Disclaimer: I don't own Saint Seiya characters!


Author's Note: Chapter made with a big help of my dear friend, Nica-Angel. Thank you, dear!


His World of the Hate

'Stop…' sounded the voice in the deep darkness, voice full of pain, full of suffering and full of pleas. 'Stop… I don't wanna it…' This weak voice was reaching his ear again and again with many sharp, almost painful tones, making him to feel sick from the guilty. He knew to whom this voice belonged and surely he knew why this voice was filled with these tears and suffering. This voice was hunting him down all the time, for many weeks, weakening his soul more than it was already and making him to feel sick about himself and causing him the hate toward himself. It was the voice of the man he hurt; it was the voice of the man he broke.

'Stop… It hurts…!'

His soul twitched rapidly, filled with this echoing voice, piercing his existence with the violence of the storm. He wanted to escape from that, he tried to run away and never hear it again, but his demon, this horrible and awful demon was hunting him all the time, day and night, making him crazy, making him suffer, making him to hate his own soul. He really wanted to stop hearing it, but at the same time he knew, that this voice would never disappear from his mind. It was engraved deeply inside his heart and nothing could erase it. He would hear this plea till his death and even longer, much longer, to the end of the Universe. It wasn't something he could escape so easily; it was something he had to endure; it was something he had to feel all the time. It was something he had to suffer more and more every day, because the man who owned this voice would never forgive him his all sins. Especially not this sin.

He was doomed to the end of his life and he would have to suffer much more with every day on this world.

Saga, the Gold Saint of the Gemini opened slowly his blue eyes, now filled with the enormous feeling of the guilty and hate towards himself. This nightmare wasn't something he had for the first time. It was repeating itself night by night, sometimes not leaving him even during the bright day, making him to hear this voice. Every time the same dream, the same voice, the same darkness. Every time filling him with these feelings he wanted to not feel already. He was so tired of them, being exposed every day, every minute to these emotions, coming from the cheerful kid he hurt weeks ago. He could feel it from the Eight Temple, coming with unbroken wave. Pain, suffer, sadness. All these emotions he could feel, were affecting him really strongly. They were emotions he himself caused to that man and now Saga had no idea what he should do to erase these emotions from his fellow's soul. He didn't know what he should do to redeem his sin, what he should do to make these nightmares to disappear.

He sat at his bed, looking around and feeling like the disgust was disappearing, replaced by temporary emptiness. It was the other stage he was encountering every day after waking up from the nightmare of his heart. After feeling this overwhelming guilty his mind was empty. He was empty. For a long while he wasn't able to feel nothing more than this emptiness. It wasn't lasting too long, but it was filling his mind long enough to hit him with the all mighty of his sins while he was coming to his all senses. Then he was frustrated; frustrated so much that he wanted to destroy something to calm his mind down. He wanted to feel pain, physical pain that could made him think. But he knew it wouldn't help. Only one thing could help him, could calm down his soul, but it was something he probably would never gain. It was something beyond his reach and something that would be never his.

Forgiveness.

He looked at the sky, visible through the window of his Temple. He could see a few clouds, flying slowly, pushed by the wind. He could see the flitting birds, making the noise at the morning. He could see the hills surrounding the Holy Place and the Twelve Sacred Buildings of the Sanctuary.

He could see them all but… Everything was grey. Everything was faded.

How long it was been since he last time saw the blue of the sky, the green of the grass and the red of the blood? How long it was been since he could admire the amazing glance of his Gold Cloth? He already forgot what to mean to touch the yellow flowers that were surrounding the area every summer. Yes, he could touch them, but what it meant to be yellow? He forgot how this golden gloss on his armor looked like. He forgot how deep color of the sea had eyes of Kanon. He forgot everything. For him it was just grey. Nothing more. No yellow, no blue, no red. Just grey. And black. Black of his heart. Black of his soul.

When his soul had been possessed by the evil, when he started to rule the Sanctuary years ago, everything else lost the matter for him. Only power was important. He was so obsessed with being the stronger, with hunting down the reincarnation of Athena, that he forgot the colors of life. For him was only the black Death, coming for his enemies. And even while these short moments, when he was his old self, Saga of the Gemini, he couldn't remember any colors. Everything reminded faded for him. Sky was lost, grass was lost, and flower was lost.

Then he died and found himself in the Underworld, where everything was faded as well. There were no colors in the Kingdom of Hades. Everything was for him without the life, without the colors, without the energy. It fit that place to be grey. To not see the true tints of the sky, to not see the shade of the Hell he was imprisoned. And then the King of Darkness resurrected him. Saga allied with the worst enemy of Athena in a secret mission the true Pope gave to him and his resurrected fellows. But even then, when he knew he wasn't evil anymore, he couldn't see the colors. He was moving forward, leaving his dead fellows behind him, and seeing nothing but grey. He couldn't even see the color of Her blood, when his dagger sunk into Athena's throat. He couldn't see the glance of the life in the big, innocent eyes.

Now he had the new life given by their Goddess, he had the life he could live as he want and as he should from the very beginning. And for a while he thought he could do that. To see the colors, to live as he should, to feel the nice twitching of his heart when something was making him happy. Athena gave them new hope, she gave them the light; she gave them the second chance. But it seemed, for him was no second chance. Everything was like all these years he was evil.

Grey.

His soul, tainted by Hades' darkness couldn't escape from the feeling of guilty. He caused so much suffer to his fellows that he couldn't forget. It was something Athena didn't give them: oblivion. He could remember every sin he committed, he could remember every death he caused, he could remember every scream of pain. He could remember everything. It was making him to feel sick, really sick even when he was looking into the mirror. He couldn't stand his own face.

All these years he was living with the guilty, with the awareness of his own mistakes. He couldn't escape from that. He couldn't even escape from that darkness inside his soul. It was slowly absorbing him, day by day, whispering to him and greedily wanting his new life. He knew why his heart was dark. After being for so many years evil, after doing so many painful things his soul was damaged by the darkness of the Underworld's King. He was exposed too much for that impureness of Hades' soul, and it was enough to damage his own. And now this darkness was spreading around his soul, covering him slowly but definitely. It was coming for him, to take his second life in the exchange of these lives he took away from many people.

And he was aware that someday this darkness would absorb him completely, it would destroy him and his all existence. But deeply inside his heart, in this part still being not covered by this darkness, he wanted to live! He really wanted to live this second life, he wanted to be happy finally and he wanted to remember all these colors he had forgotten years ago. He wanted to remember finally the color of sky, the color of cloud. He wanted to learn what color had love, life and happiness.

He tried to find the way of saving his soul, he tried to escape from that darkness, but everything was in the vain. Every time he managed to push this darkness away a little, it was returning with a doubled power. Every time he almost had the salvation in his hands it was slipping, leaving him more depressed.

The same was with Milo and Kanon.

While these two years living in the Sanctuary beside his fellows and his younger twin, he understood that his soul needed the light to be saved. It needed pure light created by the other person, someone who had the willingness to live, and someone with strong soul. He saw everything in his twin, in Kanon. This man was something really amazing, moving forward and forward all the time, regardless of everything difficulties on the path of his life. Saga desired this strong will of life; he was sure it would help him. But Kanon belonged to Milo. His twin was loved by Scorpio and loved the Scorpio. There was no place for someone else inside his heart. Not in that strong way to create the light.

And then Saga did something that exceeded every sin he committed in the past. He hurt them both. He caused them to suffer, because his soul was too weak. He surrendered himself to the suggestion of his old, evil self which still was present deep inside his mind. And he hurt them.

Saga never planned something so horrible to happen. When he gave up to this suggestion, he wanted them only to break. He wanted Milo to feel angry at Kanon, to feel disgusted. Nothing more. That rape wasn't something he wanted to do to Milo. Of course, some of the fault belonged to Kanon; if the younger twin wouldn't come out with this stupid idea, then everything would be different. Maybe he, Saga would successes in some way. Milo would break with Kanon after such a disgusting thing they did to him; Kanon would break with Milo because the Scorpio ended in Camus' bed. That was all he planned.

But everything took the wrong path. The moment of triumph turned into the worst sin he could commit.

He felt disgusted of himself.

It passed already a few weeks since this fail, but he never faced Milo and never begged for the forgiveness. He was too scared of looking into those hurt, blue eyes that was hunting him down all the time. He was aware he should do that as soon as possible, but he was afraid of this demon inside him.

But few days ago happened something more that made him to feel deep hate for himself. Milo almost committed a suicide.

It was the worst day for him, when he heard that Milo almost died. He wasn't able to sleep for a few days, feeling the enormous guilty. He knew that he was the most at fault. He knew that if he wouldn't do that weeks ago, Milo wouldn't try to kill himself. He knew that maybe if he would explain everything earlier to Milo and Kanon, if he would talk with them both, if he would beg for the forgiveness, then Milo probably wouldn't do such a desperate thing.

It was the time Saga should go to the Eight Temple and beg for the forgiveness. He knew Milo wouldn't do that just because he showed himself in the front of him, bowed his head and said: "Forgive me". He knew that it wouldn't even make him to feel better. But if he would decline it more, something horrible was waiting for them. He knew that very well. Something terrible was waiting for his hesitation.

But Saga was still too scared. He was afraid of facing Milo, because it would mean his death. The Scorpio was in the state he would kill his nightmare without any doubts. But Saga still wanted to live a little longer! He really wanted to remember the colors of the world. But this hurt kid, this suffering Saint wouldn't hesitate to strike him with his Needle.

Saga didn't know what to do. From the one side Milo was waiting for the opportunity to kill him. The Gemini knew that very well, he would met his end the first moment he would look into these sad, blue eyes. But at the other side, the guilt he felt all the time was pushing him deeper into the darkness. He was doomed from the very beginning; it was only the matter what he would choose. Being killed in the pain, but with his death helping Milo to free him from that nightmare, or allowing this darkness to absorb him quietly, painlessly?

He left his chamber, walking slowly in the aura of the morning, praying to Athena for the courage he needed right now. Maybe today he would find it to go to the Scorpio Temple and face him.

He almost reached the exit of his domain when he saw his brother, Kanon entering the building. The younger Gemini looked at him with the eyes full of sadness, hate and disgust. Saga knew for whom these last feelings were directed. He got used to this look already. Kanon was looking at him like that every day, not able to forgive him his sins.

Another person he should beg for the forgiveness.

He stopped, returning the look.

"How is he?" Saga asked hesitantly. They were talking really rarely; usually it was him, who started the talks that ended after a few sentences, buried into the feelings of angry.

"Who?" Kanon murmured, trying to pass his brother really quickly.

"Milo. How is he feeling right now?"

He saw it. Inside these eyes in the color of the sea, the anger turned into the fury and hate.

"It is not your business, Saga," answered Kanon, trying to not do something stupid. He tightened his hands with the frustration, so they couldn't gasp on Saga's throat. He really wanted to do that someday. Saga was his twin, he loved him as brother, but he was quickly forgetting about this love when he was facing these painful memories of something that Saga caused weeks ago. He couldn't stand this man in the front of him; his elder twin committed the great sin against many people again.

"I just wanted to know…" started Saga, but he didn't manage to finish.

Kanon walked over Saga and punched him strongly. It wasn't good idea to tighten his hands; fists were good in hitting. But once he heard the voice of his brother asking about Milo's condition, he couldn't hold it. He wanted to free his frustration he felt right now, so punching his twin seemed to be the good way of doing it. He really wanted to do that earlier, but he promised himself that he would never be like him, the man who knew only how to hurt others.

But right now he couldn't hold himself back. He was so frustrated. His beloved Milo almost killed himself and mostly they both were at fault. He was visiting the Scorpio every day, trying to help him with his depressed thoughts and he could see like Milo was feeling better, but he couldn't stand this question, coming from Saga's mouth.

"You had no right to ask about it, Saga…" he growled, looking into these blue eyes of his brother that once he admired, but now only hated. "If you…"

"Stop. Stop with your permanent 'Saga, it is your fault.' You are the same to be blamed. So face it already," whispered Saga, knowing that he had absolutely no right of saying these words.

Kanon gasped his hands again.

"Do you think I don't know it? Then why do you think I'm so frustrated all the time!? I know that this is also my fault, that Milo almost killed himself! But unlike you, I'm trying to erase that sin from my life!"

Saga gasped, turning his eyes form Kanon. His twin had the right. Kanon was trying to be beside Milo every day since that night the Scorpio almost killed himself. They were talking, maybe at the beginning not so openly, but Saga knew, that Kanon started to regain Milo's trust. Really slowly, but still. But he, Saga of the Gemini never tried to redeem himself from this rape he committed weeks ago. He never tried to face Milo and his hate, hiding in his darkness, excusing himself that he was too scared. It actually had no matter. He caused his fellow the real suffering, so he should face it even if it would bring the death to him.

He was ashamed of his own existence. He forgot how it was to be the Gold Saint of Athena. He forgot that the warrior like himself shouldn't be afraid of dying from the hands of the man he hurt so much. He forgot how to fight for the light of this world. This darkness blinded him completely and he had no excuse for that.

But before he could say anything, Kanon turned himself and disappeared in the shadows of the Gemini Temple.

Saga sighed deeply, looking at the Temples in the front of him, searching for the one he wanted to see. The Scorpio Temple was standing on the hill, summoning him really strongly today. He already decided. He had to face this demon of his soul. If the death was sentenced for him today, then he shouldn't make it wait for too long.

It was the day when probably his fate would be decided.


The Scorpio Temple wasn't the same building as it used to be. The other days it was always filled with the hope and light of the life. Any Saint passing through this Temple could feel like the warmness was spreading around their bodies; the warmness created by the owner of this domain. But now Saga could feel only the sadness in the stones, creating this Temple. He was passing slowly through the hallway sensing depressed soul of Scorpio, feeling only the remains of warmness it used to be present in the air.

The Gemini wasn't passing through this domain for the first time after the rape. But now, when he finally decided to face his demons, the awareness of the present aura overwhelmed him completely. It was infiltrating his soul so much, that he almost couldn't bear it. After the first steps he was close to turning away and running as far as he could, because this aura was summoning his darkness really strongly. This aura was making him to sink deeper into this darkness, it was making him to feel guilty with its all mighty. For a while he was ready to escape, this aura made him afraid of facing his demons, ensuring him, that soon he would probably feel the worst pain he ever felt.

He feared it. Now, when he entered this Temple he hesitated. His soul was screaming from the fear of this darkness, that was so close, called by the sad aura of Milo's territory.

But before he started to turning away, before he escaped, Saga took one deep breathe and walked deeper into the shadows of the walls. He shouldn't escape now, when he was so far. He decided, right? He was here to face Milo, to talk with him, to apologize finally. And maybe to ask for the forgiveness. He was here to face his demons and probably die by the hand of this cheerful kid Milo was once before. It didn't matter. It shouldn't have the matter for him. He was the Gold Saint of Athena and he shouldn't be afraid of this darkness of his heart. He should, no, he had to face Milo and say what he wanted, to calm his soul, to help Milo and Kanon to find themselves again.

He messed everything in the past, so now he had to fix it with his own hands. Hiding inside his Temple, waiting for the darkness wouldn't help anybody. If he wouldn't to that by his own, then nothing would change in the future.

He was in the middle of the hallway, when he heard the steps in the front of him. In the shadows he saw the slim figure that was stepping carefully, like being afraid of any harsh movement. Saga wasn't surprised that this man was moving with such a caution. After all, few days ago this body received almost every Needle of the Scorpio Constellation.

"Kanon, I thought you returned to your Temple…" started Milo, looking at the man in the shadows. He walked over his former lover and then he saw, that the face was the same, but the eyes had the other tint of the blue, hair had the other shade than Kanon and the expression of this man's face was harsher a little more.

The Scorpio gasped his hands, looking at Saga, his nightmare.

"Milo…" murmured Saga, suddenly not being sure what he should say to him. Every word he prepared for that occasion a while ago disappeared from his mind.

Milo turned himself, not able to look at this man. It hurt.

"Saga, get out of there. And the next time you will be passing my Temple to whatever you will be going, please, do that as quickly as possible."

He was ready to leave the hallway and leave this man he hated.

"I'm not passing."

Milo looked at him, frowning a little.

"Then you should leave an instant. I don't want to see your face."

Saga sighed deeply.

"I won't leave. I had to talk with you."

He saw Milo laughing. It was horrible laugh, without the nice tone it used to have. It was laugh very cold, filled with the anger and hate. Then Milo turned himself and looked into the blue eyes he hated with his all existence.

"Get out, Saga. I don't want to talk with you. If you don't want to suffer the worst pain in your whole life, leave immediately."

"No, Milo. There is something I had to tell you. Something…"

The red flash of the light filled the chamber. Saga felt the turbulence of the air when the strike passed near his body. The small, poisoned needle hit the column behind him, crushing the stone.

"It was warning, Saga. Next one won't miss."

Saga gasped. So finally it came. The death waiting for him. But it was too soon. Firstly Saga had to tell Milo everything. Before the pain would take away all his senses he had to explain.

But he couldn't move. His mouth was dumb; he couldn't depart his lips and create the words. He was frightened of that so hatful reaction coming from Milo. Yes, he knew it would look like that, but experiencing it was far worse that knowing it.

Milo snorted quietly under his nose and made a move as he wanted to leave finally. Saga forced his body to take a step toward him.

"Milo…"

The furious growl filled the hallway alongside with the red flash. Saga couldn't even move one of his muscles to defend himself. The three needles hit his body, causing him pain. It was the pain so enormous that even the Hell couldn't be compared to that. The force pushed him away, after a short fly he landed on the floor, feeling like his body was screaming for the way of the escape from this pain.

"Get out of there, Saga. I don't want to bath more my precious Needle in the blood of the scum like you."

Before the Gemini managed to make any sound of the protest, Milo turned himself and walked away as quickly as his wounded body allowed him.

Saga sat down, looking at the disappearing figure, not even feeling the pain anymore. It was fail; it was another fail in his life, and he couldn't do anything to prevent it. He was useless. He was pathetic. He was the most miserable existence on this word. He couldn't even fix this man's soul; he couldn't help his brother to gain the trust of Milo. He couldn't even apologize.

He looked at his hand, covered by his blood. He growled with the frustration.

It was gray. It was still gray…

He hit the floor with his fist, feeling the frustration taking control of his mind. He wanted to destroy something. How could he think that everything would be so easy? That he would have the chance of redeem his sins with the first try? He deserved to suffer so much. It seemed that death wouldn't come for him so quickly.

"Something not according to your plan again, Saga?" he heard the voice of his twin.

Kanon appeared in the hallway, looking at him with unreadable expression. Saga couldn't read what was inside these blue eyes of him. He couldn't tell what Kanon was thinking.

He only snorted under his nose, calmed suddenly by the presence of his younger brother. He stood up from the floor and passed him, heading to the exit. He wanted to take a long walk to calm his mind to the point he would be able to think clearly about everything.

But before he managed to pass Kanon completely, he felt his strong, warm hand on his shoulder.

"What were you aiming at, Saga? You thought he would forgive you so quickly?"

It wasn't the voice of someone that hated him. This voice was tired a little, not less frustrated than his own mind and Saga couldn't hear any angry.

"I know it," he whispered. "Forgiveness is not necessary for me right now, I'm aware that probably I would never get that chance to be forgiven by him. If it is easier for him to hate me, then let him be. I don't mind. He can hate me for the eternity."

"Then why you are here now, Saga? If you knew all of this, you shouldn't be here."

Saga chuckled with sadness inside his voice.

"I want him to know why he was raped. Why I caused this suffering to him. I want him to know why I messed everything between him, his lover and his friend. And I want to apologize finally. I should do that weeks ago."

"He knows already why you did that. I told him."

"But you don't know the whole truth. I bet you think I'm still this evil man, who likes to hurt everyone. I bet you are sure that after being possessed by evil for such a long time I become evil myself. That I did it for my entertainment."

"Then, you lied back then?"

"No, it was truth. But not the whole truth."

"What?"

Saga shook his head slightly. He couldn't tell his brother first about his darkness. Milo had to learn about it from him, not from Kanon. And after that he had to apologize to Milo. Nothing else had the matter. Kanon would come after that. Then Saga had to talk with Camus too. After all, Aquarius was hurt as well.

But first Milo. And then, if he would be still alive, he will apologize to Kanon and Camus. But not now…

He sighed and left the Scorpio Temple, defeated.