"Eric?"

"..."

"Can you do a cartwheel?"

"You are asking the wrong question."

"How can it be wrong? It's my question!"

"You are still incorrect." Eric looked down his nose at her. It wasn't difficult. "The question is not can, but will I do a cartwheel? The answer is still no."

"Stan can do cartwheels… without losing his hat."

"Good for him." Eric's voice dripped sarcasm.

She stomped off huffing. Eric grinned, quickly wiping the expression from his face as Pam glanced over suspiciously.


==SLG==

The Socratic Method:

==SLG==

"Godric... you're amazing!" She set the Persian kopis back in the chest and closed the lid, before leaning against it. "All the places you've been, the things you've done…" The human trailed off, glancing up at him shyly. "Why do you spend so much time with me? Wouldn't you rather be around someone more worldly?"

Godric leaned away from her putting, what she referred to, as his 'thinking face' on. His hands folded in his lap and his face had a certain stillness that signaled Godric was about to utter profound words. Last time she saw that face, he stated that: "Many kiss the hand they wish cut off." *

"You feel that I would enjoy conversations with a world traveler more than our 'chats?'" Godric, the oldest vampire she knew, used finger quotes.

"Yes." She giggled at his gesture.

"Why?"

"Because they would have more in common with you."

"I, a two-thousand year-old vampire that has seen empires rise and fall, would have more in common with this traveler than with you?"

"Well… maybe not a whole lot more in common, but a bit!" She felt extraordinarily tiny at that moment.

"Alright." His desk grew larger and larger as he continued. "Who is your favorite person to converse with?"

A bright blush spread across her cheeks and she tucked her chin to her chest, hiding behind her hair before admitting: "You are. You listen to everything I say—even the babbling and nonsense. I have never felt as connected to a person or as interesting as I do around you."

"But, you doubt that I enjoy being around you?" His attention fixated on her blush, devouring the blooming red with his eyes.

"I'm not sure. It doesn't make sense. But, you laugh and you seek me out and let me disturb you. Why is that?"

"You have a zest for life that I find addicting."

"Oh," She murmured, pleasantly flattered. "Thank you. That's very sweet." A kiss landed on his cheek from the blushing human. Then, she swirled out of the room.

A moment later, she reappears in the doorway pointing an accusing finger at him. "You just won an argument with nothing but questions!"

"Did you feel that we were arguing?"

"Well, no… just discussing…. You're doing it again!"

Godric continued to laugh long after she finished stomping down the hall.


* Just because Stan had been extraordinarily polite the last few days, didn't mean he had an ulterior motive.

For the just the following portion: This is a flash-back of sorts, Godric and his human in the early days.


===SLG===

Guardians of the Day

===SLG===

Vampires are very selective when choosing a day-guardian. It's less like a job interview and more like a courting. Of course, there were still the usual background checks, blood typing, occasional glamouring, and situational testing. When Godric started showing an unclaimed human around the nest with an unmarked neck, Isabel just assumed she was the new day-person.

To be fair, sometimes she was.


Jim had experienced a lot of unusual jobs during his lifetime. Running a few vampiric errands and occasionally having to prematurely end a fishing trip was worlds better than prancing up and down at birthday parties as a stuffed dinosaur. When Jim first met Godric's new gal, he noticed the mesmerizing eyes and cleavage. So, he just assumed that she was Godric's latest lady-friend, booty-call, mistress, fang-banger, etc, etc, etc…

To be fair, sometimes she was.


When Isabel asked her to, 'Be a dear and pick up Hugo for me. His flight arrives tomorrow morning.' She thought Isabel was just asking her to do a favor…as a friend. When new clothing and lingerie magically appeared in the closet of the guest room after breakfast, she thought Godric was being highly optimistic. The next time she visited, the bathroom was stocked with iron supplements, fancy lotions, and 'Fangs—the perfume with a bite!'

Obviously, she eyed the walls and ceiling with a tad bit of fear, the house was trying to get Godric laid.


When she told him, his eyes widened and his mouth quivered. She grabbed his hand, patting it consolingly. "Don't worry," she whispered, hoping the house wouldn't hear her. "It's the least I can do for you and your house; after all you've done for me."

"I… see… Are you sure that it's the house's desire?" At the word 'desire', her eyes shot to his lips and a pink tongue darted out to wet her own.

"The house was very clear." She purred, blatantly ogling him. "When was the last time you got laid?"

"I don't concern myself with frequency, but with quality." His eyes followed the small fingers that tugged at her neckline. The seams groaned, but held. It would require only a minimal tug from him, barely more than a twitch, to rip the ruffled little number from her.

"Personally, I concern myself with both. So, it's been a while then?" She slid a stack of folders across the desk and perched in the empty space.

"Time has passed since." He responded, purposefully vague. "But there is no need to worry; I have my house well in hand."

She sneaked a peak up at the ominous ceiling, looming over her head, just waiting to squash her if she failed. "How about a kiss then?" She purred, planting a hand on the arm of his chair. The top half of her body was angled towards him, her lips inches away from his.

This time, Godric did not deny her.

Even though sex did not occur, the house was so pleased with her that the next evening a bouquet of freshly cut moonflowers flowers appeared in the center of her bed.


===Author's Warning===

Warning: Really Gross. So gross, I'm ashamed I wrote this… but at the same time it amused me. Yes, my humor is weird. Try not to judge me too harshly. Mention of menstrual cycles and well… grossness. But, hey vampires! à We all thought this at some point at time!

Feel free to skip, I won't be offended.


=======SLG=======

Pamela the Period Chaser

========SLG========

There were lots of reasons that Pam preferred girls. They were squishy and oh-so-nice to look at and even nicer to the touch. As a vampire, Pamela discovered another reason to love women. Once a month they became an all-you-could-eat buffet with orgasms.

The first time The Human bounced, yes bounced with those jiggling breasts and tempting hair moving like a damn slinky going downstairs, into the middle of a vampire nest during the midst of her menstrual cycle, the entire room sprouted pointy teeth. Pam eyed the dark pants the ignorant girl wore. Judging by the panty lines and slight bulge: pad. Shame. At least, tampons were more like popsicles. Idiot. Walking around with blood-soaked tissues stuffed between your legs was just begging for a draining. Pam licked her lips and leaned forward, eyeing the room's body language, getting a feel for her adversaries. Isabel had ducked behind Hugo, burying her nose in his throat and inhaling deeply. No competition there.

Nathaniel was crouched, legs trembling, ready to pounce. His eyes completely focused on the smiling human. Stan's fists were clenched and he kept shooting nervous looks at Godric, but his mouth was open, fangs displayed. Paula, a tall redhead with legs like stilts, was slowly sliding closer half-turned towards Pam, back to no one.

"Hello, everyone! Hello God-ri…c? What's going on?"

And then, Nathaniel pounced. Stan swung at him. Paula slid past two others and almost laid a hand on the confused blood-bag. Godric was crushing the throats of two attackers, while mule kicking one that snuck behind him.

Pam took advantage of the mayhem to beckon the naïve human over. Surprisingly, she darted past Isabel, out of Godric's arm-reach, past a pummeled Nathaniel that had a death-grip on Stan's boots, and into Pam's arms.

Pam tucked her under one arm and ran for her room. When she started unbuttoning her captured prey's pants, the human protested. "Wait… there's something I should tell you…"

"That you're on your period?" Pam yanked the pants down and licked her lips. "I know. How thick can you get? Why else did a room full of vampires go into a feeding frenzy?"

"Wait… what?!" It was amazing how much blood was contained in such a small body. Enough to leak out and still cause such a dark blush.

"Be a dear and lean back for me." Pam jerked at the underwear. The human squealed and yanked the underwear back up.

"Stop that!"

Pam growled, she could smell it. Thick rich blood pooling between thighs being wasted when it could be coating her throat.

"HELP!" The woman's screams were choked off when Pam flipped her face-first into the bedspread, tore the underwear from her grasp and started sucking.

Suddenly, the door exploded open and four snarling fighting vampires tumbled in. Pam was ripped off and thrown into the wall. She flipped in the air and landed, feet against the drywall—crouched and growling. Bright red blood dripped down her mouth, splattering on the wood floor. Godric had the redhead by her hair and was twirling the other male above his head by the tight grip on his ankle. Pam had just snapped the neck of the last attacker and was inching down the wall, staying out of the feral Godric's range, drawing closer to the bed. The human had just managed to spit out the comforter and flop over. Surprisingly, it was Eric's appearance that brought order to the chaos… or at least a ceasefire. Looming in the doorway with bared fangs, he commanded attention even with his head ducked to fit under the doorframe.

"Cease! I believe we agreed that any blood taken would be on her terms." Eric stated, eyeing the best prey of this century. (Keep in mind: The century did just start.)

Everyone froze and turned to stare at the bewildered girl. She blinked and shrunk back on the bed. Pam drawled, "It's hardly taking…" She shrugged dramatically, still sideways against the wall, "just recycling."

Isabel peeked around Eric. "An oath was given." Godric sighed and released both vampires. The male flew head first into the corner and Paula made herself scarce.

"It is her choice. As promised." Godric sounded like someone spilt his TrueBlood.

"Afraid she won't choose you?" Nathaniel goaded, eyes fixed on the bleeding center. The human squeaked and dove under the bed sheets, wrapping them tightly around her.

"Three days and I'll buy you your weight in truffles." Pam promised. The human's eyes got huge. "Godiva." Pam added to seal the deal.

"This cycle and the next three and you can have one of my cars." Nathaniel counter-offered.

Squeaks rose from the bed. "A new car?!"

Pam growled, gnashing her teeth at Nate. "Anything out of my closet and the best carpet-munching of your life."

Eric cut in, "The villa in Milan. Do not forget where Pam learned all her little tricks."

"A house?!" A blushing head peeked out of the bed.

Godric side-stepped, leaning on to the bed face-to-face with the blushing woman. "What do you desire little one? I have houses and cars and pretty clothes and chocolates."

Her face scrunches up and she thinks about it for a long long moment. They wait…

"Nathaniel, I will grant you an entire day for the dark blue hatchback."

Nate grinned triumphantly and flashed onto the bed, crouching over her. She 'eeped' and darted back, smacking into Godric. "Wise decision." Fury darkened Godric face and Nathaniel hovered over the human, not quite daring to touch her in front of him.

"I'm not done negotiating." She blurted out, twisting away and huddling closer to Godric. "Pam, half a day for three things out of your closet and the chocolate."

"Not the carpet-munching?" The human blushed, "I figured it was a given." Pam laughed. "A whole day and first turn for two items and a dozen truffles."

"Deal."

Eric grinned, watching Nate's face twist with anger. "You agreed to…!"

"One day," He cut in. "Not exclusivity, well played little human."

The human grinned and Pam licked her lips, eager for her time to begin.

But, then Godric spoke. His face had settled into that ominous blankness. "I have humored your antics and put up with your frivolous nature." In other words, Godric's infamous patience was reaching its breaking point. "Now you wish to share your period with every vampire in sight?"

Uh-oh, she froze—heart thumping like a rabbit's. Godric was resorting to questions and he was being extremely polite: He was furious. She swallowed nervously, hands twisting anxiously in the sheets. "I have agreed to exchange a resource valuable to them for resources valuable to me." Ah-ha! Take that-I Godric-ed him!

"You test my patience, human." She fell over terrified, crawling away from him. "I have sheltered and protected you, rescued you from others that sought you harm." He drew himself up, eyes flashing with rage and fists clenched and his face, his face was dripping with rage. From his glaring eyes and his scowling mouth. It was the first time that she had ever seen Godric loose his calm and it PETRIFIED her. His nostrils flared and she knew that he could smell her, smell it oozing between her legs.

So, she surrendered. She tilted her chin back and closed her eyes, barely breathing with panic. "I owe you my life."

His teeth sank into her neck, marking her before the silent bystanders. When he pulled away, his face had settled back into that chilling calmness. "When you finish whoring yourself out, you shall report to me... at your earliest convenience."

She gasped and unbidden, tears flowed down her cheeks.

"Yes, Godric." She whispered, closing her eyes.

And Godric left. Nathaniel stomped out, slamming doors on his exit.

Eric stayed, staring Pam down. "You are lucky that I am feeling generous, Pam."

"I negotiated my prize fair and square." Eric was not grabbing this morsel from her, not this time. Pam stood her ground, savoring the aftertaste of her prize.

"You did. How very human of you."

"Effective tactic when dealing with a human."

"I expect a taste. What say you, girl?" Eric looked past Pam to the crying human. He blurred, reappearing in front of her. "You never negotiated with me. I feel left out."

Eric did not look left out. He looked excited, tongue darting out lick his lips eagerly.

"Did Godric finally break his toy?" Eric egged, watching her face closely. It caved, tears increasing and she slumped on the bed.

"Leave me be please." She whispered.

"I want a day too."

"Eric." Pam warned.

"Fine. Just… just go." And he left.

And then it was just Pam and the crying human. Pam patted her head awkwardly. "Don't cry. Don't cry. Oh please don't cry." She said, deadpan as a doll.

The human kept crying.

Pam rolled her eyes and debated whether or not she minded the tears while drinking. She didn't.

Until the hiccups started.

"I'm sor-hiccup-ry, Pam." Sniffle, sniffle.

Pam lifted her head up out of the human's crouch. "He is not mad at you."

"He's not?" Hiccup.

"No." Slow long licks of her tongue soothed and warmed like a gentle massage. The human relaxed, parting her legs slightly.

"Are you sure?"

Pam sighed and pulled back out again. "Look. Godric likes you. Why, I don't know. But, it's obvious he wants to claim you."

"Oh…"

"How many humans do you see frolicking around this Nest with pinwheels and clouds?" Hiccup.

"Hugo doesn't frolic… Godric never said anything…" She trailed off, confused.

"Are you brain-dead? How many unclaimed humans have you met around vampires?" Pam pulled the human over to the adjoining bathroom faucet.

"… None." She drank a few handfuls of water.

"That's because Dallas vamps drain them dry before you can. Godric does not help humans out of the kindness of his dead heart."

"Do you think he's really mad at me?"

"He'll get over it… or he'll finally kill you."

"Oh. That's reassuring."

Now, that the human was no longer crying or hiccuping, Pam spun her around so she faced her again. "Ready to earn that chocolate?"

========SLG========

When Pam left, the human felt as if every last cell had exploded with pleasure. When Nathaniel pushed through the door, the pleasure fizzled out into little sparks. She shot up, wrapping the bedspread around her naked body.

Nathaniel's hand fisted in the sheet yanking it from her. He towered over her, easily six feet. Where did all the short vampires live—Overseas?

"Our negotiations were only for the blood." She warned, looking for traces of the friendly vampire that helped her grind coffee beans between his palms and hoisted her up when it came time to change light bulbs.

"Godric's not pleased with you and unlike him… I don't share. Who is going to make sure I uphold my end of the bargain?" He threatened, fangs popping out.


A.N: What did you guys think? Did you enjoy Godric's mastery of the Socratic Method or the cart-wheeling Stan? And, will Nathaniel whisk her away now that she's fallen out of favor with Godric? Dun, dun, DUN... *drumroll*