Thank you xXMistressMadHatterXx for this one-shot idea; it gave me insta-inspiration XD.
Prompt: Gwaine says Merlynn's name during sex with another woman (the woman mentioned in the last chapter of the Golden Effect) and, after telling Arthur, the two men have a bit of a talk. Angst.
The giggling maiden had been his companion over the course of the night. Gwaine wasn't sure why; she was a bland servant, pretty, but was not particularly intelligent... like some other people. But, he wouldn't think about that. The night had been a large one: the wedding of Merlynn and Arthur, a couple that was meant to be together, it seemed. It was wrong of him to want otherwise but it wasn't something he could help, could he? Falling in love with her.
He smiled, almost sadly, as he took the girl to his chambers for the evening. She complied with a blush and a smile; obviously, she was not a virgin for she did not object when he slammed her up against the wall and gathered her skirts. Gwaine started to press kisses to her neck, listening to her moan and squeal her approval of the action. Usually, that would please him (he enjoyed pleasuring women - it was something he was very talented at) but it did nothing but made him yearn for something else. Perhaps it was the night, the event of the evening. The woman he loved, the only woman he had ever fallen in love with, had gotten married.
And, there was nothing he could do about that. His mouth became more aggressive, more forceful, as did his hands, tearing at her dress in a hurry to get her into the bed. The maiden - who's name he could not remember - only moaned and arched against his now shirtless chest. Her body was thin, with small breasts and small hips, but warm and soft. He could get some sort of pleasure out of it, he reasoned. Sex was something he could do spontaneously without caring about the consequences; maidens, servants, whores, noblewomen... a woman he was attracted to was his type. But now, while this girl was pretty, she was not the person on his mind.
When he slid inside of her, mousy brown hair turned to dark, curly locks and almost-black eyes morphed into the bright blue eyes, so impossibly brilliant and wonderful. Merlynn was the woman on his mind; he came to realize that she would never leave it. She moaned and whispered his name, but it was muffled to his ears. His eyes squeezed tightly shut, the image beneath his closed lids of the new queen splayed on the bed before him instead of a simple maiden. Then, he came to his release soon after her, words leaving his lips that he didn't even understand himself.
"Oh my goodness, that was..." her voice trailed off, eyes widening. "Wait - you - you called me by another name."
"What?" he tried his roguish grin, even though he was secretly confused.
"Yes. Yes, you did," she accused and sat up, lifting up her torn dress to cover her breasts. Then, she gasped. "You - you said the queen's name!"
"No, I didn't," Gwaine protested.
"You said, 'Merlynn'. I heard you. Why would you... do you love her?" the maiden looked slightly angry and shocked.
"N - no!"
"I cannot believe you said the new queen's name in the midst of making love to another woman!" She pursed her lips. "That - that is almost treachery!"
"I... I didn't, I don't -" he sighed. "What we were doing wasn't love making. One only makes love if you're in love with the woman and, as it turns out, I'm not in love with you," Gwaine was getting isolated beneath the accusing eyes of the unnamed maiden.
Tears filled those eyes, and he avoided them in order to not feel guilty. "How - How - How could you say that? Many of the girls say that you are one of the most amazing lovers they have ever had, and I get this? Just because you're bitter about the queen!" she got to her feet, movements shaky, and scrambled to the door. "You're a bastard, Gwaine - you'll never find happiness, and for that I am glad." And then, she stormed out, leaving him alone.
Gwaine rubbed his hand over his weary face. That was the worst way to possibly go; he was never the type of person to say cruel things to someone, especially a woman, just because. He was generally charming and nice to the female population. He regretted what he had said, but he didn't like how she brought up the whole 'Merlynn' thing. The mention of 'new queen' was just another low blow to his conflicted emotions.
He felt he would get in a lot of trouble for that...
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Arthur was the happiest he had ever been. Recently leaving his wife - oh, how he loved to say that - to a bit of a nap, he went to speak with the council for the first time in a long time. Well, whoever was left; Morgana had killed half the council in a fit of rage, so whoever was left would have to do.
"... and then, he said the queen's name!" he heard faintly, and noticed two servants walking toward him in the corridor, possibly unaware of him.
"What? When?" the second woman said with a gasp.
"During the 'moment'; at first, I didn't believe it. But, when it was over, I knew that was what he said," the brunette responded, almost sounding teary-eyed.
"But... why would he say the queen's name?"
"I think he's in love with her. That's the only explanation, and - oh, you - your grace," she finally noticed his presence and paused, forcing her friend to do the same. She looked like a deer in headlights.
Arthur smiled reassuringly, but his eyes narrowed. He could only guess that someone, in the midst of having sex with the maiden, said his wife's name. Which he would admit sent a burst of anger inside of him at the thought of it. "Do not fear, uh -"
"Sara," she stammered.
"Who were you talking about?"
"Oh, uh, I do not mean to offend, my lord, or cause anyone any trouble..."
"Go on," he said, forcing the smallest amount of demand in his voice.
"It was Sir Gwaine, my lord!" Sara blurted out, then slapped a hand over her mouth.
Arthur clenched his jaw. Gwaine, though many times he tried to deny it, was in love with Merlynn; he knew it, and he was sure that she felt the same. There was enough issues about their relationship (involving a kiss a few months back, which he strained to forget) and, while he had tried to ignore it and remind himself that Merlynn did not feel the same, he had had it. To say her name during sexual relations with another woman was most certainly a statement of his feelings. He would need to have a word with the knight.
"Thank you for telling me that, Sara," he gritted out between his teeth. "You may go attend to your duties."
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Gwaine sat alone in his chambers. He hadn't left it since the argument with that woman. What was her name? He still didn't know. And, right now, he did not care. He had just embarrassed himself in front of a woman and now, he did care. Gwaine was never a man to truly be embarrassed and ashamed, but he was; he said Merlynn's name during sex.
Oh, dear.
Of course, he knew he had thought of her once or twice during intimacy, but never had he lost enough control to utter her name in the moment. It was ridiculous, but he knew it was going to come out some time. He just hoped that the woman he was with was stupid enough not to hear it. But, he had to get that woman.
He sighed and wrapped his lips around the mouth of the bottle of mead he stole from the kitchens and took a mighty gulp of it. Gwaine just wanted to forget all the humiliation he felt. There was a knock at his door, but he ignored it. Who knew who it could be? A long list piled through his brain and there were small possibilities that he wanted to avoid. Maybe if he was silent the person would leave. However, luck was against him as the person on the other side of the door continued to bang against it, the knocks increasingly louder.
"Gwaine?" the voice he never wanted to hear for the rest of his life called through the door.
Balls.
"Gwaine?" King Arthur Pendragon called again, his voice calm but Gwaine knew otherwise. "I know you're here. Just let me in. I want to talk; that's all."
Slowly, and unsteadily, Gwaine stumbled to the door. After all, he couldn't deny his king. He swung open the door and leaned against the frame for support, his balance teetering with each movement; he could barely keep himself upright with how intoxicated he was. There were at least four Arthur's from what he could see, but he was sure there was a fifth just around the corner. All four Arthur's smiled in unison, then raised a single fist. Five - no, four - fists came flying at his face.
An explosion of pain soared in his cheek and jaw, and he was tossed back onto the ground. The bottle was forgotten as he cupped the sore side of his face, crying out from the shock of it. He was drunk, and in pain now - life was terrible for him right now. But, the punch seemed to have knocked him out of his drunk-induced haze for the time being, and he could now only see one very angry king looming over him. He sat up on his elbows and grimaced.
"So, I'm guessing you're mad at me?" he grunted.
"Oh, and why would you assume that," Arthur spat out, taking him by the arm and dragging him up to his feet. Then, he put pressure on his shoulders as he caught them in a fierce grip. "How dare you!"
"Listen, Arthur, I'm sorry. It - it just came out," he explained. Gwaine felt guilty from the moment he said it; he truly hadn't meant to say her name, of all people.
He glowered daggers at him. "You are just lucky I don't send you to the dungeons for this! Saying my new wife's name - like that! It's just..." fingers dug deep into the flesh of his shoulders and he hissed.
"Arthur, let me go and I'll explain. I promise."
After a moment, the king complied and Gwaine shifted over to his bed. He took a seat, rubbing at his now injured shoulder and cheek. Arthur dragged a chair over to the bed, placing himself across from him to catch this. This should be interesting, he thought to himself.
"I never meant to say her name. Never," Gwaine swore. "Arthur, I - I do love her. I know you want to kill me for that, but I just... I can't help it. You don't understand. When I first saw her in that little tavern, the only thing I remember thinking was that she was the oddest, most intriguing thing I ever saw. Then, when we had that battle and she smiled at me amidst that crazy fight, she was beautiful. Truly. From that moment, I was just attracted to her. I mean, who wouldn't be?" He noticed Arthur glaring at him a little. "Hey, I know you don't want to hear it like this, but you asked me to explain."
He was now more sober than he had ever been before. "I flirted with her countless times, and she just countered back with her fiery personality and it just made me like her more. Then I began to genuinely enjoy her company; she was the first person, and the first woman, to ever capture my attention and make me want to have a conversation with. She accepted me for who I was, and we just laughed and talked. I dunno about love, but it was surely more than just attraction. I knew she loved you, though. You'd have to be an idiot not to see it - which is half of Camelot, as it looked.I didn't care, though. She was my friend and I cared about her. When I saved her life, I didn't want to leave, but I knew I did... for the time being. Until I returned to save your ass. I did that for her because I knew she would hate herself if you ended up dying. I didn't regret that."
"I hated you," Arthur admitted. "When I saw you to down near the entrance that day. You were so free with her, and I would always have to hide my feelings for her. She would smile and touch your arm and laugh; that would only be really allowed when we were alone. My father would've killed her if he'd known... he'd probably still kill her."
Gwaine rubbed at the back of his neck and continued, "When I left, I slept around a lot. But, for the oddest reason, I always went for a specific girl. With either black hair, or pale skin, or blue eyes... one, the other, or all, it didn't matter. It was my subconscious, I guess. I thought about her most days. Then, she came and found me and told me that there was an adventure to be had - of course I went with her, how could I not? I was jealous, though. Of you. Merlynn was so willing to risk everything for you, each and every time. For a while I thought she wasn't real, just my imagination showing me the perfect woman for me. Funny, smart, sarcastic, kind, compassionate... so beautiful. Almost odd looking. Reminded me a bit of an elf for a little."
He smiled a little bit. Arthur had the same thought once upon a time, "Yeah, she does have an elvish quality about her." Must be her magic, effecting her physical appearance, he wondered to himself.
"Oddly beautiful. I loved it. It made her different, unique... she was just so lovely, and wonderful, and too good for me. And you," he added as an afterthought. "She's too good for anyone. I wondered why you deserved her - you always insulted her, disregarded her assistance."
"It was because I didn't want her getting hurt!" he defended. "She's been hurt too many times, thrown herself in danger countless times in order to save me and I wanted it to stop. I don't handle anger well. Whenever she comes to my aid, she ends up hurt."
"If she didn't come, you'd be dead," he retorted.
"That's true," he sighed. "I just couldn't win. All I wanted to do was protect her, and she just ignored it. I don't deserve her, but she chose me and she's the best thing that's ever happened to me. For you to try and take her from me... it makes me want to kill you."
Gwaine nodded. He understood the king's anger completely; he would've felt the very same. "I shouldn't have been jealous, but I was. I wanted her love for myself. While we were on our way to save you, Arthur," he admitted to his friend, "I told her my feelings." Arthur's nostrils flared.
"You what?" he growled.
"I know," he explained hurriedly. "I know. Actually, when I told her she ignored me. Then, when you were asleep after we rescued you, we spoke about it."
"...She never told me."
"I didn't think she would. There was nothing really to tell: I told her that I cared a lot about her, but that I understood her love for you and that I wouldn't get in the way. She would always pick you." Gwaine couldn't believe how much he was opening up to Arthur. But, he felt like he needed to know about his feelings for Merlynn. Maybe then Arthur would understand, and not hold a grudge toward him as much. "Arthur, she reuinted me with my family. I hadn't seen them since I was a boy and she brought me back to them."
"I didn't know much about that, either," Arthur said quietly. Merlynn certainly didn't tell him much.
"Yep. That's when I knew that I really was in love with her. But, I know that she won't be mine. I can only dream and wonder. I've tried to ignore it, to hold it back, but it just doesn't seem to die down. She's my friend, Arthur, and I don't want to lose her. She's my best friend, and I love her. That's not going to change."
"I know. But... you said her name, Gwaine. While with a flighty idiot servant girl who likes to hold grudges and complain. I've spoken to her again since she told me everything, and forced her to keep quiet about it. If she, or anyone else who knows, tells anyone else or makes it get to the queen, then there will be serious consequences. Let's just hope she's not as stupid as she seems, eh?" the king told him with a slight smile.
Gwaine nodded, feeling thankful that Merlynn wouldn't know. "She would feel awful if she knew."
"Exactly. She'd hate herself, think it was her fault for making you feel like this," he agreed. "Merlynn would never forgive herself."
"It's not exactly her fault. She's just... Merlynn."
"That she is."
So, xXMistressMadHatterXx, was it what you were expecting? It wasn't what I had planned but it ended up like this and that was the direction I ended up going in. I hope it's not awful or OOC.
Read and review x
- Khaleesi.
