly
"Who are you four?"Burt demanded
"We're Kurt's friends, from Dalton" Nick replied, cradling Jeff who was in hysterics. Blaine was trying to calm Elliott down but he wasn't doing that good himself.
"Kurt Hummel?" A Dr asked
"I'm his Dad, Burt Hummel" Burt said stepping towards the nurse, she was tall with blonde hair; she wore green scrubs and held a clipboard.
"I'm Dr Moore, Well, he's stable. He lost a lot of blood so he is very weak; he is on an IV drip to help him. However from the looks of it he has been cutting himself for the best part of the year. It is my professional opinion that when he wakes up you get his a therapist." The Dr said
Burt was shaking, tears flooding down his face
"Why would he do this?" Burt sobbed into Carole's shoulder
"Can we see him" Finn asked the Dr
"He is in his own room so yes, four of you are allowed in at a time, I don't know when he will wake up, it could in a couple of minute, hours or even days, his body has been through a lot"
"I'm going to tell the others that Kurt's going to be ok" Mr Schue said, rubbing Finn's back and patting Burt on the shoulder, "Send him my love"
Burt nodded "One of you guys can come with us if you want." Burt said to the Warblers
"Elliott can go" Nick said
"He's the closest to Kurt" Blaine added
"Yeah, we'll go tell the other Warblers he's okay" Jeff whispered
Will, Blaine, Jeff and Nick all left whilst Burt, Carole, Finn and Elliott followed Dr Moore to Kurt's room.
Kurt was pale; the heart monitor beeped steadily assuring everyone that Kurt was alive. The boy's chest rose and fell slowly. Thick bandages covered Kurt's wrists but Elliott could clearly see the scars further up his arms.
"He's so little" Burt murmured when he saw his son, Eliott barely choked back a sob
Burt and Elliott sat either side of Kurt's bed. Burt reached out and took Kurt's hand squeezing it. Elliott lightly brushed Kurt's hair out of his face. Carole and Finn stood at the end of the bed. Carole pulled Finn closer to her, cuddling him close.
"Why did you come to find Kurt?"Finn asked
"What?" Elliott looked up
"You came to McKinley looking for Kurt, why?"
"He called me, he was crying and kept saying things like "he's going to kill me" he was scared, and I was scared for him so I came to find him"
"Who was going to hurt him?" Burt asked, sitting up straight
"I think it was that Karofsky guy, he's the only one I know was bullying him" Elliott replied
"Karofsky has always picked on Kurt; we never thought he would seriously hurt him. Kurt said he didn't want to get people involved" Finn whispered
"I'm going to kill him" Burt snarled, but he didn't move he just sat watching his son. Silently willing Kurt to wake up, but he didn't
Two days later Burt and Elliott were sat in the same place. Kurt still hadn't woken up. Elliott came by everyday and Burt never left. Jeff and Nick had both come to visit and Rachel and Mercedes had accompanied Finn on one occasion.
"You care about him a lot for someone you just met" Burt said to Elliott
"When he told me what he was going through, I just felt like I needed to help him, I've been where he is. I mean I never tried to kill myself but used to self-harm" Elliott said quietly
"How did you stop?" Burt asked
"My parents found out, they hired a therapist and transferred me to Dalton. The bullying stopped and I made friends, with their help and my therapist's I stopped hating myself for who I was and accepted that I wasn't going to change. I had to face the fact that I either wanted to get better or I wanted to die, once I decide I wanted to live I accepted the help and things got better" Elliott explained
Burt nodded
"I'm going to help him through this, I know Dalton is expensive but if you could transfer him I think it would be for the best, or if you can't afford it consider another school- he needs to get away from McKinley. Either way I'm going to help him." Elliott said
"I want to transfer him to Dalton. I might have to dip into his college fund but he will go to Dalton."
The pair sat in silence for a moment
"Do you think I should hire a therapist?" Burt asked
"I don't know, mine helped me, but Kurt's the kind of person who doesn't like strangers, I think friends and family are going to be his biggest help right now, maybe get him an appointment so he can see if he likes the idea of one." Elliott suggested.
They sat in silence for several moments more, just staring at Kurt. When the boy began to stir both his Dad and his friend noticed immediately. Kurt shifted slightly and slowly opened his eyes
"Daddy..." Kurt murmured, his voice hoarse
"I'm here Buddy," he said squeezing his hand
"Ellie..." Kurt said turning to look at Elliott
"Hi," Elliott smiled, tears forming in his eyes
"Why Kurt? Why did you try to kill yourself?" Burt cried
"I didn't, I...I...I cut too deep and I couldn't get help" Kurt stuttered "How am I alive, who found me?"
"Finn said it was some kid called Azimio, he went to get something from his locker and found you on the floor. He rung an ambulance and found the school nurse. Do you know him?"
"Azimio saved me? He is Karofsky's wing man. He hates the glee club" Kurt frowned
"Disliking a club and letting someone die are two different things" Elliott said
Kurt struggled to sit up with Elliott's help whilst Burt went and got Dr Moore. Elliott took Kurt's hand lightly in his own. Kurt squeezed Elliott's hand.
"I'm sorry, I never meant to" Kurt whispered
"You have to stop okay? I know it's hard, I've been there. But the cutting has to stop. We almost lost you Kurt. Your Dad hasn't left your side since you've been here. He has sat in that chair for three days because he didn't want to lose you." Elliott urged "You have to get help!"
"Will you help me?" Kurt asked, crying
"Of course, all of the Warblers are here for you. Your family is too and the New Directions. The Dr has said that you should have a therapist"
"Oh, okay" Kurt said thinking about it
"How would you feel about having one" Burt said, catching the end of Elliott's sentence as he walked into the room with Dr Moore
"I guess I'd have to, I don't want one but if they will help me get better" Kurt shrugged
"I think that one is necessary," Dr Moore said as she checked Kurt's vitals "Maybe start off with once a week visits to Dr Donovan, she is our resident psychologist, and then depending on your progress you can reduce or increase their frequency" Dr Moore said
"Okay" Kurt sighed "When can I go home?" he asked
"You seem like you're okay, your bandages need to be changed twice a day. If you feel well enough you can go home tomorrow morning. But I want you to meet with Dr Donovan before you leave"
Kurt was sat on the chair in front of Dr Donovan's office. She was a tall woman in her early 30's, she had dark hair and dark eyes and a kind smile. As soon as Kurt walked in he felt relaxed, the Dr had given Kurt a glass of water and invited him to sit.
"How are you feeling?" She asked
"Ok, I guess. I want my Dad" Kurt said, anxiety rising, he didn't want to talk about his feelings.
"Its better we talk alone for now, but your Dad is right outside and you perfectly safe, Okay?"
"Yes Dr" Kurt said begrudgingly
"Call me Aimee" Dr Donovan said, hoping to appear as a friend "Now tell me the truth, how are you feeling?"
"Tired, lost. I want to go home." Kurt said quietly
"Why are you tired, are you not sleeping?" Aimee asked
"No, I'm sleeping, it's not that kind of tired" Kurt sighed
"Tell me? " The Dr prompted
"I'm tired of fighting, I'm sick of being the odd one out. I used to thing being unique was special, but not I realise it just makes me and easy target."
"Is that why you cut? You don't want to live?"
"I never said that. I cut because it helps, all the stress, all of the hatred. It goes when I cut, for a while, and then I have to do it again" Kurt snapped, getting angry at the woman's questioning.
"So you want to cut now?" Dr Donovan asked
"Yes" Kurt shouted, before realising he hadn't meant to say that. Tears began to form as he brought his hands to his head.
"Hey, it's okay Kurt, its okay. I just need to understand why you tried to kill yourself" Aimee said, moving closer to Kurt, putting her hand on his back, Kurt flinched slightly and the movement but then relaxed.
"I didn't," Kurt whispered "I mean I didn't mean to, I cut to deep, it was an accident"
"Why did you feel you needed to cut at school?"
"Erm... This guy has been bullying me for the past year, he, he threatened to kill me. I think I had a panic attack and I needed to cut to make it go away."
After half an hour more of Kurt telling Dr Donovan about his life; about Karofsky's torments Kurt was allowed to go home. However before he went Dr Donovan wanted to have a word with his Dad. Elliott was there waiting with Burt so he also joined him.
Kurt was sat outside the therapist's office with Finn.
"I'm sorry" Finn whispered
"Why are you sorry, I'm the one who's sorry" Kurt queried
"I wasn't there for you, I didn't thing Karofsky made you feel like that, none of us did. You're my brother, or at least you will be, I'm supposed to protect you." Finn said quietly
"It's not your fault, I should have said something."
Finn pulled Kurt into hug, the two brothers stayed like that for a long time. Just silently crying and holding one another.
Inside Donovan's office both Burt and Elliott sat where Kurt had been sitting. Both wanting to know how to help Kurt. Burt had noticed how much Kurt trusted Elliott, and given Elliott's past experience Burt knew how much good Elliott could do to Kurt. So he had insisted that Elliott join him.
"I'm going to say Kurt's not as bad as I thought he was" Dr Donovan started "He doesn't appear to be suicidal- that doesn't mean it won't develop. It means he is not a large risk to himself. However he will need supervision, he is still very ill."
Burt and Elliott both slowly nodded, Burt was happy that Kurt wasn't suicidal but he knew Kurt had a long way to go before getting better.
"I believe Kurt is suffering from an Anxiety Disorder, I believe that although it would have started off mild, the constant fear of bullying has gradually made it a lot worse. He has become nervous and self-conscious. When people have an anxiety attack the usually need to distract themselves, Kurt's method is cutting. The pain distracts him. However cutting is addicting and Kurt has started to cut whenever he feels anxious or nervous"
"How do we stop him?" Burt asked
"I know it's going to be hard but the best way is talking to him before he gets anxious. Don't let the emotions build up; don't give him time to cut. He may get angry, he may even lash out. But be with him all the time and keep him distracted from cutting"
"And how do you suggest we do that?" Elliott asked
"I'm not exactly sure, writing or drawing may help. He likes singing so maybe prompt him to do that. Some people like physical contact, others don't. I suggest trying different things and even talk to him and ask him what would help." Dr Donovan said
Both Elliott and Burt nodded again.
"I'd like to see him again next week, if that's okay with you." Dr Donovan added "I'd like you to monitor what he does, if he has any attacks note down; when, why and for how long. Note if he wants to cut and see what makes him happy."
Hey me again, I'm currently writing chapter 16 for this fic and I was wonering if there was anything that peole wanted to be included in this story, like any ships (apparet from Kelliott , Niff and Brittana- because they are hapening anyway)
Also as things get (hopefully) happier in the story the music that will be featured will be mainly by Pentatonix and connon songs. If you haven't heard of PTX I suggest you check them out as it will help you with the songs later on.
Please review because I need some motivation, It's lonley with just 3 reviews
Lyna Laufeyson
