Chapter 7
Dean didn't say a word. He barely moved as he listened to what Matt was telling him. His two friends were by his side, silent as well. Seth was looking down at the floor as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world.
Roman was looking at Matt, but most of the time he had his eyes closed, as if he was trying to forget; to un-hear the story; as if he had just lost a friend…
Time seemed to slow down. Dean could hear the words; he understood them; he didn't want to believe them.
But he knew he did believe them. Something in his heart told him that it was the truth; that everything that has happened to him his entire life, was preparing him for this.
This?
What was this? Become a guardian? Never see his friends again? And for what?
'Oh! Right! Save the worlds!'
He really wanted to stand up and cry out that it was crazy; that it was absurd; and how he wished that everything was a prank; a joke played by his friends.
But he knew it wasn't. He somehow knew that every single word that came out of Hardy's mouth was the truth.
He just had to convince himself to accept it.
The last part he was told was particularly difficult to accept. It still resonated in his mind.
A thousand years…
Bray Wyatt…
Even if he accepted the story of the guardian and this tower, how could he do that for so long? Wouldn't he go insane? And not see his friends again!
"Matt…" Dean hesitated "you said that it lasts a thousand years. Will I be aware of time passing?"
"No… not really. And you will not be aware of your surroundings."
"What happens then? I mean after"
"The guardian is thrown out of the Tower by the Balance to live the remaining of his life… but…"
"It gets complicated… right?" Dean added.
"Yeah! The world is so different that the guardian has trouble adjusting… a lot of time has passed and they find themselves all alone. They don't recognize anything anymore. There is no way for the mind to keep up. Most times the go crazy… or… they die… they kill themselves. It is rare for a guardian to survive this intact… they lose something… and almost all lose their lives after…"
"So it doesn't matter what I do…. I'm dead anyway" he said and lowered his eyes.
Matt paused before answering.
"It's not certain. I mean, maybe you are strong enough…"
"But?"
"But there is no record of what really happens to the guardians. No one else is allowed in the Gate room, where the worlds connect. Once we place you there, we must leave the tower and never see it or you again. The tower vanishes only to appear for the next guardian."
"And if I don't do this, then the worlds will explode?"
"Well… they will fold… and everyone will die. Everyone…" Matt emphasized the last word. Dean fell silent.
"This… this is too much" Roman said. "You are putting too much weight in his shoulders"
"He doesn't have a choice."
"We have to think this trough. This is going too fast"
"I have already told you, we are almost out of time. The things Dean has been seeing are an indication that we are thirty seconds to midnight… if Bray can manifest his hatred and if you can see it as well, then things are way too close to the end."
"Hold on… what?" Seth asked. "You mean to tell me that the thing in the parking lot was Bray?"
"Not exactly. But the gate is unattended too long, and Bray was able to channel some of Abigail's dark magic. A little while longer and he would have killed you all. If it hadn't been for Roman, you would be dead."
Dean lifted his eyes and met Roman's.
"What did you do?"
"Nothing. I just held you and talked to you; tried to make you listen to me. I told you that we are here for you… that we love you"
Seth looked attentively but Dean didn't seem to realize what he had just been told. Maybe because Roman wasn't admitting it to himself... yet. He struggled with the thought of telling them but then he looked into Matt's eyes, and they were telling him to wait for the right time.
"I… I need some time" Dean said and started to stand up. He was still feeling light headed and nauseous, but hid it well.
"Alone" he added when his friends tried to help him.
He walked towards the door.
"You shouldn't be alone" Matt said. "Not with Bray out there"
"I'll just be over here, right outside"
Roman started to protest but Seth's hand stopped him.
"Give him a couple of minutes"
And Roman did. He didn't take his eyes off Dean.
. . .
He was sitting on the porch. He had his back turned on the room but he had left the door opened.
He looked ahead. It was late in the afternoon and the sun was beginning to set. His mind was empty and he found that weird. He felt almost relieved.
The last few weeks had been hell for him and his friends. The thought of him losing his mind was really frightening but dragging them along was not something he could accept. He didn't want them to suffer because of him.
He had been seeing and hearing things that weren't there. And the pain had become so unbearable. He couldn't remember the last day he felt good and happy. And he hated this feeling; the one were his body and mind were so used to the pain that it thought it was normal to feel this way. Ever since he was a child there was always something wrong either with his mind or later with his body.
He wondered if he had been using physical pain to mask the mental one. And he wondered if the voices and the shadows from his earlier life had quieted because of the scars and the wounds he was inflicting on his body; if all the blood he had shed in other promotion was a way to expel them from his head.
'Probably'
He sat there enjoying the view; the quiet around him and inside him.
He couldn't look the sun any longer, so instead he looked down at the dirt, the gravel and the bushes.
And he wondered if he would miss that; feeling things… people. Matt had told him that he wouldn't be conscious of time passing, but what about his memories? Would they still be there when all this would be over? He could certainly understand why the other guardians usually went insane. He just couldn't imagine a world with no family, no friends… no loved ones.
A world for which he would have given everything up; and taken nothing in return.
'Is it worth it?'
The one who had come and sat next to him of the porch, and the others inside the room, where certainly worth it.
He had walked from the room and had sat next to him. Dean didn't have to look to know who it was.
"I don't like it either" Roman said. "I still don't believe what's happening"
Dean nodded his head understanding the feeling.
"I don't want you to do it" he quickly said before his mind caught up with his heart. "I don't want to lose you"
Dean looked at him, not really surprised, but sad.
Then silence. His head had stopped his heart from blurting out more words that maybe he would regret later.
"This whole thing… it might sound weird, but it makes sense to me. It is a relief actually… finally knowing I'm not crazy…"
Dean took a small dry twig in his hand from a bush.
"And I don't want to lose you either… but Roman" he said and used his friend's chin to make him look at him "as strange as it might sound, this is probably the first thing in my life that makes complete sense. And if it means you being alive, then I'm more than happy to do it. You being safe is all that matters to me… I'm just sorry it took me all this time to figure it out"
He looked at the sun again.
"I am scared" he said and Roman simply put his arm around his back and let him rest his head in his shoulder.
"I know" the Samoan spoke. "I am scared too; I wish I could trade places with you"
"No… don't say that…"
"Then… I wish… I wish I could come with you"
Dean smiled bitterly.
"You won't forget me, will you?" he whispered and a shiver ran up his spine. It was at that moment he realized that most of all, he was afraid of being forgotten by the ones he loved most.
Roman squeezed him tighter and kissed the top of his head.
"No… never… as long as I live…"
The sun was finally setting and darkness was creeping. They had to go inside. It wasn't safe.
Not anymore.
. . .
Bray had little trouble following them at first. But when Hardy had decided to keep driving, he had a hard time keeping up; staying awake. He would have fallen asleep on the wheel if it hadn't been for his rage; for his thirst for revenge; for his will to be with her again.
And he knew she would give him the strength he needed to make it.
The absence of the guardian had allowed Abigail to channel some magic to him. Not a lot… just enough. Too bad he had used most of it back at the parking lot. Now he was spending her magic to stay awake and keep up with them.
But he would keep some… for him…
He licked his lips; and feeling quit alert, he stepped on the gas.
He thought he had lost them at some point; then he saw their car at a motel.
He found a spot after the motel and parked the car between some trees, making sure it was not visible. He figured they had decided to travel by day, so he had some hours of rest.
Then he would put his plan in motion. He would just have to wait for night fall.
. . .
He had trouble sleeping. His mind was filled with the events and the revelations of the past couple of days. He wondered if it was normal to believe everything and not question it. Maybe because he had lived almost all his life with the shadows and the voices, it was easier to accept it.
And even if it wasn't the truth, he would be satisfied knowing he was going crazy after all.
He just needed to know so the others wouldn't suffer along with him.
So he stayed awake, lying in bed looking at the ceiling. Roman and Seth were asleep and Matt was sitting by the window. He had his eyes closed and Dean couldn't tell if he was sleeping or just resting his eyes.
He looked at the time.
2:15 a.m.
He got up slowly not wanting to alarm anyone and went to the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and looked in the mirror above the washbasin.
His face looked thinner and the color on his cheeks a bit grey. His eyes looked hollow and their usual blue color had faded a little.
At least in his opinion.
However he thought he looked better than he did up until two days ago. And he needed a shave.
He turned on the tap and let the water run. He placed his hands under it and brought its coolness to his face. The feeling was welcome. He wanted to take a shower, but he didn't. Instead he stayed transfixed. There was something about the water that drew him; lured him away from reality and the present.
And soon he couldn't hear any sound.
It was so relaxing, he thought he was dreaming. The soft noise of the water was so soothing to his mind.
"Dean" came a soft whisper behind him waking him up from this reverie.
He lift up his eyes and met the Samoan's. He too looked tired but not worried.
"Are you alright?"
Dean just nodded.
"Can't sleep"
"Of course you can't. You have been sleeping since the parking lot… and that was two days ago… it makes sense you can't sleep."
"I'm sorry if I woke you"
"Nah… don't worry about it" he smiled. "Hey, you want to see something really cool?" he asked nonchalantly.
"Sure"
"Follow me" he said, "but be quiet; we don't to wake to others. We have a long drive in the morning and they need their rest."
Dean followed Roman. They tip-tied to the door and got outside. Matt's eyes were closed; still he didn't look like he was sleeping. His body was too stiff and upright.
It was not until he got outside that Dean found that he had not been able to breathe inside the room. The cool wind that blew among the trees filled his lungs. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath.
"Feels nice?"
"Yes… it does. Thanks… I needed that; I needed to get out of the room"
Roman nodded.
"What was it you wanted to show me?"
"Come it's this way" he waved for him to follow.
"We shouldn't wander too far away. Matt said it was dangerous" he said but still followed the Samoan, leaving the room behind them.
"I'm here" he said, as they reached the tree line. Dean was still able to see the motel but the darkness was so thick where he stood he doubted if he could be seen from inside.
"Don't you trust me?" Reigns added.
Something really bothered Dean. His heart was beating fast and was screaming at him to turn back. He felt that something was wrong; that Roman would never take him out alone in the middle of the night, away from Hardy and Seth.
But no matter how much his heart told him to turn back, his body kept following him into the night. Dean felt the headache return, ravaging his brain; still as if in a trance he kept walking.
The motel was far away. He turned his head and saw it was more than 300 feet behind him. But all he could do was look. He couldn't turn back.
"You… you are not Roman… are you?" he mumbled as pain shot through his temples. He reached his hands on his head, but the pain had reached the core of his brain, rendering him incapable of speaking.
The Samoan then stopped walking and turned around. A wide smile spread on his face, a smile that was so out of place for Roman. It was awkward and creepy. And his eyes; they were wide open; unblinking. He took a step closer to Dean.
Smirking.
Confident.
"You should have known better" he said; his hand reached out and touched Dean's forehead.
And the pain amplified a thousand fold. And his voice stopped before reaching his throat.
Dean fell on his knees. He wanted to ask him to stop; beg him but Roman kept squeezing his head.
When he released it, the pain didn't recede. Dean kept his hands on his head, on his knees, his eyes watering and his breath hitching.
"Who?" was the only word to come out of his mouth.
The man came and stood in front of him; and when he leaned over Dean saw that it wasn't Roman all along.
Bray Wyatt stood before him, smug, confident and angry.
He grabbed Dean by the neck and squeezed all the air out of him. He brought his face next to his own and whispered in his ear.
"The end… death… is upon you" and licked his cheek.
. . .
Can you hear the silence?
Can you see the dark?
Can you fix the broken?
Can you feel, can you feel my heart?
Can you help the hopeless?
Well, I'm begging on my knees
Can you save my bastard soul?
Will you ache for me?
I'm sorry brother
So sorry lover
Forgive me father
I love you mother
Can you hear the silence?
Can you see the dark?
Can you fix the broken?
Can you feel my heart?
I'm scared to get close and I hate being alone
I long for that feeling to not feel at all
The higher I get, the lower I'll sink
I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim
Can you feel my heart?
Can you hear the silence?
Can you see the dark?
Can you fix the broken?
Can you feel, can you feel my heart?
-Bring Me that Horizon: Can You Feel My Heart-
