Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon. I just like using other people's characters for my amusement.
A/N: I know, I know! A update long overdue, but here it is. I don't know how much I like the way this chapter turned out – I guessed it could have been written better, but I like this revised version better than the original chapter I had written.
Before we get started, I would like to thank all of my loyal reviewers who have stuck with me through all these unnecessarily long updates and still stick to this fic today. Thank you sooooo much!
Now, here's chapter seven!
Mild Misunderstandings
Chapter Seven: The Reunion
When I reached my apartment door, I had to put my hands in my pockets to keep them from shaking. I felt like I was gonna throw up or something. Half of my mind was telling me that I was being a fucking idiot for blowing off any chance I had to have Riku again. The other half was overjoyed with seeing Tai.
And then, when I opened that apartment door, an ocean of emotions overflowed me when I saw Tai making out with Emi on the couch.
"What the fuck?" I snapped, slamming the door.
Tai immediately broke the kiss and stood up.
Emi covered her bare chest with her shirt and looked at me. "Hi, Yamato."
I didn't reply. I kept my gaze on Tai.
"Emi," he said, his hand rubbing his face with stress, "I think me and Yamato need to talk. I'll call you in a bit, okay?"
"All right, babe," she replied, giving him a quick kiss before taking off with her shirt wrapped around herself.
I shook my head. "She has no fucking idea, does she?"
"What the hell was I supposed to tell her? It would kill her, Yama."
"So you think it's fair that I have to sit here and watch you two be together? Look, Tai, if you don't even want me, all you have to do is tell me."
He sighed. "Yama, I do ..."
"Then why are you sticking your tongue down her fucking throat?"
"It's not like that ... she's had a hard life, you know?"
I laughed humourlessly. "Oh my god, are you fucking kidding me? Listen, I've had my share of hard times." I walked closer to him, feeling my eyes widen with anger. "Have you ever had your fucking father disown you like you mean absolutely nothing to anyone? Have you ever walked through your hallways in high school and watched everyone glare at you like you're a freak? In my history class, someone actually made a note with everyone's signature telling me not to be in the classroom because I'm gay, and he didn't want me hitting on him. The only person that ever supported me in my life was someone I was so crazy for, I based my whole happiness off him. Then he fucked four people behind my back."
Tai was silent.
I took a deep breath. "But I'm not gonna moan and bitch about it and go psycho just because my boyfriend wants to break up with me."
A few moments later, he asked,
"Did you love him?"
I blinked. "What?"
"Riku. Did you love him?"
I thought about it. All the times he had fucked me over, I took him back without a question. All the times he had bought me pills, I took them with him and spent way too many nights crying, wondering why I couldn't just get over him.
But then I remembered when I'd wake up in his bed, he'd be at work and leave me a joint in the ashtray. I remembered the first time I told Riku what my father had done to me, his face went red with anger and he said,
"Yamato, I will never let anyone hurt you like that again. I promise."
"...yeah," I replied quietly. "I did."
Tai closed his eyes. "Do you still?"
"Why would you care, anyway? I just walked in on you seconds from fucking Emi!"
"Yama, here's one thing you have to understand: I am not in love with Emi."
"Oh, so you just wanna fuck her?"
He groaned. "No! It's not like that. I just ... I just wanna help her."
My stomach dropped. "Do you want me or not, Tai?"
"Of course I do."
"Then why are you doing this?"
He sat on the couch and looked up at me with desperation. "I'm scared, okay?"
"Scared? Of what?"
"Everything! You make me feel all these things I've never felt before, and it scares me. I'm not ready to make all these changes."
I picked up the remote control from the coffee table and threw it as hard as I could at the wall. "Fuck you, Tai!"
"Yama!" he shouted, standing up.
"Go to hell, you fucking jerk! Do you have any idea what you've been putting me through?!"
"Calm the fuck down!"
Then everything stopped. I held my head and let out a groan. I sat on the chair, shaking, and forced myself to hold back my tears.
"You're all I think about, Tai. When I wake up, I cannot wait till I see you. When I'm at work, the only thing that keeps me going all night is knowing you'll be home when I'm done."
"Hey," he said softly, and when I looked up he kissed me.
I grabbed his face and pulled him towards me, leaning back. I could feel myself getting excited already, feeling him lay over me, my fingers travelling through his hair wildly. I bit his bottom lip, bit his jaw, then bit down his neck. His reactive moans encouraged me to move my hands passed his waistline and work on taking his jeans off.
Then he backed away.
"Tai," I whined, pulling him back to me by his shirt.
"What?"
I kissed him and felt his hand travel up my thigh.
"Do you want me?" I asked in a whisper.
He looked into my eyes, and then he sighed. "I don't know, Yama ..."
"Then stop leading me on."
I wanted more than anything to hear him say that I was crazy, that of course he wanted me, that there was no way I couldn't have him.
Instead, he frowned and said, "I'm sorry."
Disappointment filled my entire body. I made my way to the door and closed my eyes.
"Yama, wait ..."
I just shook my head and left.
--
It began to rain just as I reached the closest bar from the apartment. I had never been there before, but based on my first impression, I thought the place was fucking dirty. The costumers inside dressed and looked a lot different than the costumers at Huro's.
I wasn't asked for an ID, so I made myself at home by taking a seat and ordering rum with Coke.
As my eyes wandered, I noticed a table playing poker, a few men watching a football game, and my old drug dealer, Kato.
I immediately looked the other direction, just to look at something worse.
People always tell me I have really piercing eyes. Looking at them somewhere that wasn't a mirror was so fucked, I had to chew a fingernail to keep from losing my mind. Sure, Takeru looks like me, but he'd always taken after our mother.
Have you ever looked at someone who looks so much like you, it made your stomach turn?
It was the first time I had ever been in the same room as my father in over four years.
He had a beer in his hand and was watching the television. His appearance had changed quite a bit; his hair was longer and more grey, the wrinkles near his eyes were much more distinctive than I had remembered, and stress covered his face.
I watched him throw on his coat on and leave in a daze. I couldn't even believe I had just seen him. I remembered the way he packed my suitcase and said,
"If I ever see you again, you don't know me. Is that clear?"
Suddenly, I found myself making my way to the door, and then on the sidewalk. I saw him walking away from the bar with his back to me. Frustration and hurt filled me.
"Fuck you!" I screamed as loud as I could, throwing my glass at him.
The glass flew by him, missing by a mile, and he stopped. My father turned around and looked me in the eye. Even though we were fifteen feet away from each other, I felt the vibe coming off him.
His eyes weren't filled with anger like I remembered. They didn't express disgust like they used to, nor were they glaring at me like they hated the sight of me. Instead, they were filled with pain.
"I hate you," I told him, my fists in balls and my jaw locking.
My father did nothing but turn around and continue walking. My heart instantly shattered.
He still didn't want me. After four years, he still didn't fucking want me.
I drowsily wandered back into the bar and approached Kato's table slowly.
Kato looked at me for a few seconds before seeming to recognize me. "Yamato Ishida?" He squinted his eyes. "I thought you went away."
"Where would I go?"
"Trip on the wagon."
I laughed. "It was nice while it lasted." I pulled out my wallet. "You got any on you?"
He smiled. "I sure fucking do." He brought out a plastic container from his shoe. "How many you lookin' for?"
I handed him sixty dollars.
"I'll give you ten. For old time's sake."
When he passed me those ten white pills, I could have cried, I was so thrilled. The first thing I did was slip five in my mouth and used a drink of water to wash them down. I figured five would be enough to get me so fucked out of my mind I wouldn't be able to think straight.
"How's Riku doin'?"
I shrugged. "All right I guess."
"You still with him?"
I shook my head.
He nodded. "That's probably a good thing. That kid went pretty overboard last month."
"What? How?"
"Bought pills off my every fucking day, then I stopped hearing from him. I figured he was either on other shit or went away."
"Oh ..." I scratched the back of my neck. "Well, thanks, Kato. I'll see you around."
I felt a stab of guilt, but by the time I was almost home, I was already flying pretty high.
--
My vision was out of focus and my body was completely numb when I found my way to the apartment. I didn't even look to see if Tai was home before sitting on a kitchen chair and watching my fuzzy surroundings.
I fucking missed the feeling of being high.
Somehow Tai appeared in the room, his lips moving but no sound was coming out of his mouth. There was a ringing in my ear that wouldn't go away.
"...to know that—"
"Taichi," I interrupted, unable to hear myself, "you really know how to fuck around with my head, you know that?"
He furrowed his brow. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"You know you want me, Tai," I said, running my hands across his chest.
He back away from me. "Are you drunk, Yama? I don't—"
I whispered in his ear, "Fuck me, Taichi Yagami."
"Yama ..."
My throat felt dry, but I ignored it. "Do it already."
"Wait."
"Fuck—"
"Are you high?"
"High?"
He shook his head. "You did ecstasy, didn't you?"
I laughed, maybe a little louder than I intended. "Me? No. I don't get high anymore. I don't even do E. I'm eleven months clean. I don't do E. I don't get high."
"All right, Yama," he said with frustration, guiding me out of the kitchen. "Let's get you to bed."
"Are you gonna fuck me?"
He rolled his eyes. "Do you want some water?"
"You know what I want?" I cried, my voice raising. "I wanna have a life that not's made of shit. I wanna be able to see my dad without wanting to put a bullet through his skull. I wanna think about myself and not feel this ... this ..."
I felt my fingers shake and put them in my mouth. Then I grabbed my hair.
And I screamed. I screamed until my throat killed from being raw. I dropped on the floor surrounded my broken glass, curled into a ball, and uncontrollably felt tears shed from my eyes. I bit my fingers and felt shivers run up and down my spine.
"Takeru," I heard, and when I looked up I saw Tai on the phone. "You're gonna have to come over. Yamato's fucking losing it ..."
--
A/N: I know, I leave yet another cliff-hanger. Haha, sorry, but if I take long to update, feel free to message me to remind me to get workin' on this.
Thanks for reading, and I hoped you enjoyed it!
Chapter eight is coming soon.
