Realizations: Chapter 7
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Disclaimer: Nothing is mine
When Kensi opened her eyelids, heavy exhaustion, she was greeted with a sight she never in her life thought she'd see. Beside her, his tanned face and mussed-up golden bedhead illuminated by the early morning sunlight streaming out of her bedroom window, her partner, Marty Deeks was lying. He was staring at her with wide, frightened blue eyes.
"Did we-...?"
His voice was husky and gruff, having just woken up, but she detected something fear-like and panicky in his voice.
She had to take a moment to realign her thoughts and regain control of her voice, before she answered.
"No."
X
"I can't." She felt his words vibrating against her lips before her frazzled mind, in complete sensory overload, could even begin to decipher the meaning. When he pulled away, half a beat later, all she muster was an unintelligible sound of confusion and disappointment.
"I can't." He said. "I'm sorry, Kens. I didn't lie, I do-… I love you." He took another deep breath, and she felt her stomach dropped as she sensed the inevitable BUT coming on. "But I can't betray Alexis like that…"
She nodded, muttering an 'I understand'. If his loyalty wasn't one of the things she loved most about him, she might've been annoyed. Instead she settled in and enjoyed the best she could get from him; cuddling close, enjoying the warmth of his body next to hers.
X
As Deeks started to remember the previous night, and realization and relief dawned on his face, Kensi tried not to feel hurt that he was happy they didn't do anything the night previous.
"I just… I need to end it with Alexis, before things get any more serious. It's not fair to her. She deserves better."
Nodding, Kensi lay mutely and watched as her partner got up, gathered his things, and with a whispered goodbye left to set things right.
Falling back onto her back, as much as she tried, Kensi couldn't feel as at ease at she wanted to.
The night had been like a breath of fresh air – even before her impromptu confession of love, and the very unexpected returning of feelings. One part of her wanted to smile wide and enjoy the euphoric feeling of being in love, and knowing your feelings are reciprocated. All the feelings that the last few weeks have been throwing at her - confusion, anger, jealousy... - were being resolved in the most amazing way she could have imagined... He loved her too! And his kisses... The other side of her, the nagging realist, reminded her that the fact that Deeks loved her too and kissed her, definitely didn't mean that they were riding off into the sunset to live happily ever after. Things were so complicated, and they probably weren't going to get any simpler any time soon… That part of her was thankful that Deeks had ended things the night before, before things had escalated farther than they had. Things weren't going to be simple now, but it would be way simpler than it would've been had they actually slept together.
She wanted him yes, more than she had wanted anyone before, and she couldn't wait till she had the right to kiss him and do all the other things that often followed kissing... But right now she knew she didn't.
As the sound of his car's engine started up, and faded down the street, she squeezed her eyes closed, ran a hand tired through her hair, and sent up asilent prayer that things would end painlessly and soon.
X
In the earlier hours of the morning, Alexis was woken by an annoying buzzing sound coming from her bedside table. She groaned, and had a quick internal to-and-fro to decide whether she should get up and answer or not. After a few moments, she sighed heavily and raised a heavy limb and patted around on the table to find the offending device and raise it to her ear.
"Hello-?" She answered.
No reply came.
She looked at the screen and rolled her eyes when she saw the "One new voicemail"-bubble pop up onto the screen. Just missed it.
She dialled the number and raised her phone back up, listening to the automated voice say: You have one new voicemail. –click-
Hey baby. Wanted to hear how you were, but I guess I was a little early... A smile spread over Alexis' face at the sound of her boyfriends' voice. Things have been going well. Marty was a gem; sweet, supportive… sure, he hadn't spoken to her about work since the little debacle about his partner weeks ago, and evaded the subject of meeting up with his friends again every time she mentioned it… But things were good. Things were very good. She had told her mom about him, which she never did, and was debating a visit in Los Angeles, so they could meet. Then the message took a turn: Listen… We need to talk about something, and I don't want to do it over the phone. Nothing happened, don't worry, I just-… There was a beeping on the line, and she heard a muffled curse under his breath. Damn, that's work. I gotta take this, I'm sorry… I'll call you tonight. And we'll talk. Bye.
The automated voice spoke up again: End of message. To-
Alexis cut her off, frowning at the phone. What was that? "We need to talk"?
One name popped up in Alexis' mind: Kensi.
Her face suddenly became very hot, and her head was rushing with a flurry of thoughts. He had said nothing happened. Didn't that just say everything? She leaves LA for a freaking weekend and the woman already steals her man? She sat up in bed, and raked shaking fingers through her bedhead, taking long, deep breaths to try and steady herself. Don't be an idiot. She thought to herself, Marty said nothing was going on, and nothing would ever go on… He seemed so sure, remember. He's honest, he's good… He won't cheat… He won't cheat…
"Honey, you alright in there?" Her mom's voice sounded from the other room.
"Yeah, I'm fine mom." Her voice sounded timid and squeaky, and it bothered her, so she cleared her throat loudly and repeated herself.
"You want some breakfast?"
She made an affirmative noise, and then got up to go to the en-suite bathroom to wash her face and calm herself properly.
X
The OSP was tense when she entered, hair still a bit of a mess and the last night's eyeliner only half washed off her face.
"What's up?" She asked the room.
Everyone was standing there, staring at the big screens, looking very, very serious indeed. Deeks was there too, his arms crossed and that little crinkle between his eyebrows that always bothered her when it appeared. There was serious trouble, when even Deeks was frowning.
"We have a national emergency, Miss Blye. That's what's up." She nearly jumped when she heard Hetty from behind her.
She looked up at the screen, and was shocked into silence by what she saw.
She drew a deep and shaky breath. "Oh no…"
Okay, since I'm the considering author that I am, who reads reviews and try to integrate requests as much as I can, I tried to make most people happy with this chapter. But I must apologize: I'm not bringing in a love interest for Kensi. Though I agree that it's a very good idea, it wasn't part of my original set up and is too much of a change to bring it in now, at least not in the way I'd like to. If a cute boy comes onto the scene now, it won't be meaningful enough.
I do need you guys' help though: the case part wasn't part of my original set up, and though I have a good idea of how to integrate an important case, I need a good, interesting and, most importantly, difficult and shocking national emergency. Help me out with ideas?
As always, feedback is appreciated.
Much love,
Zanny
