Ch 7

Jasper's POV

Oh, hell. So much for my often praised discipline. I had resolved that as I had no indication that Bella had noticed me at all so far and instead seemed to have feelings for Edward, and that because Esme was so happy by the prospect of my brother's happiness, I would not act on my love. Fat lot of good that has done me!

My resolve lasted for about five minutes after Bella was in the house. I sensed her coming in, nervous and curious, and I simply had to see her. Just a look I promised myself. She looked lovely. Then she asked about my music, and I felt that her curiosity was about me as well. A glimmer of a chance? I managed to leave then and tried to distract myself with playing the guitar, all the while having to suffer Esme's and Edward's growing happiness about Bella here.

I had just about calmed myself down enough when Carlisle came in too, and then I sensed a stronger feeling. Bella, uneasy at first, then deeply uncomfortable with Edward near her. I lost it, and when that pathetic boy tried to threaten me, I snapped. Bella's scared eyes almost broke my heart. Then Edward took her away, and it needed both Emmett and Carlisle to stop me. I fought them like a madman, and they only let me go when Edward phoned that Bella was safe.

"Jasper, will you calm down now?" Carlisle asked, becoming impatient at last. Both he and Emmett definitely looked the worse for wear, and Esme was hunched in a corner, her eyes frightened and sad.

Esme's eyes were the last straw. All my energy left me, and suddenly I was slumped against my brother and father. "I'm so sorry, Esme. I didn't mean to hurt anyone." She tried a smile. I knew she had been scared of me when I first started living with them, and I understood that my latest stunts might well have ruined the trust we had built. I looked away. "Bella?" I asked.

"She's ok" Carlisle said. We moved to his study and sat down. Two minutes later Edward joined us, looking at me murderously, set to pounce on me at once.

"Whoa, stop!" Emmett had a hand on my arm and Carlisle pushed Edward back. "No. I want to know what is going on here."

Edward's eyes did not change and I could sense pure hatred from him. "Jasper tried to attack Bella. I had to get her out and to safety. I also… Carlisle, she is no idiot, I had to tell her. Actually, she more or less guessed." He looked to his father for guidance.

Carlisle nodded and turned to me. "Jasper?"

I fought to calm down my anger. "I didn't attack her, I don't want to hurt her. She was deeply uncomfortable, and I thought Edward was… molesting her." A wave of righteous indignation coming from my brother hit me. "And the aggressive way he reacted could not convince me otherwise. It was him I wanted to attack." Damn, I had let his rage get to me and almost spit the last few words. I took a deep breath and calmed down again. "I'm not thirsty and I won't kill again."

Edward shook his head. "Liar!"

"What?" I was on my feet for a second before Emmett pulled me down.

Edward continued to Carlisle as if I wasn't there: "She's his singer, he has been wanting her blood since she's arrived. We need to leave Forks, and get him away from her."

"Is that so, Jasper?"

"No, I…"

Edward snorted and interrupted me at once. "Are we to trust him when he has just this week shown what he is?"

I couldn't take it anymore and left banging the door. I had not yet got to my room when Emmett was with me. "I'd rather not leave you alone now, bro."

"I'm not about to go out slaughtering virgins. If I wanted that I'd start with the one in this house!"

"Don't let him get to you like that, he doesn't have a clue about what's going on with him, I don't think he noticed any females when he was still human, and he certainly hasn't noticed any up to now."

"Have you taken a vote then?"

Emmett shook his head, frowning. "No, how should we have done that? The girls aren't even here, and as long as you are part of this family I doubt there will be one without you. Come on, play me some music."

I smiled at my brother. He knew exactly when to be silent, and what to do to make me feel comfortable.

An hour later there was a knock at my door.

"Come in."

Carlisle came in and sat down in my armchair in that quiet way that usually ended with you telling him what's on your mind even if you didn't want a soul to know. Emmett smiled and left under the pretence of going hunting. "Take Edward along, he was about to go anyway." Carlisle told him, and my bearlike favourite brother disappeared.

He came right to the point. "Is Edward right in Bella being your singer?"

"Yes, but it's not like that, I don't want to hurt her, I…" I broke off, not used to talking about feelings. You just didn't do that in my time, definitely not in the army, and my first few decades as a vampire had not been a time for that either. Being together with Alice, who knew everything in advance, had also not given me any practice in that.

Carlisle looked into my eyes searchingly, and after a while he nodded. "You know, sometimes I think for all of our combined cleverness Esme is the brightest person in this house."

"For being afraid of me in the beginning and now proven right?" I said, holding my breath. Was Carlisle about to ask me to leave? After all I had been the latest arrival, and he himself had turned Edward, who was very close to him.

Carlisle smiled. "No, I'm sure you couldn't hurt her if you tried, and deep down she knows that too. She told me something she thinks. Jasper, I don't want to get into your personal space, but if we're to continue as a family we have to know where we stand. I got Edward out so you could speak freely. What is your connection to Bella?"

I didn't know what to say, how to phrase what was driving me to this girl who had turned my world upside down in this short space of time. "I… want to be near her. She makes me feel at home and… she gives me back my humanity." I shook my head. Case of pot calling kettle black: I was about as eloquent as my uptight iceberg brother.

Carlisle nodded again. "You're in love with her, as Esme thought." He sighed. "Well, that is one problem you and Edward have to sort out – not among yourselves, mind you."

"How then?" I looked up, surprised.

"I think you have to find out how the girl feels about the two of you. I think Edward's wrong in wanting to leave here, you two would just be watching each other and return sneakily to the object of your desire. I'm pretty sure that would not end in such a way as to prevent the Volturi from seeking us out. Let's hope she is discreet, but if she hasn't been talking about her suspicions since the accident, we might have a chance there."

"What if she chooses?" I asked.

"You're going to have to deal with that. Life is like that, I'm afraid, even ours."

"Do you know what you're asking?"

"Yes, Jasper, and I'll ask the same of Edward." Carlisle got up and left me on my own. He trusted me to go along with his plan, and obviously his trust kept me in line – for now.

I also knew what I had to do if I wanted a chance at getting close to her. For the rest of the night I recited Longfellow and Emerson in my head.