Plot Orphans:
Here is the filing away space for my odd little ideas and one offs. None will be fully fleshed, but I did write out some of the key scenes – or at least I quickly came up with a pared down scene. Perhaps using common cliches to expedite the process. As this is fanfiction, it goes without saying that I do not own the source canon. But these ideas are up for adoption.
If you adopt an idea and write it in your own voice, merely acknowledge that the idea was adopted from me. Optionally, point your readers to the relevant chapter you adopted it from.
If you simply outright copy word for word any section or scene, or some such, then credit me and point readers to the relevant chapter.
www. fanfiction . net s/12585933/7/The-Orphanage
There is a story on here I am a big fan of. Sadly, it's been abandoned for years. "I love you, now shut up" by GYRAX is a story where, to get badly needed funds, Keitaro and Motoko have to star in a reality TV show - unbeknownst to all the other tenants except Su. The show pits them as in a secret relationship, so they have to do date activities - which turns into chaos. However, as it's all a secret, they can't be paid for it until after it's on the air. So, to help their cover and pay them, the same producer also casts them in a new drama. As romantic leads. It's all crack fic - and very well written and hilarious.
Now, I'm not going to attempt an outright copy. But at least going with the still funny idea of Keitaro as a TV star opposite Motoko is something I can attempt. Heck, I wanna write a version where it's Mutsumi. I could see her visiting him on set and everyone coming to the same conclusion that anyone who spends 20 minutes with them does: "Oh My God! There's TWO of them!" They can play fraternal twins in a comedy series!
Heck, have a writer, seeing how Mutsumi is fond of him, suggest, "Hey, what if his sister has incestuous thoughts?" and Keitaro response being, "No! I get enough of that from my actual younger sister. Just, please ... No!" Just so everyone can sweatdrop.
Chapter Six
Love Hina
Lights, Camera, Action!
Summary: What if, instead of becoming Seta's part timer, Keitaro found a different field of work?
Keitaro was dejected. He got fired from, in his opinion, a pretty decent job at a bar. He knew he could have done a good job there, and he really needed the money. He hadn't even been working there for more than a couple hours. All because of Kitsune. He sighed; getting upset at his lousy fate wasn't going to solve any of his problems. "Maybe I might have better luck looking for work around Todai's campus? College students must be looking for work all the time," he muttered to himself. "Or maybe I could use a job agency, though they can get pretty costly."
So dejected was he, he did not even notice the film crew preparing for a run and gun shoot. The cameraman was hunkered in the back of a van, rear doors missing. There was a small group of people milling about. Off to the side, a man wearing a ball cap and nylon jacket spoke into a handheld two-way radio. Suddenly, a woman screams and starts running down the street, towards the van, as a man chases her. Keitaro, shocked by the suddenness of it all, watched as she jumped onto a motorcycle and sped off behind the van. The man stopped, near Keitaro, puffing. "But you forgot your purse!"
It took a minute, but Keitaro had figured out it was just a movie when he heard someone yell "Cut!" and the man stopped huffing and puffing and stood there as some young adult ran up to hand him a drink.
"You're going to be in the way," someone said from over Keitaro's shoulder.
He jumped and spun around. "Oh, heh heh. Sorry, sorry." He bowed a couple times. "I'll just be going, then." Then, without looking at all, Keitaro started to dash across the street. Which would have been fine, except it was a busy street. Keitaro managed to trip over the curb into a bus, bounce off of it into traffic where a cab swerved and blared it's horn, causing Keitaro to panic and run faster, only to be struck by a messenger on a bicycle and sent sprawling towards oncoming traffic. Said oncoming traffic was the stunt actress returning for another take, who clipped Keitaro on his hip sending him spinning into the van behind her. Keitaro face planted against the grill of the van to be bounced into a parked car and pinballed back into the road to land by the motorcycle, which had stopped when a crazy person ran into it. The actress glared down at said crazy person, also known as Keitaro Urashima.
"Someone call an ambulance!" she called to her coworkers, afraid that he was probably severely maimed, if not outright dead.
Keitaro groaned as he got up and brushed himself off. "I have my cellphone on me, need me to call emergency? I didn't hurt you, did I?"
Everyone working on the film stared, silently, at the young man. The actress's jaw dropped. The man in a ball cap (and nylon jacket) started clapping his hands. "That was the best thing I seen all day. Hilarious! How long have you been training as a physical comedian?"
"Huh?" was Keitaro's intelligent reply. He looked to the actress on the motorbike. "Is he talking to you?"
But by then the director was already trying to shake Keitaro's hand. "That was spectacular. How are you not hurt? Those hits look like they really hurt."
Keitaro shrugged. "I've had a lifetime of clumsiness and bad luck. Sorry for ruining your shoot. I'll just be going now."
"Not so fast," the director threw and arm around Keitaro's shoulder. "You ever think of acting? I got an upcoming project. A TV show I'm producing. I could use a guy of your talents."
Keitaro scratched his head. "Sounds like a lot of fun, but I have to go find work. So I won't have the time or anything."
"It's a paying job."
"I'm your man!" Keitaro stuck his hand out, looking for a handshake.
Keitaro was rather proud of himself. He signed a job contract and everything, so he could return to the inn with head held high knowing that he had found work. Sure, it would be long hard days, but they were willing to get him tutors (they already had tutors on set for the few child actors on the show), and if it was a career he took a fancy too, his experience would help him get into the film and acting school at Tokyo University.
The only wrinkle was that he had to keep quiet about any details until the show hit air. So Keitaro was currently trying to think of some way to boast he found work, without having to actually explain what it is he's doing.
Meanwhile, Motoko was feeling a little guilty. She was Kitsune's accomplice in emptying her landlord's bank account. "Well, as long as he finds work, I guess it'll all be OK." She frowned for a moment than shrugged, figuring that the problem would take care of itself.
Keitaro managed to stroll in, shortly before dinner time. Kitsune, seeing him first, questioned, "Hey, you ever found more work after that bar manager threw you out?"
Keitaro rolled his eyes. "He only fired me because of you, if you remember. And yes, I did."
The others stopped to congratulate him. "What is it?"
"Uh?" Keitaro had the deer-in-headlights look. "It's ... a secret." He stammered.
Naru raised her eyebrow. "That bad, huh?"
"Maybe he's working for the mob," Kitsune joked. "Keitaro the gigolo."
Keitaro blushed. "That's not it!"
"Well, what is it?" Shinobu asked.
"Ah, you see ... it's ... well ..." Keitaro hung his head and whined, "I'm a gigolo?" His tone was more questioning, but everyone took it as an admission of guilt. Kitsune fell down laughing as Naru's face darkened.
"Really!" Naru screamed. "Have you no decency?"
Keitaro panicked. "You know how hard it is to get a job? I had a great one, but then Kitsune walked in. I was lucky this guy liked what he saw and hired me on the spot."
Everyone blushed and spluttered, getting the absolute wrong idea. As one, they all decided to just not think about it. "So, uh ... dinner is ready. Let's go eat."
But Kitsune wouldn't let it go. "Now that you have a job, does that mean I can pay my rent by fooling around with you?"
Keitaro gaped like a fish out of water. Naru growled. "No, you drunken whore. That means you have to pay him ..." She then choked, realizing what she was saying, and stared at her dish. "You're an idiot, Keitaro."
Keitaro knew even less how to respond when Shinobu asked him how affordable he was. Motoko and Naru, however, responded with violence.
But that night, Motoko, who felt scandalized, laid wake, thinking. "It's my fault he has to lower himself to such a level. Well, Kitsune's fault. On more than one level. But she'll never take responsibility. That idiot, falling into the first easy job his desperation leads him to. I'll just get a part time job and try to help out. That way he can quit." And with her mind made up, she fell into an uneasy sleep.
It took a couple days, but she found a small ad for young women who knew martial arts. It seemed sketchy, but she decided it couldn't be as bad as being a male prostitute to some rich guy who had hired Keitaro on the spot for liking his looks. Turned out that the address was to a TV Studio and she met with a producer who wanted to make a martial arts action themed romance drama. Her role would be a small one, the straight man half of the comedic relief.
"I already found a great actor for your partner. Totally a physical comedian like you have never seen before. A real Jerry Lewis / Chevy Chase sort of goofball. You can meet him when I take you on tour of the set."
Motoko, expecting worse, was actually excited about the chance to be on TV. She gladly signed the job contract, including the agreement to keep everything a secret from everyone not part of the project. She was then taken on a quick tour. The set pieces were strung along a long soundstage. There were apartments, a diner's booth, and even a dojo among the different sets. Then, in a side wing, she was introduced to some of the main cast - they were either in their dressing room decorating it or in a common area studying the scripts. "And over here is the room you'll be sharing with your comedy partner. You're all action, he's all reaction. It'll be perfect!" Motoko frowned to hear she was sharing a room with a guy, but swallowed her concerns in favor of keeping a job where she could easily make enough money to save Keitaro from his debacle of a job. Also, she wanted to be on TV.
She was shocked, however, when they entered the room and she found Keitaro studying out of his textbooks. "Keitaro?" It then all clicked why his job was such a secret.
"Motoko?"
"Oh?" The producer smiled. "You two know each other? Perfect! Now I know this genius casting is fate. I'll leave you two to catch up." He then, with a big, cheeky grin, closed the door on them.
"What are you doing here?" Keitaro asked, after gulping and shying away.
Motoko huffed. "I was going to get a job so you didn't have to sell your body to old, rich men."
"Huh?" Keitaro blanched. "Is that what everyone thought? Man my life sucks."
Motoko shrugged. "Don't get any ideas."
Keitaro shrugged. "You might as well get some homework done while we're waiting."
"I don't actually start for a couple of days. Are you already filming?"
Keitaro nodded. "It'll be my introduction on the show. The new guy who joins the dojo because he's tired of being a wimp. I get pranked in the showers for some pratfalls. Then, when it's night, I'll have to film the scene that comes before that, where I'm at a bar trying to get a girl only for some jerks to beat me up. It's why I join the dojo."
"That's it?"
Keitaro shrugged. "For this episode. What about you?"
"I'm suppose to be someone new in town who already knows martial arts and joins the dojo looking for new friends. I'm suppose to beat you up ... a lot." Motoko smirked.
Keitaro choked on some spit. "Remember, I don't think they want us breaking the set."
"I'll pull my punches." Her evil grin did not set Keitaro at ease.
Motoko figured she'd be a lot smoother than Keitaro. "That idiot,' she thought to herself. As such, she hadn't really thought ahead or prepared an explanation for her dorm-mates. She didn't actually think she'd have to answer any questions, assuming that she could maintain her privacy.
"Where were you?" Kitsune grilled her as soon as she stepped into the dorms.
Motoko stopped short, confused as to why she was being interrogated. "Excuse me?"
"You're regular, like a clock. You get up at the same time. You go to school at the same time. You return from school at the same time. And you stay home when you're not in school. Except today, when you come home late, just before dinner starts. So, who is he and where did he take you?" Kitsune leered.
Motoko blushed. "It's nothing of the sort. I was just looking for work."
"Oh? Any reason why?"
"Yes, well ..." Motoko figured her original reason still made a lot of sense. "I was hoping to save Keitaro from himself."
Kitsune smirked. "Or maybe you wanted to save up so you could afford a piece of him."
Motoko glared. "Never! I just figured the sooner he made his money the sooner he could stop ... er ... with the, you know," Motoko voice descended into a whine.
"You're no fun to tease."
Meanwhile, the other girls managed to appear and overhear the conversation. "Did you find any work?" Naru asked her, kindly.
Motoko nodded. "I did. I'm pleased with it."
"What is it?" Shinobu inquired.
"Ah ... it's a secret?" Motoko knew she was floundering. "But I get to use my martial arts."
"Another secret job?" Kitsune narrowed her foxy eyes.
Su jumped onto Motoko's back. "Is it good to eat?"
"Yes, a secret job. That's all I'm going to tell you."
Kitsune smiled devilishly. "Is it with Keitaro?"
"What? No!"
"Then why is it a secret?"
Motoko sighed and hung her head. "Because I am working for the same people as Keitaro."
Everyone gasped.
"It's not like that!" Motoko screamed.
"You're ... You're an armbreaker I bet," Kitsune chimed in. "You're the enforcer to make sure the clients pay up to Keitaro. Because we all know how easy it is to take advantage of the poor guy."
Motoko gaped and gawped with a mouth wide open as everyone seemed to be considering, and believing, what Kitsune said. At that moment, she knew what Keitaro must have felt like. Nothing she could say would change their minds. She'd just have to wait until the show was out. Dejected and morose, she left to go to her room.
"Where you going, hun?" Kitsune called out to her. "Dinner is about to start."
As time passed, the tenants were, surprisingly, rather tight lipped about the whole ordeal. Motoko figured they just didn't want to have to think about it at all. Keitaro was just happy they seemed to move on to other concerns. And that's when Ayumi Misaki showed up. When the producer learned Keitaro ran a dorm in an old inn, and Motoko was there too, he asked if he could put up the occasional guest stars. Keitaro agreed as the money was good and he would get to meet celebrities.
The first to show, before the show was on-air and thus still hush-hush, was Ayumi Misaki. A young and very famous action star known for playing roles in gangster films as the tough chick who supports and fights for the yakuza boss. She was actually looking forward to her acting role on the show where she wasn't going to play her usual tough as nails gangster.
"Right this way," Keitaro led the starlet up to her room.
She looked around the inn as they passed through. "Quaint little place." She often did not smile in public, saving her smiles for only those closest to her, which help cement her tough girl mystique. She often claimed she just didn't like her smile, and any photo of her out in public showed her with a serious, or even bitchy, demeanor. But that didn't mean she wasn't actually nice and pleasant to those who took the time to get to know her.
Keitaro nodded. "Yes, thank you. It has been in the family for generations. My great-grandfather built it."
When they got to her room, Keitaro struggling with her luggage, she nodded demurely. "I am tired from my travels, I'll rest now."
"Yes, of course. I'll call you for dinner. Please feel free to make use of the hot spring. The car should be by at 8pm to pick us up for the night shoot."
And while the idea of a celebrity being there excited the girls, though they were confused why she would have chosen to stay there and not someplace more fancy, they did gossip once they saw Ayumi get picked up by a limo that Keitaro and Motoko also got into.
"I'm thinking ... she works for the mob too. I heard stories about how they give people their start and in turn they have to jump to any command. It's known the mob has strong movie industry ties. They probably get all their own people on the same set and make lots of money. And when she's not starring in a movie (and I have not heard of her working on any current projects), I bet she has to do jobs for her mob bosses." Kitsune pondered out loud.
Naru spluttered. "You mean ... she is taking Keitaro and Motoko to go meet with some big timers?"
Kitsune nodded. "Probably like they way he works, or something. Hopefully, Motoko doesn't let him get too deep in. Or we might really have a problem."
"That poor idiot!" Naru seethed.
Shinobu frowned and thought to herself, "Oh, Sempai. Please don't get yourself killed over money."
Ayumi was only in town for five days. Filming took three, and she wanted to see the sights after. While at the inn, she kept to herself. Which only fueled the mobster speculation among the girl's late night talks. They often met, when Keitaro and Motoko disappeared, to discuss their friends.
The concern only grew when a week after the star left, there was advertising going up all over town about a new show. Some of the ads showed a bunch of people, and the Hinata harem clearly recognized Keitaro and Motoko in them. "The mob has them working on a mob set," Kitsune whispered to the girls that night. "They're in too deep now!"
What Kitsune wasn't telling the girls was that she made up most of what she was telling them just to get a reaction. Had been since day one.
Keitaro and Motoko were happy to see the ads go up. They could finally talk about the amazing job they had with their friends.
"So, remember that secret job I had?" Keitaro opened with during dinner.
Naru blushed and looked away. "Yeah, the mob one."
Keitaro rolled his eyes. "I'm not working for the mob. I'm working on a TV show! It'll be out in a few weeks. Let's have a viewing party, what do you say?"
Naru sighed. "Oh you poor, poor idiot of a man-child. Who, in their right mind, would hire you to act on a show. It's just a mob front for the gigolo activities. Kitsune explained it all."
Keitaro's eyes popped open. "Wha'? No! It's a TV show. They like that they can knock me all around the place and I get right back up. And that I tend to overreact to everything."
Motoko nodded grimly. She wasn't too pleased that, once they found out how excitable he was, the other actors were constantly doing things like having the girls flash him just so his nose could erupt in a spray of blood as he launched himself into the nearest wall. Or that the director would suddenly throw marbles on the set so he would trip and fall; a lot of pants and skirts were getting pulled down and Keitaro kept taking massive hits. But, she saw the dailies, and had to admit they made for great comedy. "It's true," she deadpanned. "All Keitaro has to do is be himself. No acting required."
The girls didn't look convinced. "What about that gangster woman," Shinobu asked. "The one from all those mob movies."
Keitaro shook his head and shared a look of disbelief with Motoko. "Shinobu. She's an actress. Those movies are make-believe. She's actually a really sweet person once you get to know her."
"Just watch the show," Motoko asked. "You'll see."
"Then, why all the secrecy," Kitsune pressed.
Keitaro shrugged. "That seems to be normal, though I wouldn't know. It's my first time. But, you can understand them not wanting some other studios to steal the idea before they get to air. Politics."
In the end, since the girls can be rather stubborn, they weren't too willing to part with their first impressions.
Notes: I guess that's it for this teaser. I think it would be fun to write about the on set antics. Maybe the show gets canceled after a season or two, but Keitaro and Motoko have the acting bug and end up in a more dramatic show? Perhaps one where Motoko runs a dorm or hotel and Keitaro is a handyman. And you have that slow burn chemistry going on where all the fans are shipping the two of them - just for the sake of how the Hinata residents would react to such. (And maybe a couple of them can't help but ship it too). Or it's still the same show, but the fans love their comedy routine so much, the writers end up having them date. Plus other ideas - Like having the girls witness Keitaro getting into Todai (hey, those tutors are good!) and being popular on campus as he's a star. And instead of disappearing to America for a few months for school, like in the manga, he goes for a few months because he's in a Hollywood movie. Him and Motoko. In a Jackie Chan flick. Point is, I feel like there's potential here. But, in terms of where to stop this little write up, this seemed a good enough place.
[But have this bonus scene]
Motoko and Keitaro were seated with their costars around a large table doing a script reading for their next episode. Jimu had given the script a quick scan though. "Hey, Ami. Keitaro doesn't stumble upon you naked in this episode."
While most of the guys were quite amused with Keitaro's charming mix of perverted overreactions and gentlemanly grovelling whenever he saw a girl in a compromising position, the women were worst, especially Ami and Rei. Motoko grumbled to herself, "How many more ways can they have her expose herself?"
"Wha'?" Ami squealed. "I object! That running gag still has steam left."
Motoko shook her head; she didn't understand the woman. 'She's married and has absolutely no interest in Keitaro. Yet, she's somehow managed to find a way to surprise flash him on a regular basis ... sometimes when the cameras aren't even rolling ... once she wasn't even on set and we went to her trailer to fetch her. Sometimes Keitaro trips up and she's not even wearing any panties, other times she's waiting on him with an impromptu change in wardrobe.'
Sakura snorted. "It's funny, but what's left? We already did locker rooms, three different showers, a boutique's changing room, the back of a car, a bathroom, inside a church, and a creepy stairwell. Anyone who records the show could probably piece together a three dimensional map of our bodies by now. You mostly."
"They still haven't woken up in the same bed after a night of drinking," Rei offered. "And he could always catch all of us skinny dipping at night while on a camping trip."
Hearing a repetitive thumping noise, Motoko glanced over to find Keitaro was banging his head on the table.
Ami nodded along with Rei. "We still haven't done my co-ed bath house idea. Or a hot spring. Have him think it's a guys only facility and find out the truth too late," she rallied.
Keitaro groaned. "Girls in a hot spring ought to be a trigger warning." A few of the actors, seated close enough to overhear, chuckled.
Ami smirked. "We could probably squeeze the scene in, I bet."
Motoko shook her head. Just because she didn't deliberately flash herself didn't mean she hadn't been caught in numerous crossfires. The fact the fans loved it when she would chase after Keitaro and lay a holy beatdown on him - just so he could spring right back up again - meant that it was going to keep occurring. Heck, their ship name was 'Clueless Tsundere'. But they also loved Ami's innocent girl act. They called that 'Bad-luck Blush'. "Our poor writers, always tasked with finding either some excessively violent accident to befall Keitaro or a situation where he's surrounded by angry, naked chicks."
Rei nodded. "Yeah, how about happy, naked chicks this time?" She winked at Keitaro, who turned red.
Motoko threw her hands into the air. "What, are you all bathing drunk?"
Ami laughed. "I like it; it practically writes itself. And who hasn't had a little sake before bath time."
"You know, that can kill you, right? Alcohol poisoning," Keitaro warned.
"Stop being a stick in the mud, Kei-man. Help us write a bath scene."
Keitaro rolled his eyes. In a sarcastic tone, he retorted, "What, like I could be relaxing after a stressful day in what I thought was a nice, safe hot springs only for some nearly blind girl to come out of the steam and fog to mistake me for her best friend and grope me by accident?"
"Yeah, exactly," Ami agreed with Rei alongside her. "I could be blind drunk, think you're Rei's character Gin, and trip and fall into your lap. Let's do it!"
Keitaro groaned and dropped his head to the table. "I just know what's coming next."
The director looked up from his script. "Hey, doesn't Keitaro own an inn with a hot spring?"
"And there it is."
