The Infant Terrible!

"I'm the Nostalgia Critic, and I remember it, so you don't have to!" - Doug Walker as The Nostalgia Critic

Chapter 7: Gangsters and Aliens!

The Baxter Building

"Let's go get an alien!" Althea grinned.

"Yeah, yo!" Todd whooped. "I also want pictures of it to show the guys!"

"Hang on, kids." Sue shook her head. "Roberta, where exactly has the alien been spotted?" Roberta gave the location. "Great!"

"Alright, some action!" Johnny whooped, leaping out of his seat in delight. "About time is all I can say about that!"

"Heh heh." Ben chuckled. "Been wantin' another piece of that lime-faced critter."

"Indeed." Reed nodded. "You will have to engage the alien without me."

"Hey, what?" Johnny blinked.

"Yo Prof, you just gonna sit this out?" Todd blinked. "That ain't fair, yo!"

"Yeah!" Althea agreed. "We're going out fighting this thing, so should you!"

"Take it easy, kids." Sue reassured. "Reed isn't simply going to sit this one out."

"Yeah." Ben nodded. "He normally doesn't cut out on people."

"Indeed." Reed walked towards his lab. "While you try to go keep the creature from doing any more damage, I will attempt to find a way to contact the alien's parents."

"His parents." Johnny scoffed. "Yeah, that'll be good for a few laughs."

"It does make sense, in a bizarre way." Althea shrugged. "That thing is a kid. It's gotta have parents that're looking for him."

"But how can we call them?" Ben scratched his head. "It ain't like the kid had a note on it that said 'Call this number if ya find me'."

"No offense, Prof, but are you sure you know what you are doing?" Todd blinked. "How you gonna call that thing's mom and dad? How do you know that thing HAS a mom and dad?"

"We will not know unless we attempt to make contact." Reed explained. "I have some ideas, based on other alien species communicate. I will contact you all when I have made contact."

"Right, then." Sue nodded. "Okay, everyone. Time to track our little alien kid!"

A field in New York

Big Joe emerged from the driver's seat of his car.

"Alright..." The crime boss muttered to himself, looking at his watch. "Where are those boys and the alien? I told them to meet me here, and..." He heard the noise of a car pulling up. "Ah, there they are. Right on time."

"We're here, boss!" Brown Trilby announced as he and the other four gangsters emerged from the car, the alien creature with them, happily munching on a large Hershey Bar.

"Sorry we're late, boss." Green Fedora apologized. "We had to stop at a store. The thing over there loves those big Hershey bars."

"It's alright." Big Joe nodded in understanding. He then marched over to the alien and smiled at it. "Hello, little guy."

"Mm?" The alien blinked at Big Joe.

"My name is Joe." Big Joe spoke in a soothing voice to the creature. "I heard that you can do stuff. Lots of stuff."

"Times Square can certainly attest to that." Black Fedora snickered, making the other gangsters chuckle.

"Now, I want to know if you can do something for me." Big Joe showed the alien a photograph. "This is an armored car. Can you make one appear for me?"

"Uh, boss?" Brown Trilby piped up. "How do we know it can do that?"

"Yeah." Blue Cap nodded in agreement. "I mean, yeah, this thing's been seen changing things into other things, but that doesn't mean it can make things magically appear. I mean, it's an alien, not a magician."

"Maybe it's an alien magician." Green Fedora shrugged.

"An alien magician?" Black Fedora frowned.

"Yeah, why not?" Green Fedora continued.

"An alien. Magician." Black Fedora repeated.

"Yeah! What, you sayin' aliens can't be magicians?"

"It just sounds...stupid." Black Fedora shook his head.

"We got this green guy standing right here in front of us eating a Hershey Bar, and you're saying aliens can't be magicians?" Green Fedora yelped. Brown Trilby started snickering and Blue Cap rolled his eyes.

"Here we go again..."

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me." Big Joe groaned, facepalming in disbelief.

"That's stupid!" Black Fedora snapped. "Why the hell would an alien need magic? They have rayguns and spaceships and computers!"

"What if the alien doesn't have advanced technology?" Green Fedora countered. "You can't expect every planet to have spaceships and lasers!"

"I can't believe this." Big Joe groaned. "I just can't believe they're doing this now. Now of all times..." The alien creature only giggled. The gangster sighed, glancing at the green alien. "At least he's being entertained."

"Oh, this'll be hilarious. Their arguments always are." Blue Cap chuckled as he and Brown Trilby watched Green and Black Fedora argue.

"Wish I had some popcorn right now." Brown Trilby agreed.

"That is BULL!" Black Fedora roared. "I've read all of the John Carter stuff, and I'm telling ya, there's no alien sorcerers in it!"

"Tell that to all of the fanfic writers!" Green Fedora roared back.

"Ah, I'd better stop this before it gets ugly...well, uglier than it already is." Big Joe sighed. He walked up to the two gangsters, grabbed their heads, and knocked them together.

Whack!

"OW!" The two men yelped, holding their heads.

"What was that for, boss?!" Black Fedora groaned.

"That really hurt!" Green Fedora whined.

"Heh heh, that was hilarious." Brown Trilby snickered, putting away his camera phone.

"You ain't gonna upload that thing on those video sites, are you?" Blue Cap frowned.

"And give the cops evidence on a silver platter? Hell, no!" Brown Trilby shook his head. "Shame, though. I imagine some of the videos would be viral hits."

"You two clowns done?!" Big Joe scowled at his two henchmen.

"Yeah, we're done, boss." Green Fedora winced under his boss's glare.

"We're good, boss. We're good now." Black Fedora nodded.

"Alright, good." Big Joe nodded in satisfaction. The crimelord turned towards the alien.

"Okay, greenie." The gangster smiled. "I want to show you a picture." He pulled a photograph out from his jacket. "This is called an armored car."

"Rrrii!" The alien nodded.

"Right!" Big Joe smiled. "Now, we are going to play a little game. Can you make one of these appear?"

"Weeee!" The alien nodded. He concentrated, and a beam of light erupted from his tentacles.

In front of a bank

An armored truck full of money drove up towards a bank.

"Ah, another day, another uneventful delivery of money." The driver, a gray-haired burly guard, smiled as he and a younger guard pulled up towards the bank.

"Yeah." The younger guard chuckled. "You'd think by now, somebody would try and swipe this cash." He remarked as the two left the truck.

"Don't jinx it, kid." The elder guard glared. "I've gone 25 years, my whole career, without anyone trying to steal money from the truck, and I don't need you tempting fate."

"Okay, okay!" The younger guard grinned, holding up his hands. "Pax, pax!"

"Yeah, sure." The older guard chuckled as the two walked to the back of the truck. "Well, another day, another dollar."

"Or a buncha dollars, in this case! Ha ha!" The young guard laughed.

FWOOMMMM!

"What the-?!" The young guard gasped as the truck was bathed in a bright pink light.

"The hell is that?!" The older guard blinked.

"Hey old man, you ever seen Close Encounters of the Third Kind?"

"Kid, I saw it when it was in the theater!"

"Well, I think aliens are taking it." The young guard noted as he pointed at the armored truck, which was starting to hover within the beam.

"You gotta be kidding me!" The elder guard gaped as he watched the armored truck fly away.

"Well, what do we do?" The younger guard blinked in confusion. The elder guard smirked.

"We call the Fantastic Four."

"The Fantastic Four?!" The young guard threw his hands up. "Really?! Why can't we just call the frikkin' cops?!"

"Kid, you must be new in town." The elder guard chuckled. "Here, there's a rule: You get robbed, call the cops. Aliens invade, call the Avengers. Weird stuff like this...you call the FF."

Well, well, well! Looks like things are heating up! What insanity will happen next? Will the gangsters pull off more crimes with the alien? Can our heroes find the alien and save the day? Find out in the next chapter!