Chapter 7: All Work and No Play…
(we see the Vocaloids sitting, exhausted, on a stage) [And so, Miku and her friends have started into their new record deal with Gakupo. They've been rehearsing their old song, "Go Go Mario!", for hours.]
Rin: (panting) We've been rehearsing "Go Go Mario!" for hours, Gakupo.
[And it looks like they can't take it anymore.]
Len: (wheeze) I can't take it anymore….
[In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they haven't even had lunch yet.]
Kaito: (stomach growls) Ugh. We haven't even had lunch yet.
[Hey! Those are my lines!]
Gakupo: Those are the narrator's lines, guys, not that anybody cares about the narrator. He's not even a real character.
[Everybody cares about the narrator, and yes, I am a real character.]
Gakupo: (to the narrator) Hey, why don't you just take a step back and realize that we can all just get along fine without you? All you ever do is hog the spotlight to yourself and spoil every single line. How'd you even get that job? Did they hire the lowest bidder or something? You're not funny, you're not serious, and you're not even tragic! I bet you've never even heard of the seven of us before this story.
[(simultaneously) What would a story be without a narrator? A bunch of text, that's what. Who wants to read text all day? Well, certainly not anybody sensible enough to visit websites to watch stories play out. Besides, not many people would bother listening to stories without narrators. It'd be just hand gestures and babble. That's what I'm here for, you ungrateful transvestite. I am the narrator!]
Luka: Who are you talking to?
Gakupo: Who are YOU talking to? (to the others) All right, people. I want you all on your feet ASAP. We'll keep rehearsing until we get this song perfectly.
Miku: Please, Gakupo-san. You can't expect us to keep going on like this.
Luka: Miku-san's right, Gakupo. Don't you think you're pushing us all too hard?
Gakupo: What? You really think I'd push you all to keep working when I know you can't keep it up anymore? Come on. Can't you take a joke?
Meiko: (sarcastically) Yeah. Ha ha. That was very funny.
Kaito: (off screen) Seriously, when's lunch? We're starving.
Meiko: Yeah. I mean Rin tried to eat Miku's leek prop two hours ago.
Rin: I couldn't help it. It looked so convincing.
Gakupo: All right. So, I've been at it too much. Sorry.
Meiko: And a few minutes later, Miku tried to eat the leek prop, not to mention her own hair.
Miku: I never tried to eat my own hair. That leek prop did look convincing, though.
Gakupo: Okay, Meiko. I get the point. You can stop talking now-
Meiko: Why, I could've sworn that about fifteen minutes ago, you tried to eat one of the fake Super Mushrooms because you thought it was a muffin-
Gakupo: All right! That's enough! Listen here, Meiko. I never tried to eat any fake Super Mushrooms. (steps forward; we hear a yelp) I can understand you complaining about not having lunch.
Meiko: Gakupo?
Gakupo: And I can understand other people thinking I'm a woman.
Meiko: Gakupo…
Gakupo: But insult my props (grips his katana) and you've picked the wrong samurai to-!
Meiko: Gakupo!
Gakupo: What?
Meiko: You're standing on Miku's head.
(Gakupo looks down and sees Miku's head beneath his foot; Miku struggles weakly)
Miku: Oww… Please get off me, Gakupo-san…
Gakupo: Uh, (hastily steps back) sorry.
[Well, that was rather unexpected. (camera cuts to scene of Miku, Gakupo, and the others eating lunch in the lobby) Later, that same day…]
Rin: (irritated) Why do you have to be so mean?
Luka: Easy, Rin-kun. Gakupo's just been under a lot of stress, lately.
Rin: I didn't ask you, Luka.
Luka: I know. It's just that Gakupo's been very uptight since he took over Crypton Studios. After all, we're his first clients.
Len: I thought he said we're the first clients he's had in months.
Luka: (takes a drink from her teacup) He didn't say how many months. Allow me to shed some light on the subject… (fade to white)
(fade from white; we see Gakupo sitting in his office with his feet on his desk)
Gakupo: (sigh) This is boring. (looks at a chart, which shows a negative trendline)
Luka: It just hasn't been the same since your great uncle disappeared, has it, Gakupo?
Gakupo: No, it hasn't. Ever since Great Uncle Hinjo disappeared, nobody has signed any deals with me. (shows Luka the chart1) If this keeps up, we may have to file for bankruptcy.
Luka: Maybe it would make you feel better if you called some old friends. Besides, if it's clientele we need, a certain group of old friends just might be enough to pull us out of the hole.
Gakupo: (thinks for a moment) You don't mean…
Luka: (with a satisfied smile on her face) Yep. (fade to white)
(fade from white)
Miku: (holding an ice pack on her head) So, hiring us was your idea, Luka-san?
Luka: Of course.
Len: And Gakupo let himself get carried away when we started because he's never had any clientele until now?
Luka: Right.
Kaito: And you rigged the twins' road roller to run over me and crash into Meiko's house?
Luka: Exactly. Wait. What? Who told you that?
Kaito: Meiko asked me about the 9000 yen I owed her for that dinner we all had last night. I looked through my coat pockets and found (holds up a small device) this: a homing beacon with your name etched on it.
Luka: I don't think that's a homing beacon, Kaito.
Kaito: Then why does it say "beacon" on the side?
Luka: Actually, it says "smoke and mist2".
Kaito: Then why's there a label that reads "This homing beacon will instantly render the designated wearer visible on all radio frequencies. Limited 3 year warranty included3"?
Luka: Oh, my mistake. But seriously, I don't know how that got there.
Meiko: Then why did I find this (holds up a damaged homing transceiver) under the road roller's hood? And why does it have your name written on it?
Luka: Look, I swear. It wasn't me. Someone must've-
Meiko: (enraged) Enough of your lies, you backstabbing ingrate! I have half a mind to come into (grabs Luka by her collar and shakes her violently) your bedroom tonight and beat you mercilessly until you're covered in an endless, crimson stream of my infallible rage! And the other half of my mind will start screaming at me to kill the first half! The brain damage you have right now is nothing compared to the compound fracture I'll give to your skull!
Kaito: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Calm down, Meiko.
Meiko: (normally) I'm just kidding. (lets go of Luka, who has spirals for eyes) I know it wasn't her. Besides, last time I checked, "Megurine" didn't have an "i" at the end.
Miku: (off screen) Luka-san. Luka-san. Are you okay?
Kaito: (wide eyed) Wow. And I thought you were scary when you were drunk.
Meiko: (smiling at Kaito) Meh, it's a gift.
Len: (looks away from Meiko and Kaito) (thinking) A homing beacon in Kaito's coat? A homing transceiver in our road roller? And both of said items with Luka's name misspelled on them? I don't like this. Not one bit.
Rin: Did you say something?
Len: What?
[Well, now that Gakupo's harsh rehearsals have been put to an end, what will become of our heroes now? What will become of their first performance as a group? Who tried to frame Luka for the incident with the Kagamine's road roller? Why did he or she do it so sloppily? And shouldn't Meiko see a psychologist or something? I guess we'll find out in the next chapter of Project Vocaloid.]
1 A note at the bottom of the chart says "Owata!"
2One of the Japanese words for "beacon", "enka", is also the Japanese word for "smoke and mist".
3 There's a small bit of fine print that reads "Junk Robot, Inc." below the usage label.
