I would just like to state for the record that I didn't know that "Charlie Duncan" was the name of a TV character, nor did I know that "Gigi Monroe" was the name of a female impersonator, or that "Brandon Freeman" was the name of an actor.
Okay? Okay.
~ Cookie VanDeKamp ~
"Okay," Harry whispered, "try to move quietly."
"Right," said October. "Never startle a Sue in her natural habitat."
Harry and co. and the MSEA creeping against the wall, earning a few weird looks from passing students. Charlie's machine gun did sort of stand out. Harry peeked around the corner, where Sapphire was leaning against the wall, reading a book called Mutating the Ninth Dimension. Her deep orbs were a pale green, like the color of spring leaves. Her hair was twisted into a bun, pieces already falling out of place. Her sky blue cardigan was blowing in the nonexistent wind, as the corners of her mouth turned up into an innocent smile. Her skin was shining from her shower as she—
At this point, Aphrodite used her Duststick on the narrator and caused her to crumble into, well, dust, so we had to get a new one.
Brandon opened his book All You Ever Wanted to Know About Killing Someone (But Were Too Afraid to Ask), and read over the bit about distracting them.
"Oh, Sapphire," he said innocently, stepping into her view. "What is your favorite color?"
"Oh, my, there are so many wonderful colors, person I've never spoken to in my entire life," she said, closing her book as a wistful look glazed over her face. "I mean, yellow is so bright and cheerful, but green represents life and even though my life has been horribly and needlessly depressing for no other reason than to make me more sympathetic, I just love life, don't you? And oh, brown, look at the brown on the bark of the Whomping Willow, for instance, I mean, it's not even in season and—"
"Boss?" whispered Charlie.
"Yeah?" October hissed back.
"Can we kill 'er now?"
"Please?" Aphrodite added.
"I'd love to."
They stepped in front of Sapphire and October said, "Ladies, fire at will."
"Hello. My name is Charlie Duncan. You killed my favorite series. Prepare to die," she said, raising her pistols in each hand.
With a high-pitched, girlish shriek, Sapphire disappeared with a crack.
"Oh, son of a bitch!" October said, suddenly forgetting the "no swearing on the job" rule.
"She can Apparate now?" Ginny screamed.
"Son of a bitch!"
"Don't just stand here, we have to find her!" said Brandon. "Aphrodite, you got any tracking spells?"
"Uh, yeah, let me look in my records," she said, flicking some of her dyed-electric blue hair over her shoulder. She reached into her bag and got out her tablet.
"Really?" said October. "You store valuable info on the most complex and ancient magic known to man on a tablet?"
"Hey, if Merlin had had access to a tablet in his time, he would've used one, too."
"How does that work here?" asked Hermione. "That's an electronic."
"A magic-powered electronic," Aphrodite corrected.
"…what?"
Draco waved it off. "Eh, it's magic, so you don't have to explain it."
"But—" Harry began.
"Do you want to get rained on again?" asked Ginny.
"…no…"
"Okay, I found the tracking spell," said Aphrodite. She raised a hand and said, "Vyklikać shocon."
An orb appeared, showing a picture of Sapphire and her location.
"Is she where I think she…?" Brandon muttered.
"Oh, God," said Charlie, suddenly going pale.
"What is it?" asked Luna. "What's wrong?"
"Sapphire isn't an ordinary Mary Sue," Brandon said, massaging his forehead. "She's a reality warper."
"What does that mean?"
"She can travel to other universes and infiltrate other fandoms, and shape herself to fit in there."
"Damn," said Aphrodite. "Haven't had one of these in a while."
"Does this mean what I think it does?"
"Afraid so," said Charlie, looking grim, which was highly unusual for her. "She's in the King Arthur universe right now, being rescued by Lancelot."
October summed up the mood in a few simple words.
"Son of a bitch!"
