Author's Reluctant Note: it's been so long. Glad I'm behind a computer. ONLY YOUR WORDS CAN HARM ME.
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ONE HOUR LATER...
Dr. Shouse ducked as a tongue depressor soared toward his head. This was the 4th time in the last 30 minutes it had happened. Suspicious, that...
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Dr. Kwouse pushed his desk in front of his door as a barricade to block forthcoming attacks. Somebody had been chucking stethoscopes at him! Must...hide...
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Diabilico thought this was a good idea; the whole 'having a team of lackeys' thing. It obviously seemed to work for House. But so did the cane thing...unfortunately, Vogler, thought, a cane would not be sufficient to hold his weight. What with being morbidly obese and all. At least, that's what they told him. And then they gave him some medicine that would "help" him and told him to eat less...well, just eat less, they begged. The doctors, that is. Pshaw. Doctors...hey! House was a doctor. There's another reason for me to hate him, reasoned Vogler happily. Also, he can pull off a scruffy-rugged look! Grr! Vogler hated him for that! Because Vogler was only able to pull off the evil-yet-sophisticated look.
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"Where am I?" The Blue Ranger muttered. In retrospect, it was not the best question to ask. But it was the first to come out of his mouth. He wondered, in anyone else in such a situation as his, would ask anything else. Well, some people might ask for a sandwich. A sandwich would be nice. No, wait. Where was he? There were usually three answers for that, in any situation: hospital, home, or House's. He guessed the hospital.
"The hospital." A voice answered. Now Wilson felt like an idiot.
"Huh really." He mumbled back, closing his eyes.
"Yeah really." The voice said.
Wilson groaned. He had every reason to. He remembered what happened. Oh, he had made a fool of himself and his Ex Brother In Law was hanging around and House had wanted him to do something like bring something to him or make lunch or change the TiVo so it would record Blue's Clues. Wait, that was last week.
"You hurt your ankle." It was a nurse, talking to him. Please, he begged, don't let it be one of those who worship me. He opened his eyes. It was a new nurse, brown haired and brown eyed and around the age of the other nurses, young, but obviously with some amount of sense.
"Urgh." Was his eloquent reply.
She chuckled. Not giggled. Not even a hint of a giggle. It was a sensible chuckle. Not an annoying giggle.
I'm in love, he thought vaguely.
"Now, Mr. Wilson..." she began, and this time, he chuckled. But it came out as a groan because she was fiddling with his ankle and wow that hurt.
He glanced around. Neil wasn't there. He had probably run away. Forever. Or maybe that was just Wilson's dearest wish.
"We think you might've broken your ankle." She continued, and Wilson replied, somewhat groggily,
"Then I better cancel my BASE-jumping competition."
And she chuckled again.
"Mr. Wilson, do you--"
"It's doctor." He felt brave enough to say.
"Excuse me?" She blinked at him, in a blink-y way. Wilson noticed she had big eyes. Pretty eyes.
"Doctor Wilson, it's Doctor Wilson. I work here. At PPTH. I know Cuddy and Brenda The Evil Nurse and Marco The Depressed Pharmacist, have you met him? He's a good guy; very bad at golf. And House, I know House, you've probably been warned about him...he's a lunatic and I haven't met you before."
She blinked again.
Wilson wasn't quite sure if he wanted to love this girl if she blinked so much. Their children would be freakish.
"Well, Dr. Wilson, I'm new here and..." A slight ringing sound interrupted her. Wilson recognized it. It was his cellphone/Power Ranger morpher.
The nurse, being all nurse-y and blinking more, found it and smiled at Wilson before answering it for him. Obviously, this was a disaster in the making because before she could even say something, someone on the other line yelled something that sounded like, "BLUE RANGER!" and she made a face before handing the phone to him.
"Hello, Gregory." Wilson greeted his friend.
"BLUE RANGER!" House yelled. "When speaking over insecure phone lines, Power Rangers MUST refer to other Power Ranger in code names! Back me up, Black Ranger!" In the background, Foreman did not back him up; instead he questioned him with, "Wtf?"
"Okay, Red Ranger. What happened to Red Ranger is allowed to yell at everyone BUT the Blue Ranger?"
House paused. "Faulty line! Can't hear you!"
"Oh pshaw." Wilson pshaw-ed.
The nurse, blinking and making a confused face, left the room. Wilson sighed, the depression of lost love overtaking him.
"Where are your locations, Blue Ranger?"
"Uhm. Room 342."
"...what?"
"I, er, got hurt. And..."
"Great job, Blue Ranger. Do you know that Pink and Yellow haven't showed up, either?"
"I did not. But thanks to you, my hopes of happiness of love went down the drain; shattered, lost forever...my one true love..:"
"What are you talking about? I'm right here." House replied in a lilting voice.
Wilson sighed and, with the drugs laying heavily upon his senses, he played along.
"Oh, House, don't make fun of our love-hate relationship. I can't handle it now. Between you and this woman--"
"Woman?!" House gasped, shocked at Wilson's non-betrayal.
"---my emotions are so mixed up. I'm breaking up with you, Greg." He said it in his Serious Voice. That was when the Nurse Of His Dreams walked in and blinked, eyes widening, hearing 'breaking up' and 'with you' and, a bigger cue then all, "GREG." She blinked again, turned, and left.
"Jimmy! Jimmy whyy!? I thought you looovved me." House began in his role of heartbroken boyfriend but by the end it was a lifeless cry and he added, dejectly, "Foreman's not believing it. He's heard it too many times. We can still fool Cameron and Chase, though..."
"Yeah, that nurse I didn't mentioned but meant to, the one I am in love with? Just heard the breaking up part. Now I bet she thinks me and you are...ahem." He sighed, again, this time in true sadness because the Love Of His Life thought he was gay but ohh now at least she knew he was single.
On the other end of the phone, House broke into uproarious laughter. "Oh like all the other nurses didn't already think that."
"What? House, what have you been telling them and I should I even bother to try and fix this?"
"No."
"Grr."
"Okeydokey, I'll see you in a few minutes. We're coming to break you out. Look for the signal in 10 - 15 minutes."
"Wait--I BROKE MY ANKLE!! I CAN'T BE A POWER--" the tone dial hummed at him in defiance. He growled again. It occurred to him, was he suddenly turning into a kitty-cat?
Could he still be House's friend if her were, in fact, a kitty-cat?
Or a Power Ranger?
A Power Ranger kitty cat, maybe...
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"I wonder if House slipped something into our drinks."
"I wouldn't put it past him."
"This can't be real."
"Wow."
"Uhm, yeah."
"This is weird."
"Unbelievable."
"What to do, now?"
Chase and Cameron, stuck in 1906, were found confused and curious.
And then they found themselves going close to 1906 House, Wilson, and Cuddy. Just to be, er, curious.
"Madam," drawled 1906 House, his blue eyes staring at Cameron, "I don't mean to be too straightforward--but I want you to bear my offspring." He said, in his Serious Voice. The table he sat at laughed. Well, not the table itself--the people sitting at the table. The mistake is understandable.
"Uh." Cameron flushed bright pink and it contrasted with the yellow dress heavily.
"Well, Dr. House, it seems you're going to have a bit of trouble with that--she seems to have a lovely beau already." 1906 Cuddy said, then snarked, "And Dr. House pales in comparison to such a fine specimen."
Chase made a face, and then grinned slightly.
"Join us, young lovers, and we'll see if we can't cheat you out of some compensation money." 1906 House offered Chase and Cameron, and caught up in the situation, had to accept and try to play some poker.
Cameron wished they would stop being mistaken for lovers.
Chase wished Cameron was his lover.
1906 Wilson, as he shuffled the cards and 1906 House watched the cards closely, asked kindly, "So, what field of work are you in, Mr...?"
"Chase." Chase supplied, "Robert Chase. And my bride-to-be, Allison Cameron."
"And we're doctors." Cameron added, slightly miffed at being introduced by Chase.
"A foreigner and a woman, doctors?" 1906 House remarked.
"It's a brave new world, Dr. House." 1906 Wilson said, dealing the cards, "and you need to keep up with the times. For instance, Dr. Cuddy here can wear ludicrously low-cut dresses and act like a tart and still hold a position of power."
"Why Dr. Wilson." 1906 Cuddy swatted at him.
"She never knew you were such a fan." 1906 House commented while peeking at Cuddy's cards.
Chase and Cameron shrugged and mentally started comparing 1906 House 'n Friends to 2006 House 'n Friends and didn't find much.
Except for the Power Ranger thing.
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"Bl...bl...psst...psst! BLACK RANGER!" The Red Ranger lightly shoved the Black Ranger, then, reviewing that, shoved him really hard as that was much more his style. "Waake. Up."
Foreman shot up and mumbled, "Wasn't me."
"What do you think of me curing Alzheimer's?"
"Why? Can you?"
"No. Just a question."
"Ah. Hey, have you heard the rumors..."
"...which ones..."
"The one about you and, er, the Blue Ranger."
"Why Black Ranger how dare you even insinuate that..."
"Well it's not without precedents."
"...I made those rumors up."
"Really."
"Really."
"Any particular reason?"
"Now Wilson can't get a date. Speaking of, we must put on our shining armor and knightly ride in to save him."
"From what?"
"Anesthesia."
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Said drugs were making Dr. James Wilson very happy at the moment. A plus was there was no annoying ex in law brother or doctor who's named rhymed with mouse or The Nurse of His Dreams.
The Nurse of His Dreams was, at the moment, outside, speaking with other nurses, whom she found, well...idiots.
She probably shouldn't say that aloud. She figured.
As a whole she liked to believe herself as a very sensible and kind person, with enough ambition to be a nurse but not enough to actually shoot for something else in life. It was either nurse or teacher and she mostly despised kids.
Probably another thing she should keep to herself.
She did, as often as possible, keep to herself.
Her father was a fireman.
She found this somehow important to how she was raised and who she grew up to be.
In high school she played softball. This is not to say she actually played. She sat on the benches and brought cookies for people.
Laney Elis also didn't think she much liked Dr. Wilson, her newest patient. Too scatter-brained, he would seem, staring at her too much, odd friends, rambler, and oh he's gay.
Or so she gleaned from a snippet of overheard conversation.
And as she reported to the other nurses, who all squealed and jumped around excitedly. In the far off distance Laney thought she heard a patient crashing and wondering, if all the nurses are here...
"OHMYGOSH DID HE REALLY SAY THAT?!?!"
...then who was helping the patient?
Laney wondered if she cared enough about working here to see.
There were two men coming down the hallway. One, the older man, who walked with a limp, cane, and the air of one who is very rude around him, was wearing a red baseball cap dipped low over his face. The other, a younger, dark-skinned man in a doctor's white jacket and a reluctant look about him, had the same type of hat, but in black.
Laney blinked at them.
No, she realized, pretty sure she didn't care about working here that much.
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Marco the Depressed Pharmacist, as he was referred to, in case of any other Marcos, was, in a word, depressed.
And angry.
It occurred to him they should not let the depressed and angry man around the drugs.
But he wasn't going to stop them.
In the cafeteria, a large black man and the cooks were doing something conspicuously evil. And slightly more interesting, there was no cake left.
Marco was depressed.
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AN: Love y'all please review. Also I have cake. LEMON CAKE.
