Man, I forgot how much fun driving is!
"Faith! Read the signs! See there...DO NOT ENTER... we're going the wrong way....watch for the...aaargh!" Xander hides his face in his hands. "Stop! You're going to kill us!"
Oh, *now* he suddenly finds the will to live. I think I'm going to be Xander's designated driver from now on...whether he likes it or not.
"Don't be such a wuss. I'm taking a shortcut." Whoops...I swerve and barely miss hitting a raggedy, old homeless lady with a shopping cart. What is she doing on the crosswalk when I'm coming down the street, anyway? Get outta my way. Slayer coming through!
"Excuse me, but I believe the posted speed limit is 35 miles per hour, not 75!" yells Xander, as one eye glares at me from behind his interlaced fingers. We hit a speed bump, and suddenly he's airborne in his seat. He grimaces when his head hits the roof of the car. "Ouch! Faith, slow down, or I'm personally going to rip your driver's license into itty bitty little pieces!"
"Uh...I'd have to actually have a license before you could take it away. Hey, look...'Rocky Horror Picture Show' is playing at the Bijou! Saturday night, we are so there."
Xander drops his hands from his face and turns to me, horrified. "What do you mean, you don't have a license? Oh, that's it! I don't care if you are the Slayer, I'm going to kick your perky little ass if you wreck my car...I still have twelve payments left to make!" He gasps and points at something out the window. "Hey, hey! Garbage cans, two o'clock!"
Xander cringes as I swipe the trashcans, scattering garbage all over the place. Hey, they were rubber. It's not like they're going to do any real damage to the car!
"I never bothered to take the driver's license test. No time! Too busy being the Slayer, and then, of course, there was that five-year vacation at the luxurious federal penitentiary. Who needs a stupid little piece of plastic telling everyone I know how to drive? I'm doing just fine without it."
Xander just clutches his stomach and moans. He doesn't look so good. I pull up in front of the Magic Box, and the car grinds to a stop with a big chugging jerk. He opens the door, and yacks all over the sidewalk. Heh heh. He'll think twice before drinking next time we have to go out on patrol.
"Oh, sorry, Xan," I say innocently. "I guess I forgot all about your little problem with car sickness."
"Ugh. I take back all the nice things I said to the parole board. You're still evil." He wipes his mouth with his hand and drags himself out of the car. He rips the car keys out of my hand. "And here I thought Buffy was the worst driver I had ever seen. Nope. You win that contest, hands down!"
"Yay, me. Reckless endangerment. Something I can finally be better at than the Buffster!" I give him two snaps up, and he shakes his head, smiling reluctantly. I grab Barfing Boy by the arm and pull him into the shop. He's still really woozy.
Riley, Dawn, and some brown-haired chick I don't recognize are waiting inside. They're sitting around a table, and look up as we walk in. Dawn sees that Xander is turning six shades of green, and promptly gives me the Death Glare. "What did you do to him? Poison him?" Dawn and the brunette come over and huddle around Xander, checking him out to see if he's okay.
I put up my hands. "Hey, squirt, don't blame me. Xander has no one but himself to thank for his present condition." Well, maybe I helped a little with my best imitation of a "Starsky and Hutch" car chase.
"I'll live. Barely. I just need to sit down," Xander groans. Dawn leads him over to a chair. An anatomy book lies open on the table. Xander takes one look at the graphic pictures of internal organs, and rushes towards the sign marked "Restroom" in the back of the store. *evil grin*
Bemused, Riley watches Xander run by on his way to puke up the rest of his vodka and Chinese food. Dawn follows him. She sure likes to hover...what is she going to do, hold his hair back for him? Let the man pray to the porcelain god in peace!
Soldier Boy turns to me. "Faith. Glad you could join us. Have you met Amy yet? She runs the Magic Box now that...now that..." his voice trails off. He was about to say "now that Anya is gone."
"Nope, don't think we've met. Yo!" I give the new girl a little wave and smile awkwardly. Trying out the Nice Faith look. I hope I don't look too retarded.
The brown-haired girl squeaks and holds out her hand. "Hi! So, you're a Slayer? You're the second one I've met. I used to know Buffy, too. We went to high school together. I think I've seen you before, you look kind of familiar. Would you like some cheese?" She gestures at a tray of food on the table. "I've got plenty...jarlsberg, gouda, havarti, muenster, brie..."
I shake her hand, smile plastered on my face. "Uh, thanks, but no thanks, Amy. I already ate." She shrugs and selects a chunk of havarti from the platter. She holds the cheese to her mouth with both hands, taking delicate little nibbles, her nose wrinkling as she eats. She repeats the process with a new slice, a contented smile on her lips.
What is with this chick? Girlfriend seems seriously beholden to the power of cheese. But as much as I'd like to ponder the mysteries of Minnie Mouse here, I've got business to take care of.
"Riley, we need to talk. Now." He senses how serious I am, and doesn't question as he follows me outside. "Hey, got a smoke?" He gives me a disdainful look.
No, of course Mormon farm boy here isn't gonna have cigarettes. I might as well ask Jesse Helms for a porno magazine.
I don't have time for small talk, so I lay it on the line. "We've got a problem. You've probably already guessed that Xander's on the express train to Crazy Town, right?" I should know: I've made that trip myself.
Riley sighs and leans against the wall. "I know. He's one of my best friends, and I trust him with my life...but right now, I don't trust him with his own." He searches my face for a sign that I know something. "What have you seen, Faith?"
"A lot. He's drinking heavily...he has problems sleeping...he has a violent temper...and Spike's totally mind fucking him, so that isn't helping matters. Xander told me about what happened with Anya...that must be really hard for you, too." He saw the videotape...he saw what Spike did to her. Does he suffer from the same nightmares as Xander?
His handsome face darkens at the memory, and he clenches his fists. "Spike should be dragged out into the desert and left to burst into flames for hurting her. But I'm the one who staked her... I didn't have time to register that it was Anya killing Xander, I just had a few seconds to act...I had to save him. She...she was my friend, too. I miss her." He looks inside the Magic Box, and I see a faint rim of tears shining in his eyes. "She died in there. Every day, when we meet here to talk about the latest sub-terrestrial threat to Sunnydale, I remember what happened."
No wonder Xander doesn't want to go to Scooby Gang meetings anymore. Jesus, couldn't they pick a new spot? Like a Starbucks, or the bowling alley, or anywhere that Anya didn't get murdered?
Riley collects himself before he continues. "Xander couldn't look me in the eye for the longest time. He says he doesn't blame me, but things have been really strained between us for the last few months. Especially since I dragged him out of Thailand, kicking and screaming. I actually had to drug him to get him on the airplane, he was so determined to find Spike. But the son of a bitch always got away. I don't want to stop Xander from killing Spike, but I had to bring him home...he was going to lose everything. His career, his house, his sanity. I went to his boss and begged him not to fire Xander for job abandonment. He's on probation now...but if Xander slips up, he's out of a job."
When I first realized how bad off Xander was, I was a little ticked that Riley hadn't done more to help him, but now I see how much he really has tried. Riley's a good man, and a good friend. If he isn't able to knock sense into Xander, what hope do I have?
"Spike called today...he says he's in Morocco. What are we going to do? Do we hop the next plane?" I ask the question, but I already know the answer.
Riley pounds his fist against the wall. "Damn it! He loves to do this...he won't be there tomorrow. Spike wants us to chase him. It's all a big game for Spike, and we're losing. We'd get so close to him, but he'd always be three steps ahead of us. We'd locate all of his hideouts...empty. He'd leave notes mocking us and our inability to find him. But that wasn't the worst part."
After all the things I've heard about Spike, nothing would surprise me. He's a ruthless, cold-blooded killer. How the Scoobs allowed him to live among them for so long without staking him, I'll never understand. Chip or no chip, he's a fucking vampire, not a household pet.
"He'd kill pregnant women, and made sure we found them. If I live to be a hundred years old, I'll never forget the first corpse...she was young and pretty, and looked a lot like Anya. She'd only been dead about six hours when we found her in the basement of an old tenement building in Queens. Xander held her in his arms, and when he wept, I'd never heard such a horrible sound. Loud, desperate, keening...he kept wailing that it was his fault, over and over. We had to wait there, for hours, until she had fully turned and we could finally stake her. When the time came, I made Xander wait outside while I did it."
Riley and I hear a noise from inside the shop, and we peek in the window. Xander and Dawn are still hidden in the back. Amy's busy shelving books high up on a ladder, and it looks like she dropped some. Seems like we have more time before we need to get back, so Riley continues.
"Spike's death toll mounted, but we were always too late to stop him. Xander felt personally responsible, and he became obsessed with the search. The pregnant victims were the hardest for him to deal with. It was like he was reliving the Anya ordeal, over and over. I had to remind him to eat and sleep. We were like slaying machines, staking all the undead minions Spike created or allied himself with as he cut a swath of blood across Europe and Asia. We must have destroyed over a hundred vampires during our quest. But Spike always eluded us. We came really close...Xander tagged the bastard's shoulder with a crossbow bolt in Rome, but he always escaped."
"We weren't getting anywhere, so I brought us home so we could regroup. I've never had an argument with Xander like the one on the night we left...he damn near broke my jaw before I nicked him with a tranquilizer dart." Riley rubbed his chin as he remembered the fight. "He wouldn't speak to me the whole flight home. I burned his passport when we got back, otherwise he'd still be off hunting...no matter what the cost, personal or financial."
Or the cost to his sanity. Just when I think I've heard the worst of what Xander's had to deal with, something even more terrible surfaces. I can't believe Xander can even function after all the things Spike has done to him. He's a master at keeping everything bottled up inside, but Xander's cork is about ready to blow. If Xander can't kill Spike, he's going to kill himself, but I'm not going to sit by and let that happen.
"Spike is driving him nuts, Riley. Xander can't hack it anymore, he's giving up. Last night...those vamps...I think he wanted them to kill him. He ducked out on you on purpose, so you wouldn't be around to save him this time." Riley's jaw clenches, but he doesn't look surprised. "We gotta keep a close eye on Xander, keep him out of trouble. And we have to do something to nail that twisted, arrogant asshole, and soon. I'm open to suggestions."
"Left to our own devices, we'll never be able to catch Spike. But I have a plan. We need more resources." Riley looks so confident, determined. He hates Spike just as much as Xander does, and he'll stop at nothing to see justice served. I'm glad we're on the same side...for a change.
"Who, the army guys you used to hang out with?" I ask.
"No, the Initiative doesn't exist anymore. I still have contacts in the military, but getting them involved would be too risky. They wouldn't kill Spike, they'd just want to experiment on him and determine how the microchip failed. But the people we're going to call have been around for centuries, they know all about Spike's history, and have a network of operatives that span the globe...the Watcher's Council."
Oh, crap. I really don't like this plan...
***TO BE CONTINUED***
"Faith! Read the signs! See there...DO NOT ENTER... we're going the wrong way....watch for the...aaargh!" Xander hides his face in his hands. "Stop! You're going to kill us!"
Oh, *now* he suddenly finds the will to live. I think I'm going to be Xander's designated driver from now on...whether he likes it or not.
"Don't be such a wuss. I'm taking a shortcut." Whoops...I swerve and barely miss hitting a raggedy, old homeless lady with a shopping cart. What is she doing on the crosswalk when I'm coming down the street, anyway? Get outta my way. Slayer coming through!
"Excuse me, but I believe the posted speed limit is 35 miles per hour, not 75!" yells Xander, as one eye glares at me from behind his interlaced fingers. We hit a speed bump, and suddenly he's airborne in his seat. He grimaces when his head hits the roof of the car. "Ouch! Faith, slow down, or I'm personally going to rip your driver's license into itty bitty little pieces!"
"Uh...I'd have to actually have a license before you could take it away. Hey, look...'Rocky Horror Picture Show' is playing at the Bijou! Saturday night, we are so there."
Xander drops his hands from his face and turns to me, horrified. "What do you mean, you don't have a license? Oh, that's it! I don't care if you are the Slayer, I'm going to kick your perky little ass if you wreck my car...I still have twelve payments left to make!" He gasps and points at something out the window. "Hey, hey! Garbage cans, two o'clock!"
Xander cringes as I swipe the trashcans, scattering garbage all over the place. Hey, they were rubber. It's not like they're going to do any real damage to the car!
"I never bothered to take the driver's license test. No time! Too busy being the Slayer, and then, of course, there was that five-year vacation at the luxurious federal penitentiary. Who needs a stupid little piece of plastic telling everyone I know how to drive? I'm doing just fine without it."
Xander just clutches his stomach and moans. He doesn't look so good. I pull up in front of the Magic Box, and the car grinds to a stop with a big chugging jerk. He opens the door, and yacks all over the sidewalk. Heh heh. He'll think twice before drinking next time we have to go out on patrol.
"Oh, sorry, Xan," I say innocently. "I guess I forgot all about your little problem with car sickness."
"Ugh. I take back all the nice things I said to the parole board. You're still evil." He wipes his mouth with his hand and drags himself out of the car. He rips the car keys out of my hand. "And here I thought Buffy was the worst driver I had ever seen. Nope. You win that contest, hands down!"
"Yay, me. Reckless endangerment. Something I can finally be better at than the Buffster!" I give him two snaps up, and he shakes his head, smiling reluctantly. I grab Barfing Boy by the arm and pull him into the shop. He's still really woozy.
Riley, Dawn, and some brown-haired chick I don't recognize are waiting inside. They're sitting around a table, and look up as we walk in. Dawn sees that Xander is turning six shades of green, and promptly gives me the Death Glare. "What did you do to him? Poison him?" Dawn and the brunette come over and huddle around Xander, checking him out to see if he's okay.
I put up my hands. "Hey, squirt, don't blame me. Xander has no one but himself to thank for his present condition." Well, maybe I helped a little with my best imitation of a "Starsky and Hutch" car chase.
"I'll live. Barely. I just need to sit down," Xander groans. Dawn leads him over to a chair. An anatomy book lies open on the table. Xander takes one look at the graphic pictures of internal organs, and rushes towards the sign marked "Restroom" in the back of the store. *evil grin*
Bemused, Riley watches Xander run by on his way to puke up the rest of his vodka and Chinese food. Dawn follows him. She sure likes to hover...what is she going to do, hold his hair back for him? Let the man pray to the porcelain god in peace!
Soldier Boy turns to me. "Faith. Glad you could join us. Have you met Amy yet? She runs the Magic Box now that...now that..." his voice trails off. He was about to say "now that Anya is gone."
"Nope, don't think we've met. Yo!" I give the new girl a little wave and smile awkwardly. Trying out the Nice Faith look. I hope I don't look too retarded.
The brown-haired girl squeaks and holds out her hand. "Hi! So, you're a Slayer? You're the second one I've met. I used to know Buffy, too. We went to high school together. I think I've seen you before, you look kind of familiar. Would you like some cheese?" She gestures at a tray of food on the table. "I've got plenty...jarlsberg, gouda, havarti, muenster, brie..."
I shake her hand, smile plastered on my face. "Uh, thanks, but no thanks, Amy. I already ate." She shrugs and selects a chunk of havarti from the platter. She holds the cheese to her mouth with both hands, taking delicate little nibbles, her nose wrinkling as she eats. She repeats the process with a new slice, a contented smile on her lips.
What is with this chick? Girlfriend seems seriously beholden to the power of cheese. But as much as I'd like to ponder the mysteries of Minnie Mouse here, I've got business to take care of.
"Riley, we need to talk. Now." He senses how serious I am, and doesn't question as he follows me outside. "Hey, got a smoke?" He gives me a disdainful look.
No, of course Mormon farm boy here isn't gonna have cigarettes. I might as well ask Jesse Helms for a porno magazine.
I don't have time for small talk, so I lay it on the line. "We've got a problem. You've probably already guessed that Xander's on the express train to Crazy Town, right?" I should know: I've made that trip myself.
Riley sighs and leans against the wall. "I know. He's one of my best friends, and I trust him with my life...but right now, I don't trust him with his own." He searches my face for a sign that I know something. "What have you seen, Faith?"
"A lot. He's drinking heavily...he has problems sleeping...he has a violent temper...and Spike's totally mind fucking him, so that isn't helping matters. Xander told me about what happened with Anya...that must be really hard for you, too." He saw the videotape...he saw what Spike did to her. Does he suffer from the same nightmares as Xander?
His handsome face darkens at the memory, and he clenches his fists. "Spike should be dragged out into the desert and left to burst into flames for hurting her. But I'm the one who staked her... I didn't have time to register that it was Anya killing Xander, I just had a few seconds to act...I had to save him. She...she was my friend, too. I miss her." He looks inside the Magic Box, and I see a faint rim of tears shining in his eyes. "She died in there. Every day, when we meet here to talk about the latest sub-terrestrial threat to Sunnydale, I remember what happened."
No wonder Xander doesn't want to go to Scooby Gang meetings anymore. Jesus, couldn't they pick a new spot? Like a Starbucks, or the bowling alley, or anywhere that Anya didn't get murdered?
Riley collects himself before he continues. "Xander couldn't look me in the eye for the longest time. He says he doesn't blame me, but things have been really strained between us for the last few months. Especially since I dragged him out of Thailand, kicking and screaming. I actually had to drug him to get him on the airplane, he was so determined to find Spike. But the son of a bitch always got away. I don't want to stop Xander from killing Spike, but I had to bring him home...he was going to lose everything. His career, his house, his sanity. I went to his boss and begged him not to fire Xander for job abandonment. He's on probation now...but if Xander slips up, he's out of a job."
When I first realized how bad off Xander was, I was a little ticked that Riley hadn't done more to help him, but now I see how much he really has tried. Riley's a good man, and a good friend. If he isn't able to knock sense into Xander, what hope do I have?
"Spike called today...he says he's in Morocco. What are we going to do? Do we hop the next plane?" I ask the question, but I already know the answer.
Riley pounds his fist against the wall. "Damn it! He loves to do this...he won't be there tomorrow. Spike wants us to chase him. It's all a big game for Spike, and we're losing. We'd get so close to him, but he'd always be three steps ahead of us. We'd locate all of his hideouts...empty. He'd leave notes mocking us and our inability to find him. But that wasn't the worst part."
After all the things I've heard about Spike, nothing would surprise me. He's a ruthless, cold-blooded killer. How the Scoobs allowed him to live among them for so long without staking him, I'll never understand. Chip or no chip, he's a fucking vampire, not a household pet.
"He'd kill pregnant women, and made sure we found them. If I live to be a hundred years old, I'll never forget the first corpse...she was young and pretty, and looked a lot like Anya. She'd only been dead about six hours when we found her in the basement of an old tenement building in Queens. Xander held her in his arms, and when he wept, I'd never heard such a horrible sound. Loud, desperate, keening...he kept wailing that it was his fault, over and over. We had to wait there, for hours, until she had fully turned and we could finally stake her. When the time came, I made Xander wait outside while I did it."
Riley and I hear a noise from inside the shop, and we peek in the window. Xander and Dawn are still hidden in the back. Amy's busy shelving books high up on a ladder, and it looks like she dropped some. Seems like we have more time before we need to get back, so Riley continues.
"Spike's death toll mounted, but we were always too late to stop him. Xander felt personally responsible, and he became obsessed with the search. The pregnant victims were the hardest for him to deal with. It was like he was reliving the Anya ordeal, over and over. I had to remind him to eat and sleep. We were like slaying machines, staking all the undead minions Spike created or allied himself with as he cut a swath of blood across Europe and Asia. We must have destroyed over a hundred vampires during our quest. But Spike always eluded us. We came really close...Xander tagged the bastard's shoulder with a crossbow bolt in Rome, but he always escaped."
"We weren't getting anywhere, so I brought us home so we could regroup. I've never had an argument with Xander like the one on the night we left...he damn near broke my jaw before I nicked him with a tranquilizer dart." Riley rubbed his chin as he remembered the fight. "He wouldn't speak to me the whole flight home. I burned his passport when we got back, otherwise he'd still be off hunting...no matter what the cost, personal or financial."
Or the cost to his sanity. Just when I think I've heard the worst of what Xander's had to deal with, something even more terrible surfaces. I can't believe Xander can even function after all the things Spike has done to him. He's a master at keeping everything bottled up inside, but Xander's cork is about ready to blow. If Xander can't kill Spike, he's going to kill himself, but I'm not going to sit by and let that happen.
"Spike is driving him nuts, Riley. Xander can't hack it anymore, he's giving up. Last night...those vamps...I think he wanted them to kill him. He ducked out on you on purpose, so you wouldn't be around to save him this time." Riley's jaw clenches, but he doesn't look surprised. "We gotta keep a close eye on Xander, keep him out of trouble. And we have to do something to nail that twisted, arrogant asshole, and soon. I'm open to suggestions."
"Left to our own devices, we'll never be able to catch Spike. But I have a plan. We need more resources." Riley looks so confident, determined. He hates Spike just as much as Xander does, and he'll stop at nothing to see justice served. I'm glad we're on the same side...for a change.
"Who, the army guys you used to hang out with?" I ask.
"No, the Initiative doesn't exist anymore. I still have contacts in the military, but getting them involved would be too risky. They wouldn't kill Spike, they'd just want to experiment on him and determine how the microchip failed. But the people we're going to call have been around for centuries, they know all about Spike's history, and have a network of operatives that span the globe...the Watcher's Council."
Oh, crap. I really don't like this plan...
***TO BE CONTINUED***
