Author's Note: I know that Beths' behavior seems a little jumbled and her thoughts are all over the place but considering her circumstances, I don't know if I wouldn't be the same way. Things are going to start picking up so hold onto your hats! And never fear, Daryl is going to take care of our girl soon! Mwah! Review if ya like it!
Chapter Seven
I was 17 years old when he started acting more aggressive and temperamental. Every little thing I did seemed to set him off and the bruises that covered my body were becoming even more pronounced with each beating. It would be something as simple as blowing up over how long I stayed in the shower to the clothes I wore. If they didn't meet his delusional standards, he'd fly into a rage and I'd fall victim to one of his outbursts.
When he started using the belt more often than not, I started to get really worried and paranoid with each move I made. Literally walking on eggshells, I tip-toed my way around the house the majority of the time when I needed to venture around. But no matter how well I behaved or how quiet I would be, he seemed to be around every corner watching me and waiting for me to make the smallest mistake.
Our 'lovemaking' as he called it even became strained and it angered him beyond belief. He still forced himself on me almost nightly but it wasn't with the same exuberance he once had. He would scoff at my body and berate me for my forming curves. Comment that I was getting older and that he didn't like it. That he liked me better when I was younger and debated with himself on what he was going to do with me. I was beginning to question his decision of him moving into the spare room with me. Why hadn't he just moved me into his room? What did he have to hide, I wondered? But being smart for a change, I never questioned his motives for fear of what his answer would be.
When he started to go on rampages about my fate, I would curl into myself and wait it out, hoping that he'd forget it soon and leave me alone. I wanted to get away from him so badly but I had a feeling that his idea of it was drastically different than mine. That scared me more than anything and I started to fear for my life.
So I did what I could to please him in any way and although I probably came across as desperate, I valued what little life I had. He was the only person I had and even that little bit of security was a lifeline for me. And even if I hated the man with every fiber of my being, a small part of me cared about him in a way that disgusted me. And when my feelings became too jumbled for even me to understand, I found an outlet for it.
Every night after he'd fall asleep beside me, I would sneak to the bathroom discreetly and find my refuge.
Tonight wasn't any different and when I quietly locked the bathroom door to make sure I'd have my privacy, I pulled the small razors from my hiding spot behind the toilet. Glancing down to my marred wrists, I sighed and thought about how wrong it was even though it was my only relief.
Dragging the blade, I saw small streams of blood run down my arm as I held it upright, mesmerized by the color. It didn't hurt anymore unlike the first time I had attempted it. Luckily, Shane was passed out asleep that time and he was none the wiser. He never paid attention to my bruises and cuts, only concentrating on what he could do to me and how he could pleasure himself.
Sighing in satisfaction at the new wounds, I leaned back against the wall and numbed myself, trying not to think of anything in particular. I wasn't here in this hell hole and he wasn't in the next room, oblivious to my dark thoughts about ending his life. I was in my happy place, ignorant of the pain and sitting with my family at our old kitchen table. Happier memories surrounded me as I pictured it. Daddy would be sitting at the head of the table, eager to hear all about our day. Momma would be to the left of him, hanging onto every word spoken and sending loving glances my way. Maggie would be sitting beside me, nudging me to get my attention so she could talk about the latest gossip. And my big brother Shawn, would have been talking about football tryouts and the new cheerleader that caught his eye.
Smiling with tears in my eyes, I completely drifted off into a daze and lost track of time. Before I knew it, sunlight was shining through the small window in our bathroom and I sat up in a panic. Rushing to wrap my wrists in a pack of gauze under the sink, I hastily opened the door and climbed into the bed silently. I watched Shane warily as I settled into the bed, his arms wrapping around me in a vice-like grip. Waiting for five minutes until I was comfortable with closing my eyes, I realized he was fast asleep and I did the same.
Later that morning, I woke up to see him still asleep and slowly inched my way out of the bed to fix him something to eat. He had informed me before that I was getting old enough to cook for him and realizing I had no choice, I did it with no complaints. It kept him out of my hair for a few moments every morning and although I wasn't allowed to eat what I cooked, I was grateful for the distraction either way.
It was always the same breakfast; bacon and eggs. And always the same granola bar for me. After that one incident with the granola bar, I never questioned what he fed me. Sometimes I ate, sometimes I didn't; depending on his mood. Half of the time I suspected he with-held it out of spite just to see me suffer but I couldn't be sure. I barely weighed 100lbs as it was so I avoided any kind of conflict if I could help it.
When he went into one of his moods, I knew not to expect to be fed for a few days at least. And on those days, he didn't want me to cook and preferred me to stay in our room, out of his sight. I'm starting to notice the disgust in his eyes every time I come into his line of sight. Maybe he'll get rid of me like he keeps saying and I'll be free of him.
One can only hope.
He's started watching the TV every moment of every day and after sneaking a glance, I realize the reason for some of his anxiety lately.
I hear the words 'sickness,' 'no cure' and 'panic' as the voice comes through the TV, making his anxiety even worse. He says that the world is ending and we have to gather supplies just in case. I listen and do as he says, gathering all of the canned food in the cabinets and throwing them into a duffle bag while he starts pulling weapons from his gun cabinet.
I've also been aware of how easily he strikes me now when I don't immediately listen to what he says. If he's panicking as much as I am, I can understand in a way. We're out in the middle of nowhere during the catastrophe and practically helpless.
He goes outside a few times to try and start his vehicle but for some reason, it won't start. Coming back inside, he glances to me with a sneer.
"If you've fucked with my car, I'll have your ass Beth!" he makes to advance on me and I back up instinctively. He smirks briefly before giving me a pointed glare. "Stay here. Gonna go see if that damn redneck can figure out what's wrong with it."
My stomach did flips at his words and I found myself feeling giddy as I watched him walk up the steep driveway that led to the other house. I didn't glance away for a moment and when I saw the both of them coming back, I resisted the urge to run out screaming.
The man looked aggravated and annoyed with Shanes' presence, scowling as he looked under the hood. I saw them exchange a few words and before I knew it, I heard Shane bellowing my name.
"Beth, get your ass out here!"
I scrambled away from the window and righted myself before I could fall to a heap on the floor. Gaining my composure, I timidly walked out the front door and approached them. It was the first time I had been outside in a while and the sunlight shone bright on my eyes, causing them to water. I squinted despite the brightness.
"Yes?" I asked shyly, looking at my feet. I didn't like looking him in the eye when he was like this. It put him on edge for some reason.
"Go look in the house and get that battery charger out of the closet in the living room. Hurry up, now!"
I nodded and took off into the house as quickly as I could, grabbing what he wanted. While I was inside, I pulled on a large hoodie to hide the bruises I hoped the man hadn't saw yet. Shane would be angry if he started asking questions and would probably blame me. I didn't want that.
"Hurry up, girl!" I heard him scream from outside. That made me put it in high gear and I practically ran outside to hand him the damn charger.
I could hear him mumbling when I started to go out there, "Took ya long enough! Damn girl, can't you do nothin' right?" Shane scowled when I stepped back away from him as they worked. I still hadn't looked at the other man and was almost afraid to, fearing what I would see in his eyes.
I continued to back up, making my way to the porch when I could hear the mans' hoarse and quiet voice.
"She yer daughter or somethin'?" he asked, a weird tone to his voice as he spoke to Shane.
I heard Shane snicker to himself and saw the shake of his head, "Nah, she ain't my kin. Watchin' her for one of my friends."
Daryl (I think that was his name?) made some weird noise that I didn't recognize, "She been here a while ain't she? Cain't imagine why you'd have her fer so long s'all."
"If the news is tellin' the truth, she probably don't have nobody left to claim her so I guess she's stuck with me now." I didn't hear a reply to that and mentally made sarcastic remarks in my head that were aimed at Shane. He'd had me here for six years now against my will and says he's stuck with me? I wanted to laugh out loud at it all and the lies he told this stranger.
"So, what y'all gonna do if it's true?" he asked Shane and I was suddenly curious to hear the answer to his question.
"Probably stick round' here for a while. If the worlds' gone to shit, I can't imagine there being many safe places left anywhere. People panickin' in the streets and lootin' everythin'. It's best we stay here, make our supplies last and wait it out." I heard Daryl hum in agreement, saying he would be doing the same.
I sneaked a glance to look at the man that stood beside Shane. He seemed to be in conflict about something and kept staring towards me, his mouth set in a firm line. Shane was oblivious to his stares as he hooked the battery charger up, letting it sit for a few minutes.
When Shane spoke again, Daryl tore his eyes from me to regard him with indifference. "How old are ya, anyway? Don't look that old."
He scoffed and rubbed the stubble on his chin, shrugging his shoulders dismissively. "Just turned 30. What you tryin' to say?"
Shane held his hands up in mock surrender, "Just wonderin' is all. You've been up here longer than I have and I can imagine it gets lonely." He winked in my direction and the action didn't go un-noticed by Daryl, who shook his head in disgust.
"I ain't no god damned pervert, man. She's what? 12?" He sent him a withering stare, as if figuring him out.
"18 is what she is. Leave it at that." And the conversation was over, the men in a tense and awkward silence that loomed over me, causing my chest to tighten.
Sensing that I was no longer needed, I walked back inside and sat at the kitchen table nervously. Shanes' words had left me scared. I had a feeling we would be staying here until god knows when. It wasn't the answer I was hoping for but I guess if he thought it was best, I'd go along with it. I really didn't have a choice in the matter and he held my life in his hands, so to speak.
What they had discussed about me twisted my gut and I felt myself start to get nauseous. Shanes' words about Daryls' supposed loneliness had the hair on the back of my neck standing at attention, fearing what he was hinting at. Would he allow someone besides him to have their way with me? In any other circumstances, I would find Daryl to be extremely attractive. But the situation I was in now, with Shane? Him giving his blessing to depraved and disgusting things? I didn't want to find out and judging by Daryls' expression, he wasn't much on it either.
When I heard the truck start up with a tired whine, I knew my time staring at Daryl was over and I'd be victim to the monster I lived with, once again. I just hoped that I wouldn't have to face two monsters in any kind of future.
I didn't see or hear anything about Daryl for the next week or so and Shane didn't discuss him either. We kept on our daily routine with the exception of rationing our food supply and considering how little I ate in the first place, it wasn't much of a change for me. Shane ate less and of course, that made him more irritable to my dismay.
We gathered up anything we could put water in and stored it in the outside shed, just in case the power went out. And Shane kept to his bedroom more often during the day, leaving me to my own devices in mine. I spent most of my time holed up in the bathroom or asleep on the bed, sleeping the day away as news blared on the television.
Things were getting worse and our country was powerless to stop it. And then one day, Shane turned the TV on to see a blank screen and as he surfed the channels, fear gripped me with every blank channel. It was definitely getting worse and now we were unaware of anything. No news.
The radio wasn't much help either, just an emergency broadcast telling people that lived in big cities to evacuate as quickly as possible. And like Shane had said previously, there wasn't any telling when that broadcast had started or how long things have been in a sort of limbo.
We were toting water jugs out to the shed again when I saw one of the diseased for the first time. It was a lone person, with milky eyes and a snarling mouth. It had advanced on us before we could realize it and pushing it away from myself, I watched as Shane grabbed a pick-ax from nearby to stab it quickly in the chest. When it continued advancing towards us, I panicked and ran into the house, locking the door behind me. I ran to my bedroom and opened the closet door, going inside to hide.
Hearing screaming, grunts and snarls, I finally covered my ears and hummed to myself in denial. This wasn't happening. Everything was fine and I was back home at the farm. Daddy, Momma, Maggie and Shawn were alive and we were happy. I was happy.
Pretty soon, my mumbling was interrupted by a banging on the front door that shook me out of my stupor.
"Open up the damn door, girl! It's dead! Daryl said it had to be the head and we finished it off! C'mon, now! Before I break down the door and beat yer ass!"
I rushed out of my hiding spot and ran to open the door for them, almost being crashed into by them when they entered. I immediately flinched back as Shane advanced on me and I didn't miss the growl that erupted from Daryls' chest.
"We gotta get outta here. I was huntin' earlier near the creek and saw a horde of em' headin' this way. We ain't safe here." I heard Daryl say as Shane sighed and nodded.
Before I could make any sort of input, we were grabbing what we could and stuffing bags full as we rushed. Daryl still hadn't left yet and I suspected that we were all leaving together, considering there was strength in numbers. When we had gathered all we could, Daryl led us to the truck and we peeled out of the driveway, no destination in mind.
Shane glanced in Daryls' direction as he drove, seeming to realize that we now had a third wheel. And judging by the look on his face, he wasn't too pleased about the idea either. But no words were spoken as we drove further up the mountain we resided on. Both men had agreed that it was best to stay isolated from anyone and everything until something changed.
I was always a hopeful person and optimistic to a fault but even I knew that this wasn't the worst of what was happening. A feeling in my gut told me that this would be our life from now on. Surviving and fighting to stay alive.
I wouldn't mind it so much if it were anyone but Shane with me. And as I glanced out of the corner of my eyes at Daryl, it gave me a little relief that he was here with us. Maybe Shane would behave himself and treat me like a normal person with prying eyes. That thought alone had me a little hopeful and I smiled internally to myself.
