A/N: Hola. I'm back! I've had a lot of computer trouble recently, along with state standardized tests to study for, so I'm sorry for the delay. Well...here's another random, crazy chapter. :-p
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter. I don't own Star Wars. I don't own Lord of the Rings. I don't even own Lost, which is added temporarily to the chaos, in this chapter. But whatev. 'Cause I own this fanfic.
Chapter 7
"Right. So now that you understand you're useless, I'll beat your bloody brains out now," Harry stated.
"But this isn't your castle. This is my castle!" Voldemort squeaked as he pulled out an awkward-looking curly fake beard and some theatrical glue.
"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" Harry ranted.
Voldemort sighed at Harry's ignorance. "I was making a sly reference to ABC's hit series, Lost. Channel Four, here in the U.K. You see, it's The Others' island. And you know what? One day I'm going to find that island. And I'll have a good ol' cup-o-tea with that monster/security system/black smoke cloud. It's got mad skills I could use with all my hardcore Sith-ness."
"Right." Harry blinked. And he'd thought the Dark Lord couldn't get any weirder…
Apparently he was wrong.
"The monster owns me," Voldemort commented quietly.
"What?" Harry questioned.
The Dark Lord raged maniacally, a malicious smile upon his face. "Ask your dear old buddy Gandolf! Or your Dumbledore! Or Obi-Wan! Oh, oh, right, I must have forgotten, YOU CAN'T! THEY'RE ALRREADY DEAD! HA! ULTIMATE POWER IS IN MY REACH!"
Harry pasued, "But I thought Gandolf came back or something…"
Voldemort laughed loudly. "Gandolf comes back in any form the day my idol Darth Vader turns back to the side of the light, and in the process, destroys the Sith, balances the force, and saves his son's life by throwing Emperor Palpatine off a tower-like structure with several stories on a ship in space."
"That was oddly descriptive."
"Indeed," was Voldemort's reply. He blinked. "Yeah, okay. So anyway. Do you happen to have a spare lightsaber on you? Because apparently this one isn't working." He pulled out his wand and examined it closely. He then threw it into the lake.
Harry muttered, "Well, that fixes the Priori Incantatem issue."
"What's that?" the insane one asked.
"Nothing."
"Right," Voldemort continued, "so anyway, you got a spare saber, or what? 'Cause I want to battle."
"Why don't you check the toy store?" said Harry, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
"LIGHTSABERS ARE NOT TOYS! HASBRO IS A JOKE! DO THESE LOOKS LIKE GOOD PRODUCTS TO YOU?" Voldemort reached into his robes and removed several items—all of which seemed to be plastic toy lightsabers of different shapes and sizes.
"Wow," Harry commented monotonously. "Wow."
Voldemort spoke with impassioned fury. "Yeah, I know! I searched everywhere and got so many types! I even tried the Jedi kind! BUT NONE WILL WORK!"
Harry raised an eyebrow. "Well, who needs a lightsaber when you can have a smoke monster, right?"
"Good thought!" Harry rolled his eyes as Voldmort continued. "And now that you've finally become competent and started providing me with realistic idea, I think it's just about time that I KILL YOU!"
"'Kay. Go ahead and try."
"Oh, I certainly plan to."
A/N: Reviewers make the world go round. Oh, by the way, please feel free to check out my other fanfics! coughs loudly on an attempt to hide self-promotion So did it work?
-Laura
