I put on a tank top and shorts, getting ready for the most tense date I'll ever go to. My eyes blindly fall over the bruises on my arms that are a dark purple with the inevitable markings of fingers that had caused it. Oh does this bring back memories of ... her. A shaky breath slip past my lips as I tip my head back, softly counting to ten before slipping on my coat.
The only reason I agreed to this date is to measure if I still really like him or not despite the bruises. On one hand, Gray just grabbed me too hard and this is Wonderland where Role Holders are stronger than me and probably the average faceless too. I realize this so I'm going to the date to give him an ultimatum. Man up or back the hell off so I can get on with my life. Now when in the date I give that ultimatum depends on what happens.
Out of sheer spite I grab Elliot's scarf and wrap it around my neck before heading out. Gray doesn't say a word about the scarf as we head out towards the Circus. Gray needs to understand that I'm not staying because I think he's the one for me. He's not the only one with options. Most Role Holders would probably jump at the chance to get into a relationship with me and he seems to have forgotten that completely. Yes, I am being mean but I honestly don't give a rat's rear end. I'm pissed and I want to see how he'll make it better although my money is on he'll be making it worse.
"Welcome! I see you've brought the Lizard today, too. Care to play a hand with us?" White asks with a bright smile, seeming completely oblivious to the tension in the air or thoroughly enjoying it.
"I will play Black Jack for her." Gray says before I can get in a word in. I let out a small huff before sitting down, knowing that my face is looking completely neutral to everything and anything. I'm amazed with Gray's skills to keep on smiling even though he can probably sense I'm teetering on the edge of either attempting to enjoy this date or just ripping his throat out right here and now. I run my fingers through my hair as they dish out the cards and begin the game.
"That is an interesting place to get a bruise, young lady." White notes, making me glance up and see the bright bruise peeking out from behind my sleeve. Whoops. No, not really whoops because I don't care. The more people ask the more pressure will be put on Gray. "How did that come about, I wonder?" He asks, sliding his leering gaze and sly smile over to Gray.
"Looks like trouble in paradise for me or some kinky s*** that went bad. Wonder how many more she's got on her?" Black says through the mask with a snickering laugh. Joker and I used to be pretty decent friends before Alice's game ended. I wonder if Black or White ever misses me? I'll put money down that he does a little bit but that might just be wishful thinking on my part. He is, after all, the 'villain' of Wonderland.
"Hit me." Gray orders in a monotone voice. For a brief second I imagine White lurching across the table and literally punching Gray across the face. My cheek twitches into a smile as I glance off to the side, enjoying the image a little too much. But then again Gowland will have plenty to say to Gray if he finds out about these bruises. O-Ooh~ and so will Boris and especially Elliot. This might actually get dangerous for Gray but he'll be able to slither his way out of it. Probably.
"I win. Change the season to Summer," Gray says as he stands up and sets his cards down.
"Very well. And do have a good day, Jackie. I look forward to your return," he says with an ominously tricky smile as Gray turns away from him and holds out his hand for me. I stand up and purposefully ignore his hand as I walk out of the tent.
"HA! Serves the b**** Lizard right. Black guffaws through the mask as White lets out a small laugh himself. In the corner of my eyes Gray's fists tighten. He's feeling the pressure. Good. But I wonder how he'll react when he realizes I'm in a tank top and shorts, not bothering to cover up the bruises. Will he be mad or sad? Or ignore it? I've already got a few good under-the-belt lines and I'm looking forward to using them if I get the chance, those like 'I'm done hiding my marks, Gray. Just because you don't like looking at them doesn't mean I'm going to hide them,' or my favorite, 'It's a reminder,' short, sweet and to the point. I think I'll use the latter.
The hot air from the Amusement Park almost immediately makes me start to sweat under the heavy jacket. Ugh ... I want to take my jacket off but he'll see what I'm wearing. I at least want witnesses around in case he gets aggressive again but I don't think he would ... but then again I don't know for sure. I glance at Gray, watching him pull off his own jacket and lay it over his arm.
"Do you want me to hold your jacket?" Gray politely asks, clearly being on his best behavior while knowing he's still on my crap list. My eyes slide over to his arm as I open the front but keep it over my shoulders and arms.
"That's alright. Jamie is working today and she can hold our jackets." I say as we approach the gate. Sure enough, Jamie is at the entrance with Jeremy greeting people as they come. A volunteer smile crawls over my lips as I hear the muddled buzz of the people inside and see Jamie's and Jeremy's faces light up with brighter grins than their average smiles to the others.
"Oh miss Jackie! It's been far too long since I've seen you!" Jamie happily exclaims as she walks over and opens her arms for a hug. "How have you been? Why haven't you come back to the Amusement Park after we moved back here? Does it have to do with a boy?" She cheekily asks the last part in a hushed tone and a pink blush on her bright freckled face.
"I've been just fine. I've been staying at Clover Tower in the meantime." I answer, not wanting to talk about the last part.
"Oh I see~ here, let me take your coat," she happily cheers, slipping it off my shoulders. Uh oh.
"Uh, wait Jamie-," I start before she freezes, clearly catching sight of the bruises and falling completely silent. Well, this plan worked out better in my head. I let out a faint sigh before stiffly smiling and stepping out of the jacket, not wanting to look at Jeremy's and Gray's reactions too. "Thanks Jamie, I appreciate it. I'll pick it up in the ticket booth when I leave. Ready?" I ask Gray, looking his way. His expression was clearly hurt underlying his sheepish smile. Bulls eye; but I feel like a real jerk.
"Yes. Let's continue," Gray says as he holds out his arm for me to take. My fingers instead curl around Elliot's thin scarf around my neck to loosen it up and let some air over the skin. There is a smaller bruise that's beginning to form there, too. I could have easily covered it up with another scarf but Elliot's scarf makes me feel more secure; plus it's sending a pretty clear message to Gray. Two birds with one stone.
"Good." I say as I walk ahead of him, letting him catch up as Jeremy and Jamie immediately begin to mutter to one another. The stares of everyone in the Amusement Park prickle over my skin as if a cactus is being pressed against my body repeatedly. I know for a fact the workers are going to go running to Gowland and tell him that they see hand-shaped bruises on my arms. But do I really care? A little bit. Does everyone staring at me make me feel uncomfortable? Of course it does. But I've lived through it before and this attention sure as hell is worse for the man walking beside me which makes it all worth it.
"The new petting zoo is over here," I say, pointing down a crowded path towards the petting zoo. He quietly nods and follows, looking around the wide path for something. What is he looking for? Potential workers that are going to shoot him? Well I wouldn't doubt it.
"Come here, please," Gray says as he gingerly but very gently tugs on my elbow down to a small forested path between rides. I stumble for a brief moment, feeling his hand readjust and mistakenly grab hold of the bruise instead. My breath catches in my throat from the familiar feeling of being dragged along by a painful bruise to a nice, secluded area with my mother. The past feelings of fright and helplessness suddenly surge to the surface, ripping my arm from his grasp.
"Ow, that hurts let go-!" I hiss with a tinge of old panic coloring my voice. He flinches, startled as he pulls his hand back in a fast and jerky motion. He solemnly gazes at the bruise with a defined frown on his face, clearly unhappy he made the mistake of grabbing my bruise. Don't make that face, it's unfair. No, no I need to hold strong. I've been through bruises and cuts before and he needs to know I will not tolerate this from him, of all people. I refuse for this to become a relationship of fright like it was with my mother.
"Staring at it won't make it go away and neither will apologies, Gray. I've been hurt before and I will not tolerate being physically hurt to the point I bruise from you," I start, feeling the rush to get everything out before he can attempt to make me melt with his eyes, "I would have broke it off right then and there this morning," I threaten, watching his head slightly twitch in response, "but I didn't. You know why?" I ask turning to him with deadened eyes, trying to kill the pained emotions but am unable to keep the fiery passion out of my voice, "because I made the mistake of not putting down boundaries when we first got together. I didn't think this would happen with you, of all people so I didn't say anything." I say leaning in towards him and watching his neutral eyes, clearly trying to keep himself together as well. "If you ever grab me to hurt me again I am leaving. Permanently. I've been through this before and refuse to go through it again, got it?" I firmly state, seeing his eyes soften with sadness. I should have brought this up after the date but I would not be as firm. I know for a fact his happy face surrounded by those fuzzy little animals will put the warmth in my chest again so I need to get this out before that happens. This worked out pretty well. I'm proud of me. I straighten myself out, watching for his reaction. After a few moments of silence I let out a sigh and attempt a smile, "now let's go have some fun, alright?" Now that I'm in a foul mood and enjoying every bit of Gray's torture, that is. If ... he is serious about this relationship he'll stay, and if not he'll go back to saggy tits. I really don't care. I turn around to lead to the way, jolting as his arms wrap around my waist and pull me back against his chest.
"Do you want to break up, Jackie?" He suddenly asks with a straight face, making my heart shatter in that single sentence. I feel my chest immediately begin to sink into despair and ache. He's going to give up, that easily? "Break up and go back to being friends as before where there was much less stress. We could still be by one another and not be burdened by a relationship," he suggests. My mind lingers on his words, feeling the flames of fury being fanned to an absolute raging inferno. Just like that, he wants to break up. Just because of I laid down the rules of him never to hurt me? Yes it came out as a rush but this ... this is his response? To calmly step away?
This stupid a**, d*** wearing p****-!
"Having a relationship must be difficult for you with the past you've had, I understand that now and I've continued to take you along without examining your feelings. I suppose-," he starts before I whip around and backhand him across the face with the purpose to hurt him. Right now, more than ever before I really, really want to hurt him. His head pops back, shocked as I step out of his arms with the pits of hell raging in my eyes.
"You think if I didn't want to continue to be in a relationship with you I would take you on a date trying to make it better? What kind of complete sack of s*** are you?!" I shout, unable to control my anger any longer, "you're willing to throw in the G**d*** towel because I warned you that if you hurt me again I'm leaving forever? You have that little confidence in yourself after I've decided that you do have what it takes to make me happy? YOU LYING SACK OF ABSOLUTE F***ING S***!" I nearly scream at the top of my lungs, watching his eyes grow wide. Well, this is the end of this relationship but I'm not letting him go until I rip his balls off and serve it to him on a golden platter. "You not only insult yourself by saying you're a weak p**** but you dare to insult my intelligence with my decision? You stupid f***," I hiss, not caring if others hear our rather loud, on sided conversation, "you honestly believe that I would offer to take you to do something I know you like if I didn't want to make an honest effort to be with you and then you go and pull that 'let's break up to avoid the strife' card? No, NO that's just a s*** thing to do only a little b**** would think of doing!" I cry, watching his Adam's apple slightly move with a gulp as his cheeks touch with pink.
"You-," he starts but my hand shot out, grabbing his tie and yanking his head down to get face to face with the stupid f***. He's going to go and try to b**** out on me?
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH I WANNA MURDER HIM!
"You're not allowed to talk until I'm done! You don't deserve to get a word in until I'm through!" I spit, tightening my grip before pulling his tie up to his throat to make it tight, watching his fingers tense but he holds still and at least takes the verbal beating like a man, "you're not allowed to be selfish and try to keep me by your side after putting me through the f***ing wringer. I am still willing to give you a chance because I like you. But you need to realize you're not the only one with options," I snap, watching his eyes flicker down to Elliot's scarf before back up to my face, "get the hell back to Clover Tower and think about it. Grow a pair of f***ing balls bigger than mine or get the hell out of my love life and steer clear of me. I'm staying here for a while until I cool down. Don't dare think to stick your nose around here until you've decided what to do. Either punk out like a little b**** or man up, nothing in between." I hiss, shoving him away and walking away with an aura that can only be described as murderous and loathing to every extent. Well I'm going to completely bawl my eyes out at what I've just ended in T-minus 10 minutes, if not sooner.
I pause by the entrance into the street, hearing nothing in the alley. He's that silent about me blowing up at him? He's not going to call me a crazy banshee and try to turn the tables on me? I look back, seeing nothing in the alley. He's gone. He took that brief moment of me looking away to get away himself.
My chest constricts with pain and agony before I try to stuff it all away. The potential tears are locked away for another time as I step into the crowds and head to my apartment with clenched fists. The physical pain of my nails digging into my palms is enough to temporarily hold back the waterworks. I don't want to cry here. I don't want to cry over Gray at all.
But this gaping hole I let him rip out of my chest is too painful to ignore. All because I was careless and greed to date him because he asked and I thought he was a nice enough guy. We hardly knew each other and clearly that was a devastating mistake on my part. But I ... he ... h-he led me to believe-!
"Jackie, there you are!" Boris's voice shouts over the crowd a short distance away. The temporary break in concentration makes my face crumble into despair and succumb to the sadness. Oh no ... yup, I'm a goner. I very stiffly pick up my fast walking pace, making a sharp turn into a less traveled path towards the Merry-Go-Round. If I'm going to burst into tears in front of Boris at least we can be in a fairly secluded place.
"Jackie, hey, hey stop running!" Boris shouts as he grabs my arm. Like a lifeless doll I stumble back into his chest, barely keeping my legs strong enough to hold me as he spins me around, "is it true Gray gave you these bruises ... whoa," he says, his fierce expression crumpling in heartbreak.
"B-B-Boris-!" I suck in a fast breath, covering my mouth as the waterworks begin.
"Whoa! H-Hey, hey what's wrong? Did he hurt you?" Boris demands, getting flustered as he looks over me and tries to find any other more recent looking injuries.
"N-N-No ... b-bu-but I think we broke up-!" The mere words tumbling out of my mouth felt like a hot sadness that invigorated the tears as my hands try to cover my face, hiccupping and sobbing harder. Why? Why does it hurt so much? This is clearly much more healthy than trying to revive the romance between us. Hell, we were hardly even friends when he asked me out and like the inexperienced idiot that I was, I said yes.
But this hole in my chest means so much more than that. I trusted him. I tried and tried to take down the walls around my guarded heart and he only broke it and my trust. Why? Why do I keep trying to open up to people? I know it's not good to guard my love so tightly but this only proves I will only get hurt. But if I don't open up I will not be able to have a satisfying love life or life in general. The sadistic paradox replays over and over in my mind as I hysterically cry, unable to wipe off the tears off faster than they're being produced.
"Awe man, hey, hey cheer up, okay?" Boris says, helplessly looking me over. A sandy tongue softly touches my cheek as he tries to lick up the excess tears. The vivid memory of Gray pinning me down and dragging his tongue across my face flashes into my mind as I whip my head back and pile drive my open palm across his face.
"GACK!" He coughs as he holds his cheek, wide eyed with a bushy tail as he stares at me in shock. I stumble back and feel my breathing wildly jerk around as I try to make myself as small as possible. Oh this is going to be a bad break down for hours to come I can feel it.
"S-Sorry ... hey, Jackie, I'm sorry." Boris apologizes as he reaches out, hesitant before pulling his hand back. See, there I go again f***ing up and hurting those near me to protect myself. Why does this cycle have to be so cruel? "Hey, hey it's alright, er, what has a foot but no legs?" He asks, shuffling next to me as his tail curls around my back. He pauses for a few moments as I barely process his question. What is this? A riddle? "A snail." He says, moving a little closer so his shoulder is against mine. My chest heaves as I curl into a ball and set my forehead against my arms, earnestly trying so hard to hold back the tears but they continue to flow, undeterred.
"U-Um, what comes down but never goes up? Rain," Boris says as he very awkwardly and hesitantly puts an arm around my shoulders, clearly trying to figure out a way to help calm me down.
"S-S-Sorry-!" I heavily sob, unable to speak right through the fast intakes of air. "I-I ca-cah-can't talk. J-J-Just le-let-let me cr-hi-cry it out," are the only words I can get out before the harsh wailing overtakes my body, refusing to let me get out another solid breath.
‡
"Thanks ... Boris, for letting me use your shower. My apartment is locked up tight and I, I didn't want to bother the janitors." I thank, stepping out of his bathroom with damp hair. I can't remember the last time I cried so hard for so long. I have a bad headache now from it. My eyes remain looking off to the side, unable to look him in the face. For the entire three hours of hardcore sobbing Boris sat beside me, awkwardly offering a few riddles here. I'm amazed his kitty attention span actually stayed on me although towards the end, when I could process what was happening clearly, I caught him swiping at a few leaves. But he never left my side, not once.
"Yeah," he says, staring long and hard at me. I could almost see the smoke pumping out of his ears from the gears in his head working, "so during the move you hooked up with the Lizard? Lame," Boris huffs, clearly not wanting to set me off again but his curious kitty side was taking precedence over his caring side. I suck in a shaky breath, exhaling the bad thoughts as I try to word my sentence right. Boris's tail nervously flickered from side to side, probably praying he doesn't set me off again. Two hours ago when I was starting to calm he said a riddle with Grey in it and I absolutely lost it.
" ... kind of. He asked me out and I said yes. I thought more about our relationship than he did and ... it ended a few hours ago. Right after I yelled at him." I admit, running a hand over my face. Maybe I shouldn't have been so harsh but that's exactly what I was feeling and he deserved to know it. Though me screaming at him like a crazy woman only helped him decide that I was too much trouble to deal with.
"So why were you the one left crying?" He asks, sending an indirect painful pang through my chest. I bite my lip at the double whammy of both his question and my thoughts before shaking it off. It's over now and I'm going to get passed it. Eventually. But for now my heart needs some time off to mend itself.
"I guess I thought more of him than I should have is all," I sigh, watching him waving his hand over. I walk over and sit beside him on the bed, letting him take the towel and dry off my hair.
"Well, f*** him," Boris angrily pouts rubbing into my skull a little harder. Silence envelopes the room as I stare straight ahead at the wall, not really thinking or feeling much at this point. I literally cried it all out and have nothing else to feel for probably the next time change or two. I hardly react as Boris wraps his arm around my waist and looks over my arms with ears flattening in clear annoyance. "Did he leave these on you?" Boris demands his clear anger in his eyes.
"It's the reason I left him." Well, I gave him a chance and he turned and ran like a little pansy. My teeth click together as I close my eyes and look up, calmly and slowly counting to ten in my head. I really, really don't want to risk the chance of crying again I'm literally all cried out. A tongue gently scraped over my wrist, making me jump slightly before looking down and watching Boris lick up the bruise on my wrist. "Hm, thanks. These bruises would have been a pain to hide from Elliot," I huff, holding my hand up a bit so his neck doesn't have to be on such an angle.
"Elliot? What brought him up?" Boris asks as he glances up from his work, continuing to lick as be begins to purr.
"Huh ... don't know," I mindlessly say, not wanting to tell the truth. Elliot's been a pretty good buffer for me between my stresses. But would I actually go and date him right after breaking it off with Gray? Maybe. I don't know anything anymore. Right now I want some time to myself to mend at least a little bit the damage that's been done.
"Are you crushing on the rabbit too, Jackie? Blech, that's why you were wearing his scarf, right?" He says, turning my arm around as he licks at the bruise.
"No, that was to spite Gray and hide-," I stop short, touching my neck. Ugh, I forgot about the bruise forming on my neck. It's not nearly as noticeable as the ones on my arms thank goodness but seeing this here reminds me way too much of my mother. "Boris, can you get rid of this for me?" I ask, pointing to my neck. He looks up, curious before his eyes widen slightly.
"He tried to strangle you?!" He shouts, grabbing my head and craning my head back as he looked at the yellowing bruise.
"Sort of? I'm not really sure what he was trying to do but I want this gone. Can you please heal it?" I ask, glancing down at his face. Of course he'll get rid of his but not before trying to get perverted on me. I know that but right now I don't care. I just want it gone. He blinks, eyes wide as he slightly moves closer before flickering his eyes up to me and down again like a cat about to pounce on its prey. The slightest touch of pink touches his cheeks as he drops my wrist and twists around on the bed, leaning over my legs and bracing his arm on the other side of me to trap me. I lean back and tilt my head, making it easier for him.
"I will gladly heal that and much more," he says with a cheeky grin, leaning in and kissing the sore skin before gently licking it. My brain tells my mouth to tell him to knock it off and just get it done while my gut instincts lock my mouth together. I really don't care anymore. He could probably get away with quite a bit before I would stop him. Having him touch me is at least making me feel something. Ugh I sound so pathetic.
Boris's hands slyly slide up my sides, setting one on my hip and the other on my ribs while his tongue lightly scratches the surface of my skin. I numbly stare up at the ceiling, feeling hardly anything except a lasting, gentle pulsing under my skin the more his tongue moved around. This isn't right, I'm totally leading him on and that's not fair to him. Especially since I don't really see him in that light.
"You done?" I callously ask, feeling his mouth softly suck on the skin which makes me flinch.
"Don't worry, I'll heal up any misplaced love bites~," Boris hums, clearly taking advantage of my mental well being as his tongue taps against my neck. My eyes angrily roll into the back of my head as I thump the top of his head with my chin and push his head away.
"So you're saying you're going to take advantage of me in my worn mental state because I just broke up with my boyfriend and happen to be a little cracked at the moment? You want to screw around with me since you think I am broken to the point I can't function properly?" I demand, glaring at him. He slightly twitches under my harsh gaze before leaning back with ears pulled down, trying to figure out why I'm oh so suddenly upset at him. His ears remain down as he stares at me in thought, twitching his tail back and forth.
"Jackie, I'm just letting you know you have other options beside that Lizard and Hare. Hey, hey Jackie, wanna date me?" Boris playfully asks, trying to take the cute approach as his tail flickers from side to side. "Nya? Nya? Wanna date me, Jackie?" He asks, trying to cutely paw at the air and settle my rage.
"Not really," I bluntly state, watching him take a shot to the clock before falling onto the bed with a defeated sigh.
"You didn't have to say no so fast," he pouts, rolling onto his side to face me as his tail clapped against the bed sheets.
" ... I really don't know, Boris. If I did start dating someone immediately after breaking up with Gray that would just make him an object of rebound and not much more," I say. I know how these things work. I may not have experienced them but I know about break ups and rebounds. The rebounds don't last long, usually one night stands, but apparently they feel really good in the moment before there's the dreadful 'walk of shame' in the morning. I snicker under my breath at the thought as Boris brightly smiled.
"You laughed," Boris points out with a victorious grin. I pause, realizing the same thing before warmly smiling.
"Yeah, I guess I did." I say, watching as he crawls over to me and sets his head in my lap.
"Pet me," he says with a childish smile as his ears twitched. I stare at his mischievous face, knowing he had to be planning something before I gently touch his ear and gingerly start rubbing it. He purrs in return and immediately wrapped his arms around my waist for a hug, clearly more than happy to get close to me in my weakened state. I give him props for taking advantage of his situation but come on, really? My eyes narrow slightly as I give his ear a sharp tug before reconciling and gently stroking the soft fur.
Why can't Gray be more like this? Not ... this but be more ... how should I put it? Forward? Ambitious? Yeah, stuff like that. I don't exactly appreciate Boris trying to get with me so soon after a bad break up but again, I give him credit for at least having more balls than Gray. But now what? I can't really go back to Clover Tower. That'd be just awkward. I guess I'll just stay here at the Amusement Park for a little while until Gray makes up his mind with what he wants. My eyes widened as horror sets in.
I never gave him a time limit so he can string this out for over a week if he wanted to and with his work that might actually happen. And if I try to go through the Circus to go back Joker will definitely catch me in my emotional state.
... s***
‡
Of course Jackie forgets the most important part XD So what do you guys think will happen next? I'm not too sure what Gray could do to show Jackie he cares for her or is Boris or Elliot will try to swoop in under Gray's nose ;3 10 REVIEWS to find out~
