Tracys dream: Glad to hear, I hope you like this chapter. Thank you for your review.
Bonnie Sveen Fan: Definitely, things are not great for Ethan at present. It is nice to have a bit of happy Cal with Mollie, I'm pleased you like it. Thank you for your review, I hope you like this chapter as there's more Cal and Mollie.
InfinityAndOne: Thank you, I'm glad it wasn't disappointing, and if you have goosebumps then that must be promising, or perhaps you're just cold hehe. And Connie's worried but Cal isn't perhaps because Ethan hides it so well, though somehow Connie spots it. Ethan'll struggle to open up to her though - same as everyone, really. Honestly, seeing the man who is unhealthily skinny has triggered Ethan's own insecurities, you're right. And the answer to your question will be here. I hope you enjoy this one and thank you for your review.
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30th of January 2017
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A week has passed since Ethan's suspension. After a call from Connie at half past six that morning, very short notice, it's official that he can finally return to work. At long last, too - he was starting to feel insane from being trapped in those same walls.
"That's great, Ethan!" Cal sounds genuinely happy when Ethan tells him. He's busy painting his ceiling, standing on a stepladder that looks much too high for Ethan's liking, but manages to look down and smile. It feels like old times again. "So you're definitely going back today?"
"Definitely."
As pleased as Ethan is that he can return to work, it's bittersweet. Whoever left the complaint had a point, after all. And Connie will more than likely watch me like a hawk for my first day back, Ethan thinks. Great.
Ethan gets out of his own head and looks around the room. Sheets cover the floor to protect it, tape is across the door frame and dripping paint cans rest on the ground. Everything is there - apart from one person."Is Mollie not here?"
"No, she's gone to buy new paint rollers," Cal tells him. "Why?"
"Just wondering," Ethan says. "She's, uh, usually always here with you."
Clearly those words were said with more rancour than intended as Cal snaps his head around. "Don't be like that, Eth."
"Like what?" Ethan says innocently, pretending he doesn't know exactly what Cal means. "What have I done now?"
"I know you don't agree with me being with Mollie," Cal says tetchily. He continues painting the ceiling with far more force than necessary. "But if you were in love, you'd understand. You'd get it. It's not my fault you don't."
"That's besides the point, Caleb," Ethan says, riled up. Cal sure does know how to push his buttons. "You can still be in love with her without her moving in." I just want things to go back to the way they were.
"Ah, so that's what you're annoyed about! Mollie moving in." Cal has painted the same spot of the ceiling almost five times, his mind obviously focused elsewhere. "Alright, I should've asked if she could move in, but I didn't. You should be used to me messing up by now."
"No, I-"
"Face it, you said that it was fine and then got moody about it!" Cal says. "I just do not get you sometimes, Eth. If it wasn't fine, why say yes?" Because I don't want to upset you and lose you, Cal. I'm so lonely.
Ethan focuses on his anger and wants to get the painting roller to hit Cal over the head with it. "Yeah, and you get defensive!"
Cal inhales sharply. "I'm not going to argue with you. This is a friendly discussion."
Both know that this is far more than a 'friendly discussion' - Cal says so every time. "You already are arguing with me." Ethan says irritably.
"Look, she's the one, okay?"
"Since when have you believed in 'the one', Caleb?" Ethan snaps. Finally, he loses it with Cal. "I'm sure you said the exact same thing with Taylor, and look how badly that turned out!"
"Ah, that's so you, Ethan. Typical. Lashing out because your own life is going to shit!" Cal glares down at Ethan from the stepladder. "What do you know about relationships? All you do is sit in your room and feel sorry for yourself."
"And all you do is waste time with a woman who will probably dump you when she's done - it won't last!" Ethan hisses. "You can tell me I'm ignorant when it comes with relationships, but even I can tell this is going to end in tears!"
"Ethan, I love her and you know that. Why do you have to… why do you have to do this?"
"Because it's true!"
Silence. Neither speak after he says that.
Cal resumes painting the ceiling calmly and he refuses to look at Ethan at all.
Ethan immediately regrets his words - he should've known better than to state the obvious. Those words were poisonous and he felt fortunate that they were no longer sitting on his chest. But some things are better left unsaid because Ethan can see the hurt in Cal's face from two foot down.
The silence hangs until Cal breaks it with a cold sentence.
"Have a great day at work today, Ethan."
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Ethan walks into work immediately after their 'friendly discussion' with nothing in his stomach but anger, hurt and guilt. He honestly doesn't feel like eating, so he doesn't.
That makes him feel almost good - knowing that he could drop weight if he keeps it up. It's like an equation. A bad morning plus no food equals a better day immediately.
"Doctor Hardy?" Connie's voice comes from behind him as he shuts his locker. "May I have a word in my office?"
Ethan turns and puts his key in his pocket. He looks at her as a deer looks at a hunting rifle but for once, she looks less frightening. Somehow, he plucks up the courage to ask. "Is… is that entirely necessary? I just sort of want to get back to work."
Connie shakes her head. "No, it's not necessary,"
"Right, okay..."
She's not done. "I got a call from both your brother and Nurse Mollie Sanderson, calling in sick. I suppose we'll be understaffed and busy today, considering that."
Ethan nods, knowing that it's his fault but not feeling guilty enough to particularly mind. A day without Cal and Mollie publicly fawning all over each other seems perfect - despite the fact Cal probably now hates him. "Yes, I guess it will be."
"It's funny, Cal seemed perfectly healthy when I spoke to him the other day - as did Mollie." Connie says. "I don't suppose you'd know how they managed to acquire some sort of flu in under 24 hours?"
"No idea," Ethan says, overdoing his shrugging. "I'd, uh, better get to work." I need the distraction.
"Of course," Connie says, nodding. She waits until Ethan gets to the staff room door before stopping him. "Doctor Hardy?"
"Yes, Mrs Beauchamp?"
Connie is hesitant but has a certain look on her face that Ethan cannot pinpoint. "My office door is always open if you need me."
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"I just can't… I just can't understand his way of thinking. I can't, Mollie."
Mollie continues calmly unwrapping the paintbrushes from their soft plastic packaging. She looks up at her pacing boyfriend, sighs, and then looks back down again.
"It's like whenever I'm happy, he has to be the little black cloud and rain all over it! I get it, I can be difficult sometimes… but so can he!" Cal exhales furiously. "I seriously envy you, Mollie. I honestly wish I was an only child."
"If you were an only child, which brother's flat would you be currently standing in?" Mollie asks. She looks up from sitting cross-legged on the ground at Cal pacing. "Put things into perspective, honey. It could be worse."
"Yeah, and it could be a lot better too." Cal complains. He sits down on the floor and plays with a paintbrush, flicking the hairs. "Sorry. I should stop bombarding you with all this."
"No, it's my fault anyway," Mollie says. She sighs guiltily. "My idea to move in has obviously put a spanner in the works. I'm sorry I caused the argument, really, and-"
"Stop it, you didn't. I still want you to move in."
Mollie smiles. Her worries are put to bed. "Glad to hear that, seeing as you've just finished painting our room."
"Wouldn't want to waste all that paint, no." Cal eventually smiles too. "It cost near on £40 for the paint along, you know."
Mollie shakes her head. "Jesus."
"I know, right?" Cal turns and glares at the paint can. "What's it made out of, liquid gold?"
"Hmm, it's ridiculous. I should've chosen a cheaper colour, but you'd imagine it wouldn't cost that much."
"No, I should've gone to the store and punched the paint guy. Might've got a discount," Cal says. "Or you could've. But they're tight bastards in that particular corner shop, so probably not."
Molle laughs. "I prefer this."
"Prefer what?"
"You being angry about paint rather than Ethan." Mollie says, smiling contentedly. "It's nicer."
"Yeah. Let's have a break from talking about him for a while," Cal decides with a small sigh. He gives Mollie a smile and lightly pats her on the head with a dry paintbrush. "Let's talk about us."
"Ah, my favorite subject. Talk away!"
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Lunch time arrives but Ethan's appetite does not. Throughout the day, his will to eat is diminished. He isn't sad about it, though - quite the opposite.
In other news, he spends his time isolating himself from his colleagues whilst feeling the true heavenly blessing of an empty stomach. It's lonely, it's quiet, but it's better than pretending that everything is okay.
He notices Lily speaking to Iain by reception as he walks close and sighs. His notes were left there - meaning he'll need to pass her. Honestly, the phone call from a week ago still lingers freshly in his mind. With any luck, she'll just ignore him.
Such luck doesn't exist, apparently.
"Hey," Lily says, pausing her conversation with Iain to look at Ethan. Iain nods at him in acknowledgement, but Ethan can't help but think that Iain would rather he wasn't there so he could have Lily to himself. "Glad to see you're back at work."
"Yeah, you too. W-well, I mean, glad I'm back to work, as you never went off work, and I-"
"I get it," Lily says, ignoring his frustratingly confusing ramblings. She knows him well - or at least, she used to. "Will you be free at lunch later? I wouldn't mind catching up."
Oh. Lunch. Ethan suddenly remembers the skinny man at the shopping centre, Cal's jokey comments, the number on the scale, and decides he'd rather skip lunch - just for today. It can't be bad if it's just once.
"Ah, no, sorry, I've got a ton of paperwork to get done."
Lily looks fractionally disappointed. "Oh, okay. Maybe another time."
"Maybe." The whole world suddenly lurches sideways and Ethan's head doesn't feel like it's screwed on quite right. He grips the side of the reception desk.
"You alright?" Iain asks in concern. It's the first thing he's said to Ethan in months.
Ethan nods quickly even though it does absolutely no favours for his dizziness. Perhaps he should've had breakfast - but then he'd loathe himself even more. "Just fine. We should probably get back to work."
"Good point. And as long as you're sure." Lily says with Iain by her side, but doesn't get a chance to await a reply as a trolley comes crashing through reception into resus. She hurries after it, following Connie's orders, and Iain heads off. Ethan's left alone, clutching the desk in order to keep standing up.
Despite this, he feels no regret having skipped breakfast at all.
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As they've got the day off, Mollie figures they'd better make the most of it. Together, they stand outside in the freezing cold, armed with soapy sponges and a bucket of now dirty water, to try and remove some of the dirt caked on the car.
"This is completely stupid, how did you get the car this bad?" Mollie questions, extending her arm to the top of the car. She has no need to hop to reach it - Mollie is tall at 5'9. "How many puddles have you driven through?"
"You probably don't want to know," Cal says. "I'll grab the hose."
"No, no, do the wheels first!"
"I can hose the wheels, Mollie, that's how you wash a car."
Mollie rolls her eyes. "Uh, no, you scrub them first."
"Oh, for… fine, let's scrub them first."
Mollie shakes her head but relishes in her success, smiling as she cleans the wheels. What she wasn't expecting was to feel the contents of the bucket to come pouring down on top of her head.
"Cal!"
"Oh, whoops!"
Her mascara was dripping and her once clean hair was now dirtier than the car. It's a good thing she'd been wearing her scruffs, or Cal would be lucky to get away with his legs. "Wow. That's petty. Fancy doing that to your girlfriend, you pig."
Cal hides a smile. "It was an accident."
"Yeah, of course it was." Mollie sighs deeply. "I'm trying very hard to be zen right now."
Cal looks at the floor. "Alright, maybe it wasn't. I'm sorry. We'll finish the car later and you can have a bath or something. I forget you're not Max or Ethan or Jacob or Duffy sometimes - they don't mind it." Most of the time.
Mollie nods. "Alright," Bitterly, she adds. "And I'll hold you to that - I'm filthy, thanks to you."
Cal looks guilty but is still smiling slightly at her sodden frame. "Being angry doesn't suit you, Mols. But I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to dump a bucket over my head."
"Maybe later," Mollie says with a sigh. Cal hooks his arm around her waist and kisses her forehead in apology. Eventually, Mollie smiles and they head inside - the car forgotten and the bucket-over-the-head-incident almost totally forgiven.
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Throughout the day, Ethan hasn't eaten a single thing - it's great.
Regarding the other parts of the day which are not eating related were not so great.
Lily was preoccupied with Iain. Cal didn't bother to ring. Connie kept giving him watchful glances - Charlie too. Mollie didn't ring, but why would she? The patients ranged from challenging to boring, the former of which he couldn't deal with and the latter was just as difficult to stay engaged with. All in all, Ethan just knew he didn't deserve to eat tonight after what he'd accomplished - which was absolutely fuck all. So he would not.
He avoids the mirror, knowing that he's growing to hate what he sees in it, and changes from his scrubs to his usual attire. As it's freezing, Ethan wears as many layers as possible.
Actually, it's a bonus that summer isn't that close - he can't stand to show his body. Not til it looks how he wants it to, that is.
After tying his scarf around his neck and zipping his jacket, Ethan says a quiet goodbye to his colleagues in passing - a few of them humoured him and acknowledged him - before heading home.
He dreads to think what Cal will be like when he arrives. Angry? Bitter? Upset? Hurt? Ethan just wants to sleep and forget about the nonsense.
When he arrives home on foot - he was too het-up to drive that morning and besides, walking is good for you - there's a sud covered Cal, bent over the car with a dripping sponge in hand.
Ethan walks over, half considering to just enter the flat and sleep. But his peacemaking trait is stronger than that.
"Hey."
Cal looks up momentarily. "Hiya."
"You're… cleaning the car."
"How observant of you," Cal says. "No wonder they call you the clever one."
Ethan tugs at his sleeves and sighs. "I just mean that you're being very productive today, that's all. It's, well, it's good."
"Yeah. It was Mollie's idea."
"Ah, right. So, uh, where is Mollie?" Ethan asks. Immediately, he has flashbacks of that morning's argument which started with that same bloody question. Cal seems to be too.
"Having a bath inside," Cal tells him, bending down and cleaning a part he'd missed. "I accidentally threw a bucket of water over her."
Ethan manages a little smile. "I bet she loved that."
"Well, she wasn't best pleased, but she didn't break up with me, so… plus, she gets a bath out of it."
"True." Ethan stands in silence, just watching as Cal cleans the car. Cal says absoloutely nothing, only sighing every now and then whilst wringing the sponge out.
Ethan considers walking inside and leaving it - clearly, Cal doesn't want to talk.
That's until his stomach rumbles.
Both stay very silent for a few seconds - until they both burst into laughter.
"You hungry, Ethan?"
Ethan blushes with embarrassment but manages to laugh at himself. "No, no, just… yes."
"Can't go two minutes without eating, can you?" Cal chuckles.
It's said in good nature but Ethan feels hurt by it. If only Cal knew he'd been starved of food all day. But of course, he never would.
Cal wipes the tears of laughter from his eyes and then smiles - he actually smiles at him. Ethan immediately feels less tense.
"Rumbling stomach aside, how was work, then?"
"Uh, it was nice, thank you." Ethan says - relieved that there's normal conversation which is no longer one sided - and fidgets.
"Good." Cal smiles to himself and resumes washing the car, which is shining by this point. Ethan can't decide if his stomach has magically fixed the situation or if Cal is still angry.
There's a silence before Ethan looks at his feet and decides to just come out with it. "Are you still mad?"
Cal dips the sponge in the water thoughtfully. He shakes his head before replying verbally with a simple: "No."
Thank God. Ethan looks up from his feet and feels a huge weight lifted from his weary shoulders. Still, he's exhausted - but not as much. "Good. I've been thinking about it all day. I'm really sorry, you know."
"Don't be, I was just as much of an idiot as you were," Cal says. "Life's too short for this, right?"
Ethan nods - utterly relieved that they can put this to bed. "Agreed. Let's never argue again."
"I'm not sure if we can promise that," Cal stands up, and drops his sponge in the water. He looks at Ethan dotingly with a smile. "But we can try."
"Yeah."
Cal sighs gently, looking at Ethan sadly. "You okay today?"
Ethan shrugs and smiles. "Am now."
Cal dries his hands on his top and then takes two steps toward Ethan. "Not sure if I believe that. Come here, Eth."
Ethan sighs and lets Cal wrap his arms around him, locking him into a soft embrace. He rests his head on top of Ethan's. They fit together like a puzzle piece despite that the last time they hugged was so long ago. Standing in silence, there's only the sound of their gentle breathing and cars rushing past.
Ethan rests into Cal's chest. He smells like that cologne he always wears. It's the fragrance of home and comfort, something which Ethan has always associated with Cal - something that he really needs lately.
Cal breaks the silence in a gentle voice. "Can you promise me something?"
"Okay, what is it?"
"Can you promise me that, even though I'm with Mollie, we won't grow apart? Please? I don't want to be searching Ebay for a new brother!"
"Of course we won't," Ethan says with a small laugh, tightening his grip and putting his hands on Cal's back. He has really missed this. "I promise." I'll try so hard to not let that happen.
Cal sighs relievedly into Ethan's hair. They pull away slowly and Cal smiles fondly at Ethan, which is returned. Cal rests his hands on Ethan's shoulders, looking into his face.
"You can tell me anything, okay? You know that?"
Ethan smiles weakly. "I know." I'm a liar.
Cal grins and wraps an arm around Ethan's shoulders, pulling him close. "Good."
With that, they leave the car in peace and enter the flat together as if that morning had never happened at all.
A/N: A bit of a soppy scene, whoops. Also, I hope you get the 'life's too short' reference. More soon - things will be going downhill from here if I get my act together and write it!
