I have quite a bit of medical jargon in this chapter, so I put a few translations/definitions in parenthesis throughout the text in case anyone doesn't know what something is.

Also, I have a moment with Patty in this chapter just because this fic is set somewhere between the Enter Zoom episode and the Christmas episode, I have Barry and Patty dating at this point, but this isn't really a romance fic, and Patty will probably not be sticking around in this story after this chapter.

Nauseated

"Well, at a first glance it looks as if the victim died from a puncture wound to the abdomen," Barry told Joe, as he looked over the woman's body, "but this wound is at least a couple days old. It shows signs of healing that wouldn't be evident if the victim had died immediately."

"So what killed her then?" Joe asked. Here he had thought that this was finally a case where the cause of death would be obvious to identify, but Barry, who had been here all of five minutes, had determined it to be something else.

"I won't know that until I run a few tests and we get an autopsy. I can't tell for sure now, but this wound doesn't look deep enough to be the primary cause. The victim shows signs of systemic hypoxia. You can see it from the discoloration of her fingertips. It looks like there was some kind of toxin used to kill her."

"Can you identify it, Allen?" the captain's voice came from the doorway of the victim's kitchen.

"Sure," Barry answered, turning to face Singh, "but it could take a few days. I've eliminated a dozen or so possible toxins based on the appearance of the body, but there are still plenty of others to test for to figure out the exact agent that was used."

"Well, don't just stand there. Get to it then," Singh barked before leaving.

Joe laughed once he was gone. Even when Barry did everything right, the captain always found a way to reproach him. Joe turned to look at Barry to see his reaction, but the smile left his face when his eyes fell on Barry.

Barry had been fine a second ago, but now he looked green again, similar to the way he had looked when he had returned from the coroner's office.

"Bar, are you alright?" Joe asked alarmingly. Barry was taking deep slow breaths, and he looked like he was going to be sick.

"Yeah," Barry breathed, "Just a bit woozy all of a sudden. I think I should get out of here, Joe. The smell."

Barry promptly exited the victim's house, followed by a concerned Joe. He had just made it outside when he felt the bile rise in his throat, and he expelled the contents of his stomach into the bushes. Joe stood next to him sympathetically.

"You alright there, Allen?" The captain, who had paused outside the house to talk to Officer Couture, turned to Barry with concern.

"Yeah," Barry choked, "Just a stomach bug, sir."

"Well go home then! I don't need you getting all my officers sick!"

Barry nodded weakly and took his bag from Joe who had grabbed it for him. Joe placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him from leaving though.

"What's going on, Bar?" he asked quietly.

"Nothing," Barry told him shortly, "It was just the smell in there. That body is a few days old. I feel fine now."

"Caitlin told me you were still having trouble keeping your glucose levels balanced. Is that what this is about?"

"When did Caitlin tell you that?" Barry asked, knowing that Joe hadn't been at STAR labs since his treadmill incident a few days ago.

"She gave me a call, let me know what was going on with you."

"So you two are talking about me now?" Barry asked accusingly, feeling anger rise in his chest.

"Of course, Bar. We care about you. She's just keeping me up to date with everything that's happening."

"She has no right to do that," Barry insisted, "It's a violation of privacy."

"Barry, she's just looking out for you. I think you'd do better to trust her more. Caitlin has always had your best interest at heart, and she's always taken good care of you. In fact, I think you should go pay a visit right now. Have her check you over."

"Oh, I'll pay her a visit alright," Barry muttered.

"Barry," Joe growled warningly, "Don't you go starting trouble. You go to STAR labs right now and have Caitlin take a look at you. If you're feeling sick, maybe she can help you."

Barry thought for a moment.

"Fine," he said begrudgingly, "but I'm stopping by my lab to finish up some work first."

Joe was somewhat satisfied. He would have liked Barry to go straight there, but at least Barry was going. Joe felt an unexplainable sense of apprehension about the tone in Barry's voice though.

…..

I'm fine, Barry thought to himself as he entered his lab and was hit by another dizzy spell.

If I can just eat something and get my blood sugar back up, I'll be fine.

He leaned heavily on the edge of his desk. He had some of Cisco's calorie bars in his locker, but it was across the room, and Barry wasn't confident that his shaky legs would get him there without falling. His vision was starting to go blurry, and he had broken out in a cold sweat. His hands felt clammy, and he felt like he was going to throw up again.

Barry took a tentative step forward, testing his unstable gait. The blurring of his vision worsened, and he felt like he was being pulled backwards through a tunnel. He stumbled forward, his hands clumsily knocking several test tubes off of his desk as he tried to cling to it to stop his decent. It was to no avail, however, and he soon felt the side of his head impact with a hard surface that could only have been the floor.

…..

At first Patty thought that Barry must've stepped out of his lab for a while when she saw that he wasn't sitting at his desk or bustling around the room running his routine tests. When she looked down and saw his outstretched hand glancing out from behind his desk, Patty felt her insides go cold with dread. She swiftly shook off her moment of shock and frantically rushed over to her unconscious boyfriend.

"Barry!" she cried, shaking him to try to rouse him. He made a small noise but didn't open his eyes. She saw that one of his hands and forearms were bleeding from landing in the glass of his fallen test tubes.

"Barry, wake up!" She pulled his arm away from the hazardous glass and shook him again, wondering if she should call for help or get Joe. With relief, Patty saw Barry finally open his eyes. His expression showed only confusion at first, but then his eyes grew wide.

"Patty," he said, shocked to find himself on the floor. "I'm okay," he quickly assured her as he sat up on the floor to lean his back against his desk, "I must've tripped or something."

"You tripped?" Patty asked skeptically, "I heard you were sick at a crime scene earlier today. Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

"Oh, yeah," Barry said hurriedly, "I think I just came down with a bad bug. Feels like a 24 hour thing. I should be fine."

"You're bleeding," Patty told him, gesturing towards his arm. Small bits of glass could be seen glinting inside of the cuts, which were still steadily bleeding.

"Oh," Barry simply said, looking down at his wrist.

"Here," Patty said, grabbing a clean towel off of a nearby table and pressing it on the wound. After a moment she was able to help Barry onto his feet and into the chair behind his desk. There, she had him hold his arm under the large magnifying glass that he kept there so she could see it better as she picked the small shards of glass out with a tweezers.

"I don't know, Barry. This looks like it might need stitches," she said as she pulled the last sliver of glass from his arm. The wound was still bleeding, but not as profusely.

"I'm sure it's fine," Barry said, covering it with the towel again, "I'll probably just have Caitlin take a look at it later," he lied.

He would never go to Caitlin with this when he knew it would only land him in trouble. It would heal on its own anyways. He just had to be sure that he wore a bandage around his wrist so that Patty wouldn't notice.

"Hey, Patty?" Barry said as she stooped to clean up the glass.

"Yeah?"

"Can you please…not tell Joe about this?" Barry asked tentatively, "I just don't want him to make a bigger deal out of it than it is."

"Oh, umm, sure I guess," Patty agreed, confused. She gave him a small, worried smile. "Are you sure you're alright? You look a bit pale. Is there anything I can get you?"

"Actually, I could use something to eat," Barry said sheepishly, "Could you just grab my bag from my locker for me?"

He would have done it himself, but he was still feeling shaky and he didn't trust himself to stand just yet. The last thing he needed was to pass out again, right in front of her this time. She quickly approached his locker and pulled out his duffel bag and brought it to him. Patty watched him as he rummaged inside the bag and after a moment, he pulled out what looked like a granola bar.

"Are you sure you tripped, Barry?" she asked him disbelievingly after he had taken a couple bites.

"Yeah," Barry lied, "why?"

"It's just, you don't look very well, and you haven't really seemed like yourself lately. And now that you said you were sick…I'm just worried about you."

Barry rubbed his eyes with his hands. He was getting very tired of hearing those words from everyone in his life right now.

"It's just a mild case of the flu, Patty," Barry placated, "It's hardly something to be concerned about."

He knew she could see right through him, but he hoped she would let it go regardless. No such luck.

"Barry, I know you passed out," Patty said, tired of the charade. He looked at the floor, not sure what to say.

Patty continued, "What I want to know is why. Is it serious?"

"No," Barry said immediately, looking up at her, and then, seeing the skeptical look on Patty's face, he added, "I just get low blood sugar sometimes. It's a side effect from the lightning strike. I pass out if I don't eat enough. It's kind of embarrassing, so I don't like to tell people about it if I can help it."

"That's not something to be embarrassed about, Barry," Patty said sincerely, "I wish you would've just told me."

"I'm sorry," Barry said, "I don't want to lie to you, Patty."

And he meant it. He was tired of lying to everyone in his life, everyone that mattered. He wanted to tell her the truth, tell her everything, tell her that he was the Flash, but he was afraid. What if she hated him for it? She had been pretty quick to join Joe's anti-metahuman task force, and although she said she supported the Flash, Barry couldn't help but wonder if she would look at him differently if she knew who he really was.

"Then don't, Barry. From now on, no more secrets?"

He smiled sadly at her, "No more secrets."

His guilt felt like a brick in the pit of his stomach.

…..

After leaving work Barry rushed to STAR labs with one goal in mind. He whooshed into the cortex and continued to zip around between different parts of the lab as he searched different shelves and drawers. Cisco and Caitlin were startled by his entry and confused as they tried to follow his blur of movement as he moved about the lab. Both were curious to know what he was looking so intently for.

"Umm, Barry?" Caitlin asked. Barry didn't respond. He simply continued to search the lab, pausing every now and then to read certain files and paperwork.

"Dude, what are you looking for?" Cisco asked impatiently.

"This," Barry answered once he found his objective. Caitlin felt the blood drain from her face when she saw what he was holding.

"Barry, wait," she pleaded, but he ignored her as he looked down to read his medical file. It was more of a book than a file, and he was flipping through it rapidly, speedreading each page as he went. Most of it involved genetic sequencing and analysis of cellular processes, but Barry slowed to read more intently when he came across the "Medical Diagnoses" section of the chart:

Impaired Cognitive Function related to Chronic Sleep Deprivation secondary to Overtraining Syndrome and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as evidenced by forgetfulness, anxiety, delusional statements, secretiveness, and confusion.

Anemiarelated to Hyperthyroidism secondary to Hypermetabolism as evidenced by syncope, fatigue, irritability, and mood disturbances (Anemia: Decreased Red Blood Cells, Syncope: Fainting)

Anemia related to Iron Deficiency secondary to impaired appetite as evidenced by significant rapid weight loss, decreased calorie intake, nausea, and recurring acute hypoglycemic episodes

Unspecified Acute Early Stage Psychosis suspected related to possible post-concussive syndrome and post-traumatic stress disorder as evidenced by difficulty concentrating, depressed mood, sleep changes, anxiety, suspiciousness/paranoia, and social withdrawal

Barry could feel his blood boiling with anger and it intensified with every word he read. His eyes paused on the word "psychosis" for a moment before he shouted, "You think I'm psychotic?!"

"Barry, no," Caitlin pleaded.

"Caitlin, it says right here 'early stage psychosis suspected.' You think I'm crazy?!"

"Barry, it's just a word. Of course I don't think you're crazy," she cried desperately.

"But you think I'm acting crazy."

"I think you've been dealing with a lot of unaddressed anger and regret, Barry," Caitlin said honestly, "You're behavior has been…well, erratic lately. And it all goes back to Zoom, Barry. I think you've been keeping a lot of pent up feelings to yourself and that they're presenting themselves as physical symptoms."

"Last I checked, you're a bio geneticist, not a psychologist, Caitlin!"

"That may be true, but I don't have to be a psychologist to see that you haven't been yourself lately, Barry."

"This is ridiculous!" Barry exclaimed, continuing to flip through his medical chart. He paused again and read aloud, "MD Note: Isolated abnormality in red blood cells, not related to anemia. Possibly contributing to decrease in oxygen saturation and distribution and aggravating factor for anemia-induced syncope. Have not yet identified potential causative toxin."

He finished reading, giving her a questioning look, "What do you mean by 'causative toxin'? You think I'm being poisoned?"

"I don't know what it is, Barry," Caitlin answered earnestly, "There's something in your system that seems to be latching onto your red blood cells. It's not like anything I've ever seen before. It could be a poison, or it could be something your own body is producing. I'm still trying to figure it out."

"And after all of the grief you've given me for not being honest with you, you didn't think that this was something you should tell me about?" Barry asked her angrily, raising his voice.

"This is different," Caitlin tried to explain, "I didn't know for sure what it was. I was going to tell you about it once I had some more definitive answers."

"It's my body!" Barry spat, "I had every right to know about it as soon as you did!"

"Hey man, let's calm down a bit here," Cisco said holding his hands up, but Barry ignored him. He continued to seethingly pace back and forth in the cortex, shooting both of them dirty looks.

"Okay, Barry, I understand why you're angry," Caitlin tried to disarm him, but Barry continued his pacing, and his voice grew darker.

"No, you really don't, Caitlin," he said dangerously, "You are withholding my own medical information from me, yet you tell Joe whatever he wants to know!"

"What are you talking about?" Caitlin asked, shocked.

"You've been keeping Joe updated on my medical status this entire time," he fumed.

"And what's wrong with that, Barry?" Cisco asked, "He's your family. He should be kept in the loop."

"The problem," Barry answered angrily, "is that I'm a legal adult, and Joe isn't my guardian anymore. Ever heard of HIPAA regulations, Doctor Snow?" he asked, glaring at Caitlin, "You can't disclose my personal medical information to another party without my verbal or written consent."

Caitlin looked as though she had been smacked in the face. She looked to Cisco for help, but he seemed just as dumbstruck as she was. She stood there in stunned silence, at a complete loss for words. Of course she had heard of the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, but she had never thought twice before about discussing Barry's medical information with everyone else at STAR labs. It didn't seem to apply to their unique situation, but now that she thought about it, Barry did have the legal and personal right to limit the disclosure of his own medical information.

"Barry, I…," she started but stopped at the look he was giving her.

He was looking at her with an expression of loathing that she had never thought his face was even capable of. This wasn't him. This wasn't the Barry she knew. Before she could articulate the words to finish her sentence Barry was gone, and the medical file he had been holding fell to the floor with a thud. Caitlin stared at it with a sickening sensation of guilt. She had never intended for Barry to read the file, and now that he had, she had an overwhelming feeling of remorse and unease.