Hesitation


Without realizing just how fast time slipped by, a full lunar cycle had passed. Her friends would finally be home tomorrow morning, a day shy from the new moon. Inuyasha would then hide from the world; guarded by the houshi, taijiya, and the miko herself. She'd finally get the chance to be with them, alone, just like old times.

So why didn't she feel excited to see them? It remained a difficult thought to shake.

On the bright side, her progress with establishing her own open house was well underway. Mr. Tsukihaku continued to challenge her, requesting prints every few days. He encouraged her to flourish in her knack for digital photography. With Sesshoumaru's cooperation, Kagome would be doing what she'd always dreamed of. It was so close within her grasp, and he'd be the one to get here there—if he still wanted to help her. And it was a really big if.

A tangy breeze gusted through her, toward the West; as if the answer to her question dwelt there. The setting sun hovered over the mountains, and soon would be swallowed by them.

Echoes of Sesshoumaru's questions lingered. A constant reminder of how much she was still figuring out about herself, about her comrades. about life in general. Being hundreds of years older than her, his understanding of this world remained unparalleled. His only curiosity remained the Bone Eater's well—something she was uneasy about discussing. She could only placate him for so long, until he would threatened her for answers. They would inevitably stumble back to step one, and Kagome discovered she didn't want that to happen, at all.

To make matters worse, Sesshoumaru was keeping his distance. He'd been acting strange ever since their last encounter. Standing a few feet away at all times, barely engaging her in eye contact. What ticked her off was how much he was feigning indifference. Clearly, we was agitated, for his claws flexed and his eyes flashed scarlet; the air around him became stifling and unruly, reinforced by his youki's power. When he talked, his tone was flat, and he averted her queries with a harsh growl.

And Inuyasha said she was moody.

The temperature continued to plummet. The miko regretted not bringing something warmer to wear, as it felt like cold hands wrapped around her torso, entrapping her. Kagome was unsure why the taiyoukai felt so caged; acting as if he was backed into a tight corner. One wrong move and he'd end up losing his control. Whatever the provocateur had done, it ruined any opportunity at forming any sort of bond with him. That, and she was fairly certain she'd done something wrong, too. Meaning, she had to find some way to fix it, and fast.

How was she to reconnect to him? What could she say to gain his trust back?

Staring at the dipping sun, hot tears slid down her cheeks, blurring out the image. She loved photographing sunsets—especially the ones within the Feudal Era. These were the brightest sunsets of all. Its integrity was untarnished, producing a streaked blood red sky unlike any other in her time. Capturing it with her lens didn't do it justice. And to be the only one in her present time to witness it, made it precious, special.

But tonight, it felt like something much darker; the miko couldn't figure out why. She decided to blame this on the demon lord, whom flummoxed her more and more each time they crossed paths. It was obvious his bad ju-ju was infecting her optimism.

Had she been reading him all wrong from the beginning? But how would someone like him consider someone like her? It wasn't possible. Her heart accelerated in her chest when the taiyoukai was near. There just wasn't a chance he could feel the same way about her. Yet...

I'm such an idiot. I need to stop thinking about this now, or I'll drive myself mad before my friends get home. Besides, I've got to get goingit's getting dark.

The miko stood, stretching, facing the sunset's final warm light. The chill was finally becoming too uncomfortable, so she turned, heading back toward the village. She didn't make it ten steps before she felt a presence join her.

"I thought you weren't coming home until tomorrow," she whispered. She shivered, telling herself to trust her instincts more in the future.

He growled, but his tone was light. "Keh, that was the plan. But guess who I ran into? There's something I need to let you know about."

Pain sliced through her abdomen. There were no tears, and this time, rage replaced her sorrow. He's going to demand I stop seeing Sesshoumaru, and keep away from photography for good. You just never change, do you?

Kagome spun around to face him, shocked at how close he was. She refused to be a coward and ran away from her problems.

"First of all, whatever you think is happening, you're wrong. He's only helping me get further in my career. Something you weren't interesting in doing. Third—"

"Kagome."

"—you don't even know what I've been through, so you're really jumping to conclusions!"

"Kagome."

"I've had just about enough of your over-bearing and jealous attitude! Things are different now, so you can't judge me for doing what I needed to—"

"KAGOME!"

Inuyasha's bark stunned her. She realized then just how her heart raced, and how she no longer felt the cold bite of dusk. Schooling her expression, guarded azure eyes clashed with gentle golden ones.

"I am the last person who can judge you. So just shut up for one god damn minute already, and let me speak, wench!" His nervous grin and choked laugh following his outburst quelled her anxiousness. With his ears flattened and hands in tight fists by his side, he looked... nervous. She understood what it meant for the hanyou to let go of his defenses, and admit his mistakes—it was different to be the one on the receiving end.

"I ran into Ayame while with Miroku out in the mountains. She was on border patrol, and... we talked. A lot. About that night, about..." He shook his head, grinding his teeth. "Kagome, I'm—I'm sorry. I hate myself for putting you through that. I hate what I did to you. I betrayed my first mate, so that makes me scum." His conviction had her reeling. Yes, he apologized in the past, but this felt like a true apology. "When we first got together, she told me it was because she always admired me. She convinced me Kouga wasn't actually the right one for her, and that she'd left him. The truth is, it was Kouga who couldn't get over you, and that made her jealous enough to get revenge."

Soon, she began to understand. "She was afraid I would snatch Kouga away," Kagome breathed, mystified. "So she hurt me, in hopes of getting rid of me for good." She used Inuyasha, too. Toyed with his feelings, taking away his loyalty to me...

"I never suspected it. She tricked me, too, and made me do things I regret now. I wish it hadn't happened. I'm so sorry."

Yes, this was true. But, Kagome couldn't entire buy his victim act. He couldn't expect to be off the hook so easily.

"It still doesn't change the fact we were together then, Inuyasha." She felt tears well up in her eyes. "You hurt me, knowing full well you'd be doing so. It won't be easy for me to forgive and forget. Not this time. I accept your apology, but it's not enough to undo everything."

His ire rose, along with his youki—he only got this worked up when he was at his patience limit. He had come a long way from where he used to throw tantrums over almost anything, but he was still learning. Arriving with tail tucked between his legs and his ears folded against his head had been convincing. She knew him better than that, though.

"In case you might've forgotten, you're the one who decided we were done!" The hanyou snarled. "I wasn't able to figure out if there even was a relationship between us at times. Our bond was growing so weak, and I had no clue how to restore it..." A flicker of anguish in his eyes was quickly replaced by a scowl. "You were shutting me out!"

Breath hitching, the miko froze. He... couldn't be serious. "You were the one who cheated on me," she ground out, her temper returning. "I was the faithful one! And we weren't properly mated in the first place—how do you know it's not just from that?"

Inuyasha looked like he was doing his best to prevent himself from exploding. Every inch of his body was shaking, his youki roaring beneath the surface. Kagome pondered briefly whether the inyoukai would show up to dismiss their altercation. But when she tried to sense him, he was unreachable.

"Only because you were no longer in love with me." Inuyasha voice was uncharacteristically bleak. "I know you haven't been in a long while. Back then, I wasn't sure we still had a connection; you kept so distant, making our bond so frail."

Every word tore into her, reopening old scars so inadequately stitched together. Heat rose from her belly and pooled into her chest. She was faintly aware of her powers activating, but was too distracted by his accusation. "How could you say that? I loved you, with every bit of my soul! So much, it's still tearing me up! I spent years grieving over you. I gave up everything to be with you."

"If that were true, you would've stayed with me. You would have wanted to be with me, despite my mistake. Despite our mistakes! Instead, you just left, and the well sealed up behind you. I didn't even get a chance to try and talk you out of it this time! I couldn't explain what happened. Not that I could—nothing would've convinced you."

Tears were pouring down her cheeks, unstoppable now. The patch she had placed upon her wounded heart had ripped off. Nothing she could say would change how it all went down. But what frustrated her most, was that she couldn't find anything to say at all.

Hadn't she been happy with him, the years following the defeat of Naraku and the Sacred Jewel? They'd married, co-existed, shared the same life—everything she had wanted, ever dreamed about.

Sure, it took time for them to adjust, but their love never wavered. Despite his constant ridiculing, and selfish behaviour, she wanted to be with him. She also gave him space to grieve over Kikyou—she had to respect her importance in his life, too. Even if the mention of her name to Kagome sounded like nails on a chalk board.

And he was right—the first thing she did was flee, not even glancing back as she jumped forward in time. Why the well had responded to her, she'd never know. But it had acknowledged her wishes, and swallowed her back up in the modern era. Did she influence it that much?

"Inuyasha... I..." She inhaled sharply. "I've always loved you. Nothing could change that."

He scoffed. "Except the way you loved me did change, Kagome. It wasn't hard to sense. We were bonded, remember."

When youkai mated, they exchanged a part of each other's soul, as a way to join them together. They could communicate worlds away; and it connected their emotions together. As he explained, he was a half-demon, which meant the bond was weak. She had no access to his emotions—but he could read her like an open book. Which made him... right? Had she already fallen out of love with him back then? How was it she didn't know that?

If she hadn't been in love, what had been the cause of how misery for the past couple of years? Why did it hurt so much, back then? Even now, she aggrieved, but she'd learned how to mask it, how keep her wounds from showing.

She remembered it took a grueling amount of time; but soon, a hint of the person she once was slowly crawled out of the fogginess shrouding her head. She reflected back on just how difficult it'd been to piece herself back together. All while juggling school and her part-time job. It was then, Kagome had realized just how much it sucked to love someone so much.

Convinced she'd never have the same outlook on love again, Kagome refused to date. She even remained firm with Hojo when he proposed a date. It would only distract her from her goals, and, if things went sour, would only add to the weight in her chest.

She bit her lip. "It took a lot to end things between us, even more than you think, Inuyasha!" Her indignation tempered her aura, creating a barrier in response to her anxiety. "I didn't want to leave, but you gave me no choice! You hurt me, too! Ruining any chance at fixing things! You were my first love, and you cheated on me! It wasn't like with Kikyou—I can't let this slide."

"You barely spared any time for me." His words were soft but grief stricken, his expression awash with pain. "You spent all of your time daydreaming about that stupid 'career' of yours. And you forgot all about me! I wasn't even sure if I had a mate anymore—you were never here. You were off taking those stupid pictures! Taking them home and not even bothering to tell me. Then, you tried avoiding me by wandering through towns and caring for their orphans. You'd be gone days, even weeks at a time, never bothering to check in! I'd have to go to you, and make sure you were okay! And yes, when I was hurting, I turned to Ayame. At least she made me feel wanted. I am not proud of what I did, but for all I knew, you stopped caring about me. I had a moment of weakness, but it was because you had a part in making me vulnerable!"

A chasm rippled throughout her entire body. She'd had no clue... I didn't know he was suffering so much... how neglected he must've felt. I did... exactly what I swore never to do. When did I stop caring about him? How long have I been abandoning him?

Inuyasha's mother died when he was young, leaving him exposed and susceptible to harm. Yet no one stepped up to the plate to defend him from countless bullies. As he grew older, he had to learn to defend himself from youkai who took a negative interest in hanyou. Aside from Kikyou, Kagome had been the only one to gain his trust. It was the only time his back was finally watched, and he could sleep, undisturbed, at night.

If her obsession with getting into college at the time had broken their bond... Then she was to blame for all the pain.

"I'm sorry." She took a step forward. They were in complete darkness, yet she could see him better now than ever. "I never intended to abandon you, or make you feel unwanted. I—I did love you, despite what you may think."

She'd been too selfish. her desire to return home, and show the world just what she'd seen from this time, had taken over her life. She'd been unwilling to accept how she felt about leaving home. How she'd adapt to not seeing her family ever again? About starting out on her own, and her kids never knowing their kin.

"All I ever wanted was to begin a life with you, Inuyasha," she said. "To be honest, I had a lot of fears and doubts about remaining in this time. I never had doubts about being with you, though."

Inuyasha gave her a sad smile. "That's not entirely true, and you know it. You're stubborn, as always." He straightened, his smile fading. "If it makes you feel better, I got my ass handed to me by Kouga when he found out. Although, it wasn't the worst thing to happen to me." He smirked. " Sesshoumaru nearly beat me to death. And that was before he found out I had no idea Ayame had been using us the entire time."

Kagome wasn't sure why, but this actually upset her, more than it relieved her. "He told me he suspected her intentions. It's not surprising he wasn't wrong about her. I was just a tool for her to get revenge. You were, of course, taken advantage of, too." A deep sigh escaped her lips. "I guess that means... neither of us are to blame directly."

Inuyasha's ears twitched. "Look, I don't want things to stay the way they are. For the record, I ended things with her long ago, for good."

Unfortunately, it did little to comfort her. "I'm glad," she said anyway.

The awkwardness permeated the small area, made worse by their proximity. Inuyasha took a measured pace back, looking for all intents and purposes uninterested. Their earlier outbursts had snuffed out. The remnants of their own thoughts being the only tension left between them. He was the first to break the interlude of silence.

"If you think I want to try again, that's not the case." His brow creased, yet, his tone remained cordial. "I can tell you'd refuse anyway, given how my brother has caught your eye."

"Like I said—"

He rolled his eyes. "I've seen his furs in your bed-space, Kagome. Both of your scents are on it, and the place reeks of him. Plus, he never hangs around anyone as much as you."

Her cheeks burned. "I don't know—and by the way, he lent me his mokomoko."

Inuyasha smiled, if he could sense she was telling the truth. Had he been capable of detecting her lies all this time? Why wouldn't he have mentioned anything, then?

Shaking his silvery head, the hanyou sighed. "It really isn't my business, but I've gotta let you know something about my brother."

"What?" She swallowed thickly.

"When he wants something, he gets it. If he's choosing you, I'd say you don't have much time until he makes the decision for you. I can tell he's already got you marked."

"Marked?"

Inuyasha huffed, topaz eyes glancing around. "It means he's tagged his scent onto you, which sort of sets us other youkai on edge, you know? It's a way to make us back off of you. When we first met, I did that to you. It's why Kouga and I fought all the time. He was trying to mark you, you. Although, I've never known Sesshoumaru to do that to anyone." He glanced at her. "It's kind of got me a little shaken up, y'know?"

How come her blood was boiling now? Why wasn't she feeling cold, but hot? How had she not noticed? Now that she thought of it, it did feel like they shared a magnetism to each other. Like to the pull she felt when first meting Inuyasha. Only, with him, it was powerful. Unlike anything she'd ever experienced.

Just what exactly had she gotten herself into...

"You're right, about before," he grumbled. "Whoever you are now, it's not the pathetic fifteen year old I first met. Sometimes, I'm not even sure I do know you, Kagome. But then... that's not true, either—you've always worn your heart on your sleeve. You're incapable of hiding your emotions, even after all this time. So I know, somehow, you've taken a liking to him, too. You're just ignoring all the obvious signs." His voice was soft, resigned; was he... okay with this?

The miko's head spun, rendering her speechless.

Just what had happened to the hanyou whom used to fume and throw fits, then sulk and grow distant? Since when was Inuyasha able to express his feelings, without clamming up? Kagome expected him to have stormed off by now, completely fed up with the argument. But he stayed, and was confronting his past mistakes.

Who had changed him?

Inuyasha cursed, then growled. "My brother is such an asshole. He didn't even tell you, did he? That's it, I'm gonna—" He paused, knuckles cracking. "No, he didn't because there's a reason. He's not one to play coy."

Kagome, now perspiring, felt the icy wind cut into her small frame. Her teeth chattered. Why was it so cold in early June?! And hadn't she just been burning up?

"Kagome, he's waiting for you." He groaned. "You didn't respond to him, and that's why he's being so ridiciulous about all this."

"I have no clue what you're talking about," Kagome said, frustrated.

Inuyasha's cheeks turned rosy. "It's better if he explains it to you. He knows more about it than me. " Pinching the bridge of his nose, he let out a long sigh. "Look, all I came here to tell you in the first place is that I want to put this behind us, finally. Start fresh. Because, if I'm being honest..."

Her heart sank, fear gripping her body.

"I don't ever want to lose you. I know we can't go back to the way things were, but not having you in my life..." He faltered, the shade of his face matching his haori. "I don't want to do it again. I... missed you, and, y'know, having you around. I want to... stay by your side."

It felt like fireworks were going off inside her. His last words echoed in her mind, recalling the time when she said those exact words to him, so many years ago. She put her everything into her vow, casting aside all doubts that she'd go back on it. And when she did leave his side, after all this time...

He never left mine.

Both of them were to blame for the wounds in their hearts; so it would take them both to heal each other's pain.

Stepping forward, they met each other's gaze. The ever present blanket of gloom lifted from their shoulders. Kagome couldn't recall ever feeling so light, so worry-free, in so long. Judging by the way his amber eyes danced, Inuyasha felt.

I want to stay by your side, too," she breathed, her grip tightening on his hand, so warm and familiar. "And I'm sorry, too, for everything—"

He kissed her cheek, lingering a little too long, paralyzing her. When he pulled away, he also retrieved his hand, and gave her a gentle smile.

"I know. C'mon, it's getting late. We've got to bunker down for the next few nights, and we'll need to meet the others soon enough." He lead the way, and they exchanged no words on the way back, not needing to.

Their bond would always be unbreakable—it would never be what they once had, but that was all right. Spending time with him, growing up with him, taught her so many things, made her grow into the woman she was now. She didn't get to where she was by not changing. Someday, the hole in her heart would transform into an ache so small, she wouldn't notice it anymore.

For now, she'd let the comfort and support of her friends fill the void. Knowing she wouldn't be alone any longer. Running from her comrades hadn't done her any good before—it only created a bigger gap.

The wind howled, powerfully gusting towards the them. Its shrieks pierced through the land, bowing the trees in its might. Inuyasha's ears perked up, but he said nothing. Kagome had to cast a barrier to prevent getting swept away.

"He's just pissed off at me, don't pay him any attention. You got that?" Inuyasha scowled. "Such a dramatic prick."

Was he referring to Sesshoumaru?

"What do you mean?"

"I'm sayin' he's not happy I'm here with you right now, and I didn't clear it with him first." Inuyasha continued on. "Anyway, he's not that concerned, if he isn't even gonna show up. What's a little wind gonna do to me? Keh. Bastard."

Too shocked to reply, Kagome trailed behind the hanyou, mulling over her situation.

Oh boy, what am I going to tell mama?


They stayed up til the wee hours of the night, talking. Something Kagome wasn't particularly good at, nowadays. Inuyasha always had his struggles. He often came across harsh, insensitive—when he was just terrible at conveying his feelings.

They caught up on each other's lives, skirting around unwanted topics. And it felt so good to just... talk. In the past, her and Inuyasha had never been so open with each other, or had been so honest. She saw just how much he'd changed, in such positive ways, too.

Never would she have imagined he'd end up being as mature as he was acting now. Yet, here he was, expressing his thoughts, discussing his emotions, being real with her. She couldn't recall ever feeling this close to the hanyou, in all their years. They shared the same bed, the same life, and destinies; but this is what it was like to bare your soul. To be accepted for who you were, instead of what people thought you were.

In so many ways, it resembled the way she felt around the taiyoukai. There were many variances which she couldn't ignore, of course. His power tended to overwhelm her sense.. In the same breath, she wished to be enveloped in his arms, protected by that power. Instead, she wanted it invite to her in, no longer an enigma.

It's something I can look forward to, maybe. I mean, it only took me six years to crack Inuyasha.

To her further surprise, Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru were more civil than ever before. Coming to terms about their pasts, the brothers came to an understanding. They began mending the years of their shattered relationship. Seeing each other as both sons of the same father and fang; which should've happened long ago. They still disliked each other. That, Kagome was sure, would take the longest to fix—you don't get to pick your family, after all. Regardless of their feelings, the two cooperated, traveling side-by-side in a crusade. To reclaim stolen lands within Sesshoumaru's territory, a year after Kagome had left.

They returned, victorious. Both reeking of youkai blood and guts. A sense of kinship developing between them in the aftermath of battle and glory. From then on, they fought together now, making them stronger than any foe who dared oppose them.

Inuyasha explained how through Sesshoumaru's influence, they were able to clear the problem demons. The demon lord recognized the potential for Rin to become a target. Erecting a large scale barrier to seal them out. And since Rin had a knack for persuading the taiyoukai, she convinced him to extend that help to others. And he did. Together, Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru, and Miroku, swept across the lands to provide aid. Sesshoumaru ordered his army to protect nearby, struggling villages. Without demanding any sort of recompense. When questioned, he claimed that the villages were now part of his territory. And he had a duty to protect his subjects.

Kagome took it all in, in awe. Sesshoumaru was... acting so... noble. Almost... benevolent, even. What could change him so much? Who?

She understood just how much the demon lord monopolized this era, making her heart do an odd flip. Why hadn't his legend been in any Japanese folklore? She'd searched and searched, finding nothing about the battle over the Jewel. Or the conquering of the taiyoukai in the Western Lands. Why hadn't anyone bothered to inscribe anything about them?

Certainly no one mentioned how he would take interest in a miko from the future, or where they would end up. If it would end with both of them together, or torn apart.

Lapsing into silence, the two said good night. Inuyasha topped off the fire before passing out. Kagome's weary eyes stared at the calm hearth. Inhaling the scent of pine needles, she forced her mind to settle.

He was sound asleep as far as she could tell, but it set her nerves on edge, and it was troublesome to relax. Their earlier conversations lingered. The question of why it took them so long to absolve their issues plagued her thoughts, enough to hinder sleep from taking her.

The thought of Sesshoumaru wanting her as a mate was perplexing. What had she done? Did she want to stop this now, before it transformed into something else? What was stopping her from trying, though? The fear of being hurt again was real. But hadn't she accepted life was unpredictable, and she just had to go with her instincts by now? After all, Inuyasha did mention he was all right with it...

A million thoughts later, and it was sunrise. Inuyasha stirred at first light, stretching like a cat. "I smell Kirara, they're right on schedule," he yawned, poking out the small hearth fire. He grabbed his haori off the ground and exited the hut.

She changed, combed her hair, and was out the door, moving like a zombie. She came to a sudden halt; Inuyasha crouched, facing away from her, in a pose she was all too familiar with.

"It's faster this way," he said. His eyes remained fixed on the horizon.

Kagome hugged him from behind, and he stood as if she weighed nothing. It was hard to ignore his sharp, ginger smell, and she would be lying if she said she didn't like it, still.

With no warning, they leaped into the air, hurtling toward the sunrise.


Please review! I'd love you hear your thoughts/opinions/criticism/whatever you have for me! I'm having a lot of fun writing this, and hope you're anticipating the ending coming near! :)