Author's Note: And now back into the brain of the bastard. Leonard may very well have redeeming qualities but it's gonna be a long time if ever that I'll write them in. I have rejoined DeviantArt (AniseFlowerCMW2) and it's my homepage now. Until I get a decent scanner/ digital camera, I can't put any of my artwork up but the site's gonna serve as a back up archive for my fanfic, starting with my completed oneshots. I'll try to start posting there by the weekend.

Disclaimer: "Honestly, it's not mine!"

"You really didn't have to drive me home."

"I know that but I'm your supervisor and the Powers that Be say that if you step out of line again, it'll be my ass in the line of fire. Plus, the fact that Malibu Barbie's run off to have little dumbasses has got to sting. I wanted to see it live."

"She hasn't left yet and just because she's going off to find Sheldon doesn't mean that they're gonna make babies."

"Keep telling yourself that, Hofstadter."

Leonard made to retort but the words died in his throat as he took in the scene outside the building. There were tables of shoes, clothes, and all of Penny's furniture sans her laptop. There was also a crate of books next to a box of stuffed animals. A purple sign with white letters read 'Moving Sale- No reasonable offers rejected!' Penny sat on a Hello Kitty comforter in the center of the organized chaos, idly counting an already impressive amount of cash. To his surprise, she had on a t-shirt with all the DC Comic logos on it and a pair of cargo pants. Since when did she own anything like that? What the hell was going on, now?

"Get evicted again?" Leslie greeted caustically, making her roll her eyes.

"Actually, no. I'm moving out and I've already put the stuff I want to keep in storage. I wanted to make some extra cash for the road trip so I decided to have a moving sale. Why don't you take a look around, see what catches your eye? Books and knickknacks are 2 for 2. Shoes and clothes are buy two, get one free and if you stick around long enough, there's gonna be a bidding war on my entertainment center. Not to mention my old NKOTB posters…"

"Why are you moving out, Penny?" Leonard cut in desperately, his heart breaking even more than before.

"I want to get a place closer to the Cheesecake Factory and the theater I'm working at, now. They've offered me a permanent spot in their troupe and I said yes. After we do The Odyssey, we're gonna start doing Shakespeare stuff. Plus, I'm not coming back without Sheldon and he's made it pretty damn clear that he doesn't want to share a hemisphere with you, much less an apartment building.", she replied sweetly, capping the coffee can of cash.

"I guess Dumbass isn't so dumb, after all! How much for the big monkey?" Leslie called as she held up King Kong from the animal bin.

"How much are you offering?"

"$3.50 for it and the banana phone."

"I'll throw in the Peanut Butter Jelly Time banana shirt for an extra buck-fifty."

"Deal."

Leonard's jaw dropped as Winkle gave the monkey a happy squeeze and headed towards the shoe tables. Penny had lied to him. She said that everything she was doing had nothing to do with the Great Sheldon but here she was, selling her stuff and moving away because of him. She had gotten her car fixed and he had seen a couple of bags from Victoria's Secret when she had come home from pre-Texas shopping. Unbelievable. How could she? How could she choose Sheldon over him? Why? It wasn't fair. He saw her first and brought her into their lives. He had opened the door for her to go from meat heads to smart guys. He had been kind to her, listened to her as best he could, and had even gotten pantsed for her. He had done all the work and now, Sheldon was about to reap the rewards!

"I can't believe you're doing this to me!"

"Doing what? Moving out, growing up and getting somewhat of a real job? Daring to be happy without you? What am I doing, Leonard?"

"Sheldon! You're just sitting around here, making all sorts of plans for you and him when you're not even sure if he even wants you but you can't give me the time of day!"

"Are you serious right now? I mean, really? Look, Leonard, I'm sorry if you're hurting but I've made it clear that I don't want you like that anymore. You are a jerk. I don't want to date jerks anymore, with or without PhDs. Do I want Sheldon? Hells, yeah. I don't know exactly why but I really frackin' do and I'm going for it, whether you or anyone else likes it or not. But, even if he doesn't want me back, at the end of the day, I do not want to be with you. Ever. Not in this life, the next life, or in any other alternate, stringy twisty universes derping around out there. What you did in the Arctic completely 86'd any chance of you and me. Live with it! Now, are you gonna buy something or are you just gonna stand there because there's a standing fee."