Enjoy the first of today's updates. There may be 2, there may be 3...we like to keep you guessing.

Snickers maintains that she's not a bad kitty, she's just misunderstood.

EPOV

"I feel like I should go in there and diffuse the situation or something," I admitted as Bella gave a small sigh behind me. Yes, I had this urge to please everyone. Sue me.

"Where's your dad? Shouldn't he be doing this?"

"Now that you mention it, he has been pretty quiet. Let's go find him," I said simply as I grabbed Bella's hand and led her through the house, avoiding the kitchen where a rumble was about to go down, and we headed outside to the backyard. We passed my mother's prize winning roses and when I noticed the lights on in my father's little shed / man cave, I knew he was home.

"What the hell is this?"

"My dad's clubhouse?" I replied with a shrug of my shoulders. "Emmett calls it his 'sticky shack' but I think that just sounds gross. He also suggested 'hot box' but that just reminded me of sex and my dad and sex are two things I should never think about at the same time."

Bella squeezed my hand tightly in hers in an attempt to reassure me. "So this is his weed hut?"

"Yeah, basically," I replied as I knocked a random pattern on the door and heard a loud cough as my dad called out to wait a minute. "Would you believe me if I told you he was cleaning up all his paraphernalia right now?"

"After today, I will never doubt you about anything," she answered sincerely as I kissed her temple, just as my dad thrust the door open and gave me a cheeky smile.

"Ah, Edward... you've been away far too long, son." My dad pulled me into a big hug, my hand not releasing Bella's because I needed the connection it afforded me. "Are you turning into a corporate big wig up there in Seattle? Wooing all the ladies? Not dipping your pen in the company ink are you?" Bella cleared her throat beside me and gave my dad a small smile.

"Mr. Cullen, it's nice to meet you. I'm Edward's girlfriend of two years, Isabella Swan," she said and offered her hand as my dad looked at me confused, but took it regardless.

"I thought you were single and ready to mingle," he attempted to whisper, but he failed miserably and was virtually yelling.

"Dad, I told you last time I was here that I was dating someone seriously. Don't you remember?" I watched as my dad attempted to think back in his memory, but then his face took on an interesting look and he glanced between us oddly.

"You must be Bella! When did you guys get in?"

"Fuck me," I replied as my dad and Bella just smiled politely at one another. Thankfully, a loud crash from the house and more yelling reminded me of my true purpose for coming to his fortress of solitude. "Right... Alice came home from school looking like one of death's minions and she brought a boy who she calls Lone Wolf. Mom is freaking out and she probably needs your help."

"Why? She knows where the rifle is. If there's a wolf in the house, she's probably better equipped to handle it than I am."

Oh my god, this was even more ridiculous than I thought it would be and we'd only been back home for an hour.

"Mind if I try something that used to work for my gran?" Bella asked as I motioned to my dad, offering her a chance to try anything.

I was shocked when Bella grabbed his ear and pulled him from his little smoke hut and pulled him towards the house. "Your wife needs your help, your daughter is a freak show and you are busy toking up. You're not fooling anyone Mr. Cullen, so get your ass in that house before I confiscate your stash."

"You wouldn't?" Carlisle gasped dramatically as Bella offered him a sly grin.

"Try me."