The ballroom was familiar to Lindy, but not in any way that put her at ease. On the contrary, the event stirred memories she'd rather forget.
There are two ways to work a room. The first is to blend in. Make it so no one notices you. The second is to stand out. Dazzle them. This is harder but it gets better results. People are paranoid, even when they believe they are alone. But when they are distracted they forget to worry about letting things show.
But they were lessons so ingrained she performed them without meaning to. She'd settled by the string quartet because she appreciated the music but it gave her a vantage point from where she could see and hear most of the room, and the subtle melodies enhanced her abilities. Her mind filed snatches of conversation and information as her eyes flickered over the scene.
"...Why do you put up with it?" asked Cooper.
"He tries so hard to make me happy," explained Bianca, "I don't see what the harm is..."
"...It's weird, don't say anything, but I don't remember how we started dating."
Of everyone in the room, Henry was probably the last person Johnny should have admitted this to. But he didn't notice Henry's response, he went on, "But yeah, it's going awesome..."
"...amazing! Oh dear, I sound like such a bubble brain scrappy pants." Jamie dissolved into a fit of giggles so bad Anthony worried she was choking but if Jenna noticed she simply felt worse. "You'll never invite me back."
Vincent shook his head. "I will always invite you back bubble brain scrappy pants..."
"You don't like parties do you?"
Lindy blinked. Mal had been around since the new year but she'd never spoken to her before. She'd barely seen her. Amelia didn't like Mal. Lindy didn't know why, even Ben didn't seem to know why really. But it was enough they avoided her. Or not avoided, but never sought her out. And Mal had done the same. Until now.
Mal cocked her head at Lindy's lack of a response. Questions about what she liked were hard for Lindy, particularly when asked by people she wasn't comfortable with.
"Me neither." Mal fidgeted, in stark contrast to Lindy's stillness. "This whole whatsit... campaign?" She paused to look at Lindy with each question or comment. "It's weird, right?" But Lindy remained still and quiet; she wasn't ignoring Mal, she was actually listening intently. But she didn't answer with word or gesture. Mal didn't seem to mind.
"Some people are so good at it." She pointed out Ginny, Jamie, and the Williams twins in turn. "They're like automatons." Lindy started at the word; Mal noticed and raised an eyebrow. "Toy dolls," she said a little louder, clarifying, and did a funny little two step to act out her words. "Line 'em up and show 'em off." She stopped the demonstration and returned to leaning, still fidgety, beside Lindy. "But you're not. You just pretend."
Mal cocked her head again and looked at Lindy a long while. "You're real good at pretending. Somebody must have taught you."
Lindy frowned. Mal bit into a nail and grimaced. She'd been picking at her nails throughout her speech, now blood dripped down one finger. It made her skin seem even paler. "Ow." She sucked on the finger and shrugged at Lindy. "Scuse me." Mal walked off, presumably toward the bathroom. Lindy shook her head. Everything seemed suddenly overbright and almost blurred. She tried to find people she knew in the crowd. But everything seemed a little off.
Her parents were dancing. Together. And happy. Not speaking. Just dancing.
Natasha was talking with Bobbi Morse. They were in a patch of dim light and her lips were barely moving, as if she knew, or worried, someone might try to overhear.
Amelia was speaking with Tony Stark. They were both smiling too much. He bent to say something. "Well done, Juliet..."
Lindy blinked. But the haze didn't clear.
Ginny and Jamie and the Williams twins hadn't moved since Mal had pointed them out. Toy dolls. The words echoed in Lindy's mind but it wasn't Mal saying it. It was May.
"What's your name?"
The girl had appeared in the first months following the battle. Lindy's attempted escape that resulted in her mother's death, and probably her father's too. This girl and two others were introduced soon after. They'd tried to pass them off as the same but Lindy knew this one, Juliet, was alive the way the others weren't. She was most likely taken, like Lindy was herself. Lindy felt some kinship with her because of it, but not enough to risk herself by answering the question incorrectly.
"Ophelia."
The girl shook her head, tiny braids on the side of her head hit her cheeks as she did. She seemed very young, though they should be about the same age. "What's your real name?"
Lindy was silent.
"I won't tell, I promise." The girl offered Lindy her hand. Lindy was silent. And still.
"I'm May."
Lindy looked away and pretended not to hear. The girl - Juliet - May - smiled that she'd finally gotten a reaction. She sat down next to Lindy and nodded at the other girls across the room.
"You're not like them." They were empty automatons. "The autobots." May called them this after her brother's toys, it was a way to stay connected to him, and their father whose toys they'd been originally. She grinned at Lindy and it made her look even younger. May didn't know she was echoing Lindy's own thoughts and Lindy didn't find it comforting. She found it frightening. Her face tightened but May didn't notice; she grasped Lindy's hand tightly.
"You're a decipticon like me."
Lindy looked for Amelia in the crowd again but she was gone. All she could hear was the music, and May's voice, but not her words anymore. Luke and Dani were nowhere. Vincent and Anthony were nowhere. Jake was nowhere. Ben was-
"Hey." Lindy turned her wide eyes to Ben. In front of her. Here. Here. "Are you okay?" He didn't need her answer to see something had spooked her. Plus he knew crowds overwhelmed her and this one felt potentially hostile even to him. He touched a hand to her arm. "What's wrong?"
Lindy shook her head. "It's too crowded. And bright. And forced." She wanted to explain but the words wouldn't come. "It doesn't feel... real." Her eyes implored him to understand. She needed him to understand.
"We can sneak out anytime you want."
"Yes. Please." She looked out at the crowd again. The noise had returned. The lighting was even. Everything was exactly as it should be. And yet it wasn't, too. "It doesn't feel real," she said again.
Ben nodded. "I know what you mean. Let's go."
He took her to the coffee shop where she worked. It was late and Pi Cafe had nearly the opposite aesthetic as the party they'd abandoned. The cafe was small, dim and nearly empty. The barista knew them so she didn't find their fancy clothes strange, she just looked a little wistful they had somewhere so fancy to go. They sat in their usual corner and Lindy sipped while Ben babbled about whatever he could think of until she was ready to talk.
"I don't like parties," she said finally.
He nodded understanding. "I like some parties. Not that kind."
"They use them to gather information."
Ben frowned. The comment reminded him of an earlier conversation they'd had about the people she'd seduced in service to her program. It made him angry to think about. It made him even angrier to realize she wasn't far off. This party had been just as orchestrated to gather, or distribute, information.
"I'm sorry, Lindy." It was a testament to their relationship she didn't question or refuse his words. She understood by now why he said it.
"Is this real?"
It was also a testament to their relationship that Ben understood what she was asking. He gave her a small smile and a smaller shrug. "As far as I know."
Lindy blinked. It wasn't the answer she wanted, but it was a very Ben answer, and that was what she wanted. She wanted him to be real. Ben didn't exist within URANUS. If none of this was real none of him was real. Not here and not there. He'd be nothing more than an algorithm created to trick her. The thought was unbearable.
Ben leaned over to take her hand and he started to say something more but they were interrupted by the barista calling out closing time. The couple bundled up and walked out into the quiet cold and dark. Lindy looked up at the stars.
"Where to?" His breath spun out in the cool night air. It reminded Lindy of moments she'd forgotten years ago.
The stars are everywhere, Lindy, even when you can't see them. Wherever you are they're shining on you. People think they're wishes but they're wrong. They're promises. They're promises that no matter how dark the night becomes light is stronger. Light will always win because nobody can take away the stars.
But moments that had driven her without knowing why.
"I want to go home."
He nodded. "I'll take you."
Nobody can take away the stars. But somebody had.
"You can't."
She crumpled under the sudden weight of a decade of losses. Ben's quick reflexes led him to catch her before he fully understood what she had said. He pulled her tight and warmed the air around them. Her own personal star. He was perfect for her. The thought was unbearable. Lindy shook with silent sobs but her eyes were dry because sometimes there aren't any tears. Ben was also quiet because sometimes there aren't any words. At all.
