Authorr Noteee : Soooooooo. i hope you enjoy this chapterrrrrrrrr !
Uhh. not much to say actually. Lmao. Review+ shoutouts are at theee botttom (:
Readd Onn :D
Chapter Seven;
A Relaspe Of The Mind, Is Exactly What I Was Avoiding.
This wasn't what she wanted; It was nothing like what she wanted.
She knew that, come Monday, Edward would be questioning her like no other.
She also knew that she would have no answers for him.
Since January 10 of two years ago, nothing had been easy for her. She felt ats if her whole life had been picked up, and thrown into a crappy little space, forcing her to reconnect with people, and to try to find her heart again-to try to find a way to become herself again. Then again, that was a long call. She'd never be herself again. That was the first time she got a glimpse of how deranged Aaron was. How a small one-month relationship, had become an obsession.
She never had time to process everything that had happened. If she had, it probably would have been easier to let go of. Yet, within two, maybe even three weeks of that first glance at the true Aaron, Bella found Edward. At first, it was all simple. He'd come over, they'd talk, he'd leave. Being who he was, he always had a date, or a party to plan, so conversations with Bella were short. It wasn't until that horrible night, that he became attached to her. He had his reasons, and honestly, as close as Bella and him were, she never bothered to ask why.
Bella used to think her life would be better with Edward. She used to hope he'd catch on to how much of a mess she was, and he'd leave. She felt bad enough, knowing for three weeks, Edward couldn't close his eyes, without seeing Aaron attack not only Bella, but him. Bella had done enough damage on Edward. Sure, she needed him, but for all she knew, she was niothing to him; A simple pity case, nothing more. Though, weither she'd admit it or not, she was attached. Not in the way that screamed love, for there were no emotional feelings there at this time. But, to her, Edward was her gardian angel. She would be dead without him. She wouldnt know how to handle anything.
It scared her, to know that she had become a completely numb being. The word 'person' didn't even fit her back then. People had emotions, they laughed, cried, ate, slept, and spoke. For three solid weeks, Bella did nothing. She'd stay up at night drawing, or writing out every complicated thought in her mind; She'd do her homework, and then curl up in a ball with pen and paper, occasionally difting into sleep, and once in a while coming downstairs for food. She was a loner, an anti-social, there was no question.
It was within this time, that Bella found her escape from pain. She found her way to become normal again; And she owed it all to that random stranger in front of Safeway.
She used to think down on those who cut; those who found relief within pain. Yet, while the homeless man asked her for change, over and over, her opinion suddenly changed. "Please? Just a dime?" Bella could have been paying no attention, and the next words he said, would have grabbed her attention in the snap of a finger. "Spending it all on the boyfriend, eh?" As Bella turned around to set him straight, her arm got caught on the side of a loose nail, coming out of the nearby shopping cart rack. The speed at which Bellas arm was moving up, to give the homeless man a lesson, and the sharpness of the nail, lead to a semi-thick, short cut on Bellas elbow. At first, she cried out in a bit of pain; Next, she forgot why she was mad at the homeless man in front of her.
Within a week of cutting, Bella became a bit more human like, only scarred. She began a regular sleeping pattern, and began to eat again. When she first started, it took more then ever to push her to pain. Yet, the moment the tears came, or the horrible memories flew back to her mind, his words repeating themselves as she shivered at the feeling of his hands, the razor found her. She compared it to being a small child, sleeping in your room alone, on a stormy night. As the tree hits your window, the thunder roars, or the lighting shocks, you'll be so afraid you run to your parents, begging to sleep with them. Then, with a small kiss, every fear was gone, and you were peacefully sleeping. When that razor reached her hands, every memory was rinced into the sink, along with the blood coming off the razor.
It took 12 days for Edward to notice. How he did, Bella could only guess. It was around 4 o'clock, and Bella was sitting at home doing homework, when she heard a knock on the door. When she saw it was Edward, she let him in, only to be quickly rambished with a lecture, on how cutting was a horrible pain releaver, and he was extremely against it. That was also the first night he came to Bellas room;
When it came to pain, there was something Edward always hid; something that he would show, but wouldn't speak about, Even more so when it came to cutting. It was if he had experience in that situation. Because, everytime Bella hurt herself, Edward was there, frowning, disappointed, yet never speaking a negative word. He'd hold her, telling her everything would be okay. Bella never had the guts to ask him backthen, and by now, the rutine had become so normal, that it was rare for her to even remember his strange attitude about it, yet every other part of those two years, would be with her forever, along with every scar to help tell the story.
& that's how it has been for the past two years. When Edward came around, Bella finally admitted to herself how selfish she had been; how focusing on her problems didn't solve them. Maybe it didn't help her stop cutting, but it did quickly show her how to let people in. A limited amount yes, but she was slowly improving…slowly becoming a normal 17 year old girl once again. And with the shock back to reality, Bella finally noticed the lifesavior standing over her everyday. And with this, came the fact that Bella was ready to find love again; to be normal, yet to have her obsession at the same time. Everyone has been wonded, the only difference between Bella and everyone else, was that hers were done by herself. Everyone had secrets; the only difference again, between Bella and everyone else, was that her's were shown on her skin.
By now, Bella was standing in the kitchen, staring at the envelope from Aaron, that came with the gift. Taking out a knife, she stared at it. Rotating it in her hands, she sighed. She slowly brought it down, placing a small cut on the object below the knife.
A/n: hmmmm, clifffhanggerr ?! (:
Soo, confesssion timeee: This was originally suppose to the the chapter where Bella + Edward got together, butttt I wasn't exactly in a happy go lucky mood todayyy. Don't hate meee :X It'll happen in the next chapterrr though, pinkkyyyy promiseee (:
review shoutouts ::
1. Aspenn: You Loveddd Yourrr Quoteee . (:
2. Vi0lentSerenity: seriously, your review made my life :b
3. Chriss128: Yess . She will, one dayyy. i promise "D
